Infidelity rant!

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Mistress Watchful, Dec 21, 2009.

Random Thread
  1. Mistress Watchful
    Offline

    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Messages:
    5,259
    Likes Received:
    597
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Professional Dominatrix
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Basingstoke
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    9:30 PM
    What is it about D/s that makes it apparently acceptable to cheat on your partner?

    Maybe it's just with Bulls. Or maybe I'm just being picky.

    I am well aware that Bulls/Alpha Males need a lot of sex, it's in their nature... but it shouldn't be in their nature to cheat on their SOs.

    I don't expect to be exclusive with a Bull, but I would expect any other women to know that he's fooling around.

    Am I wrong to think infidelity is unacceptable in the world of D/s?

    Surely in a lifestyle where communication is so important there should be LESS cheating?!
     
  2. Rachel
    Offline

    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,337
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Local Time:
    4:30 PM
    From my perspective. If the fuckbuddies s/o doesn't know about it then it is not cool. 'nuff said. We always had a rule. If he told us no she is cool with it then let us meet with you and tell us so herself. Ask him some question in a general conversation that only he's s/o would know the answers to. Then ask her the same ones at dinner. i must say though we never got that far with any that we requested meeting their wives. We never heard from them again actually.

    rachel
     
  3. locked4her
    Offline

    locked4her Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2008
    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Local Time:
    9:30 PM
    Infidelity Rant

    This is where Bulls sometimes do not understand the full side of the relationship, to them its just someone to have sex with whilst the partner is forced to watch in some way or another.

    A Bull who has been or is a Master would understand the boundaries of the relationship and would know what is allowed, even bringing it up in the terms of the relationship of what he will be doing with other people. That way you know if you want to get involved.

    The chances of finding these types of Bulls are slim and probably more so over here in the UK.

    Having a Bull stay faithfull means catering to them constantly and if they are in a different town/city which is a distance from you means quite likely that they will seek empowerment elsewhere.

    Some want to keep cuckolding private so having a Bull in a different town is inevitable. It may just require greater vetting in the future.

    I am sorry to hear that you haven't found a trustworthy Bull.
     
  4. Mistress Watchful
    Offline

    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Messages:
    5,259
    Likes Received:
    597
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Professional Dominatrix
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Basingstoke
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    9:30 PM
    I don't have a problem with this at all. I know I won't be able to fulfil an Alpha Male's every need due to our time constraints, nor do I want a Bull to become anything too permanent.

    The bit I have a problem with is when someone is cheating on their partner, who is probably vanilla, or may even be slogging their guts out to be the perfect Domme/sub/slave, completely oblivious to the fact their partner is fucking around.

    Honest is the ONLY policy!
     
  5. tomf_22033
    Offline

    tomf_22033 Active member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2008
    Messages:
    1,756
    Likes Received:
    1,450
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    VA USA
    Local Time:
    4:30 PM
    MW you are not only right but have a view that is held by a large number of us in the lifestyle. The problem is that poly relationships are not the norm and added to kink which is just slowly becoming more acceptable too many people feel they need to go out to find what they want and not address it with their partner.

    In my own case, besides not having much time, I'm not dating much as I don't want to get involved with someone that isn't in the lifestyle or at least open to it and who isn't able to have an open and honest relationship. Sadly I've met too many women that feel that as soon as you start talking about sex, or anything deep you're committing to an exclusive relationship. Rare is the woman who doesn't equate sex and sexual acts to love. Now I don't mean it as a slight on women, in fact there are some good qualities to that (such as loyalty) but I think it makes it so guys who are involved with these women go off and cheat because they don't want to lose a loyal partner and would rather risk getting caught than working to develop a relationship. And by that I mean, look at all of the work and effort that you've done over the last year or so in your own relationship. It's not easy, but as we know the best things aren't easy.

    Anyway, my point is that I fully agree with you and just wish people were more honest.
     
  6. Ms.Linda
    Offline

    Ms.Linda No longer a member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2008
    Messages:
    609
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    3:30 PM
    tiff and I have been totally honest with one another from the very first time W/we spoke. Both of U/us came from bad marriages where W/we had been cheated on by O/our S.O. When Wwe first met, W/we talked about this aspect of O/our past lives and both agreed that if a person was prone to cheating on their spouse, there really was nothing the spouse could do to stop it. Along with that, W/we both understood the thrill, the excitement, and the rush of a "new" relationship. With that in mind, W/we both agree that if EITHER one of U/us found O/ourself attracted to another person and absolutely couldn't live without fucking him or her...that W/we would talk about it first. If after it had been discussed, the feeling was still there, then it would be OK to move forward from both O/our perspectives.

    W/we have also made it one of O/our personal policies that W/we do NOT "play" with one half of a married couple without the others consent. I have turned away several potential playmates whose answer to the question does your wife know? was either ah, she don't care. or she'll never find out. If she doesn't care, then bring her along to lunch and introduce her to Me! It's that simple. And if you think she'll never know? Guess again...it may take her a very long time, but eventually, she will suspect.

    So...to answer Your questions....
    I believe that it is directly related to all the secrecy and "hush, hush" that goes along with this lifestyle. I mean, if you're keeping your entire sex life in a closet, what's one more little secret, right?

    Some men are just NOT the marrying kind...unfortunately, some women don't find that out until it's too late.


    No,You are not wrong. Infidelity is unacceptable in any relationship. Not just a D/s one!! Not only does it undermine the basic foundation of a relationship, but unfortunately, there are so many other issues W/we are forced to deal with in this day and age (STDs, HIV, AIDS, etc.)
     
  7. richard
    Offline

    richard Just me

    Joined:
    May 17, 2008
    Messages:
    1,215
    Likes Received:
    583
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    9:30 PM
    If your BULL is willing to be unfaithful, you could always request he wears a CB for a while (maybe a week) before the main event.

    How will he keep that a secret from his partner. He would certainly need her blessing to play.

    Just an idea.

    rich.
     
  8. ozoner55
    Offline

    ozoner55 Junior Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2008
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Local Time:
    3:30 PM
    I must agree with Mistress Watchful, no cheating. The goal of sex or any other human interaction should be first and foremost do no harm. Open relationships can be fun. Cheating hurts SOMEONE. Let's not lose site of our common ground. All males should be locked up and used only at the discretion of the female. I don't believe in bulls, they are only males who have not yet been humbled.
     
  9. madamepeacock
    Offline

    madamepeacock Am I doing this right?

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2009
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Local Time:
    8:30 PM
    I don't know if cheating is more or less common in one community or another, but I do know this: The first lesson I learned in my polyamorous journey is how important it is for EVERYONE involved in the situation to be fully informed and consenting. I used to say "I don't police other people's relationships," and at some point you have to trust the person you are communicating with to be honest about their communications with others. But good for you for asking the questions and not accepting an answer that demonstrates a lack of integrity! If their spouse can't trust them, how can you?
     
  10. xcitex2
    Offline

    xcitex2 Back from the past!

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    1,353
    Likes Received:
    108
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Private Security.
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Central Illinois
    Local Time:
    3:30 PM
    Mistress Watchful not sure what spurred this thread but I for one completely understand where you are coming from. My ex-wife and I had a pretty adventurous relationship. So much so that on more than one occasion we talked about inviting another play partner into our little world. You can imagine my surprise when I found out she was cheating on me. Hell all she would have had to do was ask and we could have probably come up with some type of arrangement. I completely don't understand the relationship between a D/s person and cheating. I would like to think that there are those of us in this lifestyle who also know that cheating is cheating period. I have seen both sides of the debate on what causes it blah blah blah. I think ultimately it comes down to communication. If both partners are being completely open with each other about their needs and frustrations there should not be the need to step out. Can I see how it would happen? Sure we all can. The difference lies in the personal character of the individuals. This character is ultimately what makes up a person, and coming from a past investigator background we had a simple quote, Past behaviors predict future results" Obviously there are many relationships who have survived an affair but in most cases the person who commits it once it much more likely to do it again. Anyway I am getting off topic.
     
