Last Names

I’ve never changed my name and never intended to. My husband didn’t mind at all, and would’ve been more than fine taking my last name. We’re an interracial couple, and changing my name would’ve felt weird to me from that aspect (i.e. Having a ‘white’ last name didn’t jive with my identity, although people are confused by my name anyway...). I also have too many documents and career accomplisments with my given last name, so I didnt have an incentive to change it.

 

In my day (yawn) it was quite rare for a family to take the Wife's name. Hyphenated was more common, but mostly the husband's. i would say, a whole family taking the Wife's name today, including the husband, would be a significant 'tell' on the dynamic of the family. Of course, the husband may not be attributed a name... maybe No.6

 

My son-in-law took my step daughters last name, which is her father's last name. My son-in-law didn't want to keep his father's last name because he was a jerk(Long story)...

 

The more I think about this the more think that a lot of subs would like giving up there Sir Na me as part

In my case I married my KH. I knew I was ownd before marriage . To give up my Sir Name to take hers would to a new twist to being owned.

 

My husband took my name when we married. It shocked some people but to me it was just a sign of our roles in the relationship

 

I was going to ask if there were any known incidences of that happening as it was not included in the poll for some reason.

It seems an entirely reasonable thing to do.

I can also see the case for taking either partners name though I see hyphenated names as compromise and when addressing people with hyphenated names I only use the first.

 

I always would choose HER name.

 

My wife was previously married so i didnt even consider, but what humiliation to take your wifes ex's name!

 

Ms Val insisted I take her last name. My name is hyphenated. Hers isn't. She always signs first on any document.

 

We hyphenated our names in our first marriage. People would ask us that question all the time about our two children. My answer: "____ and I were smart enough to figure out what we wanted to do; our kids will be too!"

 

As I said in another post, we used my last name because my madam did not like her own last name, and was glad to see it go.

 

My first lover told me that if we ever got married, he'd be taking my last name. We didn't get married, so I dodged that bullet.

However, even at the time the concept was weird to me: and not because I was ultra-traditional. When he said it, an early thought of mine was, "But you're going to be taking my father's last name." It seemed kinda odd to me for him to make a feminist statement by naming himself after his hypothetical father-in-law.

In theory, it's a sweet gesture. But unless the woman has either changed her surname to something that's meaningful to her, or if she comes from a lineage where a daughter's surname is affected by her gender (like in Iceland or Russia, say), then a man taking her surname still technically bears a a patriarchal slant.

"I am turning my back on one patriarchal line ... for an entirely different patriarchal line."

 

I recognize I will be an outlier in this conversation. I am a Demisexual. I am married to a Asexual-Romantic.

Here is my take. It has been this way for almost 50 years so it isn't going to change now. I'm expressing it because it is different from the other posts here.

I don't care if you take my last name. I'm not taking yours.

I'm very intrigued by making our own last name. This to me would be a fine compromise.

If you MUST hyphenate that would have been a red flag for me. I am not going to force you nope not my style. It would have been as casual conversation early on and it would have been something that would have added to the reasons why we broke up dating. I wouldn't discuss it because there would only be argument. That type of woman wouldn't be my cup of tea no matter how hot she is. Appearance doesn't matter that much to me. Never has. (Demixsexual trait)

Same thing with needing a prenup. (Ive always had money and still do)

I recognize I am going to be an outlier here. For me chastity is to take pressure off my asexual wife and let her be in charge. It is a sexual activity that she (and I ) find fun. She likes me a lot better when I am locked up. It is true psychologically I am happier when not masturbating and it is at her behest. It also feels good to come home and not have to make decisions here (I still do when needed but I would rather not)

People would be quick to label me Toxic Masculinity. I am more about both people getting exactly what they need in a relationship mo matter what that is. Those that hyphenate or take the woman's name they dont bother me. In fact, I tend to get along with Type A woman in RL all the time as long as they aren't selfish people who think they are awesome just because they, by pure chance, got a vagina.

 

i offered to take my wife's last name, but she pointed out a. it wasn't special to her being her father's name and b. she hated it and would happily change to mine. Both of these were fair points.

We should have done something different. Maybe my wife chose a new name and i would take that?

 

I've wondered about that. Also about what names are given to the kids.

 

My wife and I kept our own names, but I did offer to take hers. Both are quite common names anyway. Sometimes I am called Mr. (her last name), which I quite like.

 

You can always keep your name if you got married. More women are doing it today.

I personally dislike the idea of hyphenated surnames.