Is my journey over?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Mistress Watchful, Jun 19, 2008.

Random Thread
  1. Mistress Watchful
    Offline

    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Messages:
    5,259
    Likes Received:
    593
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Professional Dominatrix
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Basingstoke
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    5:26 PM
    I know I’m probably over-reacting (as is my want!) but I truly feel like throwing in the towel on the lifestyle, and I never even got there.

    The Lori device issue feels like the final straw for me. Our measurements were EXACT, the device is built to those measurements and is wrong through something I believe is not our fault.

    We have to return the device and hope it sells… how long will that take? It has to be returned to a PO box number which means no signature, which means no courier service, which means no speed or security in returning the item.

    I know I need to write to Ms Lori, but I’m too angry at the moment to be tactful.

    It is blatently obvious to me that my partner cannot serve me, be submissive, become a sissy unless his cock is locked… that is his mind set, not mine.

    I can dominate, but I do not feel whole if I cannot fully control his orgasm.

    I have spent beyond a thousand pound creating the arena for this lifestyle.

    I have clothes I love, books I adore reading and have learned so much from, a beautiful website, the need to dominate… but where is my sissy, my pet, my submissive?

    Because I think my feelings of regret could ultimately destroy us I think I have no option but to try to return to vanilla.

    I know I will be upset for a long time when we have sex, because it will remind me of things I never had, but wanted, and was led to want, and did all I could to help make them real.

    I have told my partner I can no longer be responsible for his chastity dreams. If he wants this he needs to find a device he can wear 24/7 and then give me the key. Up until then I have no idea what will happen.

    I feel very bleak and disappointed.

    Tomorrow is another day, this isn’t the end of the world.

    I’m just upset I have spent 2 years and so much money creating this dream that never was.

    I’m tired.
     
    sissybblola likes this.
  2. chastitycuckold
    Offline

    chastitycuckold Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2008
    Messages:
    235
    Likes Received:
    20
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Occupation:
    whip Maker...Flogger Maker
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    5:26 PM
    For what it may or may not be worth to you, chastity is a long long road, we've been 24/7 Femdom for about 5 years now, chastity 24/7 about 3 years, all sounds simple huh?

    Nooooooo, it's took us 15 years to get where we are today, we wasted thousands on various chastity devices along the way, we had time out (vanilla) for months along the way to.....

    It'll all come right in the end if it's what you want....

    Have the day off, have a drink or whatever it is your into, see how you feel in the morning....don't give up you'll get there I'm sure:bigsmile:
     
  3. chastemaid
    Offline

    chastemaid Junior Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    99
    Likes Received:
    136
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Local Time:
    5:26 PM
    Please dont go Mistress, we all have bad days, i have been into this for years and now and then felt really guilty and almost thrown everything away, (clothes, toys, cages, thoughts as well) but then realised it is how i am and it wont change. Strive for what u believe in and it will be ok, You are lucky to have a relationship with pet that you can explore your feelings openly, i wish i could be slave to someone like you,

    love chastemaid xx:sad:
     
  4. Mistress Watchful
    Offline

    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Messages:
    5,259
    Likes Received:
    593
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Professional Dominatrix
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Basingstoke
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    5:26 PM
    I wouldn't *go* anywhere, I promise.

    I keep thinking I need time out... to reassess. I may just need to forget about chastity for a while and concentrate on training (myself and pet) and reading and learning.

    I think my frustration comes from my lack of control over pet. I want him to go learn....argh... I'm getting back into that vicious loop again of blame and anger.

    Nothing is simple... actually, nothing worth having is easy to come by.

    pet has booked a trip to a traditional holiday resort (Butlins... British tradition, very tacky, should be fun!) for baby and us to take a time out after my graduation next Friday. Hopefully we'll just veg out and do nothing for 3 days.
     
  5. sissysophie
    Offline

    sissysophie Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2008
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Local Time:
    4:26 PM
    Mistress I feel for your situation and can understand the frustration and disappointment.

    When Mistress started me on the chastity road, it was with a CB3000. Despite months and months of trying I never could manage more thatn 2 or 3 days. It caused sever soars.

    Finally Mistress decided to go for a proven and test method, the Neo-Steel belt. It took a while to be manufactured (but within the timeframe that Neo-Steel said) then took considerable time (Months) to be accustomed to wearing it. Now its just like wearing panties. It is a large investment, but I would recommend it. It might not be what you want to hear at the moment, but it is always worth it.

    I wish you all the best and hope that you can realise your desires. Enjoy Butlins!

     
  6. paulie slave
    Offline

    paulie slave Locked house husband

    Joined:
    May 23, 2008
    Messages:
    231
    Likes Received:
    202
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    House Husband
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Scotland
    Local Time:
    5:26 PM
    A time out sounds like an excellent idea. I'm sorry that the Lori hasn't worked out, I'd be distraught if I'd waited so long and anticipated the arrival of the CB then found it was wrong. Then again it's well worth waiting to see if you can get use out of it, and although it's not much commiseration to you the sizing issues you have pointed out will probably be of use to people ordering a Lori in the future.

    It's probably inappropriate of me but I do think from your posts I have read that you take on too much responsibility for making your Mistress/slave relationship work. In BDSM I believe submission is given not taken. Sorry if I am speaking inappropriately.
     
  7. newsub4a
    Offline

    newsub4a Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    349
    Likes Received:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    12:26 PM
    Exactly!

    Please remember Mistress Watchful that your submissive is still your partner and HE must be responsible for his role in the relationship.

    I should also point out that it is still a relationship and perhaps you might need to relax your expectations a bit, especially in these early stages.

    Consider this... if doing needle play for the first time would you really want to put an 18 gauge, 2 1/2 inch long needle through Charlotte's cock?!? You could, but what would you build up to? Would Charlotte ever want to do needle play with you again?

    IMHO BDSM relationships are the same way. Start easy and work into things. If something is not working, change it. Have fun with what you are doing, if it's not fun what's the sense of playing? Life has enough pleasantries, don't try to force one more on yourself!

    and above all... talk, talk, talk!
     
  8. dollyanne
    Offline

    dollyanne Sissy who loves pink frilly things!

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    1,427
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Dallas, TX
    Local Time:
    11:26 AM
    Sorry to hear this!

    Mistress Watchful,

    This has been one of dolly's concerns about getting an expensive chastity device requiring precise measurements and with a long lead time. It seems that too often, devices have to be sent back for "adjustment", or the buyer has to start over. Even when someone is measured at the "factory", so to speak, like at neosteel, mistakes in measurement are made.

    That said, it does seem that if someone has been in the business for so long, as has Lori, that little details like that 1/2 inch additional compensation would be well known and would be part of the measurement process. Also, while dolly is not a metal worker, wouldn't it be easier to remove metal rather than to add it?

    Dolly wishes you and charlotte the best, Mistress Watchful, and hopes that a 1/2 inch mistake doesn't kick You and charlotte out of the lifestyle or shut down the site. It's an important half inch, to be sure, but there may be some back up plan, or perhaps Lori will be persuaded to fix the problem once she understands Your concern and Your influence at this successful chastity site. Dolly feels that Lori should make this right for You and charlotte and would be quite disappointed if she doesn't. If she can't fix it, perhaps she could lend You something to use while waiting on the new device. Please keep us informed of the outcome as it could affect our future choices as well! And, have a great holiday!

    Curtsey,:kiss:

    dollyanne
     
  9. PuppyMastersPet
    Offline

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2008
    Messages:
    1,320
    Likes Received:
    130
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    5:26 PM
    A break is exactly what you need. Sometimes the lifestyle can hard and frustrating especialy when expectations aren't met of seem to be out of reach. Master and I have only been at the whole bdsm thing for 2 years and chastity for around 1 but we have learned a lot together. When it all gets too much we take a step back and after a few days we're soon missing playing and the roles that we each had.
    I've tried to switch quiet a few time when I've got demanding but it usualy only lasts a few hours and I'm back to wanting to submit.
    I'd say we're in a similar situation not really living the 24/7 lifestyle but when we are it's great, it makes us stronger and closer as a couple.
    It is nice to take a step back and be vanilla now and again but the lifestye can be so good it's worth working on.
    Anyone will know from reading my blog that I'm not always submissive but I'm working on it. If I orgasm it can take me days even weeks to become submissive again thats why I'm so eager to have my cock locked and to be trained even conditioned.

    Sorry if I've gone on a bit. This sites been great for both of us and would be a great shame to lose you as a lifestyler on the site.
     
  10. sissysophie
    Offline

    sissysophie Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2008
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Local Time:
    4:26 PM
    I feel it is important to that Lori makes good on your order.

    Anyone who has read my posts at chastitylifestyle will be aware that I experienced problems when my neo-steel arrived. This particular problem was not as a result of inaccurate measurements but rather my unique anatomy. Neo-steel had never experienced a similar problem in all the years they have been making chastity belts.

    After consultation they agreed to manufacture a new tube with dimensions that I suggested. I WAS NOT charged for this, only had to return the original tube.

    This told me that they respect the business and appreciate their customers. If we decide to purchase a new belt we will be returning to them.

    Having read this thread, I would never consider a Lori Device.
     
  11. Burger_01
    Offline

    Burger_01 Chastity Geek

    Joined:
    May 16, 2008
    Messages:
    660
    Likes Received:
    25
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Local Time:
    2:26 AM
    sympathetic ear

    N.B. The following is an opinion only, it in now way represents facts or the reasoning of a sane person.

    I think you might be over reacting. I did too when mine didn't fit.

    I think the lead time on the Lori allows you to propagate this dream that when it finally does arrive, everything is going to change instantly and you'll be this incredible dom and pet will be the most obedient sub ever and everything will be well. It's just a dream though..

    It's a bit like what happened when my wife and I got married. We'd been living together for a year, and sharing money completely for about 3 months. When we got married, we expected something big.. then when it was all over, we were disillusioned because we'd just spent all that money, gone through a heap of stress.. and were in exactly the same place!!

    Can't the lori be adjusted? Can't you send it back registered post so you'll be told if theres a problem reaching the PO BOX?

    Also, We don't hear enough from your pet. What's his excuse? You're mothering a bunch of children, you were going to uni and studying, you're working, you're learning about femdom, you respond to almost every post in here!.. what is pet doing all this time?
    It was clear from the moment I showed my Mistress the lori website, that it was my responsibility to get it organised, take measurements, etc.. Your pet should be making this happen if he truly wants it.

    I hope you get over this feeling soon, look forward to all the other great things that are happening around. I'm sure there are many, as good things tend to happen around good people.
     
  12. newsub4a
    Offline

    newsub4a Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    349
    Likes Received:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    12:26 PM
    Some great posts going here!

    Just curious Mistress Watchful, but have you contact Miss Lori about the measurement issue yet? She is supposed to be very easy to work with and most people have reported having to send their devices back in for adjustments. I am sure we all would all like to know if she is charging you for the adjustment or forcing you to buy a new device.

    I must also add that it seems as if you are having some serious bouts of depression. Please take care of yourself, sit back and re-evaluate the situation you are in. The most important person that you need to take care of is yourself!
     
  13. Mistress Michelle
    Offline

    Mistress Michelle Magical Mistress

    Joined:
    May 17, 2008
    Messages:
    1,908
    Likes Received:
    184
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Female
    Local Time:
    12:26 PM
    Come on now Mistress Watchfull, You know you just need a break and to calm down. I know you are upset, but I must tell You, it will get better! This lifestyle is a long term commitment and You know after being in it, that it dosent always work the way You think it should All the time. The Lori device problem sucks, but I do believe that can be worked out.
    Lots of things I could say here but I just mainly wanted You to know that I was thinking of You and wish I could help! Now...I have offered Your pet some cleaning counsling, I can help him get organized and started in the right direction with that if You wish, it would certainly make Your life alot easier! You let Me know if I can help, I'd be happy to if You would like that.
    Mistress Michelle
     
  14. Fred Norman
    Offline

    Fred Norman Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2008
    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Local Time:
    9:26 AM
    ((((((((hugs)))))))))
     
  15. SlaveBridget
    Offline

    SlaveBridget Cuckold Sissy Slave Bridget

    Joined:
    May 16, 2008
    Messages:
    95
    Likes Received:
    354
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Occupation:
    Technical Sales / Engineering
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Elk Grove, Ca.
    Local Time:
    9:26 AM
    Oh my god Mistress, I swear my mouth was hanging open when I read your first post! Then I saw your second one and realized (or hoped) that your initial comments were made in frustration and anger. You know I had come online tonight to post something about myself and things that have been happening lately but this is far more important.

