Lauren's Journal

One takeaway lesson I learned the HARD way, but hadn't mentioned yet. (Rookie mistake!) I fell asleep a few days ago with one of the POIs still in place in my CB3000. I awoke at 12:02 am with the most painful stiffy ever. It took a lot of mantra thinking (in reference to another post awhile back) to get back to a state where I could even move without extreme pain.

Lesson learned (at least for me): Don't try this at home unless you're really into pain!

 

Thanks for that Kris. This first time I was sooo in pain it hurt to even twitch. I couldn't imagine walking to the bathroom I was in THAT much or a pickle.

Geez, I so horny right now. All femmed up and nowhere to go. This time I've got some perfume on and it's driving me into a frenzy. Guess I better have another mimosa. [Picture me blowing my bangs out of my eyes and sighing heavily]. Grrrrr so frustrated, but in a good way... If I had a man right now...

Ohh that gives me a thought - wardrobe change!... Wait for the pictures.

 

Lauren is in complete and total LUST mode right now. She is out of control and needs something to calm her down. She is all locked up and chaste, but horny and ornery and hell. Any advice on how to calm down? Seriously she needs to chill.

I am so out of my mind sexy right now. Can't stop it! And yet this is all soooo good. It's that damn perfume - it sends me into orbit.

 

Yes Miss D.
Lauren would agree to anything right now. She loves the feminization she's undergoing. With each passing hour she feels more wanton, more insatiable, and lustful. Her heart is pounding right now with the thoughts that are running through her delirious little head.

I found your thread from 9-22 - "Why Chastity?" What you describe there is precisely what my sleep-deprived night was like last night: I found myself in a private fantasy with my wife fulfilling a stated fantasy of hers. Whimpering, begging her to do it. I woke up yearning to get as pretty as possible and snap some photos of my femme self while still in this state... It hasn't left me yet.

But I'm just so afraid to take the next step with my wife and move into this world of feminization with her as my domme. So for now, it's a nice place to visit...

 

Day 7

The started off normal with a quick trip to the market. I knew I wouldn't have to be going anywhere until evening. A bottle of champagne was beckoning me so I decided to have a mimosa, followed by another, and many more. While sipping away in my bathroom I showered and put on lotion and touched up the pink polish on my nails while wearing a nice fluffy white bathrobe.

Interspersed with the sipping of the mimosa's, applying makeup, and general sissyfying as I'm wont to do, I got in such a wonderful mood. I took a lot of pictures today because that gets me such a titillated state. I feel like I'm getting so femme and then I think of something else that I can do to make myself a little more girly. It's a vicious cycle. Part of the time I feel horny as all hell and the next I feel like the prissiest, sissiest, sweet thing that wants only to serve her mistress with no thought for herself. I think this must be the "slut delirium" Miss D spoke of.

Since I was fairly buzzed after consuming the entire bottle, I declared that I was "grounded" and had to stay at home. No trips, no sissy walks of any kind, just stay at home and enjoy the buzz. I did a lot of reading and posting at the mansion while trying to learn from you all what may come next for me as I dive deeper into this world. :CMrocks:

The evening was uneventful - almost normal by comparison to what I've been doing all week.

 

Day 8

Dollyanne - you're so sweet! Thank you for your kind words. I agree, Miss D knows just the right words to get us girlies all flushed and frenzied.

So here's how my day went today:
All night long I tossed and turned thinking girlish thoughts. I wanted to play with myself, but that wasn't possible in this chaste state. My mind kept going to the most devilish of scenarios for my hoped for future mistress. Anything she wanted I was ready to see that she got. Anything for a release...

This morning I awoke after a fitful sleep. After showering I still felt a bit groggy from the prior day's mimosa binge, but wanted to look fresh. The sun was out and the day looked warm (though it was like 25 F outside). I decided to leave my legs bare so I just wore my pretty heels and practiced my walk around the house. I wasn't cold at all and felt an inner warmth as I sat reviewing my pictures with the sun beaming in on me.

