I confessed to my wife today about how much I was jacking off before she locked me in chastity some time the beginning of September. She was not happy and very disappointed in me. I need some advise on how to help her understand why men do that when they are left unattended. She has been punishing me for my mistakes more over the last two months also. It is almost certain that I have a good caning coming my way when she get home and to be honest I am not looking forward to it at all. She is also thinking of starting to make my chastity a more permanent thing now. Any ideas or past experiences that would be shared would be much appreciated.
Good that you confessed. That is a must so your wife understands how much you need her help. I think most of us are where you're at now. I was pleasuring myself way too much and it was affecting the love making with my wife. I confessed as well. Just before my ex and I divorced with started with male chastity. I suggested to my now wife that maybe we should try it. That was almost 10 years ago and chastity is still a very important part of our lives. Once the ability of jacking off is taken away from you everything changes. It did for me/us anyway. I became more submissive, I listened better, and tried to do whatever i could to help her around the house. This all led to our now WLM. I'm the submissive and her the dominate. I get punished as she sees fit. These are not funishments. I'm caned, strapped, nipple clamped and placed into strict bondage for infractions. It took my wife some time to step up to the dominate role but now that she has, she says we're never going back to the good ole' days where I have freedom to play with myself. Masturbating is a relationship killer. We men do it because it feels good in the moment. That feel good now thing is what kills a loving relationship. Take your punishment as she sees fit. Embrace your chastity as a way to becoming a better man, husband, etc to your wife. Don't try to defeat your belt. Chastity is a fun game for many but for those of us that had/have a problem it's a wonderful teaching tool for our wives to reprogram us. I can tell you in all honesty that I have a real problem trying to masturbate at her request now. Sometimes she wants me to masturbate on her then consume my load while she watches. She has to help me get things started as i have zero interest in doing that anymore. She smiles and comments about how far I have come...no pun intended! Good luck. Please keep us informed.
I confess every time my Wife pours silicon lube on my cage and teases the living hell out of me.... it makes her exceptionally wet.... I think it maybe her biggest turn on good on you
I suggest you to continue to have conversations with your wife. Confess if need be, but be honest with her. If she wants to fully establish a FLR then she needs to hear you out and you need to know what she expects. If she is just interested in punishing you to prove a point then it's up to you to endure this and move on so as to not require it again. Good luck.
My Wife decides when I get to cum. I'm not locked; but there is zero chance I will do it behind her back. If you want to be conditioned into this state of mind this is how: If you're not in chastity never masturbate on your own. Only your Wife will be allowed to masturbate you, so if you feel like masturbating you must ask your Wife to do it for you. Eventually a time will come when if you try to do it on your own you will be unable to ejaculate. You might come close; but not close enough. And so there will be no point in masturbating on your own. Now you are dependent on your Wife for masturbating, and you probably won't even need a cage or even bother to edge yourself as you realise your Wife has become far better at it than you. Practice makes perfect.
It good that your telling your wife about your habit. The question is are you serious about stopping it or is having her spank you just away to get you excited? If your serious about stopping than you need to tell her Every, yes Every time you touch yourself in an arousing way. When your in the shower and give it a few strokes and you get even slightly aroused you need to tell her. Honesty in a relationship is incredibly important even without Chastity. Also when you do self stimulate and she wants to punish you you take it with honour and respect and Thank Her after. I’m sure that after a few hard ass tannings in a short period of time you’ll keep your hands off of her property. Yes if it’s locked and she holds the Key it’s Her Property Good Luck , I hope your spanking are few and far between
We have been experimenting with chastity for 2-3 years. But since she told me to go get my cage and lock myself up this last time she has really grown in her dominance and expectations. She is now leading the way and I am following instead of the other way around. We both enjoy it I am just really nervous about the “permanent “ part. Obviously if she wanted it that way that’s what I would do but it still scares the hell out of me.
If I'm in chastity the thought of permanent doesn't necessarily scare me: I would just accept it. However, not in chastity the thought would be scary.
I was put in chastity for another reason . Like you my wife didn't like me masterbating when out of the cage after work or just touching myself. I am retired now and about 19 months ago I was locked 24 / 7 just so I wouldn't touch myself . My Goddess love's me in the cage now and over the last couple of months she is becoming more Dom every day. She even renewed our car insurance today without me. Was told to go play X-Box while she took care of it . Well good luck. Remember to always be open and honest with each other .
Honesty is the best policy You should be punished for your past transgressions But in the long run it will mean a lot to you both because you are on a level and honest playing field moving forward
I am slowly stepping ahead in the Chasity World and looking forward to every step of this trip. Honesty is the best advise in any relationship.
@Miss E’s Bitch, congratulations on opening up honestly to your wife about your masturbation problem. Of course she's disappointed in you -- you've been distancing yourself from her and uselessly spurting the motivation that should have been directed towards her. Listen to @Jail Bird -- masturbation kills intimacy in a relationship. And I should know, because I, too, am a masturbator. (I use the present tense, even though I'm in chastity, because I think masturbation is like alcoholism, an addiction that you're never over, you're always a masturbator even if you're currently in chastity, it's always there, waiting to drag you back into the shadows of selfishness. It didn't take a week for me when I was unlocked this past summer before I was masturbating two and three times per day again.) Whatever the reasons we do it, it's a form of penile narcissism that makes you inward looking and facilitates distance from your wife. Chastity is only answer for some of us, so accept and embrace it -- I am thankful for my cage and for the assistance my wife is giving me in becoming more intimate without letting my dick get in the way. Let her lead, thank her when she punishes you. She knows more about love and intimacy and relationships than you ever will.
I'm Is true. When I'm out of alone, I inevitably end up masturbating however I can. And yes, it does sex life as you've cum lots and your partner hasn't so you're not interested.
Confession yes good Caning no bad We’ve never seen the need for physical abuse in our marriage. Whatever floats the boat for others so go right on ahead n enjoy yourself tho.
My situation is a little different. I like being in chastity. I like the feel of the cage and I like the kinkiness of it. My wife supports my wearing the cage but doesn't require it of me. After we've had PIV with me cuming I don't wear the cage for a few days. She's perfectly okay with that. Then, when I start to feel some sexy building up I lock up and tell her that I'm locked now. She typically will make a wistful sound and cradle my cage in her hand. She says that she likes having me uncaged but she respects that I need the cage to resist the temptation to masturbate. Chastity was my idea but she sees the value and accepts and validates my need. I always have a key available for when I shower. I don't seem to be able to get clean enough with the cage on so I usually take it off in the shower. As soon as I'm done washing my cock I put the cage back on. Does it feel good to stroke my bare, soapy cock? You bet! Is it tempting to continue stroking, just a few more times? It is! But I don't. I resist the temptations and slide the cage back on, in the shower, and lock up. As soon as the cage is back on I feel a sense of relief that masturbation is off the table. This is my decision. I've seen how destructive my masturbation was to my marriage and I won't go back to the bad old days. My wife wears her key around her neck, showing me her support. Whenever I notice the chain with the key I feel a welling up of appreciation for her recognition of what i'm doing for our relationship.
There is so much truth in your post. Its only since I got the cage that I too have wondered about how much masturbation could be killing (or at least harming) relationships. Never really considered it before. Maybe any forms of relationship counselling should begin with him being put in chastity. And I'm serious about that. Why is this not mainstream?