I am locked in a chastity device - And my wife knows!

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  1. Giveitup
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    Giveitup Long term member

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    Thank you!
     
  2. bondinchas
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    #52 bondinchas, May 14, 2019
    Last edited: May 14, 2019
    While post #48 didn't start well, it didn't just end well, it's a major success. She's taken chastity on board, is willing to participate and has realised some of the benefits for both of you.

    Ok, one thing that you've mentioned more than once... your skin chafing and discomfort.
    It sounds like the discomfort may be putting you in a bad mood, so do something about it. Chastity is about controlling your hormones to both your and her advantage, but having a chunk of steel around your junk doesn't have to be uncomfortable!
    Start a daily routine of applying some ointment to clear up AND prevent the skin problems, and if need be carry a tube of it with you during the day so you can reapply it the minute you feel any discomfort. Prevention is far better than cure.

    The other thing you must do is stop masturbating. The male orgasm really messes up your hormones to the point where it can give you a downer and you don't even want sex again for a while. To get the feelings you're after, you need to avoid having an orgasm unless your wife wants it, and even then, if you can find ways to avoid your own while not denying her hers then all the better. Why do you think chastity wives get so much oral! Avoiding orgasms will keep you in that state of constant desire, which is a far better state to be in than the normal male sexual roller coaster with it's post-orgasm blues. It's one key fact about chastity that once you and your wife really understand and control it, you'll really start reaping the benefits. When she catches on how you change to her benefit when being denied orgasms, she won't want you to have many any more, win-win!

    And she's getting there, "You're better to me when you're locked-up", so follow her advice.
    What you could do, without saying anything to her, is after she unlocks you, once whatever activity you were unlocked for is over, put the device back on and invite her to close the lock. If she says anything, just tell her you agree with what she said, and you do want to be better for her. With replacing the device, while you might physically initiate putting it on, always make it her decision, by referring to what she said, and giving her the decision to turn the key. One phrase I often used when we started and I presented myself with the padlock was simply "Do you want to close the lock?", so trying always to not make it feel like you're 'topping from the bottom'.

    Your story reflects many of ours... The benefits of chastity for both partners, and how it's all the result of denying male orgasms can take a while to understand, especially so for the wife introduced to it by her husband, so take it slow, let her appreciate what the benefits are for her first. It does sound like you're well on the way to chastity being a great improvement in your relationship.
     
  3. Giveitup
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    Giveitup Long term member

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    @Drews - Thank you for another thoughtful reply! There are no "instant" expectations here. I actually told her that I don't need her to wear thigh-high boots and carry a whip - I just need her to pay attention once in a while. I was also very clear about my masturbation habit. Telling her that I have had at least an orgasm a day since puberty. She seemed unmoved. It was as if she were thinking, "Good, at least I don't have to be involved..." I am well aware that a big part of my frustration is my own impatience. But we agreed a year ago, that after more than a quarter of a century of missed opportunities when it came to intimately focusing on each other, that we would work on it. Not every flipping thing that comes along is more important. Not anymore. I told her I didn't want to wait another six-months, or a year, until this and that settled down. There's always going to be a big drama going on over something. We needed to focus on us in spite of whatever else is important, not instead of it.

    This is really, really good advice, thank you!

    As to the job hunting, it's just her nature. She seeks things to worry about, and this is a new one to sink her teeth into. We sold the company (2nd time in a row that I have been a part of this) so we put a significant amount of coin in the bank. It's not like we're going to starve to death.

    Thanks for following the saga, sharing your own experiences - and thanks again for your recommendations!
     
  4. Drews
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    Drews Long term member

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    I feel your frustration since I have gone through being the least important thing in my wives life. We also had a number of intense fights on the subject. I wrote her a long letter describing how I felt with many examples, you may have done that also. My mood improved significantly with the cage when the jerking stopped. I started cuddling buying flowers, back rubs etc. she realized finally that I was not pushing her for sex. After the big fights I reminded her many times our relationship is what really matters and I want this for us not for me. I also realized she does not like discussing the cage constantly so during her stressful times during the week I back off. Your wife sounds like she has seen the benefits of the cage. Now that she knows how you feel try treating her special with occasional reminders of what is really important. We normally now have sex at least twice every weekend something that never happened before the cage. I do wish she could have more fun with it but really glad where things have gone. We both realize it was because of the cage and my change in mood. It has been mentioned before about chafing and the cage hurting. I think you need to address that. My cage never does that and it is important to her that the cage is not hurting me. I hope you can get her to realize how important you both are to each other.
    Th
     
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  5. Giveitup
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    Giveitup Long term member

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    I knew there was something I forgot to mention... I am on my sixth cage in two-years. I have slowly increased my ability to wear one for longer and longer periods. My personal best is only 15-days, but it is always chaffing that makes me take it off. I didn't want to ask her to hold my key, then immediately ask for it back, because my cage hurt. I have Gold Bond on it, and I "re-lotion" several times a day. I'm in the right sized ring, and the right sized cage, but this fight with the metal band continues. I am very active, so it's just a problem I need to solve. She's aware, and says "Why don't you just take it off?" (Sigh.)

    I have tried baby oil gel, but it makes a mess of my clothes, if the multiple applications soak through my boxer briefs. I've narrowed down what I want in a custom cage, but I am not willing to make that investment until I am sure this is something that will become more of a lifestyle than a short-lived game. I also found a piercing studio, and piercer who does PA's for chastity - but again, not something I would do until she is on-board.

    I too like who I am when I am locked, but per @RexVa's post, I simply do not have the strength to keep my hands off of myself, as simple as that sounds. I was taught how to masturbate at the age of seven. (My childhood is a story for another time) but it didn't really catch on until puberty. Since then, it is like breathing... more of a reflex than a special treat.

    So, I will continue to press the number of days I can stay locked. I will continue to work on my patience. I will continue to wait for my keyholder to catch on, but... I won't wait forever.

    Thanks again for your advice. I truly appreciate you and everyone here at The Mansion!

    -- Giving it Up (or at least trying!)
     
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  6. Drews
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    Drews Long term member

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    Good luck with making the device work. I understand your reluctance on working it out. One last suggestion on what I did when I was in your situation. I was trying to cuddle and she had nothing to do with it. I very nicely and not confrontational asked her if I just was not the guy for her anymore. I asked her to be honest. I said I am trying so hard to bring a spice to our relationship taking desperate measures and it seems like your interest in me is gone. I said be honest with me and if you are not into me anymore I will stop. