Is this a bad idea?

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by caged bunny, Jan 29, 2010.

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  1. caged bunny
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    caged bunny Junior Member

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    Hi all, it's me back from the dead ><

    I have a question to pose and it's going to be very strange.

    So our relationship has been very much dead in the water for a long time and I have become very depressed with my situation and life in general. Not going to recount the whole thing, it's pretty much all on my blog anyway but since the last entry (and a long long prior to it) we havn't really done anything. She is content with this situaton but I havn't been for years and I have been considering breaking up. I've had to put my career training on hold because I just can't cope at home at the moment.

    I actually started seeing a guy in a vanilla type way a few weeks ago (she doesn't know yet but also doesn't read these forums. I will tell her but when the time is right) but I can't help but feel it would be a mistake to end it all. I'm definitely more into men than women but also don't think I could be without submission in my life. We have started going to relationship counselling I suppose in my mind as a way of gently breaking up but the other night I had an alternative idea which could be a possibility.

    I know that even if we get back into a good D/s routine it would never last and Helene has such a low (read: zero) libido that she is rarely in the mood, which is difficult when chastity is your main thing. So my idea was to try to introduce a male dominant into the relationship. Given how I feel though it would need to be more than just play though. I think I would need him as a boyfriend also.

    I know it sounds awful that I am asking to have two partners, but the thing is I am so close to leaving Helene and finding a boyfriend or staying with the guy I'm currently seeing. At the moment she has nothing else in her life besides me and it would destroy her for me to be out of her life. This is not conjecture on my part this is just a sad truth that she openly admits. I don't think I am able to stay with her but it would be able to cope with it if there was someone else to turn to. I just can't bare the thought of hurting her so much.

    It sounds so crazy but I think it is really the last attempt for us to keep each other in our lives. I approached her about it tonight and she actually seemed positive about the idea but I worry about how well she would really cope if it happened.

    I know a lot of people do the cuckolding thing which is pretty much the same except it's the woman who gets a boyfriend, but as I understand it isn't that just really about sex? Do cuckoldresses go out on dates with their lovers and spend non sexual romantic time with each other? Is that healthy for the original relationship and can it work?

    Really messed up in my head right now. Would really appreciate any comments and opinions.

    ~Aleks
     
  2. riki1
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    riki1 owned by Wife

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    One of the basic laws of 'relationship counseling' requires each person to identify, and suspend for the duration of the counseling sessions, all escapes they are currently using to avoid addressing the issues that have caused them to seek help. Typical escapes are over working, sleeping a lot, drug and alcohol abuse, other intimate or potentially intimate relationships, unaddressed health issues, etc.
     
  3. Mistress Michelle
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    Mistress Michelle Magical Mistress

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    Aleks...I dont have any words of wisdom for you, other than be true to yourself. An easy thought but much harder to actually do I know especially when other people are involved. I know you want to keep from hurting this woman and you did good by talking with her about some of your feelings. Not sure going to counsling just to make it easier on her when you do break up is such a good idea. Thats like leading her on in a way, she'll get comfortable thinking if you are willing to go to counseling that you want the relationship to work, and eventually you'll end up right back where you are now. And you said you had been seeing a vanilla guy, did you tell him of your lifestyle? If not thats not good either. I realize its hard to be open and honest with people all the time, but try to look down the road a ways, eventually all that matters is whether or not you are happy in whatever relationship youre in, if not you will be misurable and the relationship will fall. Thats why I said, Be true to yourself. So many people spend so much of thier lives trying to fix thier relationships, or staying with the other for the sake of this or that, then wake up years down the road and realize half thier lives is over and they are still unhappy. I hate to see that in anyone. Life is way to short for that.

    Mistress Michelle
     
  4. Ms.Linda
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    Ms.Linda No longer a member

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    Aleks- It's a good thing you and Helene are communicating. That's one of the most important things a couple can do. You say she has a very low libido. If memory serves, you are both fairly young. Has she mentioned this to her doctor? It doesn't sound awful that you are asking for two partners. You are really just asking to be happy. And even though you have said Helene sounded positive about it, you would need to be extremely open and upfront to both of them. Even then, misunderstandings can occur resulting in emotional upheaval. Please be careful and take care of yourself.

    Ms.Linda
     
  5. caged bunny
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    caged bunny Junior Member

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    I know I'm a bit of a lurker here but really really in the mood for posting because my neosteel returned today and this time it fits amazing! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay:character0109::character0109:

    I really didn't expect it to be this comfortable the first time I put it on, feels great!

    Little update anyway. A few people replied to this thread last time and thanks for the comments. In reply to the things a lot of people said, well everything has always been completely out in the open. Helene had been to a doctor about the libido thing a long time ago, nothing really seemed to work and she was never really that bothered to be honest. We did try counselling and even though I tried to keep it clear that it was just for me to get a bit more clarity and to get her to open up a bit more, she did only see it as a way of us getting back together as Michelle predicted, so we stopped that now.

    We are properly broken up now but still live together. We actually get on a lot better these days not living as a couple and though Helene was in denial for a good while she seems to be getting used to it and is getting herself back on her feet.

    Me and my boyfriend Rob are now properly official and things are working. He comes over a lot and even gets on really well with Helene and they are becomming good friends so that's fantastic.

    He does have vanilla tastes but has shown a good deal of interests in other aspects of sexuality. We went to a tranny bar over the weekend and it felt amazing to be out dancing with my boyfriend while I was dressed up and feeling confident and pretty. We got a lot of compliments and Rob was told he is a very lucky guy by more than a few people so that definitelty helped boost my confidence.

    The chastity will probably play much less of a role than it did when I was with Helene since Rob likes playing with willies as much as I do(!) but I'm confident it can be incorperated in a way that satisfies us both, he has always been very supportive of all my shit and accepts and is willing to include himself in my silly fetishes.

    Haaa this thing is starting to chaffe now...probably should have used some kind of vaseline rather than just rip the box open and put it straight on. I guess I'll have to go easy for a while. few hours at a time to get adjusted.

    Thanks again for the advice and concerns! Would appreciate comments from anyone else with a neosteel as to a good method of getting used to wearing it long term, cleaning techniques etc

    Take care for now

    Aleks
    xx
     
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