I think guilt is making my wife feel obligated to give me release

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by chastedaddy, Aug 13, 2022.

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  1. Madam Darling
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    If you don't feel like you can just bring it up, maybe next time she says she's considering leaving you in for good, say something like, "oh, god, I would love that. Will you push this until I'm weeping? I would love it you kept me in this for years."

    If you say it in a way that feels like you're answering her sexy talk, maybe she'll realize that you really don't need out that often. This way you're not asking her for anything, it's still up to her, but you're voicing your desires. It may open up a conversation because she may say something like, "really?" Then you can open up and tell her that you dream about being locked permanently, or whatever your desire is.
     
  2. M@rcellus
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    I did this the other night. After being summoned up to missionary position from under the covers (with me caged) I said I could do this forever. I thanked her for letting me go down on her and talked about how her orgasms make me feel like I am too. They do. We cuddled to sleep. I think she just really likes how everything is about her pleasure, mine is secondary but it's there and I'll mention it from time to time. This time round the male orgasm being cancelled for us both is so liberating.
     
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  3. jawedge
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    There is a "quick and dirty" way forward that kindd of straddles the line if "topping from the bottom", but has the ability to get things going in the right direction for you so that you can fine tune later.

    Tell her that what would make you happy is for her to change how she sees when she should release you. Tell her that what *you* want is for *her* to not unlock you unless she wants your cock unlocked; not because she thinks you do. Tell her (and there is where the topping from the bottom comes in; it isn't usually "proper" to *tell* her this, but again, this is a quick, imperfect way to get going, then as you go continually converse and fine tune.

    I know this sounds oversimplified; but you could even be more specific:

    "Hey, I know you are having a hard time figuring our how long to keep me locked. So how about you leave it to me *just this time*? How about this, what I want is for you to keep me locked until *you want* *SPECIFICALLY* PIV sex with me. Until then, I'll get you off other ways. Then, you don't have to feel guilty if it lasts longer than you would have; you can just remind yourself "this is what he asked for, it's what he wants".

    Then, over time, (with ongoing communication), maybe it can develop into something she more genuinely leads. If not, at least you both tried.
     
  4. SMS529
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    Wives may need psychological permission to extend. I am not sure the dynamic is even related to "guilt", but rather to other overall assumptions about male sexuality, what a locked man experiences, how contradictory thos whole thing is for us, etc. The solution and path towards improvement is always communication. If we just listen to ourselvess, most of us come off as rather contradictory.
     
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  5. SMS529
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    At the risk of stating the obvious, Also, any assumption about someone else's motivations should be tested and explored before accepting it as proven fact. The other person may not even understand their underlying motivation, my guess, and share that as their reason.
     
  6. littleguy3
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    For me, it was:
    1. Proper communication of the benefits of denial and how it makes me feel,
    2. having her experience the change in my behavior,
    3. giving her the ability to tease me and letting her know how enjoyable that is, which, as a result, has her teasing me often,
    4. teaching her over time that she could be pleasured without any expectations and without me forcing myself on her; now she experiences pleasure whenever she feels like it or whenever she lets me stimulate her to the point where she wants it.
    She's become quite content without releasing me. She doesn't like the mess even though I'm responsible for cleanup. But with longer denial periods, it's not as distasteful.

    We also have come up with a dice roll to determine the duration of my denial. It can be anywhere from 1-12 weeks but the odds are it'll be somewhere between 3-4 weeks. She likes this because we are spiritual people and she sees God as being sovereignly in control of the dice. She loves not having to decide when to let me out and actually really looks forward to it now even to the point of wanting to keep track of when it's going to happen!

    My last two rolls were 5 and 4 weeks. I told her this morning that my initial reaction was "Oh no! That's such a long time! But I've found that in enduring the wait, it makes me love you more! And desire you more!" She smiled!
     
  7. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Long term member

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    100% agree.
    Chastity started with your first point and stuck around because of your second.
    3 and 4 are natural consequence of locking up.
    I remember the conversation. After a period locked up she asks “what do you get out of this? You don’t do more than you did before” ( at that stage we’d already got me doing lots on the promise of sexual favours)
    I responded by telling her it’s not that I don’t do more for her, it’s that I feel so much happier doing it during a period of denial. Over time she saw that I was unrelenting in improving her happiness whenever locked up… now she won’t let me free!
    The benefits for her now though are far more than just having the house work done for her.
     
  8. Kfb47
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    Kfb47 Active member

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    Hey, here is my Experience, I have discovered that O’s orgasm and E’s ejaculations can be separated, I have had body shaking O’s after denying the E For longer and longer periods of times and a proactive mistress will get you there, she has the power to generate in you O’s on command.
     
  9. Kfb47
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    Kfb47 Active member

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    Hi! Having orgasms without ejaculating happens with patience and proper edging, it has those endorphins pouring out seems with more intense stimulation and more time denied the E all adds up, so the deeper into you get the more intense are the results. I’m working on getting deeper…hope to drown in it soon…
     
  10. flip__26
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    flip__26 Active member

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    #35 flip__26, Oct 7, 2022
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2022
    i had a good long conversation with my wife about this; she'd grown up thinking the way to please a man sexually was to get him to ejaculate (and there's truth in that for most men); and i had to convince her that i prefer going down on her to penetrative sex; and she prefers that too. i think i've convinced her now...

    i can't remember where i read it - possibly on here - but i used the line on her that (for me) an orgasm is over in an instant, but a denied orgasm does not end.
     
  11. IB-Chaste
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    It sometimes ends. If you’re lucky
     
  12. LockedTower
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    LockedTower Long term member

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    I feel exactly like you describe where I want the experience to be completely at her direction. To achieve this I think you really need to give up control and just do whatever she says. If she tells you to jack off, then you should jack off. If she tells you to stay locked, you stay locked. My personal goal is to never influence her decisions regarding chastity. I will still appreciate her for keeping me locked and tell her how much I enjoy giving her pleasure, but I try not to ever mention how many days I've been locked or suggest in any way that I need, want, or hope for a release. I try my very best to leave that decision to her, and let her have the spontaneous idea to unlock me when she wants. Over time, she has gained more comfort and confidence keeping me locked up longer without any guilty feelings and recently she has also even started mixing in some teasing and locking me back up without orgasm after play.
     
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  13. chastedaddy
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    chastedaddy New member

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    Sorry for the delay in responding. Thank you to everyone who responded. I read every post and got something from each one.

    I think deep down I would rather just let her decide whatever she wants. I just don't want the decision to come from any kind of guilt based on what she thinks is good for me and I will keep trying to reassure her on that. The fact that she says the words about how it's probably better that I don't orgasm at least shows she acknowledges the benefits to her, and that's what I want her to really notice. That is more than I could wish for based on other potential scenarios (e.g. "I don't like this chastity thing"). I will continue to show her those benefits as long as she lets me and try to relieve her of any guilt.
     
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