I think I broke her

Discussion in 'Chastity in vanilla life' started by Slave Richard, Oct 4, 2021.

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  1. Slave Richard
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    Slave Richard Active member

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    Hello so my girl freind of 20 years and I had dicided to do locktober her as kh and me in my cage all has been going well small problems to get over but for the most part she has been really receptive to this new life till last night where she wanted to unlock me to have sex I told her no so she started to play with may cage and looked to be enjoying my sofforung I told her I could use my tongue or one of her sex toy and even confest to have sex toys I had got to use on her but I want to do the 31 day then she filp her shit about she is not begging for sex and then stormed off


    She has told me she has a kinkstr freind I have tolder she needs to talk to her and get her to explain what this is about

    Is there any advice for this
     
  2. LockedTower
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    LockedTower Long term member

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    If you're new to this, probably better to be a bit more flexible with your KH so she finds a way to enjoy the kink with you. A lot of guys do whatever the KH says, either lock or unlock on command. If you dictate terms and force your way then your KH really has no role in the play and may feel resentful towards the game and won't play with you anymore.
     
  3. Slave Richard
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    Slave Richard Active member

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    I didn't look at like that that's very ture thank you
     
  4. chrissie68
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    chrissie68 Active member

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    You need to remember that the kh is the one in control. Relax and accept whatever comes your way.
     
  5. Slave Richard
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    Slave Richard Active member

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    Yes I have completely missed the mark on this I have already apologised to her and told her that she is in fact in charge she then told me that it was just a bit much she had worked a 14 hr shift and I had clean the hole house made the kids pack lunches for the next day got out the shool uniform and iron them done some home projects the I could be arsed to do b4 then made her a drink as soon as she walked in the door and gave her a foot rub
     
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  6. Guest 6019
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    Guest 6019 Long term member

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    We are trying Locktober for the first time. Mrs Jah knows I want to succeed, but has said that She may not want to go that long without. I have a new Vixskin strapon if she wants piv, but this is new territory too. It's up to her. If it doesn't work for her, then maybe next year. I'd be disappointed but then subs need to learn to deal with disappointment.
     
  7. Slave Richard
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    Slave Richard Active member

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    My kh has a wond and a rabbit but she does not like using them she told me last night like I have said I have missed the mark on this and spoke with her this morning before going to work
     
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  8. Consumed
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    Consumed Right where I belong.

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    All great answers here. I'll add this. you really want to go the full 31 days? If she wants to unlock you to have sex and then as long as you get locked back up, that counts as being locked up for the full month in my book.
    Opposed to you unlocking yourself purely for your own pleasure.

    Cut yourself and your gf some slack. Locktober isn't just about actually being 100% locked for 31 days straight. It's about practicing chastity in what ever capacity your relationship allows for the month, but more serious than other months :p I would do some making up to her asap.
     
  9. Slave Richard
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    Slave Richard Active member

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    I will do some serious grovalin when I get home
     
  10. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Loctober is a catchy name and it sounds good. The reality is that it’s just a month…and a month can begin any time you want it to.

    In my opinion, loctober was invented by men that wanted to get their partner more involved in tease and denial, and gave an excuse to force her to keep him locked for at least 31 days. The problem with all that is if she wants it out of the cage and it doesn’t happen because of some made up month, who exactly is all this for?

    So my suggestion, if you really want to go 31 days, ask her to help with that. “I really want to test my limits, when do you think would be a good time for you to do a month of chastity without letting me out? I would love for you to make it hard for me, to make me weak with desire until I’m begging you for release. I’ll of course lock and unlock whenever you want, but I just wanted you to know that I think I’m ready for that if you are willing to help me”

    I have found that women that love you are very susceptible to requests and favors, so ask her for one. It is however, a favor and not a demand, so be nice about it and the answer might be no. Even with a no response, it makes them aware of your desires and may just surprise you.

    Good luck and let her drive for awhile
     
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  11. MissyB
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    MissyB Long term member

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    Finding the right approach is more important than achieving some arbitrary goal, like locktober. You have to be willing to let your needs go and focus on hers, if you want her to enjoy controlling you.
     
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  12. Chaste J.
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    Chaste J. Long term member

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    Be careful there! Mrs Chaste had me use a strap on instead of my penis! Since then that's been her preference. Even if she does let me inside her, she makes sure she has received her pleasure first! :)
     
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  13. Guest 6019
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    Guest 6019 Long term member

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    I'm aware of how fucked might be. She usually unlocks me too soon for her to reap the benefits of my uber-submission anyway. She deserves better, and I deserve to be locked up. Funny how we talk ourselves into something that only benefits her. That's love.
     
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  14. Wishful Husband
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    I have had to redefine what "chastity" means to the wife and I. For us if I'm "locked" then I'm not in control of deciding when I orgasm. That's different than saying "no orgasms" or "never let out of the cage." It means I've handed control over to my wife/KH, and that's how I'll be for the next 6 or so weeks (we have a contract thing going, so this is going past the end of October.).

