1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I wonder where that came from?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Mandynjack, Feb 10, 2018.

  1. Mandynjack
    Offline

    Mandynjack Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2017
    Messages:
    374
    Likes Received:
    849
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Local Time:
    11:29 AM
    One could wonder what exactly was the genesis of his desire to be locked! A sexual thrill? Or, something more profound! Only 2 types of male can't have erections; the impotent man and the prepubescent child. Desire and obsession always comes from somewhere, never nowhere. And then there is her desire to lock him! Well that's another story!
     
    Love&Passion and Femcontrol5 like this.
  2. PouchPantyLover
    Offline

    PouchPantyLover Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2017
    Messages:
    498
    Likes Received:
    541
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    1:29 AM
    Assume from the title of the thread you are asking where the desire came from for others? For me I have tried (and failed) many times over the years to get my wife to embrace one kink or another. She's always been verbally adventurous in bed. By that I mean describing fantasies aloud while having sex. Hers always focused on multiple partners, mine were all over the place. Anyway Christmas of 2016 I gave her a cheap male chastity device and the book "A Key Holders Guide". I had no preconceived notions, no advance chastity porn scenario and no game plan. I assumed she'd lock me up and be playful about it. Like lock me up in the morning, tease me during the day and release me at night for some hot sex. It turned out dramatically different. The really shocking part is how much of a liking she took to it. It was the first time she embraced a kink I brought forward. For me I always loved being under her control and the cage is the most powerful expression of that. We are having our problems with it right now, but I hope we find our way back.
     
    Love&Passion likes this.
  3. Mandynjack
    Offline

    Mandynjack Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2017
    Messages:
    374
    Likes Received:
    849
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Local Time:
    11:29 AM
    But what was your true motivation to try chastity?
     
  4. ineverknew
    Offline

    ineverknew Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2014
    Messages:
    1,866
    Likes Received:
    1,057
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    6:29 AM
    When I first seen a chastity device online I was instantly intrigued. I thought how crazy and strange it would be to not have control over your own member. I think I bought one online that night. Once I learned more about it and found out how your wife could have control i was sold hook, line, and sinker. I still to this day dont understand why I like it. I guess at this point it no longer matters.
     
  5. Mandynjack
    Offline

    Mandynjack Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2017
    Messages:
    374
    Likes Received:
    849
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Local Time:
    11:29 AM
    And this is the bit that intrigues. Something somewhere piques the interest, the curiosity. I am convinced that a trigger exists within all of us. But what is it? Of course it may well not matter either then or now, but just arriving unannounced at the door of chastity doesn't scan. BTW, this isn't aimed at your personally, more a general observation and a very deep curiosity gene.
     
  6. Digital
    Offline

    Digital New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2018
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    IT Analyst
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Hampshire UK
    Local Time:
    11:29 AM
    My desire to explore chastity developed with my obsession for tease and denial. I love to be teased but I'm also growing an addiction to the denial. I first heard of Chastity devices on milovana.com in various web teases which fueled the fantasy to feel true denial where there was only one way to escape. In reality it can be hard to match the fantasy experience although it has it's fun moment's and can feel very rewarding trying to make the experience as real as possible.
     
  7. Coop44
    Offline

    Coop44 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2017
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    3:29 AM
    Prepubescent children definitely get erections
     
  8. Mandynjack
    Offline

    Mandynjack Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2017
    Messages:
    374
    Likes Received:
    849
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Local Time:
    11:29 AM
    The point more that the total demographic.
     
  9. Mandynjack
    Offline

    Mandynjack Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2017
    Messages:
    374
    Likes Received:
    849
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Local Time:
    11:29 AM
    But the trigger for the desire? I know I'm going deep and maybe it's an unknown. But I'll guess it was something.
     
  10. Digital
    Offline

    Digital New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2018
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    IT Analyst
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Hampshire UK
    Local Time:
    11:29 AM
    I guess I barely scratched the surface, let me try and get a little deeper.

