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It took a year for my submission

Discussion in 'The Pedestal' started by Mr M, Oct 21, 2017.

  1. Recently my wife had surgery. As a result, I was locked up for 4 weeks with all the duties across the home and kids. In the last week my wife turns to me and says, "you deserve some play time." In that moment, I realized that I had been in service and submission the entire month without complaint, without chastity talk, without strategizing how I am going to get sexual or non sexual attention, without any back talk (although I still challenge when it is in her best interest) and working hard to deliver her expectations for the home and relationship. Don't get me wrong, I was desperately horny, but out of service I put that into pleasing her. Occasionally, when I wasn't feeling my position, i even grabbed a pair of panties to get my head back into it. (Which at any other time in my life would have had to come from force).

    A year ago I initiated chastity to stop my sexual energy going toward myself and reignite a 10 year slump in our sex life. After three kids, it was easier and more habitual to live in my own fantasy and sexuality with myself than to court her. My perspective on chastity at that time was very different. All of the behaviors I didn't do this last month were common place as well as topping from the bottom. I had lots of requests and lots of fantasies about what chastity is to us. And my list of desires and kinks was long. Did I ever picture chastity putting me in complete service (and often submission)? No, I naively did not. Did I know that chastity would improve our sex and communication? Nope, but it has been the best time in our marriage. Did I know that I was actually a pretty selfish husband before chastity, who was giving want I wanted and thought that was service? Missed that one.

    I just feel lucky that chastity, as a tool, works for us. It took a year for the dynamic mature and my service/submission to be learned. As well as learn all of those bad habits I had as a husband, partner and father be dablighted. My wife, has responded to this with dominance, kink, and stronger assertion of her wants and her desires. She now doesn't want me unlocked and expects it to be part of our marriage. And what use to be a long 7 days in the cage, has now extended to sometimes 3-4 weeks at a time.

    How long did it take you to find your positions? And did it turn out as you expected?
    Mark Owen, gary170 and Dogchasecats like this.
  2. Mistress B

    Mistress B Mistress B
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    Feb 29, 2012
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    Chastity isn't a race and it is always better to take things slowly rather than rush into things. In our case it developed over several years to get where we are now. As to whether it turned out to what we expected............ it did in my case.
    Penney, Mr M and Dogchasecats like this.
  3. Still finding our way. I guess I don't really see it as a destination, but a journey that evolves over time. I don't think I'll ever stop asking for favors from her, because if I did she would stop giving them. Being locked and forgotten really depresses me and makes me struggle. I've gotten better about this, but I don't see ever giving it up. As an example I've stopped asking for her to tease and deny me. She pretty much never does it whether I ask or not, so I've just given up. For what ever reason she doesn't want to and she's in charge, so we don't do it. I do consider my providing her with an orgasm as close as we get and I love that. I do encourage her to have orgasms, I guess that's a form of asking.

    Our lock-ups have become quite long-term for us and I see no time this will change. In researching prostate health I landed on the compromise that clearing the pipes is a must every two weeks. Not a full blown orgasm. I've said it can be milking or a ruined orgasm. She can participate or tell me to do it, but it's an expectation. I ask for nothing until 2 weeks goes by, but then I remind her, it's been 2 weeks and we need to do something. I have no idea if my 2 weeks or my methods of pipe clearing will help in the long run, but it gives me peace of mind that I'm doing something.

    Beyond that I've gotten over the Tumblr fantasy version of chastity and I don't pester her for the most part. I try to please her as much as I can every day and focus on doing those things that are expected of me.
    boisub and Mr M like this.

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