In My Wife's Service

There was some sort of glitch with my last post, and a few words were accidentally deleted. I am going to post it here again:

15. The Talk

I ended up asking my wife about her plans for me while we were in bed this morning—two days earlier than I had planned. I’m afraid I didn’t manage the conversation very well, and I’m not sure what I found out. Our little talk came up rather spontaneously after a fantastic session in bed.

We went right to sleep last night because my wife was exhausted. This morning, I waited patiently for her to awake, and I then massaged her body from her toes to her shoulders. I crawled under the blankets with a bottle of body lotion, and I began working it into her skin with my hands while I gently kissed her all over. I started with her feet and worked my way up. When I had finished her back and shoulders, I returned to her buttocks, and I continued to massage and kiss them until she signaled she was ready to end the session. All the time I was massaging her, she gently massaged my testicles. No sharp fingernails or hard yanks. Instead, she gently kneaded and tugged on them. It wasn’t always comfortable at first, but there was never any pain involved. With the workout she gave them, I was afraid they would be sore afterward, but they were fine. Her massage of my testicles was slow and gentle—and extremely relaxing—and my penis never attempted to get erect. The session lasted about an hour, and my penis continually leaked out onto the bed, but I never felt I would have an ejaculation or orgasm. By the time I returned to massage and kiss her buttocks, I was so relaxed I was practically in a stupor.

Afterward, while we cuddled, I asked her—again—whether she thought she really needed to continue keeping me locked up, and she answered with an enthusiastic yes. I then muttered that I was beginning to wonder if she was ever going to let me out of my cage. Her response was complete silence. So I reminded her that she hadn’t released me in over six months. She said it was because I have been “so grouchy” this winter. I probably should have pressed the point, but I moved on by asking her if she liked having my testicles freshly shaved. She said yes. I explained that she hadn’t shaved me for a long time and I had been much more comfortable the past couple mornings because I had shaved myself. She added that she thought I also would be more comfortable bicycling if my pubic area was kept clean. I asked her if she wanted me to continue shaving myself on a regular basis, and she agreed, adding that she may want to do it sometimes when she wants “to have some fun.”

So I don’t know what I learned. She hasn’t admitted that she wants to keep me locked up indefinitely, but she has clearly demonstrated that she is willing to keep me locked up for long periods of time if she doesn’t like my attitude. In addition, the primary responsibility for keeping myself clean shaven has shifted to me.

Later that morning, the two of us bumped into each other in front of the coffee pot, and she gave me a kiss, and I put my arms around her. Once again, I asked her if she was sure that she thought she needed to keep my penis locked up, and she answered yes even more enthusiastically than before. I responded that I wouldn’t mind being locked up so much if she continued to massage my testicles like she did this morning. Chastity does provide some rewards.

The essential paradox of chastity is that for it to work, I have to be kept in a more-or-less constant state of sexual frustration so I desperately want to be released. While I am frustrated, I am willing to do almost anything to satisfy my wife’s needs. Of course, the better I serve her needs, the more she wants to reward me, but once she does, the bottom falls out. I lose interest in her and being caged. So she—and perhaps both of us—would be better off if she kept me locked up long term. But to keep me motivated, she can’t let me think she has locked me up and thrown away the key. Instead, she must offer me vague promises of future releases.

That may be the dynamic she has crafted for us. At this point, all I know is that she has kept me locked up for over six months, and I think she may unlock me at some point. She hasn’t declared that she has plans to keep me locked up for a year or more—or forever—but neither has she promised me a specific release. I am still eager to see how our session Sunday afternoon goes, and I will continue to lavish attention on her between now and then. There is one problem though—no anilingus for now. She says I have already licked her raw.

Another thing recently crossed my mind. I have been keeping track of how long it has been since my wife last let me out of my cage beginning with my current lockup on September 13. I was only out before that because we had an argument after I had a minor mishap while on my bicycle. She had locked me up earlier on July 10 after giving me the big blow job. That was 250 days ago. Since then, I have spent 229 days locked up, and she has never really released me. In some ways, that earlier date may best represent her intentions. It was on July 10 that the key of my cage disappeared from view. Previously, my wife usually left the key out on her bedside table so it was readily available when I needed to be released. Since then, she has kept it hidden somewhere in her walk-in closet.

 

16. More Discussions

Last night, as we were sitting down for a couple of drinks before dinner, my wife and I got into another discussion about chastity. During the conversation, she stated that she was no longer going to be letting me out of my chastity device and she wouldn’t be giving me any more orgasms. She said that she had decided that this past fall because we always got along better when I was horny. I responded that we had been getting along better lately, but she quickly countered, “That’s because you are horny! If I give you an orgasm, you will go back to treating me like crap for the next two weeks!”

I was a bit stunned, and a mix of feelings flooded my mind. I felt a bit angry and resentful, but I also felt excited and full of love and respect for my beautiful wife. Meanwhile, my penis began struggling to become erect inside its cage. Later, while we watched some television, it was difficult to concentrate on the programs, and I didn’t sleep very well last night.

