Is this how it starts?

I only joined a short while ago and have been reading various threads and posts to learn what I can. I have seen a lot of what sure looks like fantasy being posted as 'real' and I am happy to see folks calling it out as such. It helps assure me that at least some of the people on here have actual experience!

I'm posting here as it seems like the best fit. It is a long post, so sorry about that. I feel I need to give all the background to give folks an idea of where things currently stand. I'm not sure where things are going as far as me being locked up and I'd be curious to hear from others if this is a common way for things to start. I also don't have anyone else to ask about this, so lucky you.

My wife is pretty vanilla and I'm the driving force behind the various kinks in our sex life. By way of background, we have played with orgasm denial for many years and she has no problem ending sex after she is happy regardless of if I got to O too. She locked me up once several years ago, but she really didn't like it and I didn't push for it either for a variety of reasons. I pretty much left it in the drawer for years. I tried self locking for a weekend or so here and there, but never really got into it.

About a month ago, at maybe 3AM I finally just said 'Oh my God, will you please just lock me up'? My poor exasperated wife said 'Fine.'

To be clear, this was not anything close to a fantasy moment.

We have a new baby (our 1st) and sleep is precious. My wife's maternity leave ran out and she had to go back to work. Breastfeeding has been a major challenge. I was furloughed until Monday when the government finally reopened. Our sex life was pretty much nonexistent, not because of any massive marital issue but mainly due to stress, exhaustion and the fact that (PIV) sex isn't comfortable / working well for her right now. I'd given up and been taking care of myself for a while, without telling her. When it came up I didn't deny it. She got upset and I told her I would stop. But I did explain that I was using it to help me sleep sometimes and also I couldn't just turn off my sex drive and that I wanted to feel connected to her somehow. I think I mentioned locking me up as an option, but she certainly didn't say ok to that. After a few weeks I was getting horny and it was keeping me awake at times when I really needed to (go back to) sleep. I mentioned that to her and she didn't really reply, but heard it. I reached a breaking point several days later. The baby woke us up. After we got him back down, I was super horny and having trouble falling asleep. I was tossing and turning and she asked what was wrong. I told her I was horny. She nearly cried and said she was exhausted (and she was!). I asked if I could just take care of it myself and she said no. And that is how we got to 'Will you please just lock me up' and 'Fine'.

I put on the cage and she locked it with one of those numbered plastic locks. We both went back to bed. In the morning I made up a little chart for her to keep track of the number of the lock and I told her to just make sure the number was the same when she cut it off. I gave her lots of suggestions on how to make this work. And I did honestly try to be kinder and more helpful to her.

I stayed locked for several days. She let me out to go work out and I didn't ask her to lock me up when I got home. Nothing happened the next day either. Eventually I asked her about it. We talked and I explained that I was surprised at how big of a difference it had made for me. I told her that I wasn't sure I really wanted to be locked up but I was convinced that I needed to be. She expressed a number of misgivings. She did notice I had been helpful in a way or two, but that it wasn't like night and day. She also complained that she felt like she was just trying to do what I needed, rather than what she needed. I acknowledged that she was right about that, and agreed to comply with whatever needs she had. I got permission to order more plastic locks (and I also ordered a better fitting cage).

Still nothing happened and a week went by. Every few days I would bring it up again and she would ask to talk about it later. I started to worry that I was pushing my luck to even bring it up. She clearly wasn't comfortable talking about it (she has never liked talking about sex much) and with everything else going on in our lives I think it was too much for her to think about. I started giving up hope. I tried one more time and it didn't go well at all. And so I gave up. I threw away the chart I had made and just said to myself 'forget it'.

I was not happy and I am sure she picked up on that. To my surprise, a day later when we finally had a moment alone she brought it up by simply saying 'OK, so you wanted to talk about it.' So we talked about it again. We agreed that she would make up a list of things I needed to do to help her (i.e. chores around the house type stuff). She made up the list and gave it to me. I said OK. Still nothing happened that night, but the next day I asked 'when' she eventually said 'OK, hop to it' and soon enough she clicked a plastic lock in place and jotted the lock number down on a new chart.

She locked me up on the 19th. Apart from a few cleanings and a work out I've been locked up since then. Happily the new device is fitting better and like others have mentioned here, after a week or so it got a lot more comfortable to wear. The smaller size made a big difference. I've been knocking out everything on the list she gave me and trying to throw some sugar on top in the form of foot rubs and offers to help. I think she has noticed. Last night I helped her have an O. It was the first time I have ever done that while locked up.

We have not talked about it since the 19th (other than me asked to be let out to clean / work out). I don't know if this is ending tomorrow, or if this is the new normal. I don't know if she is just putting up with this, or if she is seeing the benefit and wants it to continue. I don't know if I am going to get let out for an O at some point, or if she thinks I am taking care of that when I clean. I'm scared to talk to her for fear she will end it again.

We will need to talk at some point. I'm thinking this weekend I will bring it up and ask how it is going and what the plan is. Any suggestions on how to have that conversation are welcome!

