I am no shrink, but WHY does a man generally do more for his wife when in chastity?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Andylocked, Apr 3, 2018.

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  1. Andylocked
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    Andylocked Long term member

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    As I said, I am not a psychoanalyst but generally speaking, there are so many comments on the internet about how a man does SO much more for his wife and is so much more attentive and helpful around the house etc - but how many wives have actually said “Hang on.... why the feck do you need chastity to be like this?? Why can you just not love me enough to be like that ALL the time, without the kink??”

    This may well have been asked here before - this might be completely the wrong question to put here - if it goes into a black hole, I will understand! :). But I am just curious - is there a set answer for guys - I saw one earlier where husband said “well... to be honest, I am more concerned able my chronic masturbation habit, but the extra attentiveness for you my love is simply a by product of this magic lock down there!!” - this worked apparently!!

    Anyway... any thoughts on why men cannot be like this generally or are most of us really just simply selfish sods (I know I am!!)
     
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  2. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    With all relationships, things can become a bit jaded and people can take each other for granted to greater or lesser degrees. It happens, with the best will in the world. But the chastity element at least offers an additional incentive.
     
  3. Chaste J.
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    Chaste J. Long term member

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    I think a chastity cage or belt certainly acts as a constant reminder, no matter how comfortable it is and let's be honest you can't get anything more intimate in your day to day life! The fact its locked on you and only the 2 of you know about it is pretty special.
     
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  4. JosieLynn Jewell
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    JosieLynn Jewell Long term member

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    honestly, I think it's in the hope that she will participate in the kinks I enjoy more often. Vanilla is good a lot of the time, but sometimes you just want Moose Tracks...
     
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  5. LadyMoon
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    People tend to keep doing whatever they're used to doing. If she was the one who washed the dishes, did the laundry, scrubbed the bathroom, or whatever at the beginning of the relationship, it's likely she will be the one who continues to do it throughout the relationship... unless there's some intentional attempt to break the pattern.

    Possibly, chastity acts as a "pattern interrupt." Because it challenges the stereotypical sexual habits of a hetero relationship, it opens our minds to challenging other facets of the relationship. Once you've changed this one thing, hmm, you start wondering, What other things might be worth changing? (Sort of like when you buy a new couch, and then all of a sudden, the end tables seem shabby or maybe you notice the drapes need replacing too...)

    Or possibly, for some people, chastity gives them permission to shift their identity/self-perception. Maybe, outside chastity, one's male identity and household role seems set and rigid; within chastity, though, you allow yourself more leeway to explore things you have either fantasized about or, at least, things that were less aligned with your male identity. I think the identity shift can be drastic -- from macho husband to sissy maid, for instance -- or it can be more subtle -- from someone who never did the washing up to someone who always does it. The shift could be sexual (some admit interest in cuckolding and forced-bi activities once they're in chastity) or it could be service-focused.

    I've specifically avoided using the word "submissive" (as that doesn't fit everyone's experience), but that's definitely how the identity shift manifests for some people. Chastity allows them to enter a headspace where their focus is no longer on themselves, and extra tasks to please a dominant is a natural part of that.

    Can you change from being the type of husband/man you are now to a different type of husband/man without the help of chastity or any other kink? Most definitely. But lots of people do need some type of external catalyst to make a big change.

    I'm also not a psychiatrist, but those are my theories.
     
  6. salonslave
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    salonslave I play for a living and work for fun.

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    Lady Moon sort of summed it up in one sentence. “Chastity allows them to enter a headspace where their focus is no longer on themselves, and extra tasks to please a dominant is a natural part of that.”
     
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  7. Andylocked
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    Andylocked Long term member

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    Wonderfully put.... I am sure you are right... I do think that you can change the type of husband you have into a different type without resorting to the kink.. but I think the work involved or required to do that generally will end up putting a strain on the relationship. I also think men are biologically wired to cum as often as possible, and quite selfishly also - this is not something that men see as selfish until it is pointed out to them of course. With the addition of a cock cage, I personally think that the process of rewiring or changing of the husband is simply speeded up getting the man to be more focused on his partner in order that he can be let out sooner rather than later.... this is where the key holders job is so important in that they provide the hope for the husband... the carrot is always dangled... the hope that she will let him out soon.... just keep being nice and she will let me have a cum soon..... “of course darling... just not today.... now stop worrying and keep licking me my darling husband”..... :)
     
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  8. Mr M
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    Mr M Find yourself, find peace; find others, find joy.

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    I wish this was about some emotional humanity. It is simplily linking our behavior to our nature; the wiring to cum (physical experience of procreation). Men have two survival systems, the survival of ourselves and the survival of our future selves (offspring).

    As a KH, that basic wiring exists. Controlling the access to this experience, makes you the queen. The stricter the access and charging of the wiring (teasing or sexualizing), the more energy is directed to deliver your wishes.

    My favorite KH oversight, key holding shouldn’t require any work. Only if you want the sub to direct his energy for escape, not service.
     