When we went to bed, she gently played with my balls while we continued to talk. I asked if she was serious about what she had said about not letting me out of my cage and giving me orgasms, and she said she was. I told her that I had been wondering if she had intended for the big blow job she gave me in July to serve as one last hurrah before my penis was permanently confined to its cage. She said that she hadn’t intended it that way initially, but that is how it had turned out. She explained that now I was able to wear my device indefinitely, our relationship was able to evolve to the next stage.

This morning, we kissed and cuddled for a while before she once again started gently playing with my balls while we talked. I asked her if she was serious when she had said the things she said last night, and she responded, “If I wasn’t serious about the things I said, why would I have said them?” However, in the ensuing conversation, she told me that I would still receive some orgasms—I would have some accidental orgasms, and she would still occasionally let me out of my cage to give me an orgasm if I deserved one. I said that contradicted what she had said last night, and she denied that she had ever said she wouldn’t let me out of my cage or give me an occasional orgasm.

The conversation quickly began to deteriorate. I tried to get her to reconcile the things she had said, and she was clearly becoming annoyed with my badgering. Although I still had some unanswered questions, I dropped the subject before things got acrimonious.

This afternoon, I still believe the things she said last night, and I think she was probably playing some mind games with me this morning. I think she must be planning on keeping my penis caged, but she wants to dangle in front of me the possibility of letting me out of my cage for an occasional orgasm to provide me some hope and keep me motivated. At one point, she said as much when she told me it was best if I didn’t know everything she had in mind so there would be an element of mystery in what she does.

I now realize I was acting in a manipulative manner when I pressured her to respond to my questioning. It should suffice for me to understand that my wife sees our relationship progressing so that she has increasing control over my penis, and I need to trust her to make the choices she thinks are best for us. It shouldn’t be my place to challenge her authority or limit her options by insisting that she always behave in a consistent manner.

 

Hopefully, this will help explain why I submit to my wife locking me up on a long-term basis.

Yes, I am happy. In fact, I am living out a fantasy. My wife and I have a good marriage, and we are very much in love. Since we began experimenting with chastity several years ago, our marriage has been happier, and we have been more affectionate and intimate with each other.

After thinking about recent developments for a few days, I think I am ready to commit to the next step in our relationship, even if it means total chastity. For the chastity experience to continue to be exciting, it needs to keep progressing in intensity, and total chastity is logically the next step. I cannot say it is a surprise. It probably was just a matter of time given how things have been evolving. In effect, my wife has been training me for this for the past several years. After over six months without a release and with only a handful of ruined orgasms, it is not that big of a step for me.

Several years ago, when my wife told me she thought we no longer needed a chastity agreement, I realized she probably wanted to take complete control of our sex life, and yet I allowed her to continue locking me up. She is convinced beyond doubt that keeping me caged is best for her—for us—and for me. Time after time, my attitude has soured and my interest in her has waned whenever I am given an orgasm. She used to tell me she was willing to uncage me and resume a conventional sex life if I could do a better job of pleasing her. However, my behavior after orgasms repeatedly convinced her that I was incapable of keeping her satisfied on a sustained basis unless she kept me locked up and rationed my orgasms.

Of course, I miss vaginal intercourse, and I sometimes would give anything to be able to throw her on her back and bang the daylights out of her after she has teased me for a half hour. On the other hand, she is very generous in pleasuring me while I am in my cage, and she can extend that pleasure much longer than if we had engaged in intercourse. I have experienced some great sex once I learned to relax and accept it on her terms. In addition, we can have several intense sessions during the course of a weekend.

Sure, I ultimately have the power to end our chastity relationship any time I want. But in the short run, she is totally in control. She made that clear from the very beginning, and she has little patience for any attempts to top from the bottom.

So why don’t put an end to this? First, long-term chastity is a sublime experience that offers its own excitement, sensations, and rewards, and the choice between long-term chastity and conventional sex is either-or. One cannot simply switch back and forth between the two. And as long as I allow her to keep me locked up, she has complete control. I have no choice but to follow her lead, regardless of the ramifications.

Second, both my wife and I have undergone important changes due to our experience with chastity. She loves the benefits keeping me locked up provides her, and she would not be eager to relinquish the power she has grown to enjoy. Once she began locking me up, she admitted that she never had enjoyed vaginal intercourse very much. She felt obligated to engage in it because I enjoyed it, and she no longer would have an interest in participating in intercourse on a regular basis. Because I love and respect her, I would need to honor that desire whether or not I remained caged. In short, we simply cannot return to where we were in our relationship before she began locking me up.

Finally, I would need to be very confident in my decision if I were ever to ask my wife to quit locking me up. She has made it clear that she would impose substantial penalties on me if I were to ask her to lock me up again after requesting my freedom.

 

17. New Rules for Grooming

There is no news to report regarding releases or orgasms. However, after I recently determined I can shave my genitals clean while still wearing my chastity device, my wife and I had a discussion about grooming. I have agreed to the following new rules:

1. I will keep my scrotum and the areas underneath my scrotal ring clean shaven. I will shave those areas once a week prior to dinner Saturday night.

2. I will allow the pubic hair above my chastity device to grow back out. Once it is long enough, I will keep it groomed by using an electric hair clipper once a week. I will keep it at a uniform length of between one-quarter and one-half inch, to be determined.

