Keyholder Turn Ons (& maybe one turn-off)

Great question. The real question for me is not what's in it for you, but what can I do to make you happy and fulfill your wishes. Chastity was her choice, but was it really? Was it to make me happy? How can I truly make her happy without chastity taken for granted.

 

I really hope to see some responses to this. There’s always a lot of talk about a lack of focus on the female perspective, yet I’ve seen several posts recently that plainly ask for female perspective and insight, yet solicit very few responses from females - or get overlooked altogether. A thread like this is also a great way to get all those vanilla women apparently terrified to come out of the wings to see some relatable and helpful content.

 

Once the male is securely placed in a chastity cage, affectionate actions wont include having an erect penis stabbing away at ones body when not really in the mood for it. Kisses and cuddles only. We're not just receptacles.

 

Lol, now it’s just a steel cage poking around back there.

 

One of the things my wife told me early on is that she realizes she was avoiding sex before chastity. She would almost always have an orgasm during sex, but it would take me much longer to get there after she was done. Now she doesn't have to worry about that she is having more frequent orgasms and she likes that. It's not so much a turn on, as we have removed a turn off if that makes sense.

 

I asked to be the key holder rather than being asked. I ticked three of the boxes, looking back at the choices I went for the control type options.

One thing that isn't listed, but is a turn on for me, is the visual aspect of seeing Ian in his cage, me wearing the key and knowing that our friends know why.

Jane
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I asked my Mistrss your Questions just before I tucked her into bed. She checked off almost all of them. I guess I'm not getting unlocked anytime soon. Not that I'd want to be anyway

 

You told your friends?

 

Yes, I didn't put an ad in the paper, but the key was a conversation starter. From there it's a variation of doubling grains of rice on each square of a chessboard, it didn't take long for word to spread.

After all, it's nothing to be embarrassed about, just a part of who we are.

Jane
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If this forum was not about sexual activities, my response would be: "I could kiss you for this view". Board reality: "Mrs Jane, this is so spot on. You can decide to spread the word or not"

Sharing personal information at this level is tricky. On the other hand: there is not a single men's or women's magazine without an article about sex every month. The Cosmopolitan etc etc, they always pay attention to sex. Among friends there is always a moment at which you can mention chastity or other subjects without bringing it up out of nowhere.

Thank you for addressing embarrassment. The shame I felt was a burden that almost became too big to handle. We chose a little more conservative approach but I'm so proud that I can be who I am and that I don't have to feel ashamed anymore. I'm rather a proud locked up husband than a frustrated one visiting prostitutes to get his relief.

@thefemdecided Could you please share the way people reacted and deal with it? The overwhelming majority reacted positive, interested and respectful when we mentioned our dynamics. Was that the same for you, do you have advice which pitfalls we definitely should avoid?

 

@Pietje12 it's fair to say that reactions have been mixed!

The mostly common is that people say no way is it for them, but if it floats our boat good for us. A close friend keeps my spare key. One couple have said us too. I have met four other couples in the village who recognised the symbolism of the key, so we have some new friends. Just three couples have dropped us like a hot potato, but if they are so shallow they aren't much of a loss.

To be honest I can't think of any pitfalls. We are open about our lifestyle, whether chastity or any of our other preferences and like being with people who are equally open about theirs.

Jane
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Thank you! I had my reservations as it is hard to believe that everyone has a positive attitude towards delicate subjects as chastity. I feared judgement behind my back. Some years ago I wouldn't have noticed a key but now that I do, the chastity thought pops up and fades away. That's probably because I don't regard it as a lifestyle yet.

You're sharing inspirational thoughts. We're some steps behind you on this path. The meaning of sharing is presently to acknowledge the change from shame to pride. There is more to come I guess!

 

We aren't hard core, yes chastity is a big part of our life, but it isn't the be all and end all. We do have other predelictions. I hadn't thought of it as changing from shame to pride, but you're spot on. Why on earth should we be anything but proud

Jane
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We aren't either, life has a lot more to offer, but chastity makes it hard to keep sex a "bedroom only" activity. I have a gay friend who suffered severely as he felt he couldn't be as he wanted to be. I shared this with him and he was shocked as he never expected this. To my surprise he didn't mention "now you can feel my shame", but was happy to see another person removing the "blanket" of shame.