    Being erotically teased feels awesome.
    Denying that pleasure builds excitement and anticipation which magnifies the intensity of the teasing adding fuel to the fire.
    Pushing the boundaries of the denial sparks a curiosity and chastity is a fantasy designed to help enforce it.
    But denial can't exist on it's own or interest, excitement and anticipation fades away.
    So teasing is needed to fuel the desire for denial and denial is needed to fuel the desire to be teased.
    The challenge is reaching the perfect balance of both and the search can be fun and addictive.
    The desire for chastity is to help control the addiction to the teasing because as excitement and anticipation grows so does the frustration which can make respecting the denial more challenging.
     
  11. Mandynjack
    Offline

    Mandynjack Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2017
    Messages:
    374
    Likes Received:
    849
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Local Time:
    11:29 AM
    Hey @Digital@Digital, like your reply but the surface still looks barely scratched. I'm going to try and break things down further. HEALTH WARNING.. To all lovely people here who may read what's next, if I'm becoming grating or too heavy and boring, let me know. I genuinely have a point to this and feel privileged that you may feel ok sharing your views.
    Here goes and not aimed at Digital specifically, but more the depth of the reply in general...

    The question 'What is the trigger' I think has a number of tiers attached to each of us personally. Our answers tend to be closer to the higher tiers, in essence, more detailed effects rather than deeper causation. What really makes a male want to handover complete control to his 'better half'? In general terms, offering control to another is usually a result of one's own confidence in being able to be in control. A defers to B because A feels B can do a better job. Why? Is it that we recognise that B is a better leader, decision maker, more confident etc? Or maybe we defer to support one's own lack of confidence, or fear, anxiety etc. Or possibly both scenarios!

    So going down another tier level; Why? Maybe it just feels so much safer when someone else gets to make the decisions. Especially sexual decisions! There can be enough anxiety in that subject to stop the world rotating given half the chance. Going deeper... maybe an unconscious need (not desire) to be directed? If one is submissive and one finds someone who is dominant, maybe one feels more complete, more competent.

    Now let's flip it! Apply a similar model to the Female! Maybe reluctant at first, then once tempo is achieved, she's now calling the shots, making decisions for both of you, and relishing the power, the control, the rush. Can she do anything to/with this devoted servant and he will really accept without question? And those new feelings, maybe some cruelness creeping in, spitefulness, increased sexual energy, why on earth was all of that suppressed before?

    Ok, this could go on etc, but here's a thing. Mine and jack's relationship, we really did a whole lot of talking many years ago about; why on earth does this push our buttons! It was less about does x,y,z etc turn each of us on, but more about why! Even today, we still discuss why certain things have triggered unexpected feelings and emotions. Only recently I discovered I am bisexual. For years, my relationships with alpha males has been almost 'Ancient Rome' at times, but a chance meeting with someone special triggered something I never knew I had (another story). And the man I love more than anyone I have ever met, is my slave, my cuckold, my soulmate.

    So, back to the top again... 'please darling take this key to my chastity device and completely control my sexual pleasure'. Where did that really come from!
     
    permanentslave likes this.
  12. Digital
    Offline

    Digital New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2018
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    IT Analyst
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Hampshire UK
    Local Time:
    11:29 AM
    Sounds like I might need heavier machinery to get to the bottom of this one.

    Without a key holder for the full experience I can only share the perspective of the fantasy. I assume having a key holder puts things in a slightly different perspective.

    Being teased and enjoying sexual release can be the most amazing feeling I have ever experienced. As I mentioned before it can become addictive. Part of me would consider my freedom to enjoy this is one of the most valuable things I have. When I am in control I can be selfish and greedy. When mixed with the chaos of everyday emotions it can be easy to become blinded and slip into a second of weakness. We no sexual release can help us feel good.

    The idea of Chastity kind of has the feeling you are giving up one of your most valuable possessions. Giving up control helps us to avoid being blinded by our imbalanced emotions and selfish urges. If we can discoverd how to free ourselves from this inner struggle we can learn to focus and channel this energy into more positive things.
     
  13. ineverknew
    Offline

    ineverknew Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2014
    Messages:
    1,866
    Likes Received:
    1,057
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    6:29 AM
    I think there may be some truth to this point. Maybe many of us guys who like chastity have some deep down unconscious desire to be a controlled sex slave in a safe and consensual way. I know for me the ability to orgasm being taken away seemed so wrong and scary, and then to hand that power over to someone else was even more exciting, and even more terrifying yet also knowing if it was my wife in control she surely wouldn't take advantage of me in any harmful way.
     
