Is striking a deal a good move?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Mr M, Feb 22, 2018.

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  1. Mr M
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    Mr M Find yourself, find peace; find others, find joy.

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    I have been on the fence about asking my key holder to write down what she wants from Key Holding by forming some simple written agreements. Not a contract, 5 or so key agreement for me that have real consequences. And 1-2 agreements On how she wants to hold the line on my agreements.

    She is generally not a talker when it comes to chastity and we don't always connect on the dynamic. So for me it is making the life easier on us both with clarity.

    Generally I need a stricter KH with more consistent punishments, other wise I just feel like I am self locking, which is not my thing. And my desire is that she writes it so it is her terms and desires, not mine. And if it is not for her, maybe a chastity lifestyle is really more of a kink.

    So I have drafted an email, as she is not a talker, and I drafted the agreement based on our current setup for her to change.

    Would you send the request or do something different?
     
  2. DonnaSue
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    DonnaSue Long term member

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    I would make a sincere attempt to shower her with service when caged, so that she realized the benefits of locking and controlling you. IMHO, I think that emails are just a way for you to attempt to be topping from the bottom. The communication has to be 2 way. You have to be willing to really submit, though. Be careful what you ask for!
     
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  3. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I think anything so awkward for you to talk to each other about in front of each other, will not be any less awkward trying to implement in real life.

    You say you would like more discipline for certain infractions, you don’t get punished like you think you were going to. she feels weird because none of it was her idea, you feel weird because you were expecting something and she didn’t provide it. You aren’t any closer to her actually feeling comfortable with what you would like. If you are dreaming of her throwing you over her knee, she will need to be able to discuss sex and dominance openly with you before she is capable. Walk before you run.

    Good luck
     
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  4. JiL
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    JiL servitude4u

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    Written contracts seem to work best when Miss truly has time, a desire and motivation to be very strict. Written agreements do not work well for everyone to put it another way. You have to accept what she can bring to the table for now, and work and grow from that. Just my opinion of course. No data to back this up.
     
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  5. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    I haven't got much experience here, to be honest, but as I read your post I wondered if you were perhaps pushing Her too far or too fast. She has to commit to this relationship too. Are you sure she is completely comfortable with it?
     
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  6. Mr M
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    Mr M Find yourself, find peace; find others, find joy.

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    Good points.
     
  7. Mr M
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    Mr M Find yourself, find peace; find others, find joy.

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    You are right on this...
     
  8. Mr M
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    Mr M Find yourself, find peace; find others, find joy.

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    When I read this I agreed. It is not a good idea and it would be akward.
     
  9. Mr M
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    Mr M Find yourself, find peace; find others, find joy.

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    I decided not to go this way. Thank you all that commented.

    For us, it is not that she and I aren't into it, but the constraints of life and kids make it hard to regularly engage the topic. It is similar to communicating in text messages but you can only send one text a week.

    The agreement idea was trying to solidify how we already play minus the consistency. After all the reflection and input from you, I just desire more consistentcy. This is probably unrealistic at this point in our life. Maybe if we are still playing when the kids grow we can change the game. If I would have set this up, we both would have failed given life's demands.

    As for being akward, it is not that we can't talk, it is just generally that I tend to be akward when I ask for anything I want in any relationship. My talents are definitely on the submissive and service end. But I liked that you noticed, as anytime it feels akward, I am probably trying to top. And there is a better way to ask from the bottom.

    Glad I posted before I leaped.
     
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