Is chastity a sex game to you?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Ikneelbeforeher, May 23, 2017.

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  1. Ikneelbeforeher
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    Ikneelbeforeher Active member

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    I see some posts here where men say they are not submissive and I wonder if it's just a game to them. I could imagine in 6 months or a year they will be bored with chastity and switch and want to be the dominant one for a change, for a different kind of sex game.

    For others (like me) being submissive is not a fetish, it's a way of life. I could never be dominant to a woman. I have been in the army and police force, I am a dominant man with other men, but I will always serve my Goddess.

    It's not wrong to see it as a sex game, I'm just curious to know if others have thought this.
     
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  2. lockedbman
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    lockedbman Active member

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    Its both to us.

    I'm very type A, but when it come to my love. She holds all the cards (or keys).

    She has an important job, pays all the bills. Basically in charge of the money, unless I go on a spending spree...

    I have a very flexible job. I cook more than she does, I clean the kitchen the most, do the laundry......

    We see each other as equals, but sexually. I feel the need to serve her. She keeps me locked up so I'm a good boy. All is good.
     
  3. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    It started out not as a sex game...but only concerning sex. I told her about being sexually submissive and wanting to give up control of that part of my life to her and gave her the keys.

    It changed over the course of time to what she wanted more. She wanted more outside the bedroom changes. Wasn't really what I had in mind. I do know that making someone happy, especially someone that has immersed themselves into being in control for you, means that I do things that she wishes too. And that happiness that I see in her face is worth it to me.

    So it started out as a kink she was indulging me with, to a lifestyle that suits her needs, while still giving me what I had asked for.
     
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  4. Vinny
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    Vinny Locked up again. Starting year 6.

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    We have treated all of our sexual fetishes for the 44 years of our marriage as sex games. We have flowed into and out of them as the mood struck us. They have not bled over into our non sex life. I was in a heavy duty S&M sex relationship with the other woman in our poly triad. She would whip me until I bled and yet outside of the bedroom, I was the dominant one in the poly triad. If I were submissive, my wife would not have shared me with other women or tried every fetish in asked her to.

    Sex is a very important part of a relationship but time wise, takes up a very small part of it. BDSM and similar games are great stress relievers and are often practiced by men who have high stress jobs. I have been into BDSM for 47 years and belonged to a now defunct club in NYC many decades ago. Up to 7 years ago, my wife's girlfriend sexually dominated me but that domination ended at the bedroom door.

    To us, fetish play is exactly that, play. I do know that there are true masochist but most of us are just sexually masochist. My PDoc told me that BDSM is often the refuge of the depressed. It is an activity that demands all of your attention and therefore all the problems in life disappear. I can assure you that being whipped does not allow you to think about your job or home life. Once I was treated for Depression, my desire for BDSM all but went away.

    However, we have tried all the fetishes found on Fetlife.com. Even those were sex games to us. There is a fine line between a sexual fetish and psychological need. Never met anyone who wanted to be a slave 24/7 although I know that some exists. You would not meet them outside of the BDSM community. They would stick out like a sore thumb at a bar or wedding reception wearing a latex suit. :) I suspect that most who claim to live their fantasy full time are doing so online only because real life does not allow you to do so in most cases.

    While sexual fetishes may be my sexual preferences, they are not my lifestyle. Chastity presented us with a problem though since I am locked up even when not engaged in sexual activity. We found it difficult at first to work chastity into our marriage and have it not interfere with our non sexual lifestyle. I think we have successfully done so in the last 4 years. My wife determines when I get to orgasm. That is it. She does not care if I am locked up or not. I choose to be locked up because it makes me more sexually aroused and like a wedding ring, is a symbol of my promise to never masturbate. I rarely wear it when we socialize or engage in outdoor activities. We are very practical about me being locked up. I work from home so it is easy for me to stay locked. It is not uncomfortable for me and I can simply tell my wife that I want to be unlocked and she would give me the key. I am not her prisoner. I am her husband first and foremost.

    When we were into watersports, my wife and girlfriend did not go around peeing on me all day long. Only during time we set aside for sex play. I did not wear a butt plug outside of the bedroom nor did I wear nipple clips under my clothes. All of the others we played with in and out of the BDSM community were the same. You could see one guy suited up in leather from head to do with only a breathing hole in his hood. He was treated as a slave and obeyed his mistress. Yet when we visited them socially, they were just like every other married couple we met.

    I would question myself if I wanted to be a slave to anyone 24/7. For me, that would cross the line between sexual play and a psychological need to be treated badly. In fact, I did have a need for S&M due to untreated depression and yet, did not let it spill out into my non sexual life. So, to me and all that I have every played with over the last almost 5 decades it is a game. Even pro mistresses stop being mistresses when work is over. There are a good number of dominant mistresses who like to be sexually dominated outside of work or the bedroom. Online everyone appoints themselves as a mistress if they sexually dominate their husband or any man. My wife hates to be called a Mistress because she only dominates me during sex. In fact, no woman has ever dominated me. I have chose to submit sexually to them for the purposes of sex play.
     