  14. PouchPantyLover
    Offline

    PouchPantyLover Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2017
    Messages:
    498
    Likes Received:
    541
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    1:29 AM
    Ironically my motivation was an enhanced sex life. My number one complaint in life pre-chastity was that my wife had very limited interest in sex. Everything else seemed to be a bigger priority. I took her lack of interest as a sign that, like me, she was bored with a sex life that had grown somewhat stale with time. I tried to spice things up by trying to introduce a variety of kinks. I think the reason chastity works for us is because it works for her. I think I could be just as happy with things other than chastity.

    From some of your later posts it seems like you're looking for the trigger as to why a husband wants to turn over control to his wife. There are so many answers to that. One big thing for me is the relief in not being in charge. I'm in charge of so much, have had to be for a long time. Yielding control feels liberating. This is one of the reasons my wife drives almost everywhere, including in strange cities when we travel. She likes that control and I love her having it.

    It's also not lost on me that I come from a family of powerful women. The idea of successful, independent females is generations old on my Mom's side of the family. I'm sure growing up with that led me to respect and admire a powerful woman.

    For us our relationship just kind of took shape on it's own over time. No contract, no rules and no preconceived notions. I remember when we first started my wife had a wheel of fortune type app for her phone. She would spin it each day and there were different things. Some were chores for me to do, some were sexual or kinky things for me to do (plug, milk T&D) and some were things for her. The things for her ranged from orgasms to back-rubs. I remember after doing this for about two weeks we discussed how things were going and I told her I didn't like the things on the wheel that were for her. At first she was a little peeved about this until I explained my point. She should expect any of those things to be hers whenever she wanted them. She didn't need to wait on a wheel spin for a back-rub, if she wanted a back-rub, she should get it then and there.

    I think that was the point where she really took control and I encouraged it. Down and dirty I'm not sure why, but it felt good and it felt right. I don't like being impotent, I like her making me impotent. That's why I could never be a self locker. Without her it's pointless.
     
  15. Nicoftime
    Online

    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

    Joined:
    May 24, 2016
    Messages:
    2,675
    Likes Received:
    3,859
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Railroad
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    South of Lacrosse Wisconsin
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    5:29 AM
    I realize I may be a different sort, but my drive to submit doesn’t come from a need to, it comes from a difficulty in doing so.

    I am outwardly very confident, somewhat intelligent, and have inclinations of doing things my way. Whether it’s work, activities, or even where the Tupperware goes. It’s not that I want it done my way, I need it done my way. I like order. I even buy 5 identical sets of work clothes. Giving up control is not only very difficult for me mentally, it is also very liberating.

    Submitting to punishments, giving up sexual control, it’s all part of doing something to the contrary of my primary need to be selfish and self sufficient.

    Deep down I am sure my need to control comes from many factors. One of which is a lack of female authority as a child...yeah yeah mommy issues, anyway she wasn’t a good one, and the lack there of probably created a desire for someone to be firm, loving, and makes me better.

    Sexual confidence is another deep issue. I of course have grown to understand my shortcomings but the younger me always lacked the nerve or confidence to ask for anything. Others would have no problem asking their girlfriend to give them head, I would not even have considered it. Even when they have asked me what they could do for me, I usually came up with “I don’t know, whatever you want”. Of course I knew. I could have said I’d love for you to suck my cock, that was way beyond my level of confidence. Chastity frees me from all of that.

    I had never heard of it until I was reading some erotic stories about femdom, it instantly struck a chord with me. Giving up control to someone, trusting someone that much, and freeing myself from my own need to do everything my way was incredibly erotic to me.

    I don’t think there is some gene or even a common occurrence that we all share that trips our trigger, each of us get here from different places I think.
     
    Love&Passion likes this.
  16. Jasmic68
    Offline

    Jasmic68 living in interesting times

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2015
    Messages:
    3,691
    Likes Received:
    3,880
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Freelance Training Consultant
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Germany
    Local Time:
    12:29 PM
    What I love about this question is there are almost as many answers as there are people who successfully integrate male chastity into their relationship.

