Just a little something that has been going through my mind recently and that is insecurity. I mean I’m a Domme, so is it even feasible for me to suggest such thoughts in regards to certain things. This is not an issue to do with trust but is someone that is supposed to be the alpha even allowed to think in such a way? Is it ok to sometimes be insecure especially in regards to others that seek your beloved’s attention? Insecurity is not a word I believe I have seen on this site. I’m also not saying that I do not trust my sub but my mind occasionally wanders and questions whether I can essentially be strong for both of us. LP
I think everyone feels insecurity at some time, especially when there are others seeking attention from your special person. There is no easy answer as it all depends on the situation. In a club where no one knows either of you or your dynamic will be more difficult than in a situation where you are known to people. Insecurity will go away when you get a sneaky wink or eye contact is held to show that your beloved knows what is happening and is not going to fall for it. Of course there is also the other option of standing beside your person and growling at the intruder lol. You are not the only one to feel insecurity, all you can do is get through it the best you can. I wish you well x
I think it’s fine. It’s certainly normal. My wife and I don’t consider her to be a Domme, but she is certainly in control of me sexually. I am not allowed to use my penis in any independent way. Yet if we’re in public and she notices I see a nice looking lady, she admits she still feels insecure sometimes.
I've been trying to spend a lot of time mentally in my wife's shoes. She'd be mad if I really put them on. Seriously though I would think being a dominant for a person you love could lead to all kinds of insecurity. I remember when my wife and I were getting started and I told her to lock me up as long as she wanted, her first thought was "why don't you want to have sex with me anymore?" When she tried milking the first time, she was all pressured out as to whether or not she was "doing it right". I think an alpha by definition has the right to think how they want. As I'm alpha in my work life I get that. However, there is the expectation that you choose wisely that brings the pressure. I think one of the reasons I'm unlocked right now is my wife was confused by how she should act. She lacked confidence to strike out in one direction or another. The result was an unhappy ambivalence. In a weird way I feel like I'm serving her by taking the cage off and packing it away. It's relieved her of the pressure she was imposing on herself that came from the very insecurity you're dealing with.
There are plenty of men who have no trouble coming to this site and saying that they’re dominant in the outside world, so they want the luxury of giving that up and having their subby needs catered to. Why then should it be wrong for you, as a Domme, to ask for a place to let your guard down, to express your insecurities, and seek reassurance like any other human?
Well said, everyone. I wholeheartedly agree with @Mistress Jules about the 'knowing' wink/expression of recognition. I had someone intrude upon pet last year at a Christmas party... a longtime friend of his who thought it was a good idea to randomly grind her ass against his crotch in front of everyone (I'm willing to bet she was too drunk to feel that cage underneath, heh). His confusion was immediately evident and he looked right at Me with an expression of, 'What the fuck was that?' Of course I was pissed about it. If I hadn't seen him immediately recognize that intrusion, however, it would have been an entirely different type of anger. I do like the idea of growling, though. I might do that if necessary next time. Yes; insecurity is a perfectly normal thing to experience. Those who deny ever feeling this way are likely lying through their teeth. As @boisub mentioned, letting your guard down is certainly acceptable, no matter what side of the slash in which you reside. It's also extremely healthy in the right circumstances. Much of the insecurity that occasionally swells up for Me is linked to previous experiences and/or relationships. Certain things can really stick with you for a long time, particularly if those things are prodded by unrelated actions. I can report that it does get easier as time goes on. To Me, the fact that you wrote this post speaks volumes about your strength... food for thought.
Thank you! I really appreciate all the comments. To see messages from different perspectives is also very refreshing. I’m also glad to see I’m not the only one and I do hope with time this will subside. Sometimes you just need reassurance from people in a similar situation to clarify things for you.
Similarly, my Bride had recently received attention unexpectedly from other men who were interested in Her on several occasions. One time I noticed and another time I did not. Knowing She is a strong and capable women, especially in social settings, I kept my mouth shut, feeling that She could easily handle the situation on Her own, and I felt like it wasn't my place to step in. To my surprise, I could sense Her insecurity and distress when She later asked my why I did not say anything or somehow socially intervene, thinking She might somehow appreciate the attention. While there was no grinding of asses into crotches or heavy alcohol involved, I know She is entitled to Her feelings and insecurities just the same. I felt bad that I idly stood by socially at a time when She wanted me there, and that I hadn't noticed on another occasion.
Ah, the weigth of the am i doing it right... As a person who everyday has to make important decisions i can tell you that it will get a time when you doesnt care at all, you try to make the best decisions you can and done, you stop thinking about it once decided, you cant be living the past and if you fail on something, well, try better and continue with your life, i failed some times and i wish i could change the past but i cant, i look front and figth as hard as i can trying to learn from mistakes If you arent confident enough or if it too much stress maybe you can ask anyone else, the alpha male, your mother, your fiend, who knows, whoever you want and help you to get a more clear idea
Sometimes, people's previous life experiences can have an effect on the way they feel now. If a previous partner has been unfaithful or if there has been some other kind of hurt, it can leave scars, even subconsciously. You may have absolute trust in your current partner, but those previous feelings can still be triggered.
We are all vulnerable at some level. It is what makes us human. Love and trust in your partner can help you work through those feelings and also letting him be strong for you.
As with the comments above, feeling insecure over some things is perfectly normal for humans, and perfectly healthy. It prevents us from becoming psychotic megalomaniacs. However if insecurity is controlling your life, then you may need to get to the bottom of the issues.
Amante gets very jealous. I have a cage locked on and can’t remove it, yet she still guards me like a mother hen lol. Deep down it’s not her lack of trust in me, it’s feeling unsure of herself. She has gained a lot of confidence since we started all this, but I believe she was very insecure before and me being locked up couldn’t even make it go away.
Everybody gets insecure sometime. That's the way humans are. My beautiful wife/KH feels that way occasionally. She has mentioned to me that she sometimes wonders if I would find another lover separate from her. I laugh, first, and explain that I'd have to figure out how to get my cage off and back on without her knowing it, and then decide that I was interested in anyone else, which I'm not. On the other hand, I have been a little insecure lately. She decided a few months back that we were done with PIV. I can't get big or hard enough anymore to satisfy her, so I service her with my mouth and hands. Then a couple of weeks ago, she mentioned that she was starting to miss having a big cock in her pussy (once upon a time, I could get quite large). So, I wonder if she is thinking about taking a lover.