3. I will apply lotion to my scrotum daily after my evening shower to keep it soft for my wife.

4. I will no longer go more than one day at a time without shaving my face clean.

5. I will apply lotion to my wife’s feet, legs, and buttocks at least once a week.

For my following these rules, my wife has agreed to experiment with scheduling a second regular session for pussy worship on Wednesdays.

Lately, she has been very busy preparing to place our house on the market this spring. Two Wednesdays have come and gone, and so far, she has not allowed me to worship her pussy except on Sunday afternoons. Yesterday, she had an especially good orgasm, so she said we might have an instructional session this week to see if she can teach me how to replicate what I did yesterday.

 

18. March 2018 Update

My last post was on April 3, 2017, so an update is probably in order. In review, my wife gave me an incredible blowjob on July 20, 2016, to reward me for reaching the point where I no longer needed to be released from my chastity device for bicycle rides. At the time, I feared it might be the last blowjob I would ever receive, and that was later confirmed. On March 17, 2017, we had what I think of as “The Talk,” actually a short series of discussions over the weekend during which she informed me that she would no longer be letting me out of my device or giving me orgasms. Although she later walked that statement back a bit, I am now essentially kept in chastity without release.

Over the course of that weekend, she was somewhat inconsistent while describing her plans for me, but I now realize that she probably was hedging a bit because she was concerned about how I would accept the news. For the next several days, she played with me much more than usual—as often as three times a day—and on two mornings in a row, she woke me up by giving my testicles a wonderfully sensual massage that had me climbing the walls. I think she wanted to demonstrate that my life could still be very good under the new regimen. But I also think she was reveling in her new power over me.

Since then, she has released me exactly twice—once just before we left on a two-week road trip, and once before we attended a concert where we were frisked by a metal detector. The road trip occurred in May 2017 when we drove from the Midwest to New York to watch our daughter graduate from law school. Ten minutes before we left the house, my wife called me into our bedroom, and she removed my device. I went into the bathroom to clean off my penis, which had been locked up for several months, and I was alarmed by a white ring along the corona. Upon inspection, I concluded it was residue from the body wash I use, trapped behind the corona by my chastity cage. As I took a wet washcloth to my penis, it stung from being covered all over by invisible little scratches. I covered it with a generous coating of Neosporin, and it was fine by the next morning. Two nights into the trip, my wife began playing with my penis for the first time in months. Unfortunately, I became so turned on I almost ejaculated after only three or four strokes. She immediately quit, and she never touched it again. When we got home from the trip, I presented myself to her, and she unceremoniously locked me back into my cage. Recess over.

On rare occasions, I still have an orgasm when my wife plays with my testicles too long. I never know if it is planned or by accident. I also do not know if it is intended as a reward or as a punishment—or if she simply wants to empty my balls because she has grown tired of my friskiness. In any case, she always ruins the orgasm. The instant she knows an ejaculation is imminent, she removes her hands, and my penis is left alone to shudder away against its steel cage. Ruined orgasms are not that enjoyable, and I am always left disappointed when one occurs.

In the past 20 months, my wife has given me one orgasm outside my chastity device. Last summer, I was hoping she might give me one on my birthday or on our wedding anniversary, but both days it was business as usual—no release, no orgasm, and nothing out of the ordinary. However, one day earlier this winter, I received an orgasm when I least expected it. During several days of intense training on our stationary bike, my penis cage suddenly popped off after the security screw worked its way out. That evening, I gave both my penis and my device good cleanings, and I presented them to my wife when we prepared for bed. She said she was not quite ready to lock me back up. I recently had taken a couple days off work to her help on a project, and she seemed to appreciate that. Once in bed, she proceeded to masturbate me until I ejaculated. Unfortunately, my penis was so sore after being locked up for so long that it was not a pleasurable experience for me. After several years of chastity, I am not that comfortable having my penis stroked because it is so tender when out of its cage. A couple years ago, when she still used to let me out once a month for a shave, she always made a point of roughing up my penis so it would be sore when she rode me or masturbated me. I thought she was trying to condition me to associate penile sex with pain, and it worked. I cannot remember the last time using my penis was pleasurable.

I used to fantasize about bursting out of my cage and thrusting my penis deep inside my wife whenever she played with me. In writing this, I realize it has been a long time since I have harbored such thoughts. I also used to wonder if I was a fool for letting her keep me locked up, but I no longer think about that either. I have more or less accepted my situation. I no longer expect to be released, and I spend no time worrying about it. Instead, I accept that it is not going to happen, and I find myself thinking only of the next time she will play with my testicles or let me service her pussy with my tongue. It has been months since we have discussed our sex life or my chastity.

On Sunday afternoons, we usually read in bed for an hour or so while both nude. At some point, we begin kissing, and she gets me excited by playing with my testicles. Once she is ready, I am expected to perform cunnilingus on her while she continues to play with my balls—alternately caressing and pulling on them. Yesterday, she let out a scream when she climaxed, and afterward I continued to lick the areas around her genitals. She apparently enjoyed that because she encouraged me by continuing to work me over with her hands. After about a half hour, she started to roll over, and I thought she was signaling it was time to quit. Instead, she presented her anus to me, and I licked and nibbled on it for another half hour. When we were finally finished, I was totally relaxed and spent despite not having an orgasm of my own. At that moment, I briefly considered my situation and realized I was happy and content. I would not have wanted it any other way.

