Is it possible to be respected by a woman while still liking chastity?

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Fulvia600, Jul 17, 2017.

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  1. Fulvia600
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    Fulvia600 Member

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    So here's something I'm wondering. Is it possible to have a healthy, long term relationship with a woman and still be into this fetish? Or into any other BDSM-esque fetish where the guy is the submissive one? I've tried vanilla sex. It's okay, amazing at times but by nature I prefer weirder, alternative things in life.

    I can't shake this idea in my head that deep down a woman will look down on a guy who is submissive. Even if he commands respect in other aspects of his life (social circle, work, etc), as soon as he likes her to be in control sexually it's like he is half a man.

    I don't think of myself as less of a man though. Physically I'm pretty decent. Tall enough, well built from gym, 6" dick, assertive personality. I read some posts from some others here and I don't relate fully to this stereotype I'm seeing... fat, older guys with small dicks who are meek and quieter... or am I being ignorant? I don't know.

    It just seems to me that... it's hard to find someone that can look you in the eye with respect and love but also be basically in control sexually, including using chastity devices.

    Am I right or am I talking out my ass here? No disrespect to the community either.
     
  2. L-u-c-y
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    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

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    I don't see submissive males as half a man. I see the ones who really want to please and serve a woman, as gentlemen.
     
  3. Mistress Jules
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    Mistress Jules Professional Dominatrix and Owner of Lockit
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    You seem to think that someone needs to be in control sexually and if it is the woman then the man is less. This is outdated, making love is supposed to be for mutual enjoyment. I for one would be happy to think that more men paid attention to a woman's needs sexually and that they enjoyed each others desires.

    A woman being in control sexually doesn't make a man less, it makes him someone very special who puts his lady's needs before his own.
     
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  4. thefemdecided
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    thefemdecided Long term member

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    I love and respect my husband. If I didn't, I wouldn't be with him.
     
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  5. Fulvia600
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    Fulvia600 Member

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    Thanks everyone for the answers. Perhaps this is more of an issue in my own head that I need to fix.

    Thanks especially to you since being a dominatrix/mistress I guess you know quite a bit about male sexuality. I will try to read and learn more.
     
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  6. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    I can understand why you might think that a submissive man would be seen as less of a man, as this has often been the way such men are portrayed by the popular media. The henpecked husband, forever being bossed around by his overbearing wife, a man only worthy of our contempt and maybe pity. It's not helped by the way submissive males are portrayed in the awful Tumblr femdom porn, where humiliation and degradation seem to be hugely popular.

    It isn't my reality though. My chastity and our growing understanding of what it means for me to be submissive has made my Wife Elle express her love and admiration for me more than she has done in a very long time. Sometimes she can hardly contain herself with the love she feels.

    As long as I continue to use my initiative, stand on my own two feet and not expect her to make every single decision she will continue to respect me.
     
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  7. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I would never downplay my kh's role, or minimize the effort or the responsibility she chose to bear, but she also realizes the effort and sacrifice I put in as well.

    How easy to gratify yourself whenever you please, have sex how and when you would like, your needs coming first. Pretty darn easy. There is freedom with giving control, it's also requires mental toughness and willpower. Hard.

    She has the utmost respect, not only for me as a person (views, intelligence, experience, and character), but respect for me as a man. To give something up for someone, to admit some shortcomings so that her needs are met before my own...priceless, and of course she respects me as a man. A giver and not a taker, and someone she can rely on.

    Hope that helps.
     
  8. Alceste
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    Alceste Chaste Member

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    Obviously I am commenting from the male side, but in my experience, yes. Several women know about my device, and how I wear it all of the time, and there is no evidence that they think less of me because of it. My key holder certainly does not.

    Is it possible to find people in the world who would think it is completely ridiculous? Absolutely. That is part of being human. It is aways possible to find someone who thinks that your interests or behavior are out of order, and downright nuts.
     
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  9. Ashley777
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    Ashley777 Active member

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    This seems like a good question I bet other men may be asking themselves as well. I am no expert and obviously, each of us will have our own take on this.

    Once I personally began to understand male chastity, I found him to be MORE of a man for doing this for me. It's all fun and games at first. But once he gets horny and doesn't get his way with me, he discovers that he cannot sneak off and play with himself either... That's when things start to get real for him. The idea that he would surrender 100% to me makes me feel loved and wanted. It's a human need most women have. Once I understood the temptation for men to masturbate and how powerful pornography is I looked at it like I was doing my hubby a favor.

    Hopefully you can see how this can make you MORE of a man, not less of a man for giving up control like this.

    Best of luck finding that someone special who can appreciate that you would be willing to do this for her.
     
  10. salonslave
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    salonslave I play for a living and work for fun.

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    I think women realize that the stronger the man in public life, the more he must submit to someone for balance.
    Women know, believe me!
     
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  11. Chat408
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    Chat408 Owl always love you
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    As a keyholder who has been a long term relationship with My Darling for 34 years, we started chastity about 3 or 4 years ago. I do not look down on him at all and in fact it has made me appreciate him more. He is not feminine, he is very much a man who is in charge of his life, just not our sex life. I am in charge of that now. Our relationship was a very vanilla relationship, and I have been more submissive in the past. What changed was after doing things his way all of our married life, we decided I should take control after stumbling on a chastity devise I thought looked nice. Not knowing a bit about chastity allowed us to explore what we each wanted. Now we live much of our life the same except he is more social than he has ever been and I reap the benefit of multiple orgasms whenever I want. He is locked when I say, and not when I want. I have always loved him and for some reason chastity has deepened that love. If you truly want to have a chaste relationship then you must forget about your wants and focus on her. This will allow your love for each other to deepen and besides all that it is fun. So in answer to your question, you are talking out your ass. By the way, My Darling is very well built, normal penis and assertive in all other aspects. Talk to her and enjoy the ride
     
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  12. Zoepee
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    Zoepee Member

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    Ladies either get it or they don't. Be open and honest.
     
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  13. Vinny
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    Vinny Locked up again. Starting year 6.

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    My wife not only respect me but loves me. Chastity is just our sex life. I am still man of the house and that is at my wife's insistence. She has told me that she married me because I am an alpha male that makes her feel safe and secure. She does not want me to be submissive. Hates that.

    Our girlfriend would whip, punch, kick, cane, choke me. Sometimes my wife would join in. However once outside of the bedroom, both ladies looked to me to make the decisions and plans most time. I think our girlfriend respected me since she was with me for 30 years. You can still respect someone regardless of what you do in bed.
     
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  14. Fulvia600
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    Fulvia600 Member

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    Agreed fully. I have a tumblr I use exclusively for porn (not addicted but hey I'm a young guy) and I hate how they make the guys out to be these pathetic losers lower than dirt. I prefer domination but with respect. That humiliation stuff ruins it.

    Then you're really lucky in my perspective. All my life I've wanted someone to be open with.

    Thanks!

    And to everyone else, thanks for your messages. I read them all.
     
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  15. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Locked today, tomorrow, forever

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    @Fulvia600 you raised an interesting question. What defines a Man? I'm 55 years old and have Been with my wife for 37 years. Their is nothing I wouldn't do for her. If a situation arose that I would have to give my life for her I would. She means more to me than life itself,and that makes me less of a man , I don't think so. In society a so called normal man doesn't put her feelings above his own, most people think about them selves and what they want more than their spouses. In society a man has more Orgasms than his wife through sex and Masturbation and feels that this is alright. I know I was one of those types, since I've given her control over my orgasms and pleasures our relationship has gotten even stronger many of our friends who don't know about me being locked up are envious over how a treat my Wife and would love for their husbands to take a few lessons in what a women wants. My wife and I joke about this constantly' there's a man that needs a spanking or needs to be locked up for a while. A man is not defined by physical size, he is defined by how he cares for and looks after his wife and her needs ,that's my Opinion anyway.
     
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  16. steviepie
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    steviepie inferior and unworthy male

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    Thank you for this lovely sentiment.
     
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  17. Shepherdsflock
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    Shepherdsflock Long term member

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    My wife respects MORE for my chastity. But, we are atypical of the average couple.

    As for being meek, that's just a stereotype that I don't believe is accurate. I am not meek or submissive.
     
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  18. Ashley777
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    Ashley777 Active member

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    Some wonderful discussion on this topic. I fall in line with much of what chat408 and others have said. I love my hubby being in control of everything in our life except the sex. I just want to control the sex by locking that sexy organ between his legs up. I want him to be a man and take charge of things. Our day to day life is no different with or without it. He is a hard working, socially strong, successful and sexy man. The device does not change any of that. It just makes sure he doesn't sneak off when he gets weak to masturbate. When that happens he is not as attentive to me and he knows it. I love him so much for being willing to give me this gift.

    In addition, I have been very attentive to his desires and fantasies. I know what turns him on and I use it on him. I reward him from time to time with those things. He says it makes it more challenging but more fun to remain the chastity device. He thinks about those things I do that he likes when he is locked up and his inability to play with himself keeps him aroused for me as he anticipates the next time I will do them to him. I love all the attention I get from him trying to get me to let him out.

    Also, I would never get this much oral sex if that thing were not locked on him. <poor thing>

    You are not less of a man for enduring a male chastity device, you are more of a man in my and what seems to be many others on here opinion.
     
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  19. jack-ie
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    jack-ie Member

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    Although My Lady never placed me in chastity, She was clearly in charge of the relationship (20 yr. marriage). She insisted on panties 24/7, I was always in some degree of Fem when in our home, sometimes fully Feminized. Her whims were to be satisfied on demand, Her rules followed.
    She acknowledged and understood the power that Her sexuality bestowed upon Her and She reigned with understanding, kindness, and passion.
    I might add respect. There was a mutual respect between us, I believe because there was complete honesty. I fit naturally into my role in Her life and She did not think less of me for it.
     
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  20. sissybitch
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    sissybitch Long term member

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    Hello @Fulvia600 I can understand your thinking and see why you think this way , but personally I think it is totally the opposite , physical appearance and sexual preference don't really make a man , to me there are many other qualities needed , loyalty, honesty, integrity, compassion , empathy sympathy and selflessness are but a few that are needed and far outweigh physical appearance or sexual preference . so a submissive man is showing a lady he possesses these other qualities and does not need to rely on a " stereotypical macho image" to get by and has far more to offer and therefore is more of a man not less and is worthy of love and respect and can using these qualities put the needs of his lady first and before his own , so in my opinion put aside your doubts a submissive man in most cases is more of a true man than most so called " normal men could ever aspire to be
     
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  21. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    Yes, you are, but it appears that in reading other thoughts in this thread you are expanding your horizons. Let me ask you can both gay men in a relationship be a real man? Your question seems to define "the man" as being in control or thought of as being "half a man". So if it's only men in the relationship are they both half a man or just one of them? Some people can switch between dominant and submissive. Do they go back and forth between half and full? Or are they just 75% men? Bottom line is that what is done between two (or more) consenting adults is 100% OK. Getting hung up on labels is pretty pointless. There are a wide range of lifestyles here in the mansion and quite a few people in healthy loving and respectful relationships with a wife or SO.
     
  22. CaptainLance
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    CaptainLance Member

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    Absolutely, especially when it was her idea in the first place!
     
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  23. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    Smart keyholder, turning up the heat, keeping him focused.
     
  24. Arti_Rao
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    Arti_Rao Long term member

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    I would say further a man who is either cuckolded or chastised or bith are more confident as man who can take this up and succeed
     
  25. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Long term member

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    Or, you know, they are suffering from Stockholm Syndrome like most people in an abusive relationship.
     
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