She was new to all kink before me. She has enjoyed all my introductions to kinks (foot worship, chastity, bondage, humiliation of me.) But my main problem is that I have to pitch the ideas. As a sub I feel guilty, because she at the end of it (maybe now that night, but eventually.) Will fulfill MY desire, but never bringing up something of her own. I only want to please her. I have her in the saddle, but she needs to take the reigns. Ideas? thank you guys! -Marr
I have a very similar predicament . the way its presented is, "do with this as you will. If it interests you or excites you, run with it and see where things go. if you dislike it or find it boring, move on to something more interesting"
indeed. truth be told i dont know what got me to come clean with all my kinks with my wife but one day i just brought it up, and the cat was out of the bag at that point. if she is receptive, each of you fill out a list of sexual interests/kinks http://www.thatotherpaper.com/files/Yes_No_Maybe.pdf we filled those out, jotting down notes of our opinions on ones we were interested in, and then spent a night reading each others list and discussing anything that the other wanted clarity on. i was incredibly excited to see a handful of my biggest kinks and long time sexual desires were on her lists of things she wants to try or is interested in. one of the best days of my adult life.
Talk to her about what it means to you, what you get out of it and, most importantly, what you hope she might get out of it. And then ask if your ideas are realistic or desirable for her.
I’m right with you- just starting out with the Mrs. Had a chat with her Sunday and hung the keys on her bedroom mirror Monday. She had not acknowledged them at all as of yet but in this case maybe no news is good news. I have it set up as a trial period so to see where it goes for her. For some here it seemed to take a while for the embers to light but when they did look out! I can only hope. Good luck
Best thing I think is to try to tell them and I ageee If they are not into the stuff it really makes me feel bad and not wanting to make the partner so something You like that they feel is weird or just not for them. I had issues like this but after time my wife now dom kh also has come around and she is much more happy and way more sexual then before. We are the closest we have ever been and I am so happy for that . Also all my negative feelings are gone if feeling like I pressured her. She was kinda closed off and reserved so it took a while for her to really be free with it and I am so glad we stuck it out and life is the best is been for me and I’d say for her also and that was my main priority
this is only a good idea if your wife is a bit kinky. if you drop this bomb on a otherwise 100% vanilla relationship, it could be more complicated... baby steps if you have not gotten into some light kink. with everything in life thts new, proceed with caution and take baby steps
There's also BDSMtest.org to quiz your interests and compare. I think the key take away about "topping from the bottom" is her interest level. If she doesn't want to do it but is doing your fantasies to make you happy, then it's topping from the bottom. If you're throwing ideas out to see what sticks and she tries the ones she likes, then cool. When she's developing her style, she's going to have ask what she really desires. Take away all the preconceived notions about sex, labels, taboos, and societal normal wants, and ask, truly, what does she desire? It could be as simple as home cooked meals or as involved as whips and latex. If she's having trouble, introduce her to sites like this and FetLife. Send her blogs and websites that talk about chastity or desires; especially ones that are realistic. I've found a couple of great Tumblrs to follow. Go out to a BDSM meetup, aka a munch. They are often is normal spaces like a restaurant. A book I recommend about FLR is called "Practical FLR: Lessons for a Female Led Relationship" by JM Scott. It's an ebook on Amazon.
The best female-written and female-centered blog I've found is called femdomthinktank over on blogspot.