 

19. March–June 2018 Update

I wrote the following with the intention of posting it in early June, but I didn’t get around to doing so. Since then, there have been some new developments with which I am not entirely pleased. I will try to write a post about those within the next couple weeks.

Since my last post, my wife and I have been busy preparing to sell our home and move into a house that is currently under renovation. Ordinarily on Sunday afternoons, we have an extended play session in bed that culminates in my licking her pussy to orgasm. Because of travel and other activities, we went four or five weeks in a row without an opportunity to engage in one of those sessions. I think our relationship suffered because of the loss of that intimacy.

Finally, we were home for a weekend and without plans. Over drinks on a Friday night, I mentioned how I was looking forward to worshipping her pussy later in the weekend, and she responded that she would rather shave my genitals than have her pussy eaten. She explained that she thought she would be too tired to have an orgasm and that I was getting “too shaggy down there.”

I found that a curious remark given my genitals hadn’t been shaved for over a year. It had been over two years since she quit shaving them on a regular basis. About a year ago, I had offered to shave them myself once a week while still wearing my chastity device. However, that proved too tedious, and I soon let my pubic hair grow back. She didn’t seem to mind, so for most of the past year, my pubes had been adorned by a rather luxurious growth of thick, dark hair. I couldn’t understand how they were suddenly shaggy enough to require shaving. I figured she simply wanted to enjoy denuding me and exerting her dominance. As I anticipated being shaved, I found myself feeling a bit of resentment about being forced to surrender a symbol of my masculinity.

That Sunday afternoon did not progress as I had been led to expect. She told me to meet her on the couch in front of the basement fireplace at 5:00 p.m. As our appointment approached, I found myself unexpectedly getting nervous. A little while after we sat down on the couch, we started kissing, and she was unusually aggressive with her tongue. She instructed me to remove my clothes, and she removed her own. We continued to kiss until she motioned for me to get on the floor, which I took as a signal to begin worshipping her pussy. I proceeded, and she reached a thunderous orgasm in spite of her earlier comments.

When I finished with her pussy, I refocused my efforts on her feet and toes, and I continued in that fashion for quite a while until she pulled me back onto the couch. A little more kissing, and then she began sucking my nipples. At some point, she reached for the key to my chastity device and removed it, all the while continuing to suck hard on my nipples. I found myself feeling uncomfortable with how aggressive she was acting. After a while, she reached down for my genitals, and she began digging her fingernails deep into my scrotum and pulling very hard on my testicles.

I expected her to stop at any moment and instruct me to lie on the floor for my shave, but instead she started playing with my uncaged penis with her hands. My penis was very sensitive after so long in its cage, and her touches got me so excited I began jumping all over the couch. She grabbed on and pumped hard on my penis until I ejaculated. She then grabbed a towel and very roughly wiped me off. By the time she finished, my penis was stinging. When she told me to go up for a shower, I was relieved to be out of her grasp.

She uses an old sock to pull my penis into its cage, and when she pulled the sock off through the front of the cage, my penis was on fire. I was happy to be safely locked back into my device. At that point, it seemed more like a sanctuary than a prison. More and more, I think I would rather remain locked up than released for that kind of play.

So we finished the session with my pubic hair still intact. I didn’t know if she had changed her mind between Friday and Sunday, or if suggesting that she was going to shave me was part of a mind game she was playing with me. In any case, I went the next couple weeks metaphorically looking over my shoulder, thinking that at any minute she might enter the room carrying a razor and a can of shaving crème. After a month, she eventually told me she had been messing with me. She never had plans to shave me. She simply doesn’t want me to know what to expect.

We had been under quite a few changes and a lot of stress during the past several months, and some of my frustrations blew up suddenly the next Tuesday evening. I got angry about something stupid, and once I started complaining, the dam burst. As fate would have it, one of my testicles had popped out of my scrotal ring when I was riding my bicycle earlier in the day. I had to painfully remove my device, and when it was time for bed, I had to present myself to my wife so she could reinstall it. We were still angry at each other, and it was hard for me to surrender myself to her given how I was feeling, but I had learned once before that there would be consequences if I didn’t wear my device to bed.

Two days later, she left me at home when she drove out of town to visit her mother in the hospital for a couple days. The short separation was good for us, and once she returned, we began working to improve our relationship. However, two more weeks passed before she was willing to show me any affection in bed. I broke the ice by going down on her anus one night, but I had to worship her anus or feet several more nights before she began to touch me again. Of course, she links my losing my temper to the orgasm she had given me two days earlier. Moreover, she sees that incident as part of a pattern of behavior that will likely dissuade her from being as generous in the future.

Once we got our house on the market, we began having more time to relax, and we have spent quite a bit of time in bed. Most days, we have both a morning and an evening play session, and we often have an afternoon session on weekends. I usually kiss and lick her feet or anus while she plays with my testicles. Depending on her mood or the moment, she may gentle stroke my balls, or she may dig her fingernails deep into my scrotum and act as if she wants to pull them off. Over time, I have adapted so I enjoy whatever attention she wants to give them. Meanwhile, her skills have evolved so that she can keep me in a constant state of excitement for as long as she chooses, often for an hour or more. Of course, she never offers me relief, so I am always looking forward to our next session and the opportunity to lick the soles of her feet or bury my tongue in her ass. It is as if I have fallen into an endless feedback loop. I can’t wait for my next chance to satisfy her needs, and that feeds her desire to keep me in chastity.