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  5. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    It isn't a sex game for us, it didn't start that way and has become much more than that. It is fun though, and that is one of my Wife's main rules. Her point is that if it wasn't fun she wouldn't want to do it. That is why her rules are so simple. They are easy to follow, if I don't follow them then her punishment would be to quit. I don't want that, so I keep to the rules.
     
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  6. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    Its a game to me but a lifestyle game. I love being locked and denied by and for the right person. I am not naturally submissive out of the bedroom at all unless we have the place to ourselves and are playing. Some of the best times I've enjoyed is with me locked and denied but taking a very dominant role.

    Id say in earnest that I don't think I could really pigeon-hole our roles or behaviour,
     
  7. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    Started as a game, but became quite a bit more. I struggle to understand it myself at times, but I am a submissive to my wife who is growing in strength and confidence in her domination.
     
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  8. sissybitch
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    sissybitch Long term member

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    Definitely not a game, more an extension of my mistresses control of me , I have been caged 24/7 for several years now and love the fact that she controls when ,how and if I orgasm , release for me is now mostly from being milked, along with sometimes a ruined orgasm , full orgasms are very few the last being about 4 months ago , I have got used to this now and don't really like being given a full orgasm and the drop which follows it ,much preferring to be edged and denied which leaves me feeling even more submissive and wanting her control , so maybe a way of life but certainly no game
     
  9. jshackleton2016
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    jshackleton2016 Long term member

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    Chastity started as a method for me to share more of my sexuality and fetishes with my wife, verses experimenting on my own. It has evolved into a FLR, which was a foreign term to us when we began. She loves the control. I love the feelings of devotion that come from being denied. We call it a game. We both know it is more.
     
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  10. Xtudo3002
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    Xtudo3002 Xall

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    More like a game, definitely not a lifestyle, but surely having so much fun of it as it lasts.
     
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  11. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    You're us!
     
  12. mwsubmissy
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    mwsubmissy Active member

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    Chastity for us started is a way to stop me from playing myself and be true to her. After she saw the benefits on chastity on our marriage and how good she liked being control, i was given one last decision to make. I want it so much that I did not even ask what if I did not want to continue this way. Now it's our way of life and we could not be happier. I was so happy that she brought it and was serious about being in control from then on. I said yes before listening to the condition. I would never in a million years though this very conservative lady with a strong objection to piercing beside 1 hole in each era for her and tattoo's would have me at the tattoo place the next day. So i now have a new wedding ring which is the cage and a tattoo which are my vows. No matter how you start if it keeps going and growing it is no longer a game.
     
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  13. Aoilioa
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    Aoilioa Active member

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    Currently only a sex game. Not ready to give over control concerning other parts of life. Probably wouldn't work for us as she naturally let's me put up with basically all the decisions.
     
  14. nvrsaynvr63
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    nvrsaynvr63 Long term member

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    I would say it's both a lifestyle as well as a game for us. It certainly started as a kinky game, but it turned into a lifestyle pretty quick. While we're not in a FLR, she has full control over sex and my orgasms. We have a lot of fun with it, but it's much more than a sex game.
     
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  15. JiL
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    JiL servitude4u

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    It did not start out as a game and still is not a game. Told my Bride the first months I knew her that I really wanted a dominant woman in my life, especially sexually. It started out as a way to help deal with certain issues for me and as a way for us to become closer and happier. That's not to say that this hasn't provided an opportunity to experiment sexually and socially with things that we had never done before, but that still doesn't qualify it as a game to me. I am working hard to make as much as possible in life a reality inside as much as outside of the bedroom, and very little of that is a game at this point. And that's not to say that the journey so far hasn't been some fun, laughed about here and there, or really enjoyable.(mostly) It has been a learning experience personally as well. Showed me I was and still am capable of more as a person, and that still is no game to me. I wouldn't mind a little more of the game play aspect of it all, for better or worse, but she has little time or interest for that kind of thing right now. Maybe when things slow down a bit in the years to come, that aspect of it can evolve.
     
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  16. keephimcaged
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    Verified Female

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    Yes, that's similar to us I think. We still take breaks from it every so often but chastity play is now a major part of our sex life. I really don't want an FLR though (seriously, I have quite enough to do!) so we're in a very happy place where it's revitalised our sex life and created a new, kinky, intimacy between us.
    Hubby is generally quite dominant though, the caging tames that at times but at other times makes it worse, which is fun!
     
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  17. mch2323
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    mch2323 A lost sub in Florida

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    Yes it a game between me and wife/mistress if she wants it on then I put it on at her command. She owns my cock and makes the rules.
     
