Inhale the future, exhale the past.

I considered that first bit in My deck of responses, but I felt like being a bit more coy with her.

Reassurance is always a good thing to have, especially if you're unsure of something that winds up being positive. I think it's great you trust her discretion in that scenario, as well. Interested to see how your story progresses.

I think certain things like this will change once we're together, and finally in a new place. Fresh start, with many more (liberal) people around. Never know what could happen.

 

I'm wet after reading some pleasing threads while reminiscing. It never takes long before I start to miss the feeling of your mouth all over Me. Our last night in Canada left Me with new material for daydreams, and it's flooding My memory right now. There are so many things I enjoyed about that night.

I loved directing you to lick and kiss My feet and legs first. It didn't take long for the first erection to happen, temporarily disabling you from kissing My arches. The rate at which you got hard surprised Me a little, but I'm coming to understand just how much you like 'new' parts of Me. The whines you let out as you got closer to My thighs made Me grin... but I enjoyed the ones you let out after I said "Not yet," even more.

Eager pet gets a little bit frenzied when he has to wait, doesn't he? And when he's pressed tightly against those steel bars, it seems...

The way you growled against My skin as your lips trailed over Me, while you simultaneously fought the erection was... thrilling. You were unnecessarily hard and I loved it. I had no plans to unlock you, and deep down I think you knew that... just like you knew I didn't need or want your cock, in that moment. You fought multiple erections while I toyed with you this way, and each time you came back to Me... just a little hungrier.

When I finally let you taste Me, I was soaked. Driving up the anticipation works well for both sides... when your lips made contact with Mine, it was bliss. Only a few seconds in, you groaned. I knew you were getting hard again. I know it's painful at times, but I must admit... at that moment, I was grinning so wide in the dark.

It's invigorating to feel you breathe through your thickness. I know I had to give you a few moments to catch up, but I wasn't going to let you stop. I like the way it felt to hold you gently by your hair, while sternly redirecting your attention where it should be.

Sensing the battle between angst and obedience raging within you made Me grin... it felt indescribably good to feel your labored breath against My slit, coupled with a soft flick of your tongue. The first few licks seemed like it took everything you had... but I could feel you were trying. Your furrowed eyebrows, barely visible in that dark room, told Me of your pain while you fought through it to love Me. They softened, then your mouth melted into My lips... which quickly led to shaky thighs. I'm craving those little quakes, right now.

There was more to this night, but I must say... I don't care to focus on the penetration I allowed you, with My toy. The next time I have access to you, you're going to remind Me how well you get by without it.

And something tells Me I'll be smiling, just like I was that night.

 

It's... obvious, over the course of our relationship that I needed something I was lacking. Our transparency was so close, but just never quite hit the mark. Over the last year, I knew we were both getting deeper into our D/s dynamic but I could still see a bit of fear and apprehension in you... Distressed to shed that last layer and lay yourself bare in front of Me.

I'm starting to think, as it turns out, what I needed was a tool... beyond technology, touch, or conversation... to understand, monitor, and control you.

I think I found it.

From what I can tell? That cock cage doesn't lie to Me. I know we've made progress and that's not what this post is about...

You literally can't breathe when I talk about something that makes you ache, because you're fighting that erection so hard. Sometimes you're not wincing but I know it's still thickening because of how silent you are. It's a dead giveaway when I start talking... The cage seems to speak when you're apprehensive to, @_and_smile.

And I'm really enjoying the things it has to say.

 

Thanks for the kind words, @Pbare. We're definitely enjoying the life, so far.

Happy to hear you'll be locked soon! Even though we're new, My best advice would be not to take yourselves too seriously while putting the cage on for the first time. It eliminated a lot of unnecessary tension when we were able to laugh at ourselves. I wouldn't change that moment for anything.

 

Has it really been six weeks since I've given an update here? Oops...

Instead of attempting to detail everything that has happened since My last post here, I'll give a current (almost to the hour, actually) update on how things are going with us.

---
​

We have had some amazingly intimate and fiery conversations since incorporating chastity into our lives. I have discovered new ways to peer inside his mind and push the buttons I've wanted to push for years... but hadn't been able to see the forest for the trees, I suppose!

