Just Losing it...

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  1. Guest 1101
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    Guest 1101 Active member

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    There is a whole long back story that is going to need to be explained along the way, but for now, let me start with the current situation and unpack as I go along.

    One week ago I had Bariatric surgery (gastric bypass). I have had a weight problem since my mid-20s, and now am doing the hardcore step to deal with it. Yep, I know, not exactly the interesting thing people expect on a femdom and chastity site. But, I locked up for the two weeks of pre-op liquid diet as a motivator/reminder to behave and not cheat. My wife is not interested in sex, and really dislikes my being locked in chastity (more on that later), but she held the key for me and I did not get out until about 10 minutes before we left to go to the hospital.

    I had an overnight stay at the hospital and got to come home the next evening. I was miserable tired and a bit drugged up, and it took a couple of days for me to start feeling human enough to keep down my liquid protein shakes and some applesauce. I have another week of recovery before I can start introducing soft foods. However, even though my stomach is not letting me eat, everything else is feeling okay. I can’t drive and am not cleared to return to work yet. So what else was I going to do? I started pleasuring myself while my wife was away hiking. I edged only, but it was still intense.

    When my wife came home from late Sunday I made sure I was locked and went to bed. I often leave the key on the edge of the bathroom counter for convenience when I am self locking. It lets her know I am locked, and is an open invitation for her to take the key if she wants to. Often she merely pushes the key aside so it is out of the way as an unspoken message to me that she has seen the key and has no interest. When I got up the next morning (sleeping in as I recover) I saw she took the key.

    I have been battling my weight for over 25 years. When I first discovered the CB-3000 and later the CB-6000s we had talked about using chastity for weight loss motivation. The devices were never comfortable enough for long term wear, and I was trying to ride bike pretty hard to keep my weight at bay. At one point after she got irritated with me (I think I had just polished off a pizza mostly by myself) she was frustrated and she brought up chastity. She said that she was tempted to make me put on my cage and not let me out until I was down to my ideal weight. No rewards for small steps, just lock until I get down.

    The threat never happened and my weight kept climbing.

    As I was getting ready for the surgery I had been writing down plans and lists. What I needed to have for the hospital, meds I needed filled etc. I also wrote down some ideas for after the surgery. Plans about work, Thanksgiving and yada-yada. Then I had been feeling particularly horny from the lockup, and I started to fantasize on paper about being locked as soon as I got back from the hospital. I explained that I needed real, long-term motivation and accountability so that I wouldn’t start cheating on my diet as soon as I could. I wrote that I would lose weight rapidly the fist 6-9 months and a reward for every 5-10 pounds would mean almost a weekly reward. So I needed to be locked right away, and the rewards had to be hard to get to. Perhaps an hour unlocked for every 20 pounds lost. (I was 360 lbs in June, got to 320 through regular diet and dropped another 10 during the liquid phase). So I was worked up into the fantasy headspace that makes extreme things sound fun. Maybe at 275 and again at 225 we could have PIV sex. I kept going.

    After getting down to my target weight I would still need accountability to keep me from losing my gains and rebounding. I wrote that if I could keep my weight steady for 60 days I could ask for an unlock. I wrote it as the unlock was asking for a favor and there was a good likelihood the answer would be no. I don’t even remember what else I wrote. When it was time to go to the hospital I had the notepad with my lists and ran through it all. I left the notepad on my side of the bed and away we went.

    When I got home from the hospital I didn’t even register that the notebook was not there. I simply wanted to sleep. But two days later I started trying to get some things organized, and I started looking for my notes. I eventually found the notebook on top of my dresser. Okay, so she moved it. Then I opened it up and the whole section I had written about going back into chastity right after getting home, and basically being locked from now on, the whole part, has been torn out of the notebook.

    I am now locked in a Lori 5 steel chastity tube (secured through my PA piercing) and wondering what I have just done.

    One of the things that happens after weight loss surgery is personality shift, and there are a lot who report their libido goes into overdrive. There are also a lot of divorces. I talked to her about these things before the surgery, and how I worried a lot about keeping my libido in check as she has none. I think that despite her dislike of my wearing the cage, it is going to be a permanent accessory.
     
  2. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Ahhh, Motivation.
     
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  3. Guest 1101
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    Still climbing the walls from not being able to work, and I can’t even complain that the device needs to come off because it is painful. Because it is not. So my libido is ramping up from three weeks denied, feeling better after the surgery, and having time alone at home.

    the Lori 5 cage truly does keep me from being able to get any significant sensation for my cock, I can’t use a vibrator to cheat. So aside from a few minutes of fondling my own nipples I am completely shut down.
     
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  4. Guest 1101
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    I have the whole day to myself at home to work on things at my leisure, while my bride has to go to work. This is not helping. I spent time getting rid of clothes that are now too big, and just surfing the enticing sites. My wife gets home stressed and exhausted and there is zero chance of her having any interest in even getting a back rub and some cuddling.
     
  5. Guest 1101
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    It all started when...

    In college when my wife and I were dating she was more adventurous. I even talked her into going to an adult toy store in downtown Minneapolis one day. We were not looking for anything specific, just being brave and daring.

    She was nervous and embarrassed. I was as well, but also turned on, we looked around and marveled at some of the more extreme items. This was the 1990s, the internet wasn’t a thing really, and we were both very sheltered. However, that did not stop me from spotting the locking leather and steel ring cock harness. The steel rings were aligned with leather and designed to enclose the cock shaft. There was also a set of straps to go around the base and to encircle the balls. Best of all, it had a hasp and a small padlock.

    I still do not know what made me reach into my wallet and extract the cash for it, I mean, these were some lean college times. I bought it and that night with my roommate gone at another party, we locked it on. These contraption was far from an ideal device. But it started my brain down the road of denial and locked control. The odd thing is I found it buried in a chest of odds and ends (an oversized fishing tackle ox I had ones used for my camera gear) this afternoon. I don’t know why I went to the garage and opened that box up. I was working completely in the bedroom today, sorting clothes.

    It is mostly worthless now. Not sure why I am keeping it, except perhaps as a reminder of what got me to lock my cock and give the keys to my wife for the. Dry first time.
     
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  6. Anonoman
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    Anonoman Long term member

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    Why don’t you get it out and reminisce with your wife about that trip to the toy shop?
     
  7. LockedPom
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    LockedPom Long term member

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    If she's not interested, don't push it. Enjoy life together as the new slimline you.
     
  8. Guest 1101
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    she has changed so much since then. Where she once was willing to have sex, and participate in such things, some light bondage for example, even trying to discuss basic issues that include the suggestion of sex are not topics she wants to touch.
     
  9. Guest 1101
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    she is not interested in sex either. There needs to be some type of compromise where I get at least some concession. If she doesn’t want to have sex anymore, fine. I have come to mostly accept that. But if she is not wanting sex, and I am honoring our wedding vows by staying faithful to her, she really can’t say I am not allowed to lock up in chastity either. Don’t push it would indicate I sit back and have no sex love and no fulfillment of any type. When I tried it that way before I became very resentful.

    in February I stopped wearing the cage at her suggestion. And as I said, we had sex once that week, and then one more time in August. That is the definition of a sexless marriage.
     
  10. Guest 2684
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    Guest 2684 Long term member

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    Sex is not the end all I have not had traditional sex with my wife in a year now. Just be ready when she is and don't push for it
     
  11. Guest 1101
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    i would be ready if that ever happened, because I want to be locked.

    you say you have not had “traditional sex” - but you are having some type of intimate connection? For us, there is ZERO. I can’t remember the last time she touched me in any way. Not a hand, not a quick kiss. Often if I accidentally touch her when I roll over at night she aggressively shoves my hand away. So you are right, sex is not important.
     
  12. Guest 2684
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    Guest 2684 Long term member

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    I hope it gets better for you
     
  13. Anonoman
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    Anonoman Long term member

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    I know there are quite a few on here who are in similar positions. My wife and I have gone through long periods of zero intimacy (hopefully on the up at the moment) but it can make ‘you’ so bitter and resentful. It may starts off as a “it’s ok I can live with this” but at some point it will almost certainly have grown until it’s all you can think about.
    With the intensity of your wife’s feelings it sounds like you both need to understand what’s going on...
     
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