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  9. martinb
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    martinb Active member

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    It is surely about the different male modes of 'seeker' and 'spouse'. If a male is seeking a mate (ie is not getting sex) then he displays courtship behaviors such as building a nest or vacuuming the house. If a male has secured a mate (ie is getting sex) it produces a mindset of just sticking with your spouse, and so the male relaxes and does not bother with courtship behaviors.
     
  10. Andylocked
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    Andylocked Long term member

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    Indeed.... I saw a forum recently where a wife had quite the laziest boorish husband and had recently heard about how male chastity and how it would bring a miracle change in her man... she wrote “I don’t understand it, I convinced him to try it out and I let him out every saturday and we had sex. I locked him again the next day and continued this routine for a month... and nothing! No change at all! Am I doing something wrong??” :)
     
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  11. mwsubmissy
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    mwsubmissy Active member

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    For me chastity did 2 things. 1. Stopped me masturbating and 2.made me think about my key holder more. With those 2 things started me doing more around the house and showing her how much I desired her like when we were dating. Since she now comes home to a clean house and a partner that can not wait to see her, life is great for us both.
     
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  12. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    As soon as I orgasm I don’t turn into a selfish ass, but to be honest my priorities change. It’s not on purpose, chemically I think our need to please others or willingness to, moves further down the list as naps, sandwiches, and tv time move up.

    Example...I just had a morning orgasm and she is about to go to work in the winter time. I know I could get up, make her coffee, start her car, and scrape the windows. Or I could just fall back asleep and enjoy sleeping in. Honestly I would probably stay in bed, and if I don’t it is because I feel obligated that I should get up and help.

    Now lose the morning orgasm, I am still horned up from pressing my cage close to her with no effect and after she gets up I think to myself “I wonder how happy she would be if I made her coffee and started her car?” I run to do those things before she notices I’m even up to surprise her. Or I stay in bed still aching from my stifled morning erection... I doubt I would stay in bed.

    Priorities aren’t even based on trying to achieve orgasm...I know for a fact that most of the time it isn’t going to lead to that, yet I still do those things. I think the chemical reaction after an O is just a reorganization of what is immediately important, and after an O, pleasing someone else isn’t on the top of the list. I can go further down the list consciously, but it is an effort, and if I follow my internal list my immediate need is more about me.

    Just how I feel about it with me, I’m sure others may live to serve orgasm or not.
     
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  13. Andylocked
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    Andylocked Long term member

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    I know exactly what you mean, but to a large number of Keyholders, is that not how THEY might define ‘selfish’? I personally would say that I am a million times less selfish than I was a few years ago - having a hard wife sorts that! (And that’s without being locked!!) But... I still know for sure (having been locked a few years ago) how it does require the brain and gets you doing stuff automatically for your other half that you would not normally think about. You say priorities aren’t based on trying to achieve orgasm if you know one isn’t forthcoming (so to speak) - but maybe it is just the male brain thinking there MIGHT be one soon especially if I’m REALLY good? It’s the hope, possibly - I did say I wasn’t a shrink! :)
     
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  14. Andylocked
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    Andylocked Long term member

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    ReWIRE, not Require... stupid phone
     
  15. Kepoke
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    Kepoke Long term member

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    This is actually why my wife had me get a PA to make our chastity play more permanent. She said she can't go back after seeing how attentive, helpful and nicer I am when I'm locked up lol

    And it's true - I'm not sure why. I can feel a change in me and my attitude. I'm a lot more engaged in talking to her, listening to her talk about her day, wanting to do more things for her and help around the house more, etc.

    It's a difference I can feel for sure.
     
  16. At all Times
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    At all Times At all Times

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    A wild guess, but maybe it's because submissive men that like to be kept in chastity, will do anything to ingratiate themselves with their wives or girl friends and hope that she will feel more willing to tease and play with them. I am one such guy that craves that feeling of being controlled by my wife, to have her demand and expect my servitude, to keep me teased arouse but denied any orgasms, to have me serve and submit to her, all the time while she uses her feminine charm to excite my submissive mind.
     
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  17. CB Henry
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    CB Henry Active member

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    I am thinking the device acts as a symbol of their relationship and the need to consider the other which so often is forgotten in the busy world we all live in.
     
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  18. masohedo
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    masohedo Long term member

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    In my case being caged ,teased,denied and prostate milked has worked wonders!
    It's like being medicated with Prozac.
    I feel calm,content,with positive attitude,cooperative,full of energy!
    Not only drawn to do sexual or sexually related activities,but also many others to make my Wife/KH and Family 's life easier and happier!
    The most unbelievable thing is that I was convinced to be sexually submissive,but apart from that with no interest in serving and my Wife/KH has never imposed any duties for me to perform!
    Time,chemistry,rewiring?I don't know,but it works.
    Kepoke's post is exactly what happens to both of us too!
     
  19. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Long term member

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    I think it's more that a submissive man will submit to being in chastity and do those other things for his KH/wife, rather than it being the chastity that makes him submissive.

    Mind you, being in chastity does make you MORE submissive.
     
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