We are diverting this thread in an OT direction. Perhaps a moderator can move our last messages? This is an interesting subject to me.

 

I would count that as a huge turn off. I mean aside from it being boring it would also prevent me from accessing one of my things. Like seriously why go into permanent chastity, I don't see the fun. It seems like it would make more sense to just cut it off if you didn't want anyone playing with it. Then you wouldn't need to worry about keeping the cage clean. I think guys read stuff online that gets them turned on about the idea of something. Then over time brainwashing sets in and next thing you know they are going on and on about all the virtues of (insert extreme fantasy here).

I support this! In the forums I see time and again posts about guys wondering how to get their wives to preform one sexual act or another. You suduce her into it! Its just like picking up a girl for sex when you were younger yout work your charms and suduce her or you buy it. The would hasn't changed that much. It's funny the things guys come up with. Like handing her a guide book lmao!

I think what turns me on as a key keyholder is ignoring the vast majority of the things my man does to turn me on as a woman. All those things combined is what makes me willing to do all the chastity things I do just because it makes him happy.

Nothing on that pole really gets me turned on so here are a few things my husband does that really gets me going.

When cuddling and he lips my earlobe and I say "something just got my ear!" and he turns my head to the side and looks at my other ear intently and say "are you sure I don't see anything on it" then I say "No! My other ear, the one that's really close to your mouth" and he says "No it couldn't have been that ear it was in my mouth"

When we are a sleep cuddeling in the middle of the night and I get hot and take the covers off myself. Then a moment later in his sleep he realizes I'm uncovered and he covers me back up.

When waiting in line somewhere and he starts massaging my shoulders.

When I first walk in the door after work and he give me a passionate kiss and tells me he's missed me.

Plus tons of other things he does to make me feel special. Those things really get me turned on.

 

What turns your KH on??? I don't know. We are all different on our needs and desires.

Very similar to @Sarah8 post.

For me, personally. It's not all about the sex and play, yes that is important and fun, but that isn't' the only thing that gets me "excited".

I love the unexpected caresses, shoulder rubs, kisses. I love when he picks up my feet without expecting it and gives me a foot rub. Times when we are out and about or at gatherings and I can just feel that his focus is really only on me, the way I move across a room as I look up and see him starting at me. Each day the little things are so much bigger then what they really seem. Knowing after 20 years, I am the only women my husband desires, wants and needs is a huge turn on. The sweet things he says to me without being pressured or asked to say

As far as your poll, nothing really stood out to me, as that's me! I know control is part of it, but I have that with chastity or not. For me, it is exciting when I unlock him, and yes it is a number of times a week. The fact that I control when he gets to have an orgasm, the part of me that is consumed with the thought of him and our passion 24/7, knowing that what he is feeling is even stronger then what I'm feeling. The secret that only him and I know that he is locked up and the text messages we tease each other with each day. Make him excited and turn him on turns me on.

Weather or not this was helpful, this is my point of view and what I feel.

These are your women/KH's in your life, learn them, learn what gets them going and run with it. You have a fantasy that you don't think she'll be into, first, it is a fantasy that is just in your mind and really should stay that way, or is it something that you will both ultimately enjoy? If it's a yes, you'll both enjoy, then knowing her well enough will get you there.

 

And of course there'll be many of them wanting to copy you, and if they double up like rice on a chessboard........

 

Funny, how men would venture assuming ANYTHING about a woman... They are incredible, dynamic, and mysterious... Myself, I believe that those simple turn-ons may or may not be enough to trigger <insert whatever here> in a particular woman... To assume one way or another is a mistake.

 

I understand the criticism but praise the topic starter for addressing the female perspective. If the roles were reversed and a lady would start a similar topic: "what turns me/women on and what is the added (or bad part) value of chastity in this". We might end up with an unstructured list of wishes but there could be some common denominators as well. Not all men on the Mansion are submissive in a way that her pleasure is my pleasure. I was just plain ignorant and please open my eyes further.

I'm a man, if the blood flows towards the cage, my ability to think is gone. As an example: we both made a list of what we like, we discussed the parts which didn't match and found an easy solution to make it match.