My birthday was a couple weeks ago. No release, no orgasm—just like my birthday and our wedding anniversary last year. This year, my birthday treat consisted of her allowing me to perform cunnilingus on her in the middle of a weekday. While we were cuddling afterward, I asked her when my next release would be. Without hesitation, she replied, “The next time I don’t mind you acting like a jerk for the next week!” Sometimes, I can’t help but to reflect on how my role in our marriage has changed. It has been several years since the last time I have lain on top of my wife, thrusting my penis deep into her vagina. Now I kneel behind her with my tongue up her ass!

With more time on our hands, we have had an opportunity to engage in some extensive conversations about our relationship. A couple Fridays ago, we found ourselves involved in a spontaneous discussion that quickly turned serious. She confided that she had come close to packing her bags and leaving me after I lost my temper that Tuesday evening last month. We ended up having a very productive conversation characterized by a lot of honesty and trust. We postponed dinner for an hour or two so we could continue, and we promised to have additional discussions during the next few days. I suggested that we consider rebuilding our relationship up from scratch and that everything, including her keeping me in chastity, should be on the table. Although she indicated a willingness to discuss anything that came up, she indicated that chastity was not negotiable and insisted that I will continue to wear my chastity device throughout the period of our discussions.

Sesla

 

Tombow:
Thanks for your comments. If this is what you want, you probably won't be disappointed in what I have to report in my next post.
Sesla

 

20. Aftermath

It now has been about a month since I wrote my last entry, which I posted in a belated fashion on July 6. During the past month, my wife and I had a few more conversations about our relationship, and we implemented some changes, but she wasn’t interested in discussing changes to our sex life. Keeping my penis locked up remains the basis for the sexual aspect of our life together. If anything, she has tightened the leash a bit in that regard.

During our discussions, she made the following pronouncements:

1. For as long as I remain married to her, my penis will be kept locked up.

2. It will be a “long time” before she gives me another orgasm. After that, if I am irritable or misbehave, it will be even longer until the next one.

3. She will never again release me just to play with my penis. That has resulted in too many accidental orgasms, and she intends to put an end to those.

Based on her past actions, my best guess is that she plans to keep me locked up for at least a year. Of course, it is likely she will delay my release if she doesn’t think I deserve it or there is an accident along the way. For all I know, she may not plan to release me at all.

None of this is surprising, but I appreciate that she at least clarified the situation for me. She sometimes messes with me by saying things one day and contradicting them the next. This time, she was dead serious about what she had to say.

I am not entirely happy with the way things are going, but there isn’t much I can do about it. I am committed to our marriage, and she knows that. I could try arguing or reasoning with her, but she would never give in. She doesn’t think there is anything wrong with what she is doing as long as she gives me plenty of attention, and she has given me a lot more attention since she started keeping me locked up. If I demanded that she unlock me, she would refuse me any sexual contact whatsoever. I certainly wouldn’t be able to persuade her to have intercourse with me! Meanwhile, she would quit providing me whatever pleasure I now enjoy. When I eventually surrendered and asked her to lock me back up, she would continue to withhold her affection for several weeks or months to punish me for my disobedience.

I currently have been locked up for about two months, which is by no means extraordinary given she routinely keeps me locked up for several months at a time. During the past couple months, she has played with my testicles a lot, but she now takes greater care to avoid giving me an orgasm, even a ruined one. She claims to have learned the secrets to edging me, and she takes satisfaction from not having had an accident for over half a year. To reduce the risk of a mistake, she has begun milking me by putting her finger up my ass and massaging my prostate. So far, that isn’t something I particularly enjoy.

She also has become a little more demanding. Lately, she won’t always play with me until after I have begun licking her anus or the soles of her feet. While I perform cunnilingus, she is more focused than before on her own pleasure. She manipulates my testicles more to orchestrate what she wants from my tongue than to provide me reciprocal pleasure. When she softly strokes my balls, she is signaling that she wants me to gently lick and nibble on her clitoris and labia. When she starts squeezing my balls repeatedly, I know she is wound up pretty tight, and she needs me to increase the pace and intensity of my ministrations.

I find it curious that my pubic hair suddenly has become a source of amusement for her after she threatened to shave it off a couple months ago. She is fascinated by how much longer and thicker it is compared to hers, and she enjoys running her fingers through it to straighten out any tangles, much to my distraction. Despite being more careful about unintended orgasms, she has begun stroking the tip of my penis where it pokes out through the front of its cage. She never used to do that, and I attribute her new willingness to do it to the greater confidence she has in her edging skills.

After several years of chastity, our relationship has continued to evolve. As it has, my wife has continued to chip away at the pleasures I once regularly enjoyed. I am no longer so much a sexual partner as a sex slave, a mere attendant to her pleasure. I must subsist on the crumbs of pleasure she tosses to me as my tongue services her pussy, anus, and feet. At this point, I doubt that I will ever again experience the joys of coitus or fellatio. The most I can hope for is an occasional hand job, if that.