    First, after reading all of the postings in reply to yours I realized that I guess I was pretty lucky with our choice of devices. I just picked the CB3000 and it fit but was snug, which was perfect. I know that the CB3000 is not the best device. God if I really wanted to get out of it I am sure I could but I do know that I could not get back in and since Mistress checks me when I come home after being out I would have a problem if I did let myself out. I think my point is that some people think you have to have an escape proof device to prove your chastity but to each his own (or her own). I dont want out of my device and have never tried so this device works for us.

    So the device you bought simply will not work at all? That just sucks! I am mad for you, truly.

    But what I dont understand is about your pet. Because his cock is not locked up he feels not under your control? I dont know him but that sounds to me like he is feeling sorry for himself. I just went through a full week without being locked up. It was one of the things I was going to write about. Mistress and her lover wanted me to show them that I can be trusted and since I have been trained so well I did not abuse the time I was out. I was very tempted because I was still teased and denied but at any time I could have cum if I wanted. You know what happened? I begged by weeks end to be locked back up again. It was too much pressure and it felt wrong after all this time being locked up.

    Your pet should feel the same and you should talk to him about this. Submission is not measured by a chastity device. The device may help to deliver that initial massage and train someone to be more submissive but it is not what defines submission. Submission comes from your heart, from your soul, from your passion, and from a place so deep inside that you dont even know where that place is. It comes from love and devotion.

    Mistress, I want to tell you this and I am as sincere as I can be when I say this. You are a Mistress. You desire to be a Mistress and you have tasted it. I can see it in your eyes and while I do not know you personally, I feel like I do because I know my Mistress and she is so much like you.

    So you know, we have had setbacks from time to time. I have been tempted to just say screw it and go back to what I was before...but I dont want that. It is not easy and just like a plain vanilla relationship, a D/s relationship has its ups and downs. The only difference is that the woman in a D/s relationship is always right...lol.

    Listen, you have to do what is right for you but I have read your words and gotten a peak into your heart and you are a Mistress and a Goddess. Please dont change or go away.
     
  16. Mistress Watchful
    Offline

    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Messages:
    5,259
    Likes Received:
    593
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Professional Dominatrix
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Basingstoke
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    5:26 PM
    OMG... so much to reply to and I have to be out of the door!

    Burger... pet does a heck of a lot more than I make out he does, honestly! I also try to remember he is 12 years behind me and one day suddenly became a father of 3 pre-teens and then had a child of his own, no gradual introduction like most of us.

    Ms Michelle... I saw your post to pet (I will comment more on his blog through my blog later) and thank you so much. I agree, this is a minor set back in the long term and we both have a lot of learning to do before we can move on.

    Bridget... thank you so much for posting. I know what you mean about this "feeling" and urges to serve and I too feel that's what he should have inside naturally. I could make excuses for him all day long, but his mind works the same as mine, he will beat himself up over not being perfect and blame himself, and I think this hinders his progress.

    I really have to dash... I have to go to Uni and find out what my Degree classification is. Updates later.
     
  17. mikecb
    Offline

    mikecb Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2008
    Messages:
    1,488
    Likes Received:
    85
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Local Time:
    12:26 PM
    Mistress Watchful,

    I think "journey" is the right word for what we all go through. Journeys are rarely easy, and often have setbacks. A break is a fine thing if you're frustrated. It helped me understand something. I took a break after my first PA setback. I TRIED to get my mindset in a more 'vanilla' mode, since it would make things easier with my wife. The result was more frustration. That was actually my epiphany.

    We are what we are, deep inside. I think the only thing more frustrating than the setbacks I've had, was when I tried to walk away from what I am. That's why I ended up making my five year plan. It's really just an level-setting with myself that there WILL be setbacks and frustrations, and that I want to just expect that, and be tenacious.

    The only thing worse than not living your dream, is giving up on it.

