I'm not dominant. I'm a Keyholder.

your aproch seems realy nice shows how diferent are pepol and meny diferent things can be achieved really happy for ur personal discovery

 

This describes the relationship between my beautiful wife/KH and I (almost) to a "T". And, coming to this site has made me realize that chastity-based relationships can vary dramatically, depending on the individuals involved. From the outside, our relationship (as the one Goddess describes here) seems to be very traditional. (Or "vanilla", to quote a term used here frequently) We don not have an FLR in the sense that many people here describe.

However, we have both come to realize that the peculiarities of our relationship fit with male chastity very well. She does not and has not worked outside the home since having kids. ( 6, all grown now) She does, however, manage virtually all of our finances on a day to day level, while we make important decisions together. I know and carry out my duties at home regularly. Since I locked up about a year ago, I've become more attuned to doing things around the house that ease her load. But, she does not demand that I do things.

On the sex/intimacy front, things are much better. We'd grown stale in recent years. We had intercourse less than once a month, (and growing less frequent) and even then it was lights out, missionary, lasting only a few minutes, and neither of us particularly enjoyed it. Now, I pleasure her with my mouth, hands or a dildo almost every night. She unlocks me at her discretion, and averages about once a month. Sometimes she gives me a blowjob or hand job, and sometimes allows me to jerk off in her presence, which she gets a laugh out of. Realistically, between age, weight gain and medication my cock (now HER cock) has not gotten big or hard enough to satisfy her in years. As she says with a laugh, when a woman has had 6 babies vaginally, the volume required to do the job is larger than it used to be. So, PIV hasn't been a big deal for her in sometime, and she doesn't miss it. She is MUCH happier with our current sex life. She finds it much more romantic and intimate than it used to be. She's even developed her kinky side to some degree-she started taking me with a strap-on a few months ago, and gets a kick out of it. (I kind of like it, too, LOL)

So, male chastity, but NOT total FLR works very well for us, and it sounds like that is the case for Goddess as well. And there is nothing wrong with that. It strikes me that it would pretty ironic (hypocritical?) for any of us posting on this site to criticize others for "not conforming."

 

@Goddess Gaia this is certainly an interesting thread and it's great to hear you have discovered your inner identity.

Keyholding and dominance are so often associated with each other we can often forget they are 2 separate and complex dynamics. It can take a lot of hardwork and exploring to find what feels right and comfortable for us but it must feel good for you to be one step closer.

 

I'd like to endorse at lot of the comments here by agreeing that this is a great post. My wife has been my keyholder for the last 15months and does not see herself as a Domme or in a FLR. It is something that works for both of us but doesn't rule us.

 

I am so thankful for Goddess Gaia's guidance and help with holding my keys. I really do believe she should become a life coach. She has been very insightful and seems to know just how to motivate me. She has been stern right where she needed to be but also compassionate and encouraging where she needed to be as well. She has shown me that I am capable not just as a sub but as a man and has also proven to be invaluable to me in my recovery from my recent heart attack. I consider her more then just my holder but also my friend and confidant. I sincerely believe I will be a better partner for whoever is in my future as a direct result of Goddess Gaia.

 

You are very similar to my wife who is a soft dominant, who would never do anything to hurt me, but likes to get her own way. She always brags to family and friends about all the housework I do. It makes me feel so submissive.

 

This is a brilliant observation, thank you!

 

Just saw this thread pop up this morning. It's a gem and well stated! And, frankly, answers the "How to get more women involved in chastity" question. I'd guess 90%+ women would be far more comfortable and relate to Goddess Gaia's sentiments. My wife would say "Yep" to it...I'm going to share the original post with her and get her thoughts to see if she agrees.

 

I love this thread and this is a very nice idea!

 

Check out the forum without feminization- we have had many conversations on the subject. More voices = better

 

Just when I’m like, “ehh, I spend too much time at the Mansion”.
Someone pulls this gem out of the archives.
Amazing post!

 

As others have already said chastity and FLR doesn’t have to mean femdom, it’s whatever works for your dynamic and what you enjoy doing.

 

Wow my wife seems to be the same way, she actually gets angry with me when I do all the chores, and wait on her

 

What a lovely post. Thank you for sharing. Chastity is romantic. You are a great person.

 

Thanks for bringing this thread to my attention as the initial post is just great !

I wonder though what might make her think that what she is doing would not be some kind of FLR...

 

Thank you to the OP Goddess Gaia for a very sweet post about the true nature ... work with what works for you both!

And another thank you to KeyKitty for reviving this sublime post! It really should be made a sticky!

This insights here are so bang on with my submissive side, but have internally realized that many things in a relationship are thing you work on together and not in a D/s fasion.
We really need to promote this content more, such a good description ... "Keyholder doesn't equal Domme" and bring to the table what works for the keyholder and locked together. Explore together and keep what is working and ditch what doesn't resonate with both.

Thanks to all who participated here, this was a great read ... one we should have more off!