Sometimes, after an intense play session, when I find myself reflecting on the absurdity of my predicament, I still have a need to ask her if it is really necessary for her to keep me in chastity. She never waivers in answering yes. After I sigh in response, she may add, “Just remember, you were the one who wanted to experiment with chastity!” as if that justifies what she is doing.

Sesla

 

21. Locktober

Locktober doesn’t have much significance in our household given my wife keeps me locked up all the time anyway. I was already locked up when the month began, and I will remain locked up when the month ends. I mentioned Locktober to my wife last night, and the concept doesn’t amuse her in the least.

The last time my wife unlocked me and gave me an orgasm was on April 15. Since then, she has kept me locked up continuously with one exception. Two weeks ago, we took a short vacation to Las Vegas to celebrate selling our house. Just before we left for the airport, she released me, and she locked me back up shortly after we arrived home During the four nights we spent in a hotel, she didn’t touch me except for cupping her hand around my balls when we went to sleep the last night.

Since April, we have pretty much settled into a fixed routine. She generally has no intention of unlocking me or allowing me an orgasm. She keeps me motivated by playing with my balls. At night, she is usually willing to play with them while we kiss. In the mornings, however, I must service her to get her to play with me. I slide down under the sheets and plant her feet on my face. Then I lick her soles while I massage her feet and legs. On Sunday afternoons, we go to bed, and she plays with me while I lick her pussy. Once she has her orgasm, she rolls over, and I lick her anus until it is time to clean up for dinner.

My wife has gotten quite good at teasing me for long periods of time without pushing me over the edge and giving me an accidental orgasm. Before our vacation, I had gone over five months without one. However, when we got back from Las Vegas, my genitals became more aroused than normal after the break in play. That Sunday afternoon, she unintentionally pushed me too far, and I had a copious ejaculation. It wasn’t pleasurable because I was still in my cage and she immediately quit playing with me.

Nevertheless, because of the orgasm and the exhaustion I experienced after the trip, I am afraid I wasn’t very enthusiastic about taking care of her needs in the following week. Most certainly, that will reinforce her commitment to keeping me locked up and denying me orgasms in the future. Locktober has nothing to do with it.

 

Thank you for your comment, which is similar to one I received in March 2017. Let me respond by saying that there has been no emotional blackmail, no threats, and no ultimatums. When I posted that my penis will be locked up for as long as I remain married to my wife, it was meant as a simple statement of fact, not the description of a threat. In our case, “as long as I remain married” means “till death do us part.”

My wife and I enjoy a loving relationship. Although sex is an important aspect of our relationship, we are also best friends and full and equal partners in the other facets of our life. We spend most of our time together. Indeed, friends sometimes refer to us as the “most married” couple they know. If we ever needed therapy or counseling, it probably was during the period just before we began experimenting with chastity. The years since then have been among the happiest of our married life. In fact, my wife’s primary motivation for keeping me locked up is that she is convinced beyond doubt that it is best for us. Plus, she considers the sex the best she has ever had.

Having said all that, I must admit that my wife has been totally in charge of our sex life since she began locking me up. There have been no negotiations or topping from the bottom. She has always decided on the next step in our journey, and I have quietly accepted her decisions. I may have sighed or groaned a bit, but I have never voiced an objection or challenged her authority. I guess that is because the idea of her exercising more and more control over my penis excites me to the core. Whenever she announces she is tightening the reins a bit more, I get butterflies in my stomach and my penis begins to swell. The next morning, I usually awake extremely aroused as my penis struggles mightily to become erect within its metal cage. It is a sublime feeling to be owned and controlled by the woman I love.

To be fair to my wife, I should point out that she has always given me the option of asking for release from my cage. However, she has made it clear that she has no intention of returning to the sex life we had before we tried chastity and that I cannot expect to receive as much attention as she gives me when I am caged. Moreover, she will not permit me to switch back and forth between chastity and freedom. If I were to ask her to lock me back up, it would be on a long-term basis, and there would be a lengthy probationary period during which I would pay a price for the time I spent outside my cage. Meanwhile, she does amazing things to my balls to reward me for my chastity and discourage me from making poor choices.

As I stated in my last post, my wife and I have pretty much settled into our roles since last April. There have been some recent developments, however, and I will try to describe them in a future update.

 

22. Permanent Denial

About a month ago, my wife informed me that she will no longer release my penis except for travel and she will never again allow me an orgasm. So we have finally arrived to the point where we are practicing permanent chastity, at least according to my definition. No, she hasn’t soldered my device together so it cannot be removed. She recognizes the need to release me occasionally for travel and, presumably, medical exams. But I think her determination to keep me forever chaste qualifies our lifestyle as permanent chastity.

Having been caged more or less full-time for over eight years, I am skeptical of stories in which a woman takes steps to ensure her man’s cage can never be removed. Those men must never travel or see a physician. I recently read on Mina’s bitch’s Tumblr site that after ten months of being caged in “permanent titanium chastity,” he was released because Mina wanted to use her penis. Consequently, he had to drill out the “permanently secured” stainless steel screw with a drill press. Since then, Mina has instituted a reward system by which he can earn orgasms. So much for permanent chastity.

