It's No Longer Mine

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by itsnolongermine, Feb 20, 2016.

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  1. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Oh, and congratulations for not giving up and coming back at this in a more measured and sensible way. Hopefully this will get you what you want and really improve your sex life. It has mine, unquestionably.
     
  2. Thatgirl
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    Thatgirl Owner and Wife of Thatguyontheinternet.
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    That is the problem we were having with the HTV2 as well....he could pull out of it extremely easily. He is now locked up in a MM Jailbird, which we have customized by using plasti-dip on the base ring and also plasti-dip on the short crisscross punishment pin. Both of them combined prevents him from pulling out and also keeps the cage from sliding down due to his low hanging boys. I observed him trying to pull out yesterday soaped up in the shower, and he couldn't do it...so score for me, lol! He says this is the first time he has ever felt truly locked up.
     
  3. itsnolongermine
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    Hi all, it's been a while. It's been an off-and-on period, but overall we are making progress.

    She now controls the entire experience, and is slowly learning to exploit it how she chooses. She chooses when we start, end and what happens in between. I've stopped topping from the bottom, and have literally and figuratively given her the keys to control it as she pleases. Occasionally, I bring up the game to talk about it in abstract, and about possible future developments, and only talk further when she consents.

    So, over the last few months, I have experienced two decent periods of chastity. One was ten days, and the other was two weeks. It is immeasurably more exciting for her to be the one to decide when, why and how I am chaste. In return I have been making sure the experience is really positive for her. As a result, she is slowly growing in confidence and willingness, and so, I am hoping for us to reach a tipping point in the coming months where chastity becomes the norm and she begins to use it to pull my strings in many different ways.

    A few things that really helped move it along:
    - I took off all the pressure about when, how and how long.
    - Referring to chastity as a game made it a lot seem a lot more fun, easier to talk about, but kept it just as serious.
    - We wrote down the ground rules, basically in a contract. I wrote it, she agreed to every sentence.

    And now, in another exciting development, she is supporting me to investigate a custom made upgrade from the HTv2. I'm wearing a mature metal sizing ring at this very moment...
     
  4. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Good to know you are still going. And yes, making sure this is fun is in some cases critical to its success. That is my Wife's edict, that she has to be having fun, or what is the point.
     
  5. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    It gets difficult, trying to not top from the bottom. Sometimes you want to tell her stop, if you let me cum I will start all over. But...just like she controls when I don't cum, she controls when I do. What I try to do is if do end up cumming, make a physical point to do something a little out of the way nice for her. Tell her something that would mean a lot and do something that requires a little sacrifice. I find that gets me back into my fuzzy place fairly quickly.

    It doesn't have to be over the top, can be telling her you thought about her all day, rubbing her feet, or a dirty text about what you would like to do for her...not about you but her. Make her a little card that says you wish I was holding you right now, etc..

    Lock up periods will gradually get longer, might not even be part of the "game", but the intensity of your willingness to please and how incredibly worked up she makes you, will be obvious.

    Just remember the golden rule(if there really are any lol) never without permission, and don't bother the poor woman about it. My KH now loves the fact she or I can initiate intimacy, and it only goes as far as she wants it to. I can't remember how many times I've went down on her caged and stayed caged since we started this in May.

    Glad things are going well for you.
     
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  6. Mascara^Snake
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    Mascara^Snake Banned

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    I had a partner once who tried everything to get me interested in motor racing. I even accompanied him at events once or twice.
    I remember thinking how much more simple things would be if he had a train set in the attic or collected stamps or something.

    I hope she's managing ok.
     
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  7. seasoned
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    seasoned Long term member

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    Your comment is amusing but where is the equivalence?It seems that Mr. Itsnolon Germine(people have such weird names these days) is nudging his wife towards an activity from which,unlike motor-racing,she could possibly benefit.
     
  8. Mascara^Snake
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    Mascara^Snake Banned

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    Oh Im sure that he was sure that my sharing of his interest in motor racing would have mutual benefits.
    Social events, VIP invites and drivers clubs, mingling with other trophy wives etc.
     
  9. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    The easiest way to get her on board is to simply make a rule that you wear the cage anytime she isn't using it. My gf/kh likes me to put it on first thing in the morning and take it of at night when she wants to use it. I don't usually use the cage at night because she likes to use it most nights. I often use a strap on for her while still in the cage and she USUALLY likes the real thing no matter how good she gets it but sometimes she is so wore out and content she falls asleep right away without taking off my cage.
     
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  10. itsnolongermine
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    Hi, it’s been a while. I’ve had a terrible year which meant chastity went on the back burner, but in the last week we’ve had a breakthrough.


    Just minutes ago my wonderful wife clicked the lock on my comfortable and secure Watchful Mistress chastity cage, and the went out for the evening. She’s out with her girlfriends and I am at home with a trapped and pounding hard on, with butterflies in my stomach from delicious frustration and the realisation of the immensity of this self imposed predicament.


    Already, I can’t wait for her to get home.


    So, how did we get here? My chastity kink had been creating problems for us in the last year. We are so happy in every other way, but the pressure I put on her about it was creating tension about sex. We stopped talking about and doing chastity, and when we did, it caused arguments. I was beginning to feel despondent about a false start. We tried written agreements about how she should play to meet my expectations, tried talked about it as though it were a game, and I had tried to introduce ideas that would make it work more in her favour, but she only saw as me controlling it for my own purposes.


    All along I was focused on changing the terms of how the chastity game would be played so that it would suit her, but I wasn’t letting go of my own expectations. This made the frequency, duration and reasons for playing difficult for us to talk about. She was concerned that it would ‘take over’ our sex life, that it would deprive her of what she wants, and she doesn’t like how cages look on me. However, my expectations were the real problem.


    We had reached a road block where we were both unhappy. But now it seems we have cracked the code.


    The problem was that we hadn’t agreed on how chastity should relate to the rest of our sex life. One day, after a big argument about it, I realised a solution would be to agree a minimum frequency that we would play, and that otherwise I would totally give up my expectations about why, when, how and for how long we would play the chastity game.


    So here’s what we agreed. After each period I’m locked up, there is a maximum period of two weeks where we don’t talk about chastity and we lead a totally vanilla sex life. I don’t raise or suggest anything to do with chastity. She is free to not worry about it, for up to two weeks.


    However, during those two weeks, she must decide when to start my next lockup, and a minimum period it will go for. When she wants to start, she writes in a letter the earliest date the chastity game can end, seals it in an envelope, and gives it to me. I am then locked up. She can choose to unlock me for any reason, at any time, and I can come if we have sex or whatever, but unless the time on her letter is up, I go back into the cage afterwards. She can choose to keep me locked up after the date if she wants. At the end, she tells me to open the letter and I check it’s after the date she wrote.


    Why does this work so well for her? Because it gives her complete control over when and how long we play the chastity game. It means that for two weeks at a time, she doesn’t have to think about it, and we get to have sex without chastity interfering with her ideas of what our sex life should be like. She also gets to choose how much impact chastity has on our sex life. If she wants it only infrequently, she can play for a day or two every two weeks, and that’s less than 10% of our overall life. It also means that it doesn’t affect her ability to get what she wants from our sex life, even during the game. There is also zero pressure on her to make the end of the lockup special. It just ends whenever or why she wants it to end, as long as it’s after the date that she wrote down.


    It will also work for her because I’ll make huge efforts to put her in the mood for sex and to make it as awesome for her as possible, because she might not let me come, or might choose to lock me back up again. It’s literally all upside for her, with the exception of having to see me wear the cage.


    Why does this work so well for me? This approach means we play much more frequently. My body will grow accustomed to the cage being on. She will learn more quickly about when and how to play so that the game and my sex drive work better for her. She will see me wear the cage more often, and get accustomed to it. The uncertainty about when I’ll be locked, and when I will be freed again is a huge turn on. It means that I don’t want to come on my own in case I’m locked up shortly after (cos that would suck). Because I might be locked at any time, it means I’m playing the game all the time in my head. Her committing to a minimum period also shows to me she is taking it seriously, and that she won’t cut the game short on a whim.


    Win-win.


    So, I don’t know if I’m going to be locked up for the next 24 hours, or for the next week. Goddamn it that turns me on. But it’s all ultimately for her, so I’m already plotting out how to make this chastity game the best possible experience for her, and to put her in the mood for sex. If I am successful, I will be released, and I might get to come, but I’ll also have successfully demonstrated the utility of the game to her, and the power that chastity offers her.


    So, right now is my “what have I done” moment.


    I am freaking out, and bulging through my cage at the thought of what happens next. The next few months might be a roller coaster ride, because I think this way of incorporating the game into our life is going to work really well for her, and I’ve put zero conditions on it that favour me. Shes a quick learner, and I’ve set up a perfect feedback cycle with this approach.


    She could write down a year. She could start the next chastity game the minute the last one ended. She could choose to never let me out. She could choose anything. And I’d probably consent.


    The other thing is that she’s starting to really get it. The reason she decided to lock me up today? She’s off to a hens night, organised by someone who’s a stripper (seriously), and she “didn’t want to leave you all alone with yourself.” She smiled at how clever she was being, and even agreed to personally click the lock shut on the cage. She wasn’t required by the terms of the game to lock me up for another week yet.


    It’s been two hours, and I haven’t lost this erection yet. I’m so goddamned horny. The hours and days ahead are going to be a long, and I am getting exactly what I wished for. Now I need to make sure she does too.


    Should I have been more careful what I wished for? We will see... I’ve been talking about getting a PA for devices that look nicer and are even more secure. Maybe she will come around to that idea quicker than I previously thought...
     
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  11. Willing2
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    Willing2 Active member

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    Congratulations on not giving up.

    It certainly sounds like you have hit upon a way to make this fun for BOTH of you, and therefore sustainable.

    I know I find it difficult to not top from the bottom, and I think that is true for most males - and particularly those who have talked with their partners about chastity. After all it was OUR idea, right? Why shouldn't we control it? That is so wrong in MOST cases.

    Please keep on posting and letting us know how it is going. There are others of us going through similar struggles.
     
  12. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Locked today, tomorrow, forever

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    Remember that this is Your relationship and how you make it work is up to you and your partner. Saying something is wrong may be wrong for me but may be exceptable for you and your partner. None of us know as much about your relationship than you do, so make it Yours no matter what others say is Wrong Or Right. Good Luck with your Journey it sounds exciting so far.
     
  13. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Locked today, tomorrow, forever

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    Your way of thinking has worked for us for many years. It's Her property I just keep it locked untill she wants to use it.
     
  14. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Locked today, tomorrow, forever

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    Just an addition to my previous post. When I submitted to serving my Mistress and doing everything to please her she started to take control of the chastity. Even when she doesn't use her property for a long time I continue to serve her, even if it's difficult. This is probably the secret to our success
     
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