    Why I put on a device in the first place is fairly unique. It wasn't from a place of fantasy, I didn't get turned on by the thought of being denied, that came much, much later. It was because I needed a way for my Wife to regain control of our relationship after I modified my penis, with her permission, and her reaction was so very, very negative. The device was only meant to hide what I had done, her control of the key was to signify my handing over control of my penis in terms of the modification I had wanted to complete, not over my orgasms. Over two years later and she is only just getting used to how my penis looks and has literally started touching it again in the last few weeks.

    What happened next, after that initial lockup? She didn't know what the keys meant but over time learnt what she wanted them to mean. Before long my denial periods stretched over months, not weeks, and she was having many more orgasms than she had ever had before. I don't understand why denial turns me on, I don't understand why denial turns her on, I don't understand why my denial means she desires much more sex than she did. It just does.

    Confusion is something we regularly experience but we have learned to just go with it. Like the time she whacked my penis with a paddle and told it that it was very naughty for going soft, she wanted to have a fuck, and how was she supposed to do that with a useless, soft, small penis? Whack, whack. Boing! Oooh, look, it went hard when I hit it. Whack! Yep, just got harder. Who expected that? With each whack I was going ouch and my penis was going mmmmm, nice.

    When we started she wasn't reluctant, but she wasn't sure what she was supposed to do or why it would be good. Learning that took her at least a good six months, but after that there was no going back. There is no spitefulness and she doesn't feel cruel denying me. She knows I enjoy her control, I enjoy helping her have orgasms, so how can it be cruel? But she definitely has had a surge of increased sexual energy.

    As for what supressed that before, some of that we have discussed and it basically stems from her pre-teen social programming. Parents telling her that good girls don't touch themselves there, the innate familial attitude towards sexuality and it being dirty. Aunts with outrageous Christian morals of no sex before marriage and all sorts of nonsense drummed into her at home and at school. What is crazy is she grew up on a farm and, I kid you not, there were copies of Semen World magazine left on the kitchen table!!!! But the fact that a girl might seek out sex for recreation and enjoyment? The very idea of it. How disgusting.

    One of the things that turns my wife on when I lick her bottom is how irrepressibly outraged her mother would be if she knew what we were doing and how much she enjoys it. To be honest that turns me on as well.

    One last point, this level of social programming was so strong that just after we started this chastity journey my Wife had a major meltdown simply from me asking her to tell me what turned her on. She still cannot voice those desires but she is much more relaxed about talking about them. I am really proud to have been a part of this change in her and would do anything to help her continue the journey.
     
    Love&Passion and Mandynjack like this.
  17. Joroincharge
    Offline

    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!
    Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2009
    Messages:
    3,813
    Likes Received:
    1,930
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    England
    Local Time:
    11:29 AM
    Indeed! Good question and will apply to many other locked males.

    May not even have been a desire initially, just perhaps a fantasy or curiosity.
    And/or a latent submissive tendency .
    Possibly even just in the subconscious.
    Needing to experience what it's like to be controlled..
    Or just seeing something on the net or wherever and wanting to experiment,
    Who knows?

    But IMO it has now become academic, since you've decided it's your desire now and you've taken over!:):strong::)

    It's now your desire that matters. Because the power transfer is now complete :+1: and it's too late for him to turn the clock back. Because once you've got him by the balls every which way (as you certainly have:strong:) you aren't about to let go. And you both know it:D:D:D.

    LOL!
     
  18. slave_m
    Offline

    slave_m Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2008
    Messages:
    63
    Likes Received:
    71
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Santiago - Chile
    Local Time:
    8:29 AM
    The trigger is in my case, is the total surrender and final submission to the Mistress who subjected me, dome and break.
    After having lost all dignity, self-respect and masculinity ... and being turned into a slave and maid for her, there was no longer the possibility of being a sexually active male.
    There was only the final step = chastity 24/7 and for me & sexual freedom without limits or explanations for my dominant ex-Girlfriend.
     
    Joroincharge likes this.
  19. Joroincharge
    Offline

    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!
    Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2009
    Messages:
    3,813
    Likes Received:
    1,930
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    England
    Local Time:
    11:29 AM
    LOL So your :strong:KH :strong:is your ex? Brilliant arrangement IMO:):):)
     
    slave_m likes this.