Introducing her to FLR and all that goes with it.

Hello Community,

I have just spent a while looking through the site and reading the forums and it seems that quite a few people wonder how to "pop the question" if you like and introduce the lifestyle into your relationship. I wrote a post on tumblr back in the day that got a very good response. The original post is here now on BDSMLR if anyone wants to see it. https://hubbywifeplaytime.bdsmlr.com/post/162224849

I would like to share my experience with you as where some bits i think i did well other bits i did completely wrong and as we embark on this journey again i have learnt even more.

So here goes: (sorry for the long read but it may help someone out)

I have always had a very open mind about everything when it comes to the bedroom but never really had a partner i felt i could open up to. Then about 7 years ago i met my now wife. Sex was great we had a lot of Vanilla fun, then once my first daughter came along everything seemed to change. Sex really dried up and i honestly have no idea why, i think looking back it was just life.

I started watching more porn where i would find myself typing BDSM, Domination and other tags along those lines. All the while i was looking to dominate her, which i did and she loved, i would tie her to the bed, bought more toys than you could shake a stick and the usual bits and bobs that you would associate with a married couple dipping their toe into the world of Male Dom Female Sub. I remember it like it was yesterday, i had her tied to the bed legs in the air and it got me thinking, what would it feel like to be on the receiving end of this?

I asked her when we are done can you please tie me to the bed and tease the fuck out of me? She looked puzzled but she gave it a go. It was a real turn on for me not having any control, we were both slightly intoxicated so one thing lead to another and eventually i got a cheeky finger in my bum. HOLY SHIT THAT FELT HOT! Not so much that i liked the feeling but the whole situation was huge for me.

Weeks past and this looked like a one off, i asked myself did she like it, did she not, but didn't want to ask again as she was pretty vanilla (or so i thought). Over the coming months i couldn't get the thought of being tied to the bed with her sitting on my face whilst i had no control out of my head. I would find myself daydreaming about that night.

As im sure you have done i turned to the internet, did my research to find that FLR and Chastity was a thing. I read through blogs, stories, the benefits and the complications for all involved. Eventually i started a Tumblr blog to keep ideas, captions and generally to find out more information. I guess what im trying to say is i did my homework.

Eventually i plucked up the courage to order a cheap plastic cage from Ebay, i remember the excitement when it came, i tried it on and left it for a couple of hours, it made me feel extremely horny, naughty and a lot of other emotions. I would put it on and take it off, put it on and take it off. I wanted to make sure it was what i wanted before i dive in feet first.

Then one day i put it on, handed her the keys and she said whats that for. I whipped my trousers down to reveal this blue plastic "thing" on my cock. She had no idea what it was, what it was for and why i was wearing it. I sate her down and explained it.

Whereas this was hot for me i think she thought what the actual fuck are you doing, see this is was the first thing i did SO wrong. I dived in, went from nothing to having this plastic contraption with a padlock on it wrapped round my cock.

In hind sight i should have explained it to her before putting it on let alone giving her the keys. I spent the next few days wearing it, she had the odd poke but didnt ask any questions and i didnt give any answers. I took it off and that was that. A few weeks later we had a few drinks on the sofa and i bought it up, she simply didnt understand, she had no idea why i would want to lock my dick up and give her a key.

That night we spoke more and more about it, i wanted this so bad i tried WAY to hard to convince her. We went to bed and the next morning we had a long 5 hour drive to see some friends. We spoke in the car at length on and off for the whole journey and i explained it to her in more detail. That night we went out with friends and she had this look in her eye for the whole evening. When we got to our hotel room she stripped me down and we had great sex, she didnt let me cum and i thought this was it. The next day we drove home for almost the whole journey she had her hands in my pants edging me over and over again. She was smiling i thought yes this is it.

We got home and she said go and get it, i put the cage on secured the lock and gave her the key. This is where i should have taken a step back, over the coming weeks i was trying to initiate scenarios, tease sessions, bombarding her with captions, stories about chastity. Basically i scared her off, she thought like many woman this is ridiculous im not game for this. The cage stayed but she basically left me and forgot about me, this was really shit i thought so i got the spare key and took it off.

Months passed, we never spoke about it (we should have as i have come to realize communication is key here) I continued my quest online and one night we had a few drinks on the sofa, she bought it up and said "why did you take it off" i just replied and claimed it was hurting and i didnt think it would work out, i should have been honest with her. We fucked on the sofa and she rubbed my dick on her tits and let the cum ooooze out they forced me down to clean it off her nipples with my mouth. I did as she requested with out saying a word. I slid my hand down and she was wetter than ever before she claimed she had always wanted me to lick my cum off her tits but even more so her pussy. This was the first instance i kind of thought hold on a minute maybe there is a kinky streak in you we just need to coax it out.

I tried many things from tying her up and teasing her to greeting her at the door naked, caged with a dildo in my mouth (too much back then) we played on and off for a couple of years but would probably be a few weeks at time at most then 3-4 months of nothing. Again whilst i was caged, horny and frustrated i bombarded her with all this pictures, scenarios, kinks i had stored away in my what she still refers to as weird mind.

Another year passed we had a baby and things almost stopped, we went to sex once in a blue moon, no touching, no kissing no nothing, we were like 2 people living as room mates in the same bed. No passion, no fun and life in general was pretty shit because of it. We rowed we made up we rowed and we made up over and over again. Towards the end of 2019 we came close to calling it day but we have 3 kids, i couldnt walk away we had to fix this.

Just before Christmas we got everything off our chests we had a blazing row and didnt speak for a few days, SEX is a huge thing for her in the relationship, she just wanted to feel loved and the way for this for her was me sticking my dick in her and showing her some attention every so often. We spoke lengthily about all sorts, finances, kids, work and life in general. We went into a full blown conversation about our sex life and we spoke about chastity, denial and sex in general for hours. We both came to the conclusion that our lack of intimacy was the route of all our little problems.

A few days passed we had Christmas and enjoyed some great bedroom sessions, some when i came and some when i didnt. I think it was a Monday night and i tied her to the bed and teased her for hours, she was begging me to make her cum and i simply said NO i want you to experience how i want to feel. After i untied her she teased me and edged me for what felt like hours, we spoke about the dynamic and she confessed that she felt super horny, she didnt necessarily like this feeling but she confessed all she wanted to do was sick my dick.

We mutually agreed that neither of us was going to cum until new years day night, the next few days we couldnt keep our hands off each other it was incredible. We spoke about how we both felt and she confessed she could be this horny all the time without being denied if i was giving her the same attention. New years eve came, we went out to a party, she wore kegal balls for most of the evening and was absolutely soaking wet, at about 3 we went to bed where we stripped naked and played with each other until we fell asleep in each others arms. I woke up dripping and she rolled over and i think i managed about 3 minutes inside her.

We eventually got up and went downstairs where the friends we were staying with had made a nice big breakfast. There was a look in her eye, the way we looked at each other over that table was like it was the first night we both met. The spark was alive again. Both of us so eager to touch each other, my balls ached for her and she knew this, every chance she got she would grope me. We went out for a cigarette and both said 2020 is our year. What that meant exactly we had no idea at the time, we kissed passionately she had a little grope and went inside.

Over the years i had bought several cages, some comfortable and some not so much but she knew which one was my favorite. She disappeared upstairs and i received a picture of said cage resting on her naked tits with the key next to her. The text simply read come here now happy 2020!

Baring in mind i was already full of pent up cum this was not only a shock to the system it was a huge turn on. She watched as i forced my semi erect cock into the steel cage, she laughed and she put the padlock in and asked me how it felt. The cold metal on my cock was a huge turn on, she beckoned me to the side of the bed where she grabbed my balls and claimed "these balls are mine now" almost immediately what we now call tears of frustration starting oozing out my cock. She scooped them up with her index finger and put it on her tongue and pulled me forward for a kiss.

We both got dressed and went downstairs. That night i stayed locked, i had my first day back at work the next morning, tired and hungover from NYE we went up to bed early and i made her cum several time all the while she was grabbing my balls like she was possessed.

The next day she confessed she didnt particularly like the cage as it got her so hot teasing me and denying me, she made me promise that i wouldnt touch her cock unless i had her permission, if she found out i had been unfaithful to the dynamic she would have no choice but to lock me up but would rather not. I was happy with this because she wanted my balls full and for the first time i actually felt like its what she wanted. Lets be honest here its only fun if the KH or virtual KH in my case is getting of on it too.

The next few days pass and i think about her at work, she send me sexy texts and ask how my balls are, i tell her i cant wait to get home and eat her pussy. Everyday when i come home i am pleased to see her, we kiss passionately i grab her ass and she grabs my dick. I must admit i feel i am nicer to be around, i listen better and i am more attentive to her needs. She has noticed this in a big was and has mentioned it several times. She loves the attention and knows that if she isnt in the mood she just has to say no and i will respect that. She knows that if she doesnt want it she can pass on it knowing full well it be be there when she does want it.

Its only been 10 days since we have agreed to try the FLR (in the bedroom) lifestyle we are still learning as we go along but have vowed to both have this as part of our everyday lifestyle and neither of us have been happier.

See this is where this time is different, i have not pushed it on her, i have not bombarded her with dick pics, captions from BDSMLR and scenarios i want to try. I have played the roll based on the research i have done over the years and the lessons i have learnt from my own huge mistakes. Yes i still send her pictures, yes i still message her during the day but i have not let my fetish consume our life or our conversations.

We have been open and discussed things like down to the point where she still wants my dick inside her from time to time because she loves it and the dildo just isnt the same. We have promised to be open and both vowed to one another that we are all in and we are going to give it 110%. No forcing anything if its feels right it will happen in due course.

We are at the position now where she respects me wanting to have the built up lust i have for her, she respects that i need teasing not just physically but mentally. She even apologized to me the other day because she fell asleep on the sofa and didnt give me any attention. She is adapting as am i and she has this smile on her face that i havnt seen for a while. She likes the dynamic, not just for the sex but for my assertiveness and the attention i am giving her. She said "were not going back now".

I dont beg her to let me cum every ten minutes, i dont act needy and i listen to her feelings. Its her choice, if she wants to tie me, ass up and peg me i know she will, if she doesnt then she wont. If she wants to lock me in my cage and fuck the strapon she will. Its her choice you cant top from the bottom as its just not natural and trust me it may work for that one off occasion but it certainly wont work in the long run and she wont enjoy it. When its on her terms she is more likely to put more effort in and will make the experience more memorable for and enjoyable for everyone involved.

I think my biggest advice would be to not let your fantasy consume you and your relationship. This lifestyle for me is a marathon and not a sprint. I have had my doubt in the past as to whether she likes it or not and sometimes i still do. FLR should be about her and her needs, play it cool and you will soon learn whether its something she is into.

Please dont lock your cock one day out of the blue and give her the keys like i did, course her into it, build a BDSMLR blog keep it pretty tame and share it with her, if she wants to look at it she can, if she wants to post on it she will. By all means drop subtle hints, for example i bought a strapon. We used it a couple of times then it sat in the goody bag for months before it came out again. But if its there and the urge comes over her she knows what she is doing.

Communication is key to getting her to hold the key. If your wife is anything like mine then talk to her, open up, try a few things out then talk about them. Dont go in like i did all guns blazing expecting her to be cool with it. But also dont give up, circumstances change im sure most couples when dipping into the FLR, Chastity and T&D scene have been through a similar journey.

Again i apologize for the long post, if you got this far then thanks for reading. Is been a bumpy road for me and if this little insight into how i went about it wrong and what i feel i did right helps a couple into the lifestyle then its been worth it.

 

If people want to know i will happily write on here as and when it progresses. Thank you

 

For those who are interested, last night took a turn in the road. Secretly she had been wearing Keegal balls afternoon, as she asat on the sofa scrolling through her phone i didnt think anything of it.

We went up to bed she got naked and lied next to me, she didnt make a sound she just kissed me, i tried to fuck her but as any man experimenting with tease and denial its very difficult to last. She sucked my cock whilst i made her cum with my fingers.

She rooled me onto my back tied me to the bed a blindfolded me, she poured baby oil all over me cock and balls and went to town, teasing me and edging me for whet felt like hours. Playing with me ass a little too. She then climbed off the bed and i heard the zip go on the toy bag, the pin wheel, pegs and a small crop came out. After she had given me a little pain she pulled out derek (our biggest dildo). Made me fuck her with it and once she was finished she locked me up.

So here i am writing this locked. Happy Monday