    Peace and good luck!
    mikecb
     
  18. Loris1
    Offline

    Loris1 Junior Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2008
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Local Time:
    4:26 PM
    Set you a pm my best wishes to you both

    Loris
     
  19. Mistress Watchful
    Offline

    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Messages:
    5,259
    Likes Received:
    593
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Professional Dominatrix
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Basingstoke
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    5:26 PM
    Thanks guys

    Part of me really feels I need not to over-react to these things when they happen, sometimes the next day I feel so stupid for posting how I feel... then I realise, if someone else had posted that they had these feelings, I wouldn't think of myself as such a disaster area!

    There have been more developments today regarding the whole situation... especially cuckolding and our realisation that chastity IS the way we want to go, and with respect to the rest of our lives, another 6 months to get the right device is nothing! (mike.. you have a lot to do with my mindset on that one, thank you)

    Loris, I will go doublecheck for your pm. :smile:
     
  20. Catoris_CD_jamie
    Offline

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2008
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Local Time:
    10:26 AM
    Mistress Watchful,

    I feel for your frustration. I know a lot of Dominants pride themselves in their ability to take charge and lead a situation. When the situation is out of their control, they feel like they are failing as leaders. Leading is difficult enough when you have the proper tools and support. I definitely don't envy you.

    Best wishes,

    ~*jamie*~

    P.S. The Chastity Mansion is one of my favorite forums. You have done a fantastic job building it and making it grow. It is much more than a dream. It is an inspiration.
     
  21. Mistress Watchful
    Offline

    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Messages:
    5,259
    Likes Received:
    593
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Professional Dominatrix
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Basingstoke
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    5:26 PM
    EXACTLY!!!! :bigsmile: I think I need to learn the ability to say "this was BEYOND my control" and let some things lie...

    Thank you for your comments on the site, we love it to pieces. :angel:
     
  22. maid katrin
    Offline

    maid katrin chaste sissy maid

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    1,530
    Likes Received:
    15
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    5:26 PM
    Dear Mistress Watchful,

    i felt so sorry when reading Your post and not even having the time to write and help to ease Your frustration and disappointment. Never mind, there were so many others who did so my silly two pence weren't really needed.

    How many times in life when things go wrong we feel shattered to pieces and think about stopping and going into a different direction. However, there's always another day to give things a new try.

    I was quite amused when i read You consider going back to vanilla. Good joke, Ma'am. Once You have tasted the "forbidden fruits" You can't get rid of them any more :smile: ...

    My best wishes and a big hug

    ... and of course a deep curtsey

    maid katrin
     
  23. MistressAyden
    Offline

    MistressAyden Junior Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2008
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Local Time:
    9:26 AM
    Mistress watchful,

    I understand how you feel it can all be a bit overwhelming when things don't go the way they were supposed to. It has taken me and Aydensboy over 10 years to get to this point, a full year to have him actually in his belt for more then 1-2 days at a time.. and so many many heartbreaking disappointments, belts not working, his escaping all of it enough to make this Mistress lose her head more then once and really almost put her heart out of the lifestyle.. a few months off and ready to go again it seems. Perhaps the best thing to do is give permission to take a break deal with mom hood, wife hood and all that goes on in ones life and get back to the lifestyle when your head and heart are aligned once more.

    Also.. not sure if it's feasible really look at neosteel. best thing happened once it was in our hands, the right size after pet messed up the sizing the first time.
     
  24. Mistress Watchful
    Offline

    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Messages:
    5,259
    Likes Received:
    593
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Professional Dominatrix
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Basingstoke
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    5:26 PM
    Thank you Mistress Ayden. :angel:

    I'm so pleased to learn that other's have the same problems.

    One thing I'm seeing is that people are stating 10 years or so to settle fully into the lifestyle. That really pleases me, because it makes me feel that this isn't just a *natural* thing that happens to people, it is something that is worked on, and practiced and perfected over time.

    Life is much better now that pet is temporarily in the CB6000, and we are going ahead with the Lori adjustment/replacement, but I do think we may end up looking at Neosteel in 3 or so years time.

    Thank you everyone for your thoughts.
     
  25. newsub4a
    Offline

    newsub4a Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    349
    Likes Received:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    12:26 PM
    Just curious what the charge might be for her to modify the size for you. Goddess and i have been debating about a Lori tube for a long time now.
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice