Introducing the idea....

Discussion in 'Chastity in vanilla life' started by Robz77, Oct 5, 2020.

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  1. Robz77
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    Robz77 New member

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    Hi,

    I am Rob. I'm new to CM but I have been playing with self locking for the last couple of years. However my SO is very vanilla, in fact we have zero intimacy with the exception of an occasional cuddle after 20+ years of marriage. But even before when we were more active she was very vanilla and not willing to try anything other than missionary.

    My SO goes on trips with friends which leaves me time to play at home. While this can be entertaining it falls short as what I really want is for her to KH for me. The prospect of even broaching the topic of chastity seems daunting, if not impossible.

    I would love any advice on how to even raise the topic, let alone admit to being involved. But if I can, I do look forward to a time when she might accept me and the device, even if she does not fully understand, and play along with KH.Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for any advice.
     
  2. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Active member

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    Sounds like a tough sell. Every relationship with chastity is different though between couples and you know your SO better than us. It doesn't sound like you will have what people would say is a generic dynamic with chastity in your relationship...

    If I were I would think of some things the chastity has helped you with and possibly helped her with, without her even knowing & go from there. I am not sure what you are looking to achieve but it sounds like you would be happy being lock for a month or however long she wishes & she might be willing to go about doing that if you make some concessions as well.

    What are some things you know she would like you to start doing... a lot of things in marriage are a short order bartering system... Maybe that is a good way for you two to start this? Maybe not though, who knows.
     
  3. Robz77
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    Robz77 New member

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    Thanks for the advice. In rereading what I wrote i realize I am hoping for something that will never be.
     
  4. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    You know your SO and it does sound like it would be a hard sell. My wife is very similar, perhaps even closer to asexual than vanilla. The idea of trying to discuss chastity or a FLM with her would be so out of bounds that I know it would never work. Sometimes you have to face reality and move on with other options. Good luck and enjoy.
     
  5. Robz77
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    Robz77 New member

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    Thanks for the advice. Would love to chat more about surviving an adequate relationship when I want a little kink.
     
  6. Ransom
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    Ransom Member

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    Hello and welcome Robb!

    I understand where you are coming from in some ways for sure. I myself am in a rather similar spot but we have been married for a much shorter time but do share intimacy.
    My advice is tell her what intrigues you about it and why you wish to engage in it. My wife hated the idea at first and became very upset. After some talking after she calmed down we talked it out.
    She did not wish to hold the keys which is absolutely fine and her choice. I currently self lock and she is fine with it and doesn’t mind me wearing it. I think the initial shock of it is the lady’s feeling it is something they are doing wrong and it’s an attack on them. Try and honest and well worded when bringing it up... I know I could have been better in this realm.
    Life is short and if your married I would hope that she would at least hear what you have to say. After all it is your penis so if you want to wear it, who is to say you can’t? I will say it is a hard conversation to have and I was nervous as hell but it was important to me so be it. Ps sorry for the long post. Best of luck!

    cheers,
    Ransom
     
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  7. Robz77
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    Robz77 New member

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    Thank you so much for the reply.

    Openess and honesty can be a long and slow road. But i do agree life is short and we must each explore our own roads. And without fear or recriminations.

    My self locking journey is an interesting exploration of my own psychi. It hurts, its a pain, I take it off. But then I miss it and want it back. The play goes back and forth, not Shakespeare yet but interesting all the same.
     
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  8. boisub
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    boisub Inaccessible member

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    She may never want to hold your key, but over time and with honest communication she may at least accept you self-locking.

    It’s incredibly hard to have that first conversation, and some of the conversations that follow will be difficult as well, but they are worth it for the intimacy they engender.
     
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  9. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    please whats SO mean
     
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  10. Robz77
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    Robz77 New member

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    Significant Other
     
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  11. Ron33
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    Ron33 Member

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    I got my wife to read "Locked in Love" it is on Amazon. It is not written about being an over dominant cruel woman or anything, but more of a loving way to control husband's masturbation and how the woman can benefit from it. We both read it and there is a lot of truth in the book. Not written too kinky.
     
  12. benny22
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    benny22 Member

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    #12 benny22, Oct 10, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2020
    @Ron33 and what was the outcome after reading the e-book together? What did your wife said afterwards?
     
  13. Ubercurious
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    Ubercurious Member

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    Sounds pretty familiar. Vanilla SO, or even asexual... scared... Dunno.

    To many, this is a kink or fetish or whatever you name it, that is going to be so far removed from what your SO considers to be "normal" that makes this a very, very hard sell. I am trying the way of getting my SO and me to talk to a sex counselor and try to get her to a point where she at least considers sex to be normal... Can't imagine the point where male chastity would ever fit... but one keeps hope up.
     
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  14. Ron33
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    Ron33 Member

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    She has never been one to read sex books, but I did get her to read this one, the whole thing. She said she understood and would try it. After trying a couple of devices, I found one the fit pretty good and wore it for a day or two, then we did a two week lockup. I could take it off for cleaning, but that was it. After the two weeks, we discussed it and she said she had surprisingly liked it. She said I had acted a little different.

    She enjoys cuddling when she knows it won't lead to sex, so we did that daily. She it gives her a break from sex.

    I am now a part timer, I wear it a week to 10 days every month. I actually look forward to it. My wife probably thinks it is a little kinky, but goes along with it.
     
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  15. Ormaz
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    Ormaz Member

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    Can you say Locktober challenge?
     
  16. Kiye
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    Kiye subslut of Vylette

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    Perhaps have a chat with her about what's already missing in your relationship. Listen more than you talk.

    You can't simply jump from no intimacy to chastity as if it is some magical fix to all problems.

    Get your relationship in a place where you're closer and more intimate and then you might be able to bring it up.
     
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  17. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    This is the key thing. Remember, you've had time to think about chastity, process it, work out that it's a good idea. She hasn't had that opportunity. Confront her with it and she will become immediately defensive - it will just sound freaky. You need to work up to it slowly.

    Good luck.
     
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  18. ltxrob!
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    ltxrob! New member

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    I'm in a very similar situation... however my Wife knows I'm a kinky person and has entertained a number of fun activities, bit of fetish dressing up, bit of bondage during sex, but does not know about all of my kinks.. including chastity.
    I have been tempted many times to bring up the subject, but always chickened out at the last moment.
    Those urges to start the conversation have been bubbling up again recently,
    but is this one quirk too far? Thats the worry..

    I think if I could get to the point of be known to be self locking that would be fine, any KH even if in brief stints that would be a bonus.
     
  19. madams-sissysub
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    What he said! Just go slow! And the best of luck!
     
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