  11. Sissy_Aline
    Offline

    Sissy_Aline Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2009
    Messages:
    369
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    4:30 PM
    Ms. Watchful - are You setting this thread to be an open relationship vs. cheating thread? Polyamory vs. D/s "allowing" for cheating? How about Mr. Tiger himself, he's pretty much a cheat? What goes around eventually comes around.

    Love what ozoner stated with regard to relationships - do no harm. And more important "All males should be locked up and used only at the discretion of the female. I don't believe in bulls, they are only males who have not yet been humbled."

    Are You a cuckoldress and using bulls for Your satisfaction within Your relationship Ma'am? ALWAYS enjoy reading You.

    Aline
     
  12. riki1
    Offline

    riki1 owned by Wife

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Local Time:
    4:30 PM
    'Open' can be part of a relationship contract but cheating is always a violation of a relationship contract. I don't think there ever was a relationship agreement that included the phrase 'either party can cheat on the other'. Relationship agreements, unlike business contracts, don't have a court you can take them to that can reinstill trust, comfort a broken heart or quiet fear-filled thoughts. Best you can hope for is the guts to try again and the wisdom to be clearer and more emphatic about your (and your partners) expectations next time around.

    I am sorry you have been hurt. Please accept my hug.
     
  13. painpup
    Offline

    painpup painpup LadyJs toy

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2009
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Local Time:
    1:30 PM
    i was in a open relationship with my xwife she still found it necessary to sneak around with other men. i was her sub so she just figured it was ok to sneak around. we both had agreed we would hide nothing from the other and we would be totaly open yet she still hid things. i dont understand why people hide things it only hurts the one you love
     
  14. Mistress Michelle
    Offline

    Mistress Michelle Magical Mistress

    Joined:
    May 17, 2008
    Messages:
    1,908
    Likes Received:
    185
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Female
    Local Time:
    4:30 PM
    I have read this thread several times, trying to decide if I should weigh in with My opinion and decided to against listening to the little voice LOL. As an Owner of a couple of married subs/sissys, I feel like in thier defense I should say something.
    Although MW started this thread regarding Bulls, it has moved on to anyone in this lifestyle that is not being completly honest with thier partners, which I would venture to guess would be probably 90% of this site. First I would have to say that NO, I would not want to get involved either with a Bull that is not being forthright with his relationship or partner, but then again, if I were, which I am NOT, looking for a Bull, I'd olny search for a single one anyway.
    As for the relationships with everyone else, there are two sides to every relationship. There are many many reasons why submissives and sissys search out Mistresses outside of thier relationships, even why they are on sites like this one, to have an out, to be able to express themselves and be who they want to be. Do I think its wrong to do this, in My opinion it depends on the circumstances, what exactly they are looking for, if it is for sex then they obviously do not understand the concept of having a Mistress and being Owned, therefore I do not waste My time. I would never take a married slave if I did not spend alot of time getting to know them, why they came to Me, what they are looking for and exactly what is going on in thier relationships to make them stray. Is it fair to brand them as 'cheaters' because they need somewhere to go, someone to care for them or help them be who they have always secretly wanted to be? Of course in a perfect world we could always just say well, divorce your wife, leave your kids, give up your life if you want this lifestyle so bad. Now we all know that is not going to happen. So, many of them, you, suffer in silence because you are afraid, not only of giving up on your current life, but of enjoying the release you get from being able to express yourself in this Lifestyle. You cannot go to your wife and tell her that you need to be allowed to dress feminine, or that you enjoy being locked up, or whipped, or whatever the case may be. So, you search out alternative solutions. Everyone is different, and has a different story to tell, thats why its so important to listen. The two I Own are completly opposite, one totally misurable at home, totally ignored and treated as if he is non existant, has been for years and things will never change. The other, completly happily married, just no sex, no intimacy. Two completly different storys, two different reasons for being with Me.
    I did not go into this expecting to find so many unhappy married men, honestly, I never knew so many were hiding out there. Its a shame really, and sometimes I am asked, dosent it bother you that they are married? I think about that sometimes but I have to say, the old saying that everyone knows, if they were satisfied at home they wouldnt be here now would they?
    As far as what MW stated in the beginning of this thread, I would have to say if there is a Bull out there that is married and does not tell his wife what hes up to then all he is after is extra sex and I have to say, in My opinion that is a whole other story than whats being brought up in this thread. I havent had any dealings with any, but if I were to I would have to find a single one. Along with being in this Lifestyle for a long time and coming with a resume LOL