In our case, my wife’s recent pronouncement didn’t really surprise me. I have thought we were probably headed toward permanent orgasm denial for some time. She slowly has been restricting me more and more until it seemed like the next logical step. In July, I reported that she would no longer release me just to play with my penis. She also said it would be a “long time” before she gave me another orgasm and that if I were irritable or misbehaved after that one, I could expect to wait even longer for the next one. So eliminating the possibility of a future orgasm or two doesn’t seem like much of a loss, particularly given how seldom I have received orgasms the past couple years.

My wife chose to begin denying me permanently because she enjoys the regiment we have been following the past few months and concluded that it could be sustained on a long-term basis. She practiced her skills until she became confident that she could edge me and keep me constantly aroused without accidentally pushing me over the brink. She loves the attention she receives, and she is well aware that my interest in her diminishes for several days whenever she gives me relief. As for coitus, she is more than willing to forgo it permanently in exchange for having her pussy, ass, and feet worshipped on a daily basis. She doesn’t feel guilty about denying me because she figures I am receiving more than adequate compensation from the pleasure she provides me by constantly playing with my balls.

Surprisingly, her confidence in her ability to keep me indefinitely aroused did not seem to wane after the accident that occurred shortly after we returned home from our Las Vegas trip in September. At that time, I attributed my orgasm to her failure to account for how excited I was when she began playing with me after a hiatus of several days. However, she didn’t appear particularly disappointed when I had a copious ejaculation. Perhaps that was my long-promised orgasm and she gave it to me while caged so I wouldn’t look back at it with too nostalgia. That would be consistent with her history of gradually diminishing the quality of my orgasms over time.

In any case, between the ruined orgasm and how exhausted I was after the trip, I had little interest in pleasing her the following week. That surely must have cost me. If she hadn’t already decided to deny me permanently, my inattentiveness to her needs certainly contributed to her decision.

Last summer, we once discussed purchasing a new chastity device that would make it easier for her to release me if she suddenly had an urge to play with my penis. We never followed through on the purchase, and at some point, her priorities changed. Now instead of wanting quicker access to my penis, she wants to keep it locked up for good.

In July, when she announced that she no longer planned on releasing me for play, she justified her decision by saying that she had noticed I wasn’t always as attentive to her needs after she took me out of my cage, even when she hadn’t given me an orgasm. So last month, when faced with permanent denial, I admitted to her that I had masturbated to an orgasm once or twice after a play session. On those occasions, she had edged me repeatedly and then sent me to the shower to clean myself up before she reinstalled my cage. Overwhelmed with arousal, I couldn’t restrain myself. I told her I hadn’t confessed to the orgasms because I knew she would have punished me.

After my admission, she said she wasn’t interested in disciplining me now because all of that was water over the dam. Nevertheless, I paid a price for my earlier lack of candor. It certainly contributed to her decision to quit playing with my penis and probably played a role in her decision to deny me permanently.

I reacted stoically to the most recent revelations. She has gradually been reducing the frequency of my orgasms over the past several years as part of my chastity training, and those she has given me have become increasingly uncomfortable and unpleasurable. So instead of lamenting the loss of a mediocre orgasm here and there, I have found myself thinking more about the loss of my penis. It hasn’t been handled very much the past couple years, and it will be handled even less now that its cage won’t be removed. I can’t see my penis inside its cage, and I can’t even remember what an erection looks like.

It really is as if I no longer have a penis, a point that my wife has begun to drive home. She has never been one to tease or taunt me about my predicament, but that wasn’t the case one Sunday afternoon a couple months ago. After I had brought her to orgasm with my tongue, I casually mentioned my penis during some pillow talk. She quickly corrected me, stating in a quiet but firm tone, “You don’t have a penis.” Simply a matter of fact. She repeated herself two or three times that afternoon and during the following week. I have learned to leave penises out of conversations.

I have a penis only in the sense that one is attached to my body. It is no longer mine. It is hers, and she has imprisoned it in steel. Now she no longer has plans to use it, but she keeps it locked up because she doesn’t want me using it either. Permanently.

 

Thank you for your comments. Like you, I’m not entirely sure congratulations are in order. Time will tell. So far, my wife has been very pleased with her decision to keep me permanently locked up and denied. This morning, she said she thinks it provides us something we both need. My life hasn’t changed all that much given she hadn’t released me or allowed me an orgasm very often the past couple years. Nonetheless, the idea of permanent denial must excite me on a subconscious level. I frequently wake up in the morning extremely aroused with my swollen penis pressing hard against its cage and my scrotal ring digging painfully into the back of my testicles. I haven’t been this sore since we first began experimenting with an ill-fitting plastic device several years ago.

By keeping me permanently denied, my wife has introduced a new level of trust and intensity into our sex life. Before, I think a part of me was always straining to hold back so I wouldn’t have an accidental (and ruined) orgasm. Now that I know she WILL NOT be giving me an orgasm under any circumstances, I can relax and enjoy more completely whatever pleasure she chooses to provide me. I can struggle to ejaculate all I want, knowing she won’t let things get that far. That makes the teasing and edging that much more intense.

