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Interesting Changes Lately

Discussion in 'The Tower' started by Thatguyontheinternet, Sep 7, 2017.

  1. As many of you know, I wear the cage somewhat reluctantly. I won't deny that at times it adds some great fun to the mix, but on balance, were it not for how strongly @Thatgirl@Thatgirl feels about it now, I most likely would not wear it. It's not like I would immediately rip it off if I had my way. I just know that once it came off for normal reasons it would be quite likely I would want to keep it off "for a bit", and that would probably turn into indefinitely. But, alas, that toy from the porn shop all that time ago sparked something in her, and by the time I realized my wearing it had taken on real meaning for her, it was too late. SO here I am, two years or so later, pierced, in the cage.

    Part of the problem for us has always been my inability to even pretend to be submissive very well. Mixed with her unwillingness to use a heavy hand, and chastity for us has been a challenging learning process.

    That all said, this last few months, and in particular this last several weeks, there has been an undeniable shift. All of a sudden, my ace-in-the-hole; Thatgirl's inability to keep me locked up for more than several days, and her habit of making lots of empty threats, has changed. Not overnight, and not 180 degrees. But absolutely evident. All of a sudden not only have the lock ups gotten longer - on the order of 2-3 weeks and getting longer each time - but more importantly, she seems to have realized how counterproductive for me to not be taking a whole to of stock when she made a demand / threat / set a rough release date. She still isn't much for physical punishment (usually), but that's just fine by me.

    The effect of the changes snuck up on me, but are as undeniable as they are evident. Having so drastically reduced the frequency of my releases and my Os, things have started to happen that I've read about here but genuinely always thought was bullshit - just submissive men taking their desires and calling them reality. For one thing, She will tell you unequivocally that by and large I have shed a lot of the sharper edges of my natural dominance. I guess you can only bang your head against the wall for so long. Kudos to her for sticking with it, because any number of the KHs here would long ago have thrown the keys at me and been done with chastity. And while for most men here thats the trump card they fear, for me, it simply would have marked the end of the cage, and I would have been okay with that. Now all of a sudden the submissiveness that she's been craving is taking shape. I do try and fight it some (we'll come back to that in a bit...), but for the most part, it's simply the path of least resistance since she's all of a sudden found her backbone and gotten so firm. Moreover, O's having been so drastically reduced, I've started to notice something that I honest to God thought was pure CM member fiction: Over time, I really do crave to give her an O as much or more than I yearn for my own now. I have no idea when that snuck up on me, but when it became apparent I was shocked. And She is thrilled.

    All of a sudden instead of yearning to be dominant in the bed like I have always been, but giving in to her control so she would take the cage off finally, I find myself yearning for something different. To feel her assert her control. It did nothing for me for the longest time, yet now, when she takes a heavier hand and makes her assertive demands, it seems to bring me some sort of... comfort? I'm not sure how to express it. Beyond that, and honestly more unnerving than the rest of it, is that what I fantasize about, and what I yearn for now has changed. It occurred to me just the other day that it's much more rare that I am focused on finding a way to get the cage off and have traditional sex. Instead, I find myself hoping for any number of things that she does with me frequently now, none of which require my penis at all.

    Bottom line, she's taken notice, and a sort of chicken & egg snowball effect has developed. As a result, I feel not only way more submissive than I ever thought I could, but I actually appreciate what that means, and am enjoying it for what it's worth. I think about pleasing her not just because it will make her feel good, but because it really does provide some relief amidst the orgasm denial.

    The down side is that she told me flat out that this is what she's been waiting for, and that if she knew honestly denying me orgasms for longer would have got me to this place, she may have been able to muster the self control to keep me denied longer a long time ago, and therefore, I should emotionally prepare myself to have FAR fewer O's. Im not sure how I feel about that, but It somehow seems less relevant than it did not so long ago. It normally would have garnered a negative reaction from me. Instead a "yes ma'am" was all I had. What else could I say? There's simply no denying that things have been going so well with her asserting herself, and me letting go. Now that she's gotten more dominant, I feel somehow more comfortable being (rather than acting) more submissive. Now I just hope she can keep it up, because Im starting to understand what going without the O can do for us, but I know if she relents, I will fill the void. Maybe that won't always be the case, but it is still at this point.


    Back to how I 'fight" the submissiveness taking over. Every so often, and more and more now, I really notice the changes. And sometimes, for whatever reason, I feel like I need to counterbalance it. So Ill spend some time pulling up real maledom vids and reminding myself that THAT is who I am, not her submissive slave. It's a losing battle, but nonetheless I do it. That's what brought on tonight's events (she caught me) and was not happy. She'd been asking me to post this thread for a while, but I've resisted. Tonight she was having none of it.
     