Throughout the day I had these strange twinges (they seem almost foreign to me), but it was a desire to touch my self and relieve the horniness that as a male I found it easy to release. But I'm practicing chastity en femme and that has a strange power over me. It's as if the longer I wear the CB, the more submissive I become to the power of chastity.

The CB is becoming more comfortable to wear - even under mens clothes. Up to this point I've preferred to wear the CB without pants; preferring to wear a dress or skirt. Pants were too constricting and it felt like my balls where getting pinched, but today I didn't notice it as much - even while taking a long walk. Still though, I think long term wear under men's clothes would get to be a drag.

Tonight I'm wearing a skirt with pantyhose and a cami and sweater. I hiked up my skirt and looked between my legs; obscured by the shade of the hose I couldn't see my CB or what lied inside. That sight was pleasing -> I looked so natural in my feminine form. Each time I have an awareness like this I feel a flush of pleasure. I think my female side has taken over and I'm in love with it!

I don't know what tomorrow or the days beyond will bring, but I do know that it has been wonderful writing about my experiences here.

 

Day 9

Once again I had a hunger for being photographed. But this time I had a definite white & black visage that I was going after. My objective was to have as complete of an outfit as I could. That urge to be "passable" was great today - though I had no plans to go out - I just wanted to be all girl!

I rummaged through the house for accessories. (I noticed a maid's outfit in an old costume box, but that will have to wait). After getting all dressed in my white knit dress, thigh-hi checked stockings, black heels, wig, and makeup I realized that I was missing something. My dress just kind of hung there and I needed to amplify my figure. First I found a scarf that I used as a belt, then I found the ideal wide black belt and fastened it around my waist. It was a perfect fit.

To finish things off I added a black purse, bracelets, a choker necklace (thanks for the idea Maid Rose), dark glasses, and of course perfume.

I felt like I had the "complete package" and loved the feeling of being all dressed up as if I was waiting for my girlfriends to go shopping, have tea and flirt. I really work myself into quite a state when I get like this. Have a look for yourself here.

After my photo shoot, I had to see 'what might come" of my heightened state. I tried to do a milking with just my fingers and was getting really close. I was at the height of pleasure, but just couldn't quite get there. What a tease I've turned into!

In the past I had been able to do a prostate milking since I could play just a bit with my clitty to get all worked up and then let my other fingers push me over the edge to insatiable ooziness. Now that I am all locked up I just couldn't get there, but it was wonderful edging sooo close and knowing I just wasn't going to have any type of a real male orgasm - I'm all girl now.

Later in the evening I remembered the maid outfit and decided to have a go. I tried it on and took some pics with it. I had lots of fun pretending that I was a slutty maid of the mansion and was given all sorts of tasks to perform. I'll let your imaginations fill in the blanks... After a bit I decided I needed to get a little more slutty so I slipped out of it, went to the billiard room and played pool in just my waist cincher, strapless bra, and heels. I wasn't knocking the balls in (I was a little distracted with my self as you might imagine) so I grabbed the camera and snapped a few more pictures which may appear on the mansion soon enough.

Happy Chanakuh to anyone of the faith and for others...
3 more shopping days left! arty-094:

 

Day 10

Today was a normal day, but it's the dream last night that has me in utter bliss. I'm still locked in my CB3000 and went about my chores today thinking about what occurred last night while asleep - all the while getting quite flushed whenever I remembered my dream.

While locked in my CB last night I had a mini wet dream, and while that event was pretty special (not something that I've had since I was like 20); it's what I dreamed about that's got me all worked up.

If you've kept up with my journal here you'll know what I've been going through for the past 10 days - a metamorphosis of sorts. I will relate what transpired. My dream was quite brief and to the point.

