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Just became the key holder ...

Discussion in 'The Pedestal' started by Benni, Sep 5, 2017.

  1. In our 3 year relationship I have found about one cage/year.... instead of getting upset at what I didn't understand , I've decided to accept and join in- as long as it means I'm the "key holder"
    Apparently denying yourself an erection is satisfying in some way, seeing my boyfriend in his metal cage doesn't turn me on- I feel like the weight of it might be pulling on his penis and be painful - (he says it's not) -and the conversation about it alone was giving him a hard on- interesting !
    Im trying to understand how do I play along , what this key holder thing means... yesterday it was in the bedroom about him doing to me everything sexually satisfying towards my body, - and then when I was feeling at the point of orgasm, I allowed him to take it off and have sex with me.
    But it seems like some people use it towards making their husbands/boyfriends do things around the house like chores etcetera- Shoot maybe even use it to get him to propose haha jk.....
    anyway, another question is I'm not exactly the most dominant female- i consider myself more submissive- I like my man to throw me around in the bedroom, also call the shots outside of the bedroom- be "the man of the house" macho I guess...so I'm having some difficulty transitioning into this "control role" as honey says "it's a control thing" ...for him.
    Joroincharge and Joan.t like this.
  2. You can play chastity any way you like. If you want to use it as a tool to make him horny for you then go for it. It doesn't need to be anything then what you want it to be. A lot of people use the device as an extended foreplay. Meaning he wears the device when your not in the mood for sex. As for the control thing, i'm guessing since he's a man he maybe masturbates but would rather save himself for you, though he lacks the control, thats where the device and you come in.
    Benni likes this.
  3. That's exactly what he said- he said he uses it to stop him from looking at porn because he doesn't want to masterbate so he can save himself for me
    slave_m and Joan.t like this.
  4. Guys masterbate far more then women imagine. Start with one rule (he stays in cage unless YOU want to play with his penis). You will be amazed at how this will affect him.
  5. Very wise spoken
  6. We started off just her holding the keys, it quickly evolved into things that neither of us saw coming. Believe it or not, most instigated by her. She is making this her thing and the more she is into it, the more I am willing to accept for her.

    Enjoy the intimacy and trust you will both share from now on.
    Benni likes this.
  7. [QUOTE="Benni, post: 21997
    anyway, another question is I'm not exactly the most dominant female- i consider myself more submissive- I like my man to throw me around in the bedroom, also call the shots outside of the bedroom- be "the man of the house" macho I guess...so I'm having some difficulty transitioning into this "control role" as honey says "it's a control thing" ...for him.[/QUOTE]

    Well we found that the FLR is not for us. I am the alpha in the houshold in every way. I am a real macho mann, billding things, and so on and whit a leader roal at work to. So to submit to my wife in the day to day is somthing i coudent do. But she holds the key to ouer sex Life. And controls my penis. I cant even get hard unleas she wants me to. You can start off whit playing some games. Lets say you do a dice game. The nr Of the dice is how many weeks to his nexst orgasem, and maby the second throw will be the minimum Of orgasems he must give you oraly every week. If he fails to give you them one week, you add 1 week to his denile time. Then you get off and not him and he will be left horny. And you will not be left feeling guilty for dening him.

    Of cors can you fuck him or have him throw you around in the sack. You only thell him he Well be adding x-weeks on his ongowning denile. And you will buy a nubning creem and condoms so he cant cum or feel a thing next time If he do.
    Benni likes this.
  8. If he wants you to control him, then find something that will make the experience real for you. You suggested that you could keep him locked until he proposes. I know you're joking, but it might just validate your role as key holder. Men can become very motivated when their ability to use their cock anytime they like is taken away.
    RexVa, Benni and ChasteCharlie like this.
  9. As a guy, I can totally vouch for both of your points here.
  10. Are you a male or female? Just curious
  11. Male. The relationship between my wife and I is probably different from most couples, so take what I say lightly. My wife wishes she would have known about male chastity before we got married. She wishes she could go back and lock me up before we were engaged and pretty much never let me out, especially after getting married.

    Of course that would have changed our entire family (we have 5 children now, who probably would have never been born).

    Is any of that realistic or at all applicable to you and your boyfriend? I have no idea. But if there's anything appealing about it, you're only young once. If you want to lock him up and make him wait until he proposes, or until you're married, or even longer, you can't go back and have the opportunity once it's gone.
    Benni likes this.
  12. Joroincharge

    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!
    Staff Member Moderator

    Mar 10, 2009
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    Absolutely right.

    It's what you want it to be.

    It IS a control thing: you control and decide whatever you want for yourself - and that's what it becomes.
    Benni and RexVa like this.
  13. Once what's gone?
  14. Once "now" is gone. This stage of your life and relationship. It won't last forever.
  15. Benni , I am glad things are working out for you, and hope that they will continue. I was happy to read that you decided to embrace locking him up. I agree that Chasity can be what you make it, but it does shift the dynamic to making sure your needs are met, which i believe has been one of the best things for my wife and I. Have you decided if you will be keeping him locked from now on? My wife has seen a great benefit from keeping me locked up other than when she decides its play time.
  16. I have not considered it- what purpose does that serve?
    Do you remove it when with the family or your children ?
  17. A lot of men realize this, eventually. Masturbation is normal but sometimes guys take it too far and the reality is they can only orgasm so much and then the desire wanes. He probably realized his desire for you was being ruined by too much porn and really wants to be with you. So now that he is beholden to you for his release you can have fun with it or play it out any way you desire. These are just some ideas. Men loved to be teased, dress more sexy for him, where lingerie more often. Grab his crotch for no reason lol. Send him messages while he is at work letting him know your not wearing any panties, whether you are or not. I guarantee he will think about you all day ;)
  18. A blogger once posted what she's listed as the 10 most positive things you can gain from keeping your man in chastity (and including orgasm control). Below is her experience --perhaps this resonates with you and you might even find this helpful...
    Benefits of male chastity to a female keyholder in a relationship with him:
    1. It stops your man from wasting his time and libido masturbating. If you are in a relationship, all of his sexual energy should be directed at you. It should not be wasted on him touching himself and thinking about other women. As long as he can masturbate, he is psychologically cheating on you - and lying to you by default. Even if your man is only thinking about you when he has fun alone he is lowering his testosterone which should be built up so he can please you better and more frequently.
    2. Your sex life will improve. Because he’ll have to please you in order to get his release, he’ll become a more experimental and better lover. You will have more orgasms and more massages per week than you’ve ever had before.
    3. Your relationship will become stronger. Male chastity encourages open and honestcommunication about each others needs. This is an incredible benefit for any couple, and forced denial can help any couple improve their natural bonding not to mention will make him more attentive, passionate and caring.
    4. His orgasms will improve. As long as he can masturbate regularly, he is taking action that desensitizes his penis. Once he is on a more normal ejaculation schedule, his penis will become more sensitive and his orgasms will become stronger, usually he will last longer in bed too because cumming alone they do it in a few minutes and get used to that, after chastity I’ve seen men that could only go 5 minutes last a half hour after some training being locked up, this does not apply to all men but I’ve definitely seen mens duration improve from denial.
    5. You won't have to worry about him cheating on you. Face it -most men, no matter how much they love their girlfriends, can’t turn down an opportunity with another woman you’re likely never to find out about. Male chastity makes it nearly impossible for him to act on these urges.
    6. The romance will improve in your relationship. As long as he knows he can have cum any time he wants, there’s no reason for him to romance you. That’s why the romance stopped after awhile. By limiting his sexual access to you, you’ll train him to be the romantic lover he was when you were still dating.
    7. You’ll never have to put effort into pleasing him (blowjobs, handjobs, etc.). Of course, you can if you want to, and you might certainly consider doing that and more during your teasing sessions; but you should ideally limit any sort of release; you could give him a single lick and he would thank you for it (well, he better ;) its good to use these things against him, teasing is just as important as denial --they go hand in hand!
    8. Your friends might even compliment you on what a wonderful, attentive boyfriend you have. They will be jealous of your strong, committed relationship. No man is as ideal as one whose orgasm are often denied.
    9. He should become much more helpful around the house --and you should demand that. Knowing that the only way he can get the release his body craves so badly is by pleasing you, he’ll actually volunteer to do the dishes, clean the bathroom and make the bed every morning. Won’t that be nice?
    10. He’ll feel better about himself. Most men are ashamed that they masturbate so often (usually seven to 15 times a weeks!). But, they are slaves to their libido and can’t help themselves. It’s an addiction. Mostly it makes them feel like little boys who can’t control themselves. Once he no longer is able to give into the temptation to masturbate, he’ll feel proud of his self-control and behave more like a man who releases his sexuality into his girlfriend, instead of down the shower drain.
    In summary, you should/will get a lot more pleasure in any way you want, and if you tease him sufficiently, he will be stuck in a state of arousal that keeps him connected to you more then he could have been before. He's likely to be more attentive, passionate, loving, last longer, be eager to please you. Just remember to keep it Safe, Sane and Consensual. Yours truly,
    -Tatiana xoxo
    Giveitup and Joroincharge like this.
  19. Would agree with everything but half of #4, and even then it stated that it depends, so it's still accurate. Since starting chastity I went from 10-30min sessions to maybe 30 seconds inside, and even then I have to stop once or twice. If I didn't stop would finish in 10-20 seconds.

    One thing missing is the shared bond. Yes there is a special closeness but I'm talking about a shared secret. Something that just you two know. He trusts you and you both are aware of his condition. Out in public its an amazing feeling knowing the woman I love knows I am locked up, knows she is the only way its possible to be sexual. It's a special feeling.
    RexVa likes this.
  20. Giveitup likes this.
  21. Hey! Most important have fun with it! He is at YOUR mercy. You're in control, so enjoy your newfound power position.