  2. Wow .
    What a brutally honest and explanatory post .
    Me ,like a lot of people on here, has been following your journey with interest because you are different than the vast majority of us males on here , (please don't take offence) because myself and many others offer our chastity and our submission straight away to our partners (ok I don't have one at the moment but you get what I mean ) where as you have come from a totally different direction .

    Thank you for sharing and please keep up updated as to how it's going with you both .

    Totally agree with you about reading things and thinking "that's just fantasy fodder" then when time goes on you realise that it's not ,it is real the feeling of wanting to please her more than yourself etc .
    Chastity for me is far more than "just locking the cock away for 100 years" (slight exaggeration there lol ) but about the psychological effects it has on our brains too and wow what an amazing journey it takes us on when it happens to us and when we look back ,like you have , and realise what is happening it is amazing how it happens to our minds and how we act etc .

    Love reading both you and @Thatgirl@Thatgirl 's posts and following your journeys and I sincerely hope you both enjoying the "new ride" together .
     
    Sublifter49 and Living Curious like this.
  3. Yes, just echoing manintyres comments, great writing. I sit here with my wife away for a few days and me locked up, after just having had my longest lock up period of 17 days, and can only see them getting longer as she quietly pushes the boundaries. I also am finding my submissiveness increasing, and my desire for orgasm, or care for my orgasms decreasing. I'm in my 50s and thought this could be related to age, and maybe it's a combination, but as I think you're about 20 years younger than that, it's very interesting to hear you describe what you're experiencing.
     
    Sublifter49 likes this.
  4. It’s all very unexpected and at times i don’t handle it well. I subconsciously and quite passive aggressively push back. It’s only recently that She’s begun to push me through those periods by coming down harder rather than getting nervous about my silent pouting.

    I have not been easy. She’s worked so hard to shift my mind from its original state, All while trying to grow her own dominant side. It’s only now that her dominance has grown to the point that i was able to let more of my dominant side go and allow the submission to take up the space left. I sometimes feel bad that she has to act so dominant to keep me in line, but nothing else did it. When I’m whining about the device / chastity she seems more likely to assert herself and demand I be good, whereas normally she would have sensed I was stewing and got quiet and Disengaged.

    That’s the hard part. I have to say blatant shows dominance from her are has allowed me get to this point. It’s just such a surprise, for all the reasons listed above.
     
    switchling, joe01 and Sublifter49 like this.
  5. Well thank you for that. Coming from a totally different direction, as you said, sometimes complicated things. She had to keep me somewhat happy so I’d agree to keep it on. Now she’s realizes she doesn’t have to do that - she has to be extra firm and keep her word. That shes done so much better with it lately is what allowed to past that hump.

    And since she was pissed about the porn, she’s telling me that after the 4 days left in lock up expire, she’s going to be extending it. Which is going to a lot of denial for me. She said something about finishing the month. So I’ll take that as worst case and hope she ends up only adding a week or so (or less) to the lock up.
     
    joe01, Sublifter49 and manintyres like this.
  6. Today makes 18 days locked (which is our current record) and 10 days with no O. Record is 11 days, so we need 2 more days to beat that as well, which I fully intend on doing. The key safe is set to unlock during my monthly visitor, so whats the point in letting him out for a traditional O during that time? Yea, there's no point. I am going to try for a one month total lockup, but that may change based on his behavior and service to me. We have both definitely noticed a shift in his submissiveness and my Dominance over the last couple of weeks...it was almost like a switch was flipped. Through his denial, I have noticed he has become softer around the edges, and definitely more doting towards me. We were talking in the car the other night and I was having trouble finding the words to describe how his demeanor is to me, then it dawned on me. His denial is causing him to adore me almost to the point of infatuation. He's like a teenage boy with a crush! Last night, we were snuggling on the couch and i was brushing my fingers through his hair and he started to get aroused. I haven't had a guy do that since high school, so it is such an amazing feeling knowing that the slightest touch is driving him crazy! The reason why he was in trouble last night was because we have just opened a shared, private Tumblr and he was testing it...well he sent a maledom post to it which prompted me to look more closely at his phone. I kinda gave him a pass for the tumblr since it was just a reblog from something he found. I looked at all he was following and it was all Femdom, so fine. But then I looked at his internet. Two maledom videos were opened in his browser and another 5 videos, all maledom, were in his favorites. I had deleted his porn favorites a long time ago, so i knew he had saved these more recently. This hurt me, since he knows very well that I don't like that type of porn. I would have rather found regular porn than maledom porn. A harsh spanking ensued then i chained him to the towel rack in the bathroom, naked from the waist down and gagged. He stayed there, kneeling with eyes down for the duration of my shower. I got out of the shower, silently dried off, went into the room and deleted his maledom favorites and closed the two sites that were up. I then unchained him and had him find out how to install parental blocks on his phone. I was able to do a password protected parental block and we tested it, no porn was able to be pulled up at all. He spent the rest of the evening being very quiet. When we went to bed, i snuggled up to him....of course this got him going again, so we ended up playing around (not going into dirty details) and he slept collared.
     
