So it is interesting to see keyholders giving lists of chores to their subbies. That is not how our relationship works – indeed, pretty much the opposite. If my KH has to tell me to do something it is understood as a failure that will (probably) cost me. The founding obligation of our relationship is my responsibility to keep thinking actively about what our relationship could use and then to take care of these needs *without having to be told* (unless of course they require her participation). A success is when I answer a need before my KH is even aware of having it. A success is when I satisfy a need so smoothly that my KH is not even especially aware of my doing so – for instance, when I take the time to read up on one of her interests. All she knows is that conversations with me on those subjects go well. “Thinking actively” means I get fewer points, fewer days, from simply repeating behaviors, even if they were well received initially, and even if they continue to be called for. It means I need to come up with new ideas, new services, if I want to have any hope of release. . Letting this obligation define our relationship means among other things that she is the center of my attention all the time, because I am always looking for clues as to what is needed …
That's such a wonderful idea. Thinking actively! I don't know if it would work in my situation. I'm permanently locked with no releases of any kind, but I have never tried to think actively. It might work and maybe a possibility of getting out of this cage. I'm going to try it, it can't hurt. Thanks for those words of wisdom.
I agree. I’m not his mother - I don’t want to have to constantly tell my bf what to help me out with.
This was what unlocked it (heh) for my wife as well. Once I grew more fully into this kind of active thinking, she felt more at ease and began growing into her dominant self, and our roles have continued to evolve in concert with each other.
Well my Misses has already told me that she noticed massive differences since I been locked snd unfortunately she doesn’t want to go back how it used to be, I totally agree with you about doing stuff without being asked. Usually weekends for me is deep cleaning house, sorting the little ones out and of course meeting her amazing demands (usually unlimited coffee and massages)
There is much to be appreciated in being pro active in serving a Domme or Keyholder. But in some cases, actually giving orders and actively directing the sub is something that is seen as a rewarding arrangement. You have to be willing to mold your actions to what they desire, in either case.
I agree, it’s what works for each individual, but my madam doesn’t like me to think for my self, she likes me to obey her every command.