Is this really what I want? ~ Newbie Realizations

Discussion in 'Novices and newbies' started by Locked4Her999, Aug 14, 2018.

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  1. Locked4Her999
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    Locked4Her999 Member

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    My wife has always indulged my BDSM submissive fantasies for the last 15 years but generally doesn't have the kink like me. So getting her to behave exactly like a Dom really has never happened but that is OK. She goes as far as she is willing and that’s way awesome to me that she participates at all.

    So it took a little courage for me to bring up the idea of a chastity device. It has been a long-held fantasy for me but to a Vanilla person, the idea of keeping somebody’s genitalia locked up for an extended period of time is pretty abnormal even for a couple that practices bondage in the bedroom only.

    She was open to the idea so I purchased a Holy Trainer v3. I thought that I would need to beg her to allow me to put it on. She would forget about it. It would be limited to foreplay, etc. In other words, the typical behaviors we have played out in our many happy years together where I am “Topping from the Bottom”.

    Fortunately/Unfortunately, she has taken to this keyholder idea. After a little initial break-in, she has locked me in the device with a sentence of 4 full days. I am currently on day 2 with ZERO sexual activity and building frustration.

    After getting a glimpse of this new reality, I am beginning to realize that there is little actual sex to be had in this scenario <no duh moment>. There are waves of euphoria in the beginning and that is great but as you settle in to a stretch, those feelings become less and an orgasm will not be achieved until I am let out.

    So my struggle right now is “Is it worth it?”

    Do I really want to settle into a life where I have great orgasms but spend the rest of the time with something locked around my dick and balls? Am I sure that I want this in my life?

    I asked my wife about it and her first response is “You wanted this and No I will not give you the key”.

    But then I asked “Does it please you that I am locked in this? Are you getting something out of this, because right now I am not”.

    She said back to me, “I like to see how frustrated you get. And it turns me on.”

    That was enough for me to want to keep it on for now.

    I feel that more time will give us some revelations, but this experience is not what I thought it was going to be.

    I know this is rambling but any wisdom here would be appreciated.
     
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  2. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Active member

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    Chastity means different things to each person/couple. It doesn't inherently entail orgasm denial, merely putting the power to decide the when and where in the hands of the woman. A couple with a man in chastity can have as much sex as one that doesn't. That can be standard penis in vagina (PIV) or whatever else your keyholder decides. Or it can be the opposite where sex in whatever form is a much less frequent event with orgasms for the man even more scarce. Each couple needs to figure out what works for them and that won't be what works for others.

    Your first period of chastity is by far the hardest as it is a huge adjustment. You've almost certainly gone days without any sort of sexual activity multiple times in your life but you weren't thinking about it and now you can't stop.

    It does, however, get better. For everyone, there is a point in time when you just adjust and stop obsessing about your own orgasms. Not such that you never think about it, but more that you're not constantly thinking about it. I would imagine that for most, that occurs within a week of denial but your mileage may vary. I'd wait until being able to go a week without orgasm a few times before deciding whether this is something you do or don't want long term.
     
  3. sissy_connie
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    sissy_connie Member

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    Interesting....it sounds like your wife has taken to the idea of "your chastity" like a duck to water. Good Luck.
     
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  4. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    not for nothing do we continually say on here "be careful what you wish for."
     
  5. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    “I like to see how frustrated you get. And it turns me on.”

    This is her for the first time owning her dominance. Regardless about how you feel right now, if you pull the rug out from under her, that's the femdom stifled! A moist slope is a slippery slope. You should run with this and see where it leads her.

    As for the rest: you're only a few days in. It sounds like you haven't had any sort of sexual experience while chaste. Give the new arrangement a few weeks, you may be surprised.

    For me, chastity isn't about my intense orgasm, it's about intense intimacy and eroticism, and about experience authentic Femdom.
     
  6. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Everyone has those moments...moments of looking down and seeing a contraption on your privates, and realizing how easy it used to be to just have a good tug, to pee, to have an erection. Wtf indeed!

    That’s not even the end of it either, there’s morning erection attempts, various abrasions, constant lubing and maintenance, and for those pierced...the realization that you now have two holes there and you now don’t even orgasm or pee the same.

    But...there’s that point where she enjoys you locked more than you, and she freely takes control, and it just seems like it is supposed to be that way.

    Good luck
     
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  7. Allen1987
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    Allen1987 All for Her

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    Very difficult to answer. If you opened the door for her it might be very tough to stop. What is on
    the inside is not always seen. Open the door and well....She may very well enjoy this and thought
    about it before. If so you may be trapped. It can be very rewarding if you can get used to it. You may
    have gotten more than you asked for. Good Luck.
     
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  8. Steviepie
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    Steviepie Being developed for mental submission to Ms. Lucy

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    how about that moment when it dawns on you that you will never have intercourse again.....
     
  9. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I think it was right around the one year mark that she said that she couldn’t ever see us going back to me not being locked up. I questioned her, and said forever is a long time, she just replied that she wasn’t the same person she was, liked who she was now, and wouldn’t give it up.

    So it truly is good that I’m ok with that, because it might have become a sticking point if I had changed my mind.
     
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  10. Allen1987
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    Allen1987 All for Her

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    Same, just worded a little different. I wouldn't want to go back either.:+1:
     
  11. Fred manns
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    Fred manns Member

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    Unless its on her terms.