 

Our experience was exactly that. I was the one who instigated the cage into our relationship. I felt then, and still feel, that like any other element in a relationship there must be give and take, so asked Ian what he wanted me to do for him in exchange.

Since then, through trial and error, we have both moved our boundaries a bit, some things have got more hard core and others have softened. At the moment we are both very content, but that isn't to say there won't be more changes in the future.

Talking always helps!

Jane
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You see I have a love/hate relationship with chastity. I really don't fully understand my feelings because sometimes one thing will be a turn on and other times the same thing can be a turn off. On top of that our chastity play appears to be a rare sort compared to how I picture many others playing the game or living the lifestyle or whatever. So I tried to answer the question, what turns a woman on to chastity. With the expectation that guys reading it would be adding them to their repertoire and I didn't want to list anything that I thought could be a bad move.

Like @SissyBitchJahnna said I'm an incredible, dynamic, and mysterious woman so don't try this at home, experienced personal beyond this point, processed with caution, and I'll try to elaborate a little. I was avoiding this because the op didn't want many turn offs listed and for me personally it's a mixed bag so if you want this closely related to chastity this is what you get.

I love that he is always horney when I'm in the mood to be sexual. It's a turn on knowing he can be rock hard and ready at the turn of a key. But it's also really annoying at times when I'm not in the mood and he's obviously only thinking about how he could be rock hard and read right now! Like Babe do you feel my cage pressed against you? Maybe you should play with it? I knew we are at a funeral but you look incredible in that dress, come on just touch it, this thing is boring anyways.....

It's really sexy that I control when he's allowed to get hard. I particularly enjoy the thought that when he's walking behind or waiting in line behind some super sexy college girl wearing yoga pants so tight he can make out every detail of her anatomy. All he can do is grit his teeth and think of me.

It's usually a huge turn on that he enjoys going down on me so much. But he wants to do it all the time and sometimes instead of it making me feel sexy it makes me feel like I need to perform for him. I guess I think of it like ice cream is good, to much ice cream is bad.

One of my biggest turn on's is when he's been locked up, teased, and edged for a while and he's really frustrated. Then I have him spank me. We role play or dirty talk a lot and I'll be going on about how I've been such a bad girl for teasing him and never letting him cum, and I should probably be punished. He really gets into and just puts all his pent up frustration into spaking my ass. Maybe it's just me but I get off incredibly hard after a good spanking.

I get turned on by playing devious tricks on him but even though I know he loves it and it drives him crazy it still makes me feel guilty afterwards. I'll really get him hyped up and excited about his release day to the point where he's absolutely sure he's going to cum. I'll send sexy texts to him though out the day and say things that really get him turned then right at the last second I change my mind and turn it into an edging secession.

On occasion when he's in a frisky sort of mood and it's been a while since I've unlocked him. I will get home from work and instead of our usual passionate kiss he will pick me up and carry me into the bedroom, put me down on the bed and demand I unlock his cage and open my mouth right this instant. Because he's been thinking about how amazing my mouth feels rapped around his cock all day and he can't stand it a moment longer. That's really sexy to me. He doesn't get to cum mind you but I can imagine how being in that tight little cage all the time drives him crazy. When he gets all demanding like that it really gets me wet.

Sometimes if I'm in a devious mood I'll go over to him whIle he's laying on the bed waching TV or on his tablet. Then I'll straddle him and place my vibrator on his caged cock then grind myself against the vibrator. It's incredible hot to catch him off guard and stare into his eyes as I have orgasm after orgasm against his cage. Sometimes he even has to stop me because if I kept going it would make him cum in his cage.

Your welcome.


You may also have noticed a lot of the things I've listed are things I do to him. That's because he isn't allowed to talk about his chastity or ask me for sexual favors except for at particular times. So basically the majority of the things he does that really get me turned on are the sweet and loving things I mentioned in my original post. Just about everything strictly related to his chastity that turn me on are things I start in one way or another.

 

It’s great to see another couple for whom this all grew from a request by the woman rather than the man. This isn’t the thread for it but at some point I’d love to hear if he’s experienced some of the hesitation and waning of enthusiasm for the cage that I’ve experienced, and how you two dealt with it.

Also like you, most of our closest friends also know. Though most our closest friends are single - well, unmarried anyway.