I have read some things lately I find disturbing posted by people I like and people I am really glad are here at CM. Their posts do no change how I feel about that. I am not speaking out against anyone, I am speaking out against an attitude that I think does a disservice to our community. I don’t like what has been going on lately with all the kink-shaming and people proclaiming to know what ‘vanilla women’ find acceptable and repulsive or what will drive them away from here. There’s much hand-wringing going on over what to do to attract and keep more female members. What I’ve seen lately is people saying, ‘if we had less of what I find disgusting then they would be more comfortable.’ I think it’s inexcusable for a man to act like a pig or be disrespectful towards anyone, of any sex or persuasion. I also think it’s inexcusable for anyone to proclaim themselves the spokesperson for all vanilla women and sit in judgement of anyone who does things that they find distasteful. “Finding the bridge to vanilla” has been brought up before and it seems that recently the thought being purveyed is that the only way to do that is to remove certain topics from the site and modify the behavior of certain types of people. The better thing to do is to work on removing the stigma that surrounds chastity and BDSM in general. The solution isn’t to drag chastity out of the realm of BDSM but to make the realm of BDSM not shameful. Sure, I find some sissies annoying and the thought of drinking pee is nauseating. I also have the maturity and wisdom to accept those people and not judge them solely on their kinks. We shouldn’t shame those people away from the site or out of existence, we should work towards learning to accept them and not judge them for what we imagine them to be like based on a single kink or characteristic. If you find something disgusting you should still have the open-mindedness to accept that doesn’t mean the people who engage in it are disgusting. If you can’t do that then the problem isn’t them, it’s you. I’d also like to say that the issue of what to present ‘on the home page’ is a good discussion to have, and I think we can definitely improve the chances of making a good first impression by presenting our community differently. We can also have that discussion, and should have that discussion, without all the kink-shaming that’s been going on.