    Mistress Michelle :sex020:
     
  15. painpup
    Offline

    painpup painpup LadyJs toy

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2009
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Local Time:
    1:30 PM
    Well said Mistress Michelle
     
  16. tj246
    Offline

    tj246 Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2009
    Messages:
    408
    Likes Received:
    23
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    4:30 PM
    there is nothing wrong with my wife having a bull while im lock up
    we have not had sex in years now you dont think that im that dumb that she is not in need of sex
    she says im to small to please her and its my own fault for being lock so
    i know that she got bull and its just to fill her up that is it
     
  17. riki1
    Offline

    riki1 owned by Wife

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Local Time:
    4:30 PM
    As usual, Mistress Michelle, your love and compassion shines through in your words. What comes to mind immediately is how much you accept and validate your subs, and how much that is exactly what is missing from their married lives. I'm blessed to be accepted for who i am in my marriage, and i work hard at returning that acceptance. I have experienced marriage w/o acceptance, and, looking back I wonder if there was really love there because the two are so closely linked in my current understanding of what love really is.

    I guess in the end leaving my last marriage was entirely about the lack of acceptance. It probably made little difference who had the affair (she did), we both found ourselves wanting. I couldn't help her achieve her whole self and she couldn't support me in becoming my true self. That's why it ended, her affair was just an acknowledgement of that fact.
     
  18. Mistress Watchful
    Offline

    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Messages:
    5,259
    Likes Received:
    597
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Professional Dominatrix
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Basingstoke
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    9:30 PM
    Ok, after reading Ms Michelle's thoughts, and knowing her like I do (which is fairly well!) I would have to throw another thought into the mix.

    Does it matter if the person being unfaithful is Dom or sub?

    To me I need a Dom/Alpha Male/Bull to be completely and utterly truthful because I feel that as I would be somewhat submissive to them that they would be looking after me and I would need to trust them.

    Is this different if the person is sub, because as a Domme I would be the carer, nurturer, the one in control? Therefore the trust is being placed in ME, rather than the other way round!

    The original start to this thread was due to my frustration that as Ms Michelle could see there are people out there who think being a Bull is all about screwing around, rather than having the D/s dynamic.
     
  19. Mistress Michelle
    Offline

    Mistress Michelle Magical Mistress

    Joined:
    May 17, 2008
    Messages:
    1,908
    Likes Received:
    185
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Female
    Local Time:
    4:30 PM
    I would say that if you feel you cannot trust whomever you choose the relationship will not work. No matter whats going on in thier 'vanilla' lives, anytime you have someone, whether a submissive or a Bull/Master/Mistress, everyone is going to have to be honest and upfront about thier relationships and what goes on outside of this lifestyle, then it is up to you to determine wheter or not you can live with that information.

    As far as finding the appropriate Bull, I really think you would need to stay within this Lifestyle to find one, someone that is either a really good switch, or a Master. A vanilla 'Bull' is nothing more than a man with a big cock that enjoys fucking around. There is a bond within this Lifestyle between all of us that the vanilla world does not respect or understand. Your perfect match MW may very well already be here on this site, you never know!! Keep looking, you will find the right one if it is meant to be.

