Is it topping form the bottom if......

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by blebo, Nov 21, 2022.

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  1. lockedforfun
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    lockedforfun Long term member

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    For crying out loud, everybody stop worrying about "topping from the bottom." How the heck can anyone ever communicate if they get told to stop "topping from the bottom" whenever they say what they think?

    Tell her she's in charge but don't hesitate to let her know what you want. She agreed to this because she wants to make you happy, don't make her guess what that will be. Let her know what will do that, and as she gets more comfortable, she'll need fewer ideas. Just be sensible about it and let it progress at her pace.
     
  2. Isurendertomywife
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    Isurendertomywife New member

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    I think communication is important, but I have myself indulged in topping from the bottom during our exploratory phase and while it's good for role-playing, it makes things unsustainable. Slowly learning to communicate without suggesting/leading. But it's important to be in the same page with your partner.
     
  3. Jay Sub
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    Jay Sub Long term member

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    Yhe act of locking up your cock and handing her the key, for 99% of us, was the ultimate topping from the bottom. We wouldn't be where we are now without a certain degree of it. Not all partners take to it naturally, but still enjoy the benefits. I guess it is where it is coming from that matters. Is your topping coming from the heart or your dick? We went into chastity, perhaps for honorable reasons, I did, but there are still times when the old selfish dick centric me tries to get a say. It is his voice that needs quietening. When topping from the heart it is about empowering her, and giving her reassurance that taking yours is OK.
     
  4. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Hi, @blebo ,
    I wasn't going to step in because of the heated debate about topping from the bottom, but in reading through all the posts I saw some really great arguments for both sides. Truly. I found myself nodding to one side, then the opposing view. They are both right. Let me tell you what I might suggest from just one narrow view:

    Ask her. She has agreed to try FLR so ask her what she likes about the idea. Is it controlling sex? Control in general? Is it just to make you happy and she is not sure about what she wants yet? Does she have a fantasy of having you as a slave? Maid? Other? How much does she want you talking about it?

    I would suggest maybe agreeing to some pillow talk, 15 minutes before bed? X days per week? Whatever works for both of you. Your goal should be to get her talking or at least answering enough yesses and no's that you can give her options/ideas that might appeal to her. Make it clear that she is free to move at her own pace and you are only trying to help her. I DO think it is okay to tell her things you like, or that turn you on, but in a loving/supportive way. And of course stop immediately if she has had enough, take it slow. You've been on here many years longer than I and must have seen some good advice by now - just try to forget the other 80% you have read that is either fantasy or bragging, LOL.

    Hope it goes well!
     
  5. Caged for life
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    Caged for life Long term member

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    Apparently I have always led a female led relationship for the last 33 years my wife has controlled the finances and pretty much everything else lol, now she controls my orgasms
     
  6. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Long term member

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    This is a solid point. We’ve all been there.
    I realistically think the time to stop directing her is the day she tells you to enter the cage. She should have in her mind by then how that will go, any thing else she will probably learn as she goes along.
     
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  7. MissyB
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    MissyB Long term member

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    These kind of threads always amuse me. The OP puts something up, gets lots of responses, sparking a good discussion, and lots of advice. But never shows again - doesn't contribute to the thread, doesn't respond to the suggestions, or opinions. Just goes on with their day. Hopefully the thread will be useful to someone with a similar situation or at least provide Fap material.
     
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  8. HusbandInTraining
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    HusbandInTraining Active member

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    Please share, how do you feel now about your situation as it stands? How is the 'way more than you bargained for' part working for you? I'm already pretty far into territory I could've only imagined, and I'm both frightened and excited. But still I want more. But do I really?
     
  9. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Long term member

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    Well, if you want my story it starts here and continues after a brief gap here .

    As for your questions, how do I feel about my situation now?
    On the whole I wouldn’t change it at all.
    I think there’s two sides to chastity. The sexual side and the emotional/relationship side. I’ve always been adventurous sexually, there pretty much isn’t anything in the world I haven’t tried to some extent. I’m of the opinion you won’t know how you feel about it until you’ve tried it. I have, however, always been more submissive in my desires and I’ve always wanted a partner that would do these things for me without really needing for me to push them. I may have pushed chastity onto her to some extent but as she has took it and run with it herself it’s felt so much better for me. I get my submissive desires catered to, not just in the bedroom but out of it too. Any sexual actions that take place are under her command and that’s exactly what I want… and frankly as you lose the control the need for the more extreme become less.
    I was looking for a dildo and someone else on here said that through chastity their use of larger dildos has decreased. That’s the same for me. Through denial, you’re actually more open to the real pleasures your body can experience. That’s something I didn’t expect.
    I would say I’ve learnt more about myself sexually in the last 6 months than ever before.

    Overall, when I look at the relationship/emotional side I’d have to say that’s improved through chastity too. I say that as we only continue this because she has decided 100% that I am better for her this way. The hormonal affects are real. You can genuinely become someone very much different (not different, that’s not right)… better suited as a partner perhaps.

    Obviously, all these benefits for me come with the loss of a full orgasm. That is entirely her choice. I could request, or push or suggest that they should take place…. but our journey worked on the basis that she took full control. I wouldn’t now do anything to counter act that. Basically, I may be a better husband this way and our relationship has improved… but what isn’t said so often that through her changes, acceptance and taking full control of this lifestyle she has become a better wife for me.

    Way more than I bargained for?
    Most of what I got ‘way more’ of was unexpected and is beneficial. I genuinely never realised it was more than a kink until I lived it. There’s so much more.
    Way more denial yes. Is that manageable? Yes. At times only just, other times it’s barely even a problem. The built up tension ebbs and flows and contrary to what I initially thought, the sexual relief actually makes things worse. You crave more. You body needs more. Periods of inactivity are easier to manage… but would I be happy if we were completely sexually inactive? Absolutely not. I LOVE the frustrations!

    Do you really want more?
    I don’t know where you currently sit in the spectrum of denial… but I can assure you, the more you are denied. The more you’ll crave denial.
     
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  10. HusbandInTraining
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    HusbandInTraining Active member

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    @IB-Chaste Thank you so much for your detailed response. I'm glad to hear it is all working so well for you.
     
    IB-Chaste likes this.
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