  7. Beautiful.

    My wife does not have a kinky, or dominant cell in her body. Too bad..she is missing a lot of my potential.
     
    switchling likes this.
  8. Absolutely brilliant posts from both of you. I particularly like how you describe the fact that things you thought were Mansion bs have started to have an effect on you.

    I know exactly how it feels to become aroused by the simplest of touches, a light stroke of my ear, a finger ran down my back. The shift from wanting to have an O of my own to craving the chance to give her an O. To actually preferring the chance of that happening. I get aroused when she takes control and like you describe gain a sense of comfort when she does.

    The one thing I do not have in common is I am not in any way dominant, and for that I am in part thankful but also a bit jealous. I feel that your transition is going to be potentially more profound. I wasn't exactly submissive before Elle and the chastity lifestyle took over, but I was definitely never in charge.

    Please, keep this line of thought going. It really was a fascinating read.
     
  9. Jasmic68 said it all, brilliant postings, so candid and open hearted.
    A lesson of love for all.
     
    manintyres likes this.
  10. Thanks for your interest. I never really considered myself all that dominant. But it’s all relative and it’s become clear that regardless of what I thought, dominance was ( was? Is? I don’t even know any more) definitely the defining characteristic especially of my sexuality.

    I realize it makes for interesting reading because it’s decidently different than the paths of most men. But sometimes I feel bad because I know I make this much more challenging for her than it could otherwise be. I almost wish it came more naturally so she could focus 100% on her instead of always having to be careful to spot and correct my decidedly not-submissive tendencies.

    But the reality is that at least once or twice per week I genuinely and truly want to quit chastity. It happens less often now that she’s gotten more comfortable maintaining authority, and it usually passes within a day. But during those times, I want this thing off. I want to show her a romp that leaves her sore and spent - the kind that I’m used to, or used to be used to I guess. The sort of aggressive use of force that made her weak in the knees for me from the first time we slept together. I want to stop working on being submissive. I want to jerk off when I want to jerk off. These times of doubt got worse as chastity became more serious. Most of the time I just “misbehave” at those times. Because I am after all still securely locked, but I resent it and it shows.

    I’m better now about letting them pass, because they do pass. But it’s also happening less becauxe she’s letting it happen less. I do see that. And with her asserting herself so much more and in ways I never expected, it’s made it somehow easier - I don’t have to struggle as much to be submissive when her dominance leaves me no space to be any way else. And obviously a part of me enjoys it or I never would have let any of this happen, and that part of me is growing whether I like it or not. That’s where this recent resolve of hers about denying me orgasms has really had an impact. It’s one of those things I thought was CM bullshit, but being denied beyond you comfortable timetables simple makes you more inclined to follow and to please then to push back.

    I’m sure I’ll continue to put up a fight, sometimes on purpose, sometimes subconsciously. But I’m running out of ways to push back that work to get her to give in, or that work to remind me of the dominant sexuality I always identified with and loved. That sounds like a bad thing, but it’s opened me up to amazing experiences. Plus, she nips that stuff in the bud so much faster now, and with so much more force that she actually snaps me back into line, which wasn’t possible earlier on.

    It can be hard sometimes, but it’s always fun, even when it’s not, it actually is on some level, so it’s wirth it. And the bottom line is, there’s just no way around the reality that she loves it this way, and when my mind lets me actually let go of control, I do too.
     
    corsac, Mash2214, joe01 and 4 others like this.
  11. Well ya know, it's the journey, not the destination. I wonder if you submitted easily if this would be any fun for her. Maybe getting someone like you to do these things is the chase and the challenge. If it were easy it may lose its luster.
     
    Allen1987, Jasmic68 and manintyres like this.
  12. Proud of you, @Thatgirl@Thatgirl. It's your time now. Keep letting your inner power come alive and don't stop getting all that you deserve.
     
    Joroincharge likes this.
  13. Beautifully written. I am not there yet but hopefully getting closer.
     
  14. I am in agreement with @Nicoftime@Nicoftime, that if you had been an easy sub it wouldn't have been as good an experience for either of you. I think it all depends on the personalities. If I had pushed back as much as you had I am pretty sure Elle would have thrown in the towel.

    It would appear your piercing is critical in all of this. Devices like mine are far too easy to beat. If I wanted I could pull out right now, masturbate my nearly two months build up all over myself, shower and stuff myself back in my device. But I dont, because I don't want to. I want to give that right to Elle. She is beginning to take that right more seriously but it has taken a long time.

    So you and @Thatgirl@Thatgirl are right for each other in the same way that Elle and I are right for each other, but in completely different ways.
     
    Mistress Lucy likes this.
  15. Excellent observation --candid, honest, and certainly true.

    Ensuring subs have a truly secure device (Neosteel Arch, Lori w/piercing, etc.) is absolutely essential for chastity's physical and psychological impact to be real for him, and for the submissive effect to start taking hold.

    Otherwise, with cheap or easily-beatable devices, it's mostly a solo play for wearers; the chastity dynamic becomes negatively affected and in the end the process towards achieving a true chastity engagement with a partner takes much, much longer, or never really happens at all...
     
    slave_m, switchling and Joroincharge like this.
  16. That’s all very true. Without the piercing this couldn’t have come this far. Knowing that there’s no sense trying to get out of the cage is so helpful in submitting to it (once it’s on anyway). Just like having a device that isn’t legitimately secure would not have worked for me, I suppose it’s the same with dominance and submission in general. Maybe I can’t really feel submissive without feeling the dominance that I’m supposed to be submissive to. At least not quite yet. And sometimes I’m not even sure I want to feel submissive. That’s where She has had to step in. During those times.

    And I hope you’re right. I hope the fact that I’m difficult at times makes the increasing success of Her efforts that much more enjoyable for Her. That’s what’s most important. And I don’t ever want my mixed feelings to be confused for actual unhappiness - this has been a crazy ride that’s pushed my limits in all sorts of ways, and it’s absolutely been a blast, and continues to be.
     
  17. Right now I'm not caged and am not thrilled with the thought of locking up...or doing anything for that matter. I know I "should " lock up and I might get back, but just can't bring myself to lock up without her telling me. She did ask if I was healed and checked it out, was close but wanted it completely healed. She didn't push it and I didn't really volunteer to keep her informed...probably should.
     
  18. The feel of a woman's power and control has to be one of the best feelings in the world.

    I'm so happy for you, @Thatguyontheinternet@Thatguyontheinternet and @Thatgirl@Thatgirl. This honestly has to be one of the best written and most beautiful threads on CM.
     
  19. Jesus Christ, and then people wonder and make posts asking “why so few women come to CM? Does anyone know??”

    Well maybe this is the reason, they come here expecting playful tips on how to use a toy they found on Amazon, or how to engage in an innocent sex roleplay. But instead, they see story after story of “masters” dominating and controlling their partners, using restraints and spanking to condition them into submissive servants, and creating an unbalanced relationship where one party has total control over the other.

    Look, I know this place is an eco-chamber for FLR and male submission, but people in the real world will rightfully scorn at this. Most people have the maturity to understand that healthy relationships are equal and reciprocal, no one controls anyone, expect in the made-up scenario of a roleplay. And if one party feels the need to dominate the other, then they are just abusive people on a power trip.

    Seriously, reading @Thatguyontheinternet@Thatguyontheinternet in his “journey” is like watching the descent of a normal girlfriend into a battered wife, with all the clichéd rationalizations like “he beats me and control my behavior because he loves me!” (he literally said “her apparent increase in harshness is actually just showing me how much she cares”, oh boy..)

    Of course I’m not here to judge, if you like the way you're being treated then go for it, just giving the perspective of someone outside the eco-chamber. Not that I’m in any way a stranger to hard roleplay, but turning roleplay into reality is objectively unhealthy.
     
    Mark Owen likes this.
  20. Wait, you resent someone who gets pleasure from physically restraining you, controlling most of your life, and removing basic autonomy over your own body? I’m shocked, SHOCKED!

    I mean really, who would have thought that being treated like a dog on a leash would lead to resentment?? Again, shocked.
    You better step down and be more docile, that’s clearly the healthy way to deal with it.
     
  21. Hi @David.2k@David.2k
    I agree most with what you are saying but I would now single out any one especially @Thatguyontheinternet@Thatguyontheinternet . He have been a very genuine contributer to the mansion.
     
  22. David. Says he's not here to judge anyone. Immediately after judging everyone.

    And I think he means echo chamber.
     
    Mistress Lucy likes this.
  23. Yes, obviously echo chamber, English is my second language btw
     
  24. Do you mind me asking what your first language is or do you consider that sort of information too personal? The reason I ask is it might give us a better understanding of where your particular thought process comes from. I am learning German and it is very obvious that the Germans think about the world in a quite different way to the English for example. And I also think that for a second language your command of English is very good, it is a shame you are so negative about everything you comment on.
     
    Mistress Lucy likes this.
  25. I’m from Brazil (São Paulo), native language Portuguese.
    Yes, maybe I’m tone deaf in English. Don’t really care though, as long as the message gets across.

    And yes, the BDSM community in Brazil is not as developed, and we see it mostly as a silly roleplay. Maybe that’s why I see unequal relationships that turn the roleplay into reality as going too far. Why would you want to be with someone that doesn’t see you as an equal, in everything?

    Again, to each his own, but dont expect everyone to just be a part of the echo chamber.
     

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