I was hovering over a wedding ceremony and as my perspective moved in closer I realized that it was me (Lauren) standing up straight and tall as the blond bride AND it was also me standing next to her as the dark-haired groom in male form! (So yeah, I was getting married to myself and watching it from a third perspective). Lauren looked so happy as she stood there beaming and my emotions were all for her happiness. From my third perspective I didn't "think much" about the groom as I was more surprised to see Lauren (me) there as if in real life​

.

This dream has profound significance for me. I interpret its meaning to indicate a nod of approval that I should continue in this direction of feminization and that my marriage with my real wife will survive and likely thrive in this new mode. I'm hoping I can find the opportunity soon to approach her on the subject of helping me with my full feminization and her becoming my keyholder.

This idea of course is all pie-in-the-sky for me right now, but it's what I'm feeling inside as a result of this dream. I'll have to move slowly and delicately, but I have more confidence to approach her about this; whereas just a few days ago I was really scared to even think of how to talk to her about it.

If it's all for naught, then I'll regroup and go on from there. This just keeps getting stranger each day, but I like strange!

 

Day 11

Lauren got to do a quick extra frolic today.

I had to do a few errands - pick up a honey-baked ham and mail a letter. After waiting in line at the ham shop I headed back to the car with ham in hand for the drive home. I decided to put on a skirt, thigh-high red (warm thick cotton) stockings and heels for the drive back home. I had a letter to mail so I dared myself to go to an out of the way mailbox and get out of the car and skip to the mailbox to drop the letter off.

There was a lot of traffic whizzing past and there's always the chance of being seen by someone that would know me or my car. Eeek. [I know what Dollyanne is going through with her weekly challenge]. But that risky chance for humiliation got me all excited and slutty so I said what the hell, clicked my heels and headed off for the mailbox.

Nothing happened naturally since I took enough precautions. But it was a thrill and I become such a head-case slutty mess of gelatinous sex-crazed girly gurl when I do things like this that it's worth the time and effort - even if it's a rather tame task.

So that's it for today. My life will probably return to a more normal state and I find myself in a weird mental place right now. I'm sort of confused - longing for what I had this past 10 days - not knowing how I'll ever get back to it with the intensity I had.

I need to buy and read one of the recommended books mentioned on this site. If I like it, I'll pass it along to my wife. Maybe some good will come from it.

I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a super awesome New Year.

Take Care!

 

I ordered the book: Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders.
I'm not sure what will happen next. If someone other than myself opens the shipment before me I may have some explaining to do - sooner than I had planned.

Wish me luck!

 

A few of my favorite things...

Here is a short list that I have discovered a huge passion for:

• Perfume - lightly applied.
• Boi shorts - great for tucking, but not so good if wearing a CB.
• Thigh high stockings - opaque white is probably my favorite.
• Findings ways of feeling vulnerable - mild risk taking with wearing feminine clothing in public works well.
• Wearing women's underclothing discreetly - knowing I'm feminized though others don't.
• Photographing one's self in women's clothing and reflecting about how girly I look.
• Finding ways that real women beautify themselves and trying that with myself.

As I have practiced these things in my daily life (when possible) I find myself yearning for chastity. - Wanting to be prevented from touching myself and finding that being chaste reinforces all those feelings to feminize myself even more. It's a lovely spiral that builds until I'm a complete slutty mess. I'm addicted to myself as a femme and I love it! :manga_angry:

 

Its' just that it's so damn fun to prance around as a prissy sissy. I think I'm really good at it too! I sure wish it was acceptable for me as a lifestyle choice, but there's a lot of reality that forces itself on me.

I live happily in a fantasy world, but my recent adventures have left me feeling and wanting so much more. I really yearn to be slutty, chaste and in need of a good spanking. It sort of makes me sad :confused0082: because I just don't see it happening with teens in the house and a wife that probably isn't going to budge towards this direction I seek.

Still though, I love what I've had and will find ways to feed my desires whenever possible - without hurting others naturally. I just need to find a balance that can work...

 

Dollyanne - thanks for that. You are a special gurlfriend! Hugs and kisses all the way into the new year.