    In the last 50+ days or being locked I've had 1 anal/prostate orgasm, 2 milkings, and one ruined vibrator orgasm. But I know shes going to want a turn on my little guy eventually again.

    But would not change a thing now.
     
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  12. Locked4Her999
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    Locked4Her999 Member

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    Thanks for all the thoughtful comments.

    So in my first 5 days, a total of 60 hours "in captivity" off and on before release and the big "O".

    All in all, a successful experiment. We both agreed we would take a break after our first stint here as neither of us want this to take over our dynamic. She enjoyed it but not quite as much as I did. She also found my constant reminders to her about my state annoying after a while, as I do not yet have the discipline to keep it to myself.

    I will say that I was definitely in a different mental state pretty much the whole time. It put me in a kind of "sex fog". It was like being in foreplay for days, not able to focus on anything else. If you asked me while locked if I wanted to extend the time, my answer would be "Yes, punish me", but now that I am released, I feel like I can now catch up on everything else I have to do in my life (everything but sex) and do NOT want to immediately get it back on (at least not at this moment, lol). That's the odd thing. My feelings about it go from one extreme to the other very quickly.

    So we will definitely do this some more, but we will treat enforced chastity with some caution and perspective kind of like a recreational drug if I can make that comparison.

    An enlightening experience in so many ways. We humans are complex creatures.
     
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  13. John
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    John Member

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    That's exactly how I feel about chastity it's kind of no middle ground it's like you think about it non-stop. Everything gets a bit on hold until get released. As you say it's kind of like a fog
     
  14. Mimi
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    Mimi Member

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    As Lester says " Be careful what you wish for"

    Your on a learning curve that looks not to be going as you would like exactly, Now you have to either carry on and let it roll or go back to before, if your Wife/Mistress will allow. Going down this route will give your wife full control so you have to live upto that and if she isnt in the mood for teasing or sex then you have to suck up to it and be patient. It will be worth the journey im sure as most guys who do go down this road usually are happy.

    We have been into mild crossdressing and bondage for over 30 years and now chastity for the last 18 months or so. My wife/mistress has now taken full control of my sex life and her libido isnt as high as mine so we have a good 4hr session usually once a week with a couple of short teasing sessions in between. We are now at the stage im fully locked at all times except when i go away Hiking or togging. I've also been informed now on 2 occasions that i will not ever receive a normal orgasm again only ruined or prostate milking for me, Am i comfortable with this ? Yes, as it leaves me in a heightened state most of the time so i can serve her best, and is a great dynamic for me on the denial aspect.

    I know do all the household chores giving her more quality time after she finishes work as have retired early and have spare time between my hobbies.
     
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  15. Mrs.B
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    Mrs.B Mrs.B

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    as a wife and kh for @jb123... i will say we have hit a few rough patches in the last four months that we have been doing this... he brought it up to me two years ago after my sister died and i shot it down...... but in march he ask me again n i told him let me think about it..... we talk... i wasn't to thrill about the idea.... but we have some changelles to deal with..... i have no sexual drive due to my illiness and he has of a high sexual drive.... but we are working through trying to find a middle ground...... i will say im not into femdom.. im not a contolling person .... so it took me a while to get use to the idea that im in crontrol of his body.... i still have my resevers about it.... it just take time to find the middle ground... both of you need to talk about it n communcate with each other... i see it as a partnership.... not a dominace.... but thats just me.... give yourselves time to let it sink in.... i wish you happiness n blessing... and learn to enjoy the jouney togethr.... whatever you do ... do not rush it....
    Mrs.B
     
  16. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Active member

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    "there's that point" -- that point's the *goal* of almost every man here.
     
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  17. Locked4Her999
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    Locked4Her999 Member

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    Well, off and on, we are continuing our experiment. We were able to do a full 3 days and some shorter stints. I am now on day 2 of my first true week-long session. Reading back through this thread, it reminds me how emotional I was (and continue to be) in this journey. But I wouldn't trade it. Definitely the wife and I have become closer as a result as I learn more about our relationship and about myself.

    One disappointment is that I have realized how easy it is to pull out of the back of device AND to put it back in. I have learned this is pretty typical even with a well-fitting traditional ball-trap cage. I have not done this while officially "locked in" but just knowing I can kind of sucks. Piercing would probably be my most acceptable security option, but ANY piercing would be a first for me and I need way more perspective before starting down that road. Also debating whether I should even mention this to the wife, lol.

    Sorry for the rambling. This community is very helpful.
     
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  18. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Active member

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    A chastity device isn't what keeps a man chaste. It is his desire to remain so that is the lynch pin. A chastity device serves as a reminder of that desire and something that slows you down when your mind starts to waver ideally long enough that you regain control. A device attached to a piercing would increase the difficulty, but even those aren't full proof.

    I say this because literally any (realistic) device can be defeated without detection if a man is sufficiently inclined to do so.

    We don't mind the rambling.
     
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  19. subiam
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    subiam Member

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    A very legitimate response. I can relate.
     
  20. Joey love
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    Joey love Active member

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    Lots to think about after reading all these posts.
    I’m hoping to bring my wife into the lifestyle so I guess I should be careful about what I wish for...
    But I’m still wishing
     
  21. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Active member

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    Good for you, it's working!
     
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