    Mistress Michelle
     
  20. Mistress Watchful
    Offline

    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Messages:
    5,259
    Likes Received:
    597
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Professional Dominatrix
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Basingstoke
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    9:30 PM
    And perhaps if he was maybe I should go eat humble pie and be a hypocrite... sometimes I should just keep my mouth shut!

    I already know who our perfect Bull is, maybe I should just let this one thing slide....
     
  21. Rachel
    Offline

    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,337
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Local Time:
    4:30 PM
    MW from my pont of view NO it is not as the sub must be able to trust the dom as much as the dom must be able to trust the sub. If MM couldn't trust me to be truthful with her how could she ever trust me to do what i am told when she is not there. i mean even when i am there with her if she tells me to do something and she goes away she knows without a doubt it will be done. Also if the time ever came and i really, really needed my safe word how could she ever trust that i wasn't just using it to get out of something because maybe at the time i just didn't feel like it.

    There has only been one time that i wasn't honest with her and told her my feelings at the time and we all know how that turned out. Is our honesty brutel at times yes but it has helped us and i mean the 3 of us MM, rick and myself to become friends like i have never experienced in my life.

    Now everyone hear knows i am married just as my wife knows excatly where i go when i go to Virginia for a couple days. She knows she can't give to me what MM can but that is partly my fault as i don't feel comfortable submitting to her as i do with MM. Maybe it's the vanilla husband wife thing for the first 20 years of our marriage. i really don't know. i do know if i cannot trust someone to be honest with their s/o how do i know they will be honest with me. Do i wish my wife would get more involved in the lifestyle? At first i did but now as long as she allows me my relationship with MM and rick i don't mind near as much.

    MM's sweet pea
    rachel
     
  22. Mistress Watchful
    Offline

    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Messages:
    5,259
    Likes Received:
    597
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Professional Dominatrix
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Basingstoke
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    9:30 PM
    I think you may have missed my point a little bit Rachel...

    In your circumstances everyone knows what is going on, therefore it does not cause the issues I was speaking of.

    Ms Michelle knows you are married and your wife knows you go to Ms Michelle to fulfil that part of you. No-one is left in the dark.

    Also in a D/s relationship where the sub is being unfaithful the Dom/me would usually know about it. This was the bit I was trying to get to. For some reason I see that as being acceptable, but not the other way round!

    (I'm really gonna get kicked for this one!)

    Is it because you could expect a submissive to stay in an unhappy marriage because they are designed to serve, and would therefore be more inclined to stay and try and make it work, whereas a Dom/me should perhaps be more able to take control of the situation and leave if they are unhappy?

    I realise it's never cut and dried - especially when children are involved.

    It's just one of those blurry lines that I like to try and sort out, and probably never will!

    I would say that I personally would not want to play with someone who was not completely truthful with their partner. But, I've also said I wouldn't do a lot of other things, and when it came down to it, I found a workaround!
     
  23. Rachel
    Offline

    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,337
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Local Time:
    4:30 PM
    And that was my point MW i don't think it is any different no matter which side of the fence you stand on.

    MM's sweetpea
    rachel
     
  24. Mistress Watchful
    Offline

    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Messages:
    5,259
    Likes Received:
    597
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Professional Dominatrix
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Basingstoke
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    9:30 PM
    Yes but in your case Rachel you wife also knows and allows it, in most cases that doesn't appear to be so...
     
  25. Rachel
    Offline

    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,337
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Local Time:
    4:30 PM
    All i am saying MW is in a perfect situation all would know what the other is doing. Not that my situation is perfect but it is as close as i can get right now. Perfect would be being submissive and serving 99% of the time. i say 99% because i don't think i could ever get rid of randy completely. Don't get me wrong i did more then my share of cheating as a young man but i understand how much better it can be if you are just honest and then let the chips fall where they may.

    rachel
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice