Keeping the chastity dynamic alive

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Mandynjack, Dec 17, 2017.

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  1. Mandynjack
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    Mandynjack Well-Known Member

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    I have spoken with a few couples over the years we have been living the chastity relationship and often come across the situation where things just 'petered' (no pun) out.
    Mostly driven by the sub male to include into the relationship, there is a significant requirement on the Female to craft the sustainability of chastity. Without this, the chastised ultimately becomes isolated in his own desires. Keeping the dynamic alive is a total commitment. Often the Female misses the fact that for the sub male, this is a real lifestyle choice, not just another sex game.
    Just my view, I'm sure its different for all, but for me as a dominant woman, inventiveness is key to maintaining the balance.
     
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  2. thefemdecided
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    thefemdecided Well-Known Member

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    The specifics may be different for all, but you are right about the generality. In my case it was the domme me rather than the sub him that was the catalyst, but whichever way we start chastity, FLR, polyamory or any other diversion I think the way to make it a success is for both to want it to work.

    Our lifestyle can hardly be described as conventional. There are several elements within it that would be guaranteed to cause shock horror at the Mother's Union! It works for us because we are both committed to make it work and to accept and embrace each other's ideas and desires.

    Jane
    X
     
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  3. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Well-Known Member

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    I've struggled with this somewhat. It's not that it's bad, it's just normal now. I remember the first time I wore a device out of the house. I was out of my mind freaking out people would see it, thinking how "naughty" I was. Now I sometimes forget it's on. I went to the doctor today and totally forgot to take it off. Not a problem as it was a routine check up and no need to explore in that area. I think it's like when you first start dating somebody new. There's this crazy kind of excitement about everything. When you start having sex, you can't keep your hands off each other. The first night my wife (then girlfriend) and I had sex, we had sex three times and woke up in the morning and went at it again.

    Even if it's now normal, I like this new normal much more than our old normal. Any relationship takes work from both sides and a chastity FLR is no different.
     
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  4. gary170
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    gary170 Well-Known Member

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    We have been enjoying the chastity lifestyle for some years now and my desire to be locked is stronger than ever almost addictive but that is only possible I guess because my wife is very strict with key and that is the key to it I belive
    Life can get get hectic with work and social events ect so it is not practical to have role play so to speak all the time
    The most importat thing is that she won' let me out ....it not chastity till you want out and somebody says no lol
    We both love It and it grows stronger every year but it is a lifestyle and we wouldn' change it for the world
    It is the strict "no"that does it for me
     
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  5. Vinny
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    Vinny Locked up again. Starting year 6.

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    You are right on the mark. I was into BDSM for 47 years and it does peter in and out. We have yet to meet a couple who made it last very long although I am sure there are some. I found that once my psychological problems were taken care of, all thoughts of sexual submission left me. Also keep in mind that the majority of posters in sex forums are just living their sex lives online. They post scenes that turn them on or would like to take part in and portray them as real.
     
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  6. Mr M
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    Mr M Well-Known Member

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    I agree. KH is a difficult job. As long as both realize it is a aspect of the relationship that needs effort you can keep it alive and health. Both need to be active to not take the dynamic as an entitlement or for granted.

    Loss and change is also not a bad thing. Some use chasity to evolve and some integrate it as an identity. If it goes, finding that next tool to reconnect is an important part of renewing relationships.
     
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  7. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Taking each other for granted is a common issue with couples. Whether it’s not appreciating all the work one does around the home, how exhausting the others job is, assuming one partner isn’t trying,

    Having your wife take your chastity and service for granted is no different, just as you taking her for granted by not appreciating how much work and effort it is to your chastity and service. To make matters worse, you are constantly aware of your state of being. Constantly thinking about her, and all of this. It is a part of what makes all this work. Unfortunately your condition is not always on her mind. Her needs are being met, and although she may enjoy all of this, it’s not preoccupying her thoughts.

    Like any couple with issues of taking one for granted, resentment can build. How come she isn’t thinking of me, I think of her constantly. Why isn’t she putting in as much effort as me, doesn’t she know how hard this is for me and what I’ve given up for her? She can feel the same way. Doesn’t he know I’m not some porn star to direct. Why do I have to work hard at keeping him acting like he should already act. Why can’t he just treat me like a princess without me punishing him or teasing him.

    So it’s not really a chastity thing, it’s a couples thing. If you tend to not appreciate, or take your partner for granted, it will still happen no matter what “rules” you implement. Communication with both partners is the only way to not let things get to the resentment stage. Domme, sub, caged, or keyed.
     
  8. masohedo
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    masohedo Member

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    Permanent innovation is important to make it last!
    We have evolved and although leaded by my KHWife we have incorporated her masseuse and a ProDomme into the equation and all of us contribute each year with new ideas that enhance the bonfire's heath!!
     
  9. Mandynjack
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    Mandynjack Well-Known Member

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    Hmm, nice.:cool:
     
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  10. Shepherdsflock
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    Shepherdsflock Well-Known Member

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    I think this goes for sex in general, not just chastity or fetishes. Sex drive and need for sex is an entirely different reality for men than it is for many women.

    Before chastity we could go several months without having sex and my wife wouldn’t even know it. I remember one time I got very angry and confronted her because it had been over 4 months. She said she didn’t realize it, she thought it had only been a few weeks.

    We are much more active now that chastity is part of our lives, averaging 2-3 times per week. But there are still times when my wife gets preoccupied with life and can just forget for a week or two.

    The “lifestyle” part of chastity certainly adds to the frustration when you feel like your partner is neglecting you. It’s hard enough to feel neglected when you’re able to masturbate and relieve the physical part of the frustration. But being locked up prevents even that. You’re just stuck hoping your partner will pull their head out of the sand and realize they have been neglecting you.
     
  11. Mandynjack
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    Mandynjack Well-Known Member

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    You present a view into the graveyard of D/s, chastity etc relationships. The shadow of vanilla interference. It's always there, waiting to consume all of that valuable fetish/kink time one has worked so hard to achieve. Vanilla is greedy too, she consumes at will, congests the valuable time available for the D/s relationship to operate. She uses subterfuge and relentless deflection activities to prevent the eager sub getting his rewards and attention. Be diligent to your chastity achievements, or vanilla will come and snatch it away. But never forget, this will only really stand test of time if it operates to your Mistress's will and needs. Do your homework well grasshoppers, know your Mistress as well as you possibly can. Your desires may depend on it. Good huntingo_O
     
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  12. Wonderwomanssub
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    Wonderwomanssub Well-Known Member

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    It's definitely a ying yang type thing isn't it :) my Miss loves the control and my subbiness but often gets distracted and forgets that I need more motivation from her than just being locked up. I know she realizes this but with graduate school and her busy schedule things get left to the wayside sometimes. I'm looking forward to her being done with school in 18 months so we can really focus on each other.
     
  13. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Well-Known Member

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    Key insights here, but @Mandynjack has the key one that cannot be emphasized enough: this is NOT just another sex game, this is a REAL lifestyle choice, we are living it 24/7. I don't need a lot, but I crave just a squeeze or a whisper ("do you miss me?") to confirm for me that she's still part of the SAME lifestyle choice.
     
  14. Mandynjack
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    Mandynjack Well-Known Member

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    Trust Her to tell you if you're not in Her thoughts. Her perceived ambivalence is a product of Her superiority. Embrace it and accept your anxiety as a byproduct of her new status.
     
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  15. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Well-Known Member

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    I don’t expect my KH/gf to do much but I do want her to at least be possessive with the key and not just leave it by the bedside. I don’t expect edging , milking or anything like that but it really keeps my motivation and spirits up if she will at least cup my cage with her hands for a few seconds a day and a bit when laying in bed together. A text or call during the day reminding me that she remembers she has it locked up would be a sweet bonus.
     
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  16. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Well-Known Member

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    I'm going to be focusing on this message. I'm going to copy it to my phone. I'm going to look at it over and over all weekend. I've said a number of times that being ignored by accident is my fear. But this must become my mantra: "Trust Her to tell you if you're not in Her thoughts. Embrace it and accept your anxiety as a byproduct of Her new status." Accept my anxiety, accept my anxiety, accept my anxiety, accept my anxiety...."
     
  17. Mandynjack
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    Mandynjack Well-Known Member

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    Its either FLR or it's not! As I said, her power trumps your little needs. That's the point of her total power. I know a little morsel would be nice, but take something from her actions. Inner cruelty can be quite delicious too. But I'm not without charity to the inferior. I would be happy to share a tip with you if you are that desperate. Private of course and appropriate begging will be required.:D
     
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  18. Mandynjack
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    Mandynjack Well-Known Member

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    Good boy
     
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