    So find what works for you and your KH. If she wants sex, you telling her a hard "no" will likely not make her want to continue to play the game. Let her see the benefit of being in charge and she'll be more likely to want to continue to play the game. (And convince her you won't be someone completely different. You've made it this many years so she might not be looking for a whole different person. Just be a better version of yourself.)
     
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  15. Guest 2918
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    You gotta make sure she's getting something out of this too and not just assume her needs. Open communication is the only way to make this work.
     
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  16. Slave Richard
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    Slave Richard Active member

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    Thank you everyone I know. I missed the make on this I have appoligied grooved at her feet with flowers and chocolates I told her I was being selfish and I had asked for advice one here she has forgotten me butt had a wicked (, in her word) punishment to make sure it never happens again

    Thank you once again I'm sure I will ha e more as this gose on
     
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  17. Slave Richard
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    Slave Richard Active member

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    Well she played the part fantasticly last night first I did the kids lunches we bath them then some reading time
    But one thay where in bed she told me to strip naked and knee on the floor as she went to change she came back in a shirt and leather skirt stockings and high heels

    She then handed me the mod and me to mop the floor I did as I was told every time she had to say I had missed a speck or dirt she smacked my arse (first time she has ever done this) after I had finished I was left stranded up the over end or the living room she to told me to open the curtains to the patio door (her mum and dad live behind are house and can see in to the living room) after the 20 to 30 min for standing the she the insteted me up stairs arms full of everything she wanted up there then I was unlocked for a full clean as she watch like a hawk and tuted and shied after the shower and clean my cage she made me knee and close my eyes as she changed in to her pj and got in to bed I was then left to dry my self and reasmble my cage just as she clicked the lock and gave a little tug to make sure as I went to get in to bed she look at me in shock and said what do you think you are doing you stay on the floor till I want a cuddle

    She blow my mind last night I'm so happy and grateful that she has wanted to get involved is something I have wanted to try I love this lady so much
     
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  18. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    "when she wanted to unlock me to have sex I told her no"

    OOF.

    Even in a vanilla marriage withholding sex from your partner is a grey area for many couples. Generally, you should have a reason to withhold sex from your spouse OTHER than 'I just don't feel like it". Sex is a critical component of a healthy relationship. We need it and expect some sort of sexual gratification or fulfillment from our loved one.

    However, in a kink relationship, the pendulum shifts farther. Your key holder decides when that chastity comes off. Not you. This was a serious Lucy-yanks-the-football-away moment for her.

    You received lots of thoughtful, wise replies to your post. I always try to give a slightly different take if I can, so here's mine. I'm not thoughtful or wise, but maybe thought provoking at least.

    If you do this again, have a better formulated reason like, "I've had a really rough day and Id like to cuddle and kiss with you, but can we please defer any sex play for a time when I can perform like I should for you? You deserve the best and I'm exhausted." This is of course only valid if you really are exhausted, or have a migraine, etc.

    And my advice to her is, if she is serious about being a KH, is that she seriously punish you if you try this crap again. We all have off days. Even in a 24-7 relationship, there are times when you just need some me-time. That's OK. But if you are only willing to unlock when YOU are in the mood, she's got a problem. And that means she corrects the problem by being a hammer and you're the nail OR she walks from this key holding gig until you are ready to play the game for real.
     
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  19. Slave Richard
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    Slave Richard Active member

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    Yes I conpleaty got it wrong and she know I messed up and bleave you and me it will not I understand she has the keys and the control
     
  20. locked_sheila
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    locked_sheila Long term member

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    It's all a learning path, and done right have found that it takes time.

    Whereas you have probably been thinking about this, Inc Loctober and chastity in general, she won't necessarily have been.

    So, you've built up the fantasies thoughts games etc over time, and so there are points to take a step back. Deffo helps to take the foot off the accelerator

    Don't be too harsh on yourself, it sounds as if no long term harm done, and having given her time she's got more into it as well.

    It's taken me and my wife nearly a year to get fully going, and we're still learning the dynamic, there are bumps along the way, but it's worth it, although seems like she's really starting to enjoy it, so I might be in trouble!!
     
  21. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    Men are used to hearing NO when they want sex but most women take great offense when a ma; tells her no.
     
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  22. HusbandX
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    HusbandX Long term member

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    "No," is a woman's prerogative.

    If she wishes you locked, lock. If she wishes to use you, that's also her prerogative.

    Be of use.
     
  23. Turma
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    Turma Long term member

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    Now you first take the emergency key and remove the cage!

    Then the cage goes into the drawer.

    Then you get your girlfriend and cook together with her, eat together with her and then you talk.

    Afterwards you see further, because you and you must come times on a denominator.
     
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  24. Slave Richard
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    Slave Richard Active member

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    See above she punishmed me for my bad behaviour
     
  25. Turma
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    Turma Long term member

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    Didn't read this ;)
     
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