  18. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    The only thing I would say about not wanting an FLR as you have enough to do already is that being in an FLR does not mean more work for the woman, at least not if it is one in which the sub is expected to use their own initiative. You can have a relationship in which the Domme is the dictator, and the sub not allowed to think for themselves, they have to follow commands, but you don't have to. It is absolutely not what my Wife wants. If there is something that needs doing then she expects me to get on and do it, not wait to be told.

    Our FLR has acknowledged the fact that she is ultimately in charge. I have explained to her how I to have this to accept that she has the right to the control of my orgasms. If she wasn't in charge I would feel I could have an orgasm whenever I wanted. Accepting that she has the right has helped her both relax into the role of being my Keyholder Mistress and to enjoy the role more as well.

    The development of our use of my chastity and the development of our FLR are inextricably linked. This is also why the use of chastity isn't a game for us.
     
  19. keephimcaged
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    Hiya Jas! (Sorry I've been so absent, been too busy having fun :p ), I guess it's not really about more work, I was being facetious. It's just not how I'm wired, my default position is, and I think always will be, to want him to be the dominant partner, to be the final one to make decisions, etc. That's just how we both work and I honestly think it's how a lot of women naturally are, and part of the problem for a lot of guys into chastity is you're having to fight against that natural programming.
    But I hope this isn't discouraging, it should be an encouragement, because DESPITE that, we are having so much fun exploring chastity. In bed I'm regularly the 'top' now. We've seen genuine behaviour change in him, sexually and socially, in ways I love (loads of oral sex and doing more around the house being the basic ones). And most of all we are having so much kinky fun sex, it's bordering on exhausting! (So then he just gets locked up and told I'm tired, woo hoo, I love this!)
    I had a guy write to me on the blog this week complaining he doesn't think chastity would do him any good in his sexless marriage, and I was able to reply we've had sex (of some kind) 18 times in the last 14 days - this is NOT normal for couples married 15 years with 2 kids, it's extraordinary, and chastity has been the key to unlock it. At the worst points in the new parents phase we were lucky if we managed once a month!
    What that guy needed actually, was chastity as a game, as a fun little thing he could introduce to his wife in a non-threatening way - starting with exploring just denial, then if that goes well, suggesting a cage 'as a laugh' then as the woman SEEs the real life impact you can start to gently take it further.
    But even deeper than the sex is something every relationship can benefit from, and that's the intimacy it brings. And as that develops, and the openness that talking about things like this grows, then whatever your deeper desires are, it becomes safe to start to carefully discuss them and who can tell what that will bring about.

    Jane xxx
     
  20. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    I see it as when one has a partner it is a sex game that obviously has the major role when it comes to sex-life but the spill over into daily life rather depends upon the dynamic of the relationship. Which in turn depends upon the individuals within the couple and how they are most comfortable interacting within that relationship.

    Yes being locked and denied does make me more attentive .. it just does, it is for me a good thing and hopefully for her too.. obviously I am horny all the time which again obviously makes a difference. I can not help but be completely unselfish when making love, well not completely unselfish though as one of my biggest turn-ons is my partners orgasms the more the better.

    I can see though how if the dynamic of the relationship involves power exchange then obviously the impact upon lifestyle is dependent upon the degree of power exchange.

    On balance it is something more than a game but the relationship should stand on its own in that its validity is not and should not be dependent upon participation in the game.
     
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  21. markp
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    markp Member

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    It was me who introduced chastity around a year ago, mainly for practical reasons. I have the opposite of premature ejaculation; sorry if it sounds like I'm bragging, but I can go all night without cumming. ... but my wife likes me to climax a little quicker! Add to that a bit of a masturbating problem, and I thought a chastity device may be the answer.

    It seems to have done the trick, as after a couple of days locked up I can cum pretty much to order, which my wife enjoys much more. She's also growing in to the keyholder side of things lately - she's on holiday with the granddaughters and our youngest daughter for a week without me in a couple of weeks time, and plans to take the keys with her (leaving a hidden emergency key that I can call her up for if needed. I also have a dremmel! ). The mere mention of her leaving me locked up for a week almost broke my cage, so there is definitely a sexual element to all this.

    Her sex drive is usually much less than mine, but is up and down - she can go weeks, even a couple of months, without wanting sex, but then can have times when she's fucking me twice a day for a week... so her taking control of what goes on when seems to have been a good thing for both of us, as I'm quite submissive most of the time (although we do switch ) and being in chastity is a big turn on for me. Luckily it seems to be for Her too. :D
     
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  22. gary170
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    gary170 Long term member

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    It started as a game that was years ago ..now it's a lifestyle there are only my wife's rules when it comes to my manhood lol we have never been so happy
     
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