Something that's always been an element in our relationship is the power of aural factors. We're both affected deeply by sounds, words, and tones... and I've found a place that seems to hit him hard and send him spiraling as he bottoms out, in a matter of seconds really.

We had a phone call like that this morning, albeit brief. It didn't require length anyway, since he was bursting against the cage rather quickly after I said a few choice words.

After some straining, whimpering, and breathing... @_and_smile came back to Earth, and we shared a laugh together. A few minutes after we hung up, he messaged Me when he returned to his desk at work:

pet: I'm so fucking happy you locked me up.
Me: Tell Me what you're happiest about.​

I've pasted a bit of his response, since I know he won't bother posting it in a journal entry. Most often, I prefer his 'stream of consciousness' messaging like this, when he's typing directly just to Me. But this snippet seemed appropriate to share, as we're both really sinking into this lifestyle together.

Things weren't broken before, but they are changing in only positive ways.

Pet:

---​

I'm happy where this journey is taking us, already. I had no idea what depths to expect when we started, and I certainly didn't anticipate it to be such a rewarding and romantic experience... I feel as if there are also ripple effects from this that I don't specifically notice just yet.

I can say that I've noticed positive changes in My psyche, aside from sexual matters entirely. Our lives are very stressful right now, as we're wrapping up distance with immigration and I'm tackling the last stages of My Masters degree... but I've drawn so much comfort and strength from having this key close to My heart. It has come to represent so many things, already.

Chastity is here with us to stay, as far as I'm concerned. It would take a lot to change My mind. I have no intentions on looking back.

Keep caging, everyone.

 

The past few months have taken us on wild rides, both together and as individuals. I've experienced countless emotions, both good and bad, as we're wrapping up so many loose ends. It's been a lot of work to finish My masters as we bring an end to the chapters of distance in our lives.

It's coming quickly, though. Soon, My sweet pet.

No matter the weeks, months, and years of frustration and longing. No matter the days spent counting the hours until the next reunion. I still feel you here with Me and the closer we get to sealing the geographic gap, the larger My smiles and hopes become.

There are countless little things in life that so many take for granted...

I am beyond thankful we've had to put blood, sweat, and tears into just being able to do the dishes together. I vow to keep that in mind, regardless of the years we accumulate together. I will always respect you and love you as a friend, husband, and submissive.

It's quite an unexpected bonus that our sex life is so suitable for us, in addition to enjoying one another so much as just 'regular' people.

The smile you show Me when I lock you back up after we play or shower speaks volumes. It's a contented sigh of security for us both and I'm indescribably happy this element has become a firm staple in our lives.

I'm happy we spent your 35th birthday, our 1st marriage anniversary, and my graduation together this year. Our 1st chastity anniversary will be here before we know it.

And I'm thrilled to know that the togetherness we share on that day will be something we wake up to, naturally. Just like the days before and after.

I love you, sweetheart. We're almost there. ♡

 

I've always experienced a strong libido. As such, I've taken countless actions to explore My sexuality starting in My early teenage years. I've discovered many things that make Me tick along the way... but there's just something different about chastity.

Every element within this lifestyle we're sharing seems to set My nerves ablaze with desire and satisfaction.

Apparently, the same applies to ruined orgasms.

Over our last three week visit, I started out counting how many I gave him. One here, three there, another two on a different day... I quickly lost the desire to keep track after noticing how pliable he remained after still being able to 'spill'. There was little reason to keep up with the frequency, as I had before with full releases (despite the latter being a significantly smaller number).

I've found a new reason to ruin him, beyond the delightful control I experience when it works just right. In addition to breathing exercises, a ruin seems to keep him just 'numb' enough to stay with Me as long as I need. I'm able to use the natural equipment he carries for Me, longer than ever before.

The strap-on is a blast and I love having him use other toys on Me, but knowing I don't have to settle for those is quite pleasing.

I love using the cock he was born with. I'm starting to realize how lucky we both are that's the case. I consider him My 'real man' in every way, regardless of his submissive nature.

It's taken work and dedication (from us both), but I've whipped our cock into deliciously nice shape over the past few years. What could only last for less than a minute before, now easily stretches into hours... And his submission remains intact.

Over the past three weeks, we've had some of the best sex we've had to date. There are so many elements that it's impossible to separate each of them to measure the individual impacts... But regardless of the factors at play, they are working as phenomenal catalysts for mutual pleasure.

I don't feel bad at all that I didn't let him fully spill on this trip. Quite the opposite, actually.

I pushed his edging limits. Hard. We're now treading on new ground as I advance his endurance training. He's keeping up with Me through gritted teeth and determined obedience.

I see the pleasure ripping through his entire body when I fuck him slowly and deliberately. I feel him pulse and twitch, grab and bite. I hear him growl as his toes curl. It's a cat and mouse game... The closer I get to an earth-shattering orgasm, the harder he works to fight his own and keep up with Me.

When I do reach the point of no return, he tries to give Me as many orgasms as possible... without struggling so hard to deny his own. It's as if a switch is flipped and his only goal is to satisfy Me, almost like his edge has evaporated yet he's still rock hard and romantically intimate as ever.

I could see most men giving up on denial in those moments. But he hasn't. He doesn't.

And now he's started to beg Me for ruins instead of full orgasms.

I'm no fool - I know deep down, he still wants them. But seeing his attitude change with actions following suit, after he's seen the benefits of what ruins can do for us... Perhaps the words are much more than just that.

Conditioning him is one of My favorite things to do as an Owner. Denying his orgasms and increasing his longevity pleases the Dom/me inside of Me. Keeping him locked delights Me as a Keyholder. Sharing satisfied, sex-drunk smiles while he strokes My hair as we fall asleep together leaves Me satiated as his wife.

I am confident we will continue to grow and learn together. Our lives are far from perfect but I'm happy with that. I believe I speak for both of us when I say, this lifestyle is far too gratifying to stop.

 

Thank you, @Truly Tasty. It's been quite a journey so far... looking forward to the chapters still yet unwritten.

 

Thinking while you're dreaming, @_and_smile...

Insomnia settles in so quickly when you're not in bed next to Me.

I know we're achingly close to the end of this era of distance and there are so many wonderful adventures ahead of us. My reflection on time spent together keeps a smile on My face most days even while we're apart. All worthwhile battles are likely fought uphill - and we've been on a steep slope for four years now... feet still on the ground, not sliding backwards. Steadily moving forward, even if only inches at a time.

That is no small feat and I am proud of us, both as a unit and as individuals.

Despite those comforts, there are times like this very moment where I'd trade damn near anything to feel those snores of yours, instead of just hearing them in the background of this call as the time counts upwards until morning, when you wake Me up with your voice...

I think of these moments of isolation when I'm with you, sometimes. When we're lounging in bed, sipping on a patio, or driving down the highway on an ever-increasing number of road trips. I feel a certain smile spread across My face when I look at you as these thoughts come to mind.

There's a click and I'm instantly reminded of why we've done this for so long. Why we've tolerated the miles, dollars, and hours spent to be together... even when it's only two or three days at a time, holed up in a shitty hotel room in a state we'd never elect to visit otherwise.

It always feels so easy, right then, when I can reach out to pet you and watch your loving smile grow. When you kiss My hand, keeping it pressed against your face. No matter what we're doing or where we're going at the time... everything within that moment of relief makes all the challenges worthwhile.

I cherish those realizations and there's a warmth I feel in My times of need when I remember them. It seems I only want more, the closer we get.

Another day down. Who knows how many more to go. Denial of all types has certainly 'suited' us for our relationship's entirety, but I grow tired of this flavor.

I could really use a taste of that sweet serenity instead, as I sit here wide awake at 2am.

​

 

That is very sweet, @Allen1987. Thank you for sharing that with us, and offering us such endless support!

I can only imagine what's in store... So close to a new era. Perhaps even closer than it has seemed, if all goes according to plan!

 

These exact images have been burned into My mind for months now... We seem to enjoy the 'hard way' but our results speak for themselves. Can't even fathom the excitement we'll feel once that rearview mirror becomes a reality instead of a fever-dream fantasy! After all, that will make room for new ideas to swirl around in its place...

Westbound sounds so wonderful. Can't wait for that stage of our journey, @_and_smile. I love you, too.

 

No matter how many times the importance of something is confirmed, it can be easy to 'forget' sometimes. I think the main advice I give in this forum revolves around thorough communication, and yet... yesterday, I failed to heed My own words.

I don't typically compartmentalize feelings, but I believe that's what happened yesterday. I feel this occurrence was, in part, due to more 'pressing' things (i.e., My career and the related path) garnering most of My focus... but I have never experienced the lack of desire to communicate with My husband, regardless of any emotion I'm feeling at the time. My gut reaction, even when I'm upset with something relating to us, is to talk to him... since he is My best friend above all else. Yesterday, that feeling was largely absent. Actually, I didn't feel much of anything for most of the day... not normal for Me.

I won't rehash the whole scenario, but suffice to say... even when you don't feel like talking to your partner, chances are you should - particularly in those scenarios! Otherwise, resentment can settle in pretty quickly. It's never a fun conversation when issues from the past come to the surface again, but how you deal with them can reset the course for the future. Despite a needlessly uncomfortable day, we managed to come back around at the end to a point where I think we at least understand one another. I hope we do, as reconstructing certain elements of our personalities isn't always the easiest thing to achieve... we both have work to do, in different ways.

Managing expectations on both sides can be a battle but choosing progress rather than stagnation is always the best option.

A big part of Me knows that once My tumultuous time in this city finally comes to an end... My mind will be set free of all the stressors I've encountered here. No longer will I be the 'black sheep' in My department, academically orphaned by a man who was threatened by Me and My ideas. No longer will I have to be reminded of the discrimination, inaction, isolation, and harassment I've encountered here for the last 3+ years...

Not to mention how relieving it'll be to actually live with My husband, heh. Gee, what a concept!

I am certainly not perfect, but I aim to do better. A change of scenery, in more ways than one, will be indescribably welcome.

 

I would agree that lots of innovations were likely ridiculed before being adopted as progressive adjustments. Not to toot My own horn, but he's the only person in My entire department who thought My ideas were 'bad'... at least, the ones who have heard the full story, anyway.

Unfortunately, he's been tenured for 30+ years and was able to 'ruin' My reputation here in countless ways, within a matter of hours... and of course the onslaught on My character and scientific abilities didn't stop there. Here we are, two years later, and I still hear the whispers and underhanded comments from people that don't actually know Me or anything (remotely true) about My situation. His actions certainly killed My ability (and desire) to work on anything aside from My graduate studies at this particular university.

However, when possible... I try to take something positive from every interaction I have with others. I have learned so much about how not to treat My fellow humans - particularly those of us who are scientists. Yeah, sometimes it stings when you don't think of a great idea first. But you have to get over it. If it benefits the entire community, it's a great thing - regardless of any damper it might put on your pride.

I'm glad he dropped Me, though. My two replacement advisors have been much more suitable for My projects' goals, anyway! I was asked to stay for My PhD by one of them, but I politely declined. The one who asked understood and wished Me well in My future endeavors and wants to remain in touch. The other bluntly told Me last year that I will not receive the best opportunities available here, as long as Dr. McFucky (my description, obviously) is still around and in charge of My program's focus. I highly value his honesty because it circumvents wasted time for everyone.

Silver linings... heh.

I agree; ending this chapter of My life is something that will make literally everything better. This will be a long month but it's the last one... and I'm indescribably happy about that. You're right; the prize is better than anything else I could possibly imagine.

That's quite kind of you, JiL; thank you. I'm sure My experiences here would have been much different had I been able to fall asleep next to pet every night. But that just reinforces My feelings that the next chapter is going to be so much better. Regardless of the trials we'll face (as I'm sure there will be many), at least we will be together.

I hope you're able to persevere in your situation, with as few headaches as possible! Thanks again for your support, as well as reading My rambles.

 

What a wild six weeks it's been. The roller-coaster seems to be at a reset point, so I'll jot down a bit while I'm able.

My journey towards furthering My education came with more hurdles than I expected. This is how life works after all, so I'm not really surprised or despaired by that fact. I didn't want an easy ride, and in that regard I definitely got more than the ticket price. What is relevant to Me is the impact it's had on My personal life.

I am a social creature. After being necessarily 'stifled' for two years, I was more than ready for a change. If I had to do it all over again, I would. But big changes have been needed for countless reasons, for a long while.

It's time for evolution and the first solution was ridding Myself of that city... and I have been successful in that goal. I still have some logistics to consider, but I've cleared the biggest hurdles. Now I sit here, happily (and legally, mind you) across the border. Relaxing while I wait for My husband to arrive 'home' from work.

That might sound so mundane, but we've dreamed of these little things for years... with no opportunity to share them for long periods of time.

From the dishes to the laundry... couch cuddling and sharing meals... so many things are largely taken for granted. I hope we're able to hold onto the lessons we've learned over distance now that we're on the path of eliminating ours. Wanting to remember how long and hard we've worked towards sharing these 'everyday' moments together.

It puts a smile on My face every time the realization hits Me that I don't have a return ticket. It's not our ideal environment just yet, but this is where we finally begin, in an entirely new way.

 

The past few days have been quite lovely while we've reunited. One thing I know that won't be forgotten is the endurance training I've given him. He was able to last for a long time through a slow, deep session without Me physically on top last night... and it was such a beautiful experience for us both.

I love whispering reality into his ears while I hold him close, deep inside. Hearing and feeling his submission and obedience sets My soul ablaze and nothing else in the world matters when we're in these moments together. Clutching his shoulders and his hips while his face is buried into My neck invites these possibilities so frequently when we're loving each other through our D/s.

"Isn't this so much better than what most men are after? A quick pump that's over in two minutes?"

He groans. I love hearing the consensual frustration in his voice when pleasure quakes through him as he does as he's told. It takes a moment for him to answer Me, sometimes.

"Yes." I can hear his teeth are gritting. I smile and lean closer towards his ear.

"So you think your denial is the best way forward? You know how much it gets Me off, don't you?"

Another groan. This one was a bit more breathless. "Yes... I do."

"Our cock is never this hard unless I tell you 'no'. Unless I deny you over and over again. You seem to like it, too."

"I love it so much," he blurts. The need for pulling out is clear; I can tell this verbal exchange is working for us both.

"Then obey and fuck your Wife like She says, and it sounds like you'll be set for life."

It wasn't long after this that he almost ruined himself, but he saved it and was able to drift into a zone... right where I needed him to be. Rhythmic pulses at just the right pace that gave Me cascading internal orgasms while I still enveloped his throbbing, denied thickness. It was heavenly.

So were the smiles we exchanged after our breathing returned to normal. I let him stay on top of Me, thrusting slow and soft as we talked and grinned with one another about what just happened. A lazy form of indulgent pleasure that topped off the intensity with perfection. I rolled him off of Me and we quickly snuggled to sleep, both satisfied and smiling for the morning when we see each other again. I didn't bother locking him afterwards because quite frankly I didn't even care to.

I woke up to him sliding in bed, ready for work. He always holds Me for a little while before leaving, and this morning was no different. I snuggled into his lap as he stroked My hair and I felt the cage with a quick squeeze with My hand. I smiled and drifted back off for a few moments, content with My existence for a number of reasons.

It's a new beginning for us and I couldn't be more excited. I know there will be thorns along the way but it's so lovely to finally live as newlyweds... a year and a half after the event.

Stay tuned.

 

What a month it's been. (Two months now? Jeez!)

With a mixture of pleasure and pain, we've had busy life together since I arrived in Canada. A hectic household on top of extra family visitations has significantly limited our privacy and play. And as always, life guarantees surprises that circumvent best laid plans. Despite the emotionally uncomfortable (and totally unnecessary) situation our immediate family found itself in, I am glad to be here for this trying time.

I've never felt like a stranger to his family even when we first met; they always welcomed Me with open arms and loving support. But family isn't all about sunshine and picnics... the his/our family line was blurry before we even got married, but now I feel like a solid addition to this tribe. I consider Myself quite lucky to love and enjoy My extended family. I've drawn comfort from giving comfort when needed, since being here. If I'd been 500 miles away for this time, I know it would have put a strain on us.

That said, we’ve had some wonderful moments together and a big part of Me regrets waiting this long to write! I've started snippets but I've had plenty of distractions preventing Me from getting it all down. Now to see if I can organize these pieces...