Recently, there have been some changes in our routine although I’m not sure they stem directly from my wife’s decision to deny me permanently. She now expects a lengthy session of foot worship before she begins her day. I can say she enjoys me licking the soles of her feet more than I do, and these sessions usually last longer than I would like. They make me feel more and more like her sex slave, which I guess I am by now. Last Sunday, she decided she wants me to kneel on the floor when I perform cunnilingus so that my tongue approaches her clitoris from below. That means she will no longer be pleasuring me while I service her.

As for missing erections (at least full erections outside a cage), I spend more time thinking about the last (and best) blow job my wife ever gave me. It occurred about a year and a half ago when she pulled out all the stops to reward me for no longer needing to ask for release whenever I rode my bicycle. That orgasm was unique in that she always took steps to ensure my other orgasms were as painful or uncomfortable as possible—to the extent I don’t really miss them. That last, fantastic blow job also represents an important milestone in my chastity training. Afterward, she was able to keep me locked up for months at a time, which ultimately led to me being permanently caged and denied. So I have bittersweet memories of that afternoon.

 

This is an entry I wrote on November 3 but was unable to post because of some unanticipated travel. It describes conversations that occurred shortly after my wife informed me that she would no longer be releasing me or allowing me orgasms. Since the last of those conversations, I have chosen not to question her further on the topic.

23. No More Talk

Last night, while we were relaxing with a drink, I asked my wife if she really was serious about her decision to deny me all future orgasms. She answered with a definite yes. I am still struggling to accept her new plans for me, and I felt I needed to press her for a definite answer. She sometimes plays mind games with me by saying things she doesn’t really mean and then walking them back a day or two later. I thought I needed an unequivocal answer to know what I should expect from her.

During the brief conversation that ensued, she told me she had made her decision to deny me permanently sometime before we left on our Las Vegas trip in September. My orgasm the weekend after we returned was indeed unintentional, and she attributed it to the fact that she hadn’t played with me for several days. She was confident that such an accident wouldn’t happen again because she would be more careful.

After the conversation, I was awash with conflicting emotions. On one hand, I had butterflies in my stomach from the excitement I felt thinking she wanted to control me to that extent. On the other hand, I was quietly bristling with some anger and resentment while we sat back and watched a couple hours of television. By the time we went up for bed, the resentment had strengthened its hold on me. However, when I awoke this morning, I found myself assuming my familiar morning position—lying on my back with her feet planted on my face, licking her soles while my hands massaged her feet and legs and she played with my testicles.

When she signaled she was satisfied, I crawled back over to my pillow and once again began pressing her about her plans for me. That conversation quickly turned heated. She said she was tired of talking about my chastity, and she accused me of “bullying” her by constantly questioning her about it. The bottom line is that she answered all my questions very unequivocally! I will remain locked up in my chastity device from now on. I will be released only for travel, for medical appointments, and possibly for cleaning. She will never again give me an orgasm. If I ever experience one, it will be unintentional. I will never be released for any kind of sex. Although she feels confident about her ability to avoid orgasms while playing with my testicles, stimulating my penis is too unpredictable. There is always the risk of an ejaculation, and she is so intent on keeping me permanently chaste, that risk is unacceptable to her.

I asked her why we talked last summer about purchasing a new chastity device that would give her quicker access to my penis if she had no interest in ever releasing it. She said she hadn’t been thinking clearly at the time, and although she had once wanted quicker access, she no longer wanted it by then. I complained that I feel like I no longer have a penis. She said that was fine—half the world’s population doesn’t have a penis.

Twice, she blamed my current predicament on my suggestion that we experiment with chastity play several years ago. When I pointed out that I couldn’t possibly have imagined then that things would have turned out this way, she said she understood that. But she had learned from our experiences and found that this is what she wants.

She suggested that I shut up and accept the situation because of the benefits chastity has had on our marriage. Instead of continuing to badger her like a little child, I should be focusing on learning how to adjust to my new reality.

 

Yes, it sounds like the classic “be careful what you wish for” story, doesn’t it? Indeed, I sometimes feel foolish about having let my wife lead me down the path to where I currently find myself. I probably should have seen this coming a couple years ago, but I suspect that even then it would have been too late. If I made a mistake, it was to ask her to experiment with chastity in the first place. Although she was initially skeptical, she took to chastity play like a fish to water. She enjoyed it from the start, and within the first month, she was already urging me to purchase a Lori device. Only a few months later, she told me that she wanted to keep me caged from then on except for one play session per month. After that, it was simply a matter of her gradually increasing her control over time. Perhaps the conclusion was inevitable as I’m not sure I could have avoided it even if I had known earlier what I know now. She seduced me into surrendering more and more control to her, and every time she took a step forward, she had no intention of turning back.

To answer your first question, I must begrudgingly admit that chastity has benefited our marriage. Do I feel closer and more emotionally connected to her? Definitely. So from your perspective, she is right and I should be focusing on learning how to adjust to her greater control over me. Am I adjusting? I can’t be sure. In the short run, there are no deadlines. There are no steps that need to be taken or decisions that need to be made. In addition, there has never been a moment when it has been clear that challenging her would be to my advantage. She has always made it clear, even now, that I can ask her to release me anytime I want, but she cautions me that I won’t be happy with the results. So I acquiesce by continuing to play by her rules. After all, the rules haven’t changed, only the expected outcomes. As time passes, her position is strengthened, and in the end, she gets what she wants.