Hello everyone, I will start with a background on our relationship. We met in high school, we lost our virginities to eachother before I went to college for a year, we did long distance, and I really discovered a new side of myself through toys and self pleasure. My girlfriend came to the same college as me and we both dormed. I knew she was pretty vanilla from the start but I knew we were going to have a lot of sex. We had like 50% of the sex that I thought we would and I was constantly catering to her to try and get her to fuck me, it was like I was locked but I wasn't, it seems like its just been downhill ever since then. We went through college, got more and more busy and had sex less and less, its feeling like a marriage at this point (which we want, we both just need a little more time for financial reasons) I would have to guess my senior year we had sex 3-4 times a month. I always imagined having sex 3-4 times a week with my SO, so I was upset with her for quite some time. As my life has gotten more busy, I have really just accepted that we will probably maintain our current rate of sex which is about once a month until we have children, which is many years down the road. I am really satisfied with our sex life, and I feel she is too we even had an onlyfans for a while, which segways me to the chastity discussion. I have been self locking for about 3 years without my girlfriends knowledge, I have progressively gotten more and more consistent and at this point I cant remember the last time I didn't wear my cage as soon as my girlfriend is gone from the house. I went to a sex store about 3 months ago to buy my girlfriend some lingerie for onlyfans when I saw chastity cages. I was already wearing one but I thought, why not tell my gf I bought my current cage at the store with her lingerie, and play it off like I saw it on twitter "working on our onlyfans" and thought it would be interesting, so thats exactly what I did. That night after showing her the new lingerie I handed her the keys to my cage that was already on. She asked what they were and when I told her she handed them back and said "idk babe Im just not really into that kind of stuff" we talked about it for a bit, and she said "if you want to do it, you can, I just dont want to be any part of it" Other things I remember she said: "It would just be a turn off if every time we wanted to have sex you had to be like "Ima run to the bathroom and take this off real quick"" "I dont want to hold the keys" "I already decide when we do and dont have sex" "I feel like youre bringing too much fantasy from twitter and onlyfans into our real life" I was disappointed and embarrassed, I wasn't really quite sure how to feel. But since then we have both agreed that the onlyfans is too much work. So I started my own twitter account where I catfish as different celebs to findom people, its ok but not great. My girlfriend has no part in this however she knows I am always working on porn stuff and talking to people online. She does not know that I lock myself all day while I do it. Its been 3 months, we mentioned the cage to each other because she found the key and gave it to me to put away or whatever. I told her I didn't even know where it was because I hid it and forgot where, but it was really stashed in my bathroom drawer because I use it regularly. I REALLY REALLY want my girlfriend to start locking me. She really is the dominate person in the relationship, she is always telling others what to do including me, she lectures me and gets me in trouble for dumb stuff. She runs the household, the pretty much runs our sex life, and she runs the relationship too. I think that after just a week of me being locked for her will show her a different me. I lock often and put myself in the mindset and can see how it would feel if she locked me, but I have the keys so I masturbate every 3-4 days and never treat her any different or do any chores or anything. I am willing to do anything for her to lock me and try it because I know I can drastically change from how I currently am. I want to do it for her, and for our relationship as well, it sounds great to be devoted to her and I know she would enjoy it, making us both happier. What do I do? Tell her that I order a new cage and its super comfortable compared to the last one and I love it, so I will be wearing it sometimes? Do I asked her to KH outright again but differently? I was on this forum and came across amazing articles to show your girlfriend to convince her of chastity, I saved them. I could ask her and show her the articles? How do you all suggest I go about this? Please feel free to ask questions if you need more info and I will get back to you fast, I have been intrigued by this forum and have been checking it frequently.
„I want….“, „I want…“, „I want….“ will definitely not work…. Here on CM is an awful lot of information how to seduce a vanilla lady into orgasm control… „I want..“ is not seducing… Try to remember what you told her before your first kiss….what you said her before having sex the first time…. I am certain it was not: „ Kiss me, and then shut up because I want to fuck you…“, wasn‘t it….
That she does everything does not mean that she wants to do it and also not that she wants to be the dominatrix or keyholder in the house. You must be a support for her, as well as you must be able to rely on her, before you can really indulge in a "game", which can be very serious.
https://www.amazon.com/Genie-Hand-T...+box&qid=1635864812&sprefix=timer+safe&sr=8-8 Put “Mistress Keybox”, in charge lock up, set the timer for the maximum 7 days and enjoy. The next time your selfish girlfriend wants to have sex tell her sorry “Mistress Keybox” is in charge until e.g., Monday morning. I’m of course happy to get you off in any other way that doesn’t use my penis. You could graciously offer to put your GF in charge when Monday comes around or not.
Chastity is only work for any key holder. They don't get any pleasure out of it, sexual or otherwise. You are talking to a woman that has no idea of the possible benefits of locking you up, and won't take any initiative to learn. Especially this wife- as you point out, she's already successfully dominating you, so this may be a tool she doesn't even need in her toolbox. At this point my suggestion is to approach this as a transactional kink. In other words, you will have to provide some benefit to her in order for her to take on this role. This can't take the form of flowery words and future promises, but more like: "I feel I need this in my life to focus my energies on serving you. To that end, if you will allow me to wear this device, I promise to:" -immediately unlock if you need sexy times -wash your car/do the dishes/cook dinner etc. (Pick a chore you don't normally do, and commit to doing it for her on a reasonable basis) -DON'T FUCK UP THE PRIOR TWO POINTS -"if you have issues with our agreement, you may change it to fit your needs, and not mine" In other words. Pay her. Make it worth it for her. She thinks its a stupid kink that you like and she doesn't. So show her ways that she can allow it for you and it can immediately improve her daily life. And forget the key holding for now. Just put the key on a nice feminine chain, and hang it from her make-up mirror, or her bedside lamp, or something like that. Somewhere kinda in her sight but discreet, and don't expect her to carry it for you. After a while she may take ownership of it, but for now let it alone. You will be self-locking until you've spent the time to show it makes you a better man, and this may take years. Do not expect immediate results.
It sounds like you are sex obsessed and she isn't. It sounds like you want to force her to like or participate in something she genuinely does not want. I'd suggest stepping away from the internet and porn, and focus on your GF and your life together.
You're in a tough spot. It's called "the beginning". Take it slow, please. Just baby steps at first, so you don't freak her out. My wife is also pure vanilla, so I guess I have a bit of experience on the topic, but trust me, no two people seem to get the same hand of cards to play, so you need to take whatever advice you get as just that: someone else's understanding from their own frame of reference. So, by "start slow", I mean: non-scary feedback. "I really like the way it felt when I was locked up. For some reason, when I'm locked, I can't stop thinking about you." Always be honest. But don't overwhelm. Ours kind of took off when I had to be away for a long time (without her, for business) to a place where I used to ... um ... not behave. She was upset that I was leaving. I offered to wear a locked cage and Facetime daily with her. By the time I returned, I was done having my own way on anything, and I've pretty much been putty in her hands ever since, which she has really come to enjoy. (Lucky me.) Who knows if your girlfriend will ever go for this lifestyle. It is weird. It's a kink, and called a kink for a reason. Lastly, don't barter. You are either wanting to do this for her, or you're not. If you approach this selfishly, it may not have the benefits that your fantasies tell you are there. Get rid of the fantasies (easier said than done). Just be honest: "I like the way that you make me feel ... like I want to do things that you ask, and want to do what you want ..." See where it goes. And keep us up to date on how you are doing.
In what context should I even bring up being caged? I want to start subtly first, I did all of her laundry today (which I hate doing, I actually had to text her and ask about her clothes because she’s very particular) and I cleaned our bedroom. Should I continue my newfound excellent behavior and wait for her to mention how good I’ve been treating her, and then tell her I wear it some days and can’t stop thinking about her? Should I say something along the lines of “I ordered a new cage in the mail because I was trying the one I showed you out, and it was uncomfortable. I just wanted to let you know because last time we had a conversation about experimenting you said we should talk about it first” which did happen, I would follow up with telling her she didn’t have to say anything, I just wanted to tell her about it to be open with eachother. Should I say that?
Hard questions to answer for someone who isn't there to see everything and know what you're both thinking. Try not to go down the road too far without her, though. Learn to ask questions, and then to listen. "Would you like me to make dinner tonight? What are you in the mood for? When do you think you'll be home?" (Just an example.) "Could I rub your feet?" (My wife loves this one.) "Can I get you anything?" My own $.02: Start by getting used to the idea that you are going to be doing things for her, and most of the time she won't even be noticing that you are. That's just life. But either you want to be doing things for her (and for her happiness, not just for her recognition), or you're still stuck in the bartering mode (which is a good way to wreck your relationship). At some point, once she gets over the weirdness of you being a decent boyfriend, you can expand your conversation. Again, for her benefit. "When you're gone during the day, I have been putting the lock on. It helps keep you on my mind, and I like the way it helps me to focus on things that would make you happy." Here you aren't asking for anything; you're just letting her know part of what is making you tick. But seriously, I don't really have answers. Just things for you to consider. Carefully.
My 2 cents as I'm in somewhat of the same boat. My wife is casually interested in it, she doesn't really understand what's in it for me, or why I want to do it. I have inundated her with reading material, she is taking it in at her own pace. One thing I've learned is that I'm incapable of describing why I think this will be good for our relationship. I'd suggest asking her to read this https://medium.com/@chastityperkins/the-reluctant-wife-743956e18d7f
You need to sit down and just talk it out with here, tell her how you feel and what you want, and then take it from there, see how she feels about it all and let it grow from there. There is no manic answer I’m afraid. I hope it all goes well for you.