Introduction

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Mistress Shar, Jul 14, 2010.

  1. Mistress Shar
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    Mistress Shar Mistress Shar

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    Well, I finally set up an account. All this is new to me, it is the 1st time I have ever been in a forum; my slave has suggested this site many times. My husband got me interested in chastity a little over a month ago and he's been locked up ever since. I can honestly say I love all the attention and doting. So much gets done around the house now and help is always offered. My hubby pleasures me in any way I desire. I do feel it is overwhelming at times as I am not used to constant attention but it seems to improve as each day goes on.

    I will admit I am progressing a bit slowly as everything is very new to me, I am assuming this is normal (I hope!). I am open to any suggestions/guidance as I feel unsure sometimes. I don't think I am taking enough control although I do have a dominant and independent personality. I much rather do things myself in order to make sure they get done correctly so giviing orders has been challenging although my slave is very good with following them.
     
  2. Ms.Linda
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    Ms.Linda No longer a member

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    Welcome to the Mansion, Mistress Shar. I'm sure you will find a wealth of information and the people here are very helpful and non-judgemental. From what you have written, it sounds as though you are right on track. There's nothing wrong in taking it slow.

    Good luck~
    Ms. Linda
     
  3. Mistress Lauren
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    Mistress Lauren New member

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    Welcome! I too struggle with taking control and being dominant. My fiance and I have been exploring chastity and D/s lifestyle for a couple of months and it's still progressing pretty slow. Being a KH actually involves a lot more thought (and creativity) than I would have guessed! :)
     
  4. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    Welcome and best of luck. It does sound like things are going very well. Taking it slowly is definitely for the best. There will be setbacks and frustrations, but hopefully you'll find it well worth it!

    mikecb
     
  5. Mistress Spike
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    Mistress Spike Slettebak

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    Wow Mistress Shar, you sound just like me! I also have the dominant personality, I have problems taking control after years of not being in control and I like things done in a particular way (which I think is the right way, of course). It has been two months for me and things are running more smoothly now. I have realized that my husband is going to have times where he complains and whines about how I'm not doing this or that, but I know now that he's trying to manipulate me into doing what he wants...and I don't give in anymore. Which he says is a little too progress! :D

    But I am glad that you have enjoying the attention because it is pretty amazing how they can change when you direct their sexual energy to other things. I want to recommend this to all my friends! Haha! Not sure how they will take it though.

    Welcome! There is a lot of great advice and discussions on this forum and I am sure you will find it very informational and fun.
     
  6. Jabber43
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    Jabber43 Just Another Member

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    Welcome to the Mansion. You have come to a forum where people IMHO are friendly, respectful and like to share their experiences about what worked and did not work for them with respect to chastity and D/s.

    Progressing slowly is probably good. I think too many people rush into chastity and D/s too quickly, and this often causes major setbacks. In particular many men often want to rush things after they finally found the courage to tell their partner that they want to be in chastity. But remember that you are the one with the key to his pleasure and that he wants you to be in control. So do not be afraid to tell him that you, and you alone, decide how quickly you progress - it will probably be a turn-on for him to hear it from you.

    You say that you would rather do things yourself to make sure they are done correctly instead of giving orders. Although I am male and like being locked into chastity I also have a dominant side and I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so I know this problem. The solution I found was to find something that does not need to be done perfectly the first time, and then ordering my slave to do it. When it is not done perfectly tell your slave what was wrong and tell him to do it again. Repeat until you think he did a fine job. You will probably have a slave who is turned on by having a demanding mistress, and a very proud slave who loves you even more (if possible) when he finally learns how to do the task correctly.

    Please do not hesitate to ask for advice here if you have issues or want to hear another opinion. As I said people are very helpful here.
     
  7. Spike's Bitch
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    Spike's Bitch Member

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    I agree with Jabber43.

    Its a HUGE turn on to have my mistress do an 'inspection' of my work and even more so when she is very dominating when something isn't exactly the way she wants it.
    So no need to hold back if you man wants to be submissive! :)
     
  8. ms-laurel
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    ms-laurel Junior Member

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  9. Mistress Shar
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    Mistress Shar Mistress Shar

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    Thanks so much for your support!!
     
  10. Mistress Shar
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    Mistress Shar Mistress Shar

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    I agree with you. I am working at the creativity thing...I used to think I was a creative person but there are times now that I am drawing blanks!!
     
  11. Mistress Shar
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    Mistress Shar Mistress Shar

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    I think things are going well...haven't run into any major road blocks yet but I appreciate you letting me know that I will encounter frustrations; at least that will prepare me!