 

I appreciate your frankness and honesty. And I agree with what you said 100%. I am not sure it applies to me though. Wife went back to work and I stayed home with the baby and took on that role for a while. We are now both back at work and baby goes to daycare.

I see a lot of stories on here of guys who say all they used to do is jerk off and watch porn and then they got locked up and suddenly realized they should help out with domestic responsibilities. That isn't me. I assure you, I do my share of the household and baby chores and have been doing so before we had the baby. The thing that has changed is that I have now started taking on some of hers and I'm trying to increase mine even further. And it makes sense as there are new chores to deal with and she has some stuff she needs to do that are just huge time sucks (breastfeeding). I will honestly say being locked up helps though. More than I would have believed. I am a lot more inclined to WANT to do more, instead of feeling obligated (or annoyed) to do more. That for me is probably the biggest win for US as a couple from this new situation.

 

There is a clear trend in the suggestions here, so I will hold off on bringing it up with her for now. If she wants to talk about it, I'll let her bring it up.

With that said, I think it is worth pointing out that I have and will continue to need to ask her to let me out and then lock me back up, so I can't avoid mentioning it completely. I need to clean things, probably more often than normal, plus I can't work out while locked (she agrees on that point) and working out is part of the list she gave me. It is this asking her part that makes me nervous. So far it has gone OK though, although I must admit I can't read her to figure out how she feels when I ask.

 

Just a quick update. No major talks and I haven't pushed her to share her thoughts or asked her any big questions or made any kind of request other than to be let out for cleaning and then locked back up.

We have spoken of it briefly a number of times though. She hasn't had anything to say really, but I have told her how much I want to be helpful to her, and how being locked up really helps me in that regard. I will say that she has listened and nodded her head to show she understands and has been quite accepting as best I can tell. I'm also regularly asking what more I can do for her.

The last time I was released for cleaning, last night actually, she said to just leave the lock on the counter and she would lock me back up when she was ready. It was late to begin with, and I got dressed after the shower and went about my normal routine of washing dishes etc. My mind was a constant buzz of 'will she remember?' 'Will she decide she doesn't want to do it anymore?'. As it got later and later I started thinking it wasn't going to happen. She finally asked 'Bedtime'? I assumed that was it. She had either forgotten, or just wasn't up to it at the time. I did my best though to not let it bother me. It's up to her I reminded myself. So I said yea, I was all set, let's head upstairs. 'Good, I'm so tired', which I knew was true.

As I put the last dish in the drying rack she grabbed the plastic lock from the counter and said 'Ok let's go' and started walking towards the bathroom to lock me up. The way she said it was devoid of any frustration, annoyance or sense of mental strain. It was a simple request that she seemed perfectly comfortable making.

I apologized and told her I wasn't wearing the cage yet. She took a half second to understand what I said and then said 'Ok, let's just do it upstairs then. I want to take a shower quick.' Ten minutes or so later when she finished showering she clicked the lock back in place and I thanked her.

 

I'm in a 6000s. Wife has concerns about using anything that requires a key. She worries that if something ever happened and I end up in an ER I won't be able to take it off. I don't think it is a realistic concern, but I wasn't going to argue with her about it.

With that said, I'm open to other devices, especially ones that make cleaning easier. They will need to be able to take an external lock though. Also, she and I both agree that being locked up while 'working out' is a no go. I play a full contact sport for exercise, and doing it while wearing a cage just sounds unsafe. Plus I do enjoy watching her lock me up, and this helps that happen.

 

I always appreciate suggestions. This one however isn't viable. I'd be happy to do the watching the kid part of it, but we are breastfeeding and she doesn't want to have time away from the kid, cause it just means having to pump. Never mind the $ aspect of fancy hotels and limos....

 

By way of an update, we did recently have a brief chat. Well, we actually had a very long talk, but it wasn't about me being locked up. Just general martial management and a discussion of issues we face and ongoing challenges in our marriage. It wasn't exactly fun, but it was necessary and just part of being married.

After it was over and a bit of time had passed I asked her if she wanted to just let me out and be done with the whole thing. I did so kindly and honestly without any strings attached and in the context of our earlier discussion. I made it clear that I didn't want to continue being locked up if she didn't feel like she was getting something out of it. I also tried to explain that it just wouldn't work for me if I felt like she was just locking me up because I asked. I didn't explain self locking, but to folks here who know what that is, all I did was say that I didn't want to just self lock... I needed it to really be up to her if we were going to do this or not.

I honestly didn't know how she would respond. I won't lie and say I was shocked, but I was actually a little surprised at how fast she said "No, it's fine." She then mentioned that she really liked that she no longer had to worry about breakfast and how helpful that was. (As part of the deal, I make sure she has breakfast ready every day, and she eats oatmeal for now cause it helps with breastfeeding supposedly.)

So, I'm still locked up. And at this point I'm starting to think it is probably going to continue for a months.