    Thanks!
     
  12. Mistress Shar
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    Mistress Shar Mistress Shar

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    :lol:Good to hear your story! It gives me support!!

    I have thought about the some thing...I wonder how my friends would respond?? LOL!! I can just imagine what they'd say when I suggested buying a chastity cage for their signifigant other!! The looks I'd see on their faces; although those looks just might be worth telling them! :lol:

    Funny how you want things done a certain way, isn't it? Must be the independance thing...... I am still appreciative, though! I have to hold myself back from refolding the towels when they come in off the line!!
     
  13. Mistress Shar
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    Mistress Shar Mistress Shar

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    I am so glad to hear that people here are very helpful because, at this point, I feel very ignorant; I don't know very much about things. To be honest, I don't even know what you mean by "D/s".

    I do appreciate you supporting me in going slow; I feel a need not to rush things as I need to be comfortable with where I am nopw before progressing although my slave sometimes suggests things I am not quite ready for yet as he has been poking around in this area for a while before he shared his feelings and thoughts with me. I am sure he has many thoughts in mind that I haven't even dreamed of yet! You reminding me that I am the KH (figured that one out!! :) ) helps me quite a lot. Things will go at the speed that I am comfortable with.

    BTW, I did get him to remake the bed!!

    A question: Does a Mistress limit her expectations to times when we are alone or should expectations/rules also be set for when we are in the company of others??
     
  14. Mistress Shar
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    Mistress Shar Mistress Shar

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  15. Mistress Shar
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    Mistress Shar Mistress Shar

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  16. Spike's Bitch
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    Spike's Bitch Member

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    D/S = domination / submission (or dominant /slave)

    There is another thread going on right now about house guests started by mistress spike with some good info.
     
  17. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    Mistress Shar,

    It's certainly informative to see how other people manage their relationships between wearer and KH, however remember that it's YOUR relationship. There's a huge variety out there, so don't assume you have to do things you don't want to do. As I posted in my own blog, I think they key is communication. I view chastity play as a mutual exchange. You're "humoring" his kink by going to the effort to be a KH. He should be "giving" and do things that YOU want. If you WANT him to make the bed, then perhaps that is part of the deal.

    Most men have their fantasies about being locked up. "I want her to lock me up, and I want her to make me do X, Y and Z." Well, if X,Y,Z are not a turn-on for YOU, it's not a fair arrangement. There may be some give and take. This is probably the most challenging part of the negotiation. Being a KH is a lot of work. If you only feel like you're doing it for him, and not getting something out of the bargain, then it's not fair to you, and it will lead to resentment.

    Many men fantasize about D/s (dominance and submission). You've started dabbling with that, which is great. If it works for you, that's awesome. If it's not working well, then try something else. There are no set rules, other than communicating until you have a mutually agreeable arrangement.

    Have fun, and keep the questions coming. That's probably the most important thing you can do - be interested! I wish my wife could take that step! lol

    mikecb

    You may choose to be more
     
  18. Spike's Bitch
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    Spike's Bitch Member

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    Great post Mikecb!

    My only comment/question would be that 'X,Y &Z' dont neccesairily have to be 'turn-ons' right?
    I mean i dont think Mistress gets turned on by me vacuming the house, but its still a great benefit and time saver for her to free up her time to do things she likes.
     
  19. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    [quote name='Spike's Bitch' date='17 July 2010 - 12:11 PM' timestamp='1279383063' post='50933']
    My only comment/question would be that 'X,Y &Z' dont neccesairily have to be 'turn-ons' right?
    I mean i dont think Mistress gets turned on by me vacuming the house, but its still a great benefit and time saver for her to free up her time to do things she likes.
    [/quote]

    I'd agree with that to an extent. In terms of doing something "mutually agreeable", I'd agree that it's OK for one side of the bargain to be sexual, and the other to be more mundane. However, my own desires would be to make chastity play a mutually agreeable part of our sexual relationship... whatever that means. For others, perhaps it doesn't need to be that. For me, it kinda does.

    Again, I think it's about communication. If the KH thinks it's a reasonable exchange to do, say, house chores, in exchange for being game for your kink of chastity devices, then I think it's great.

    mikecb
     
  20. Spike's Bitch
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    Spike's Bitch Member

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    Got it! :)

    I mostly wear a CD because i am a grumpy greedy bastard without it. Not so much the kink, but i totally see your point. I am sure in plenty of cases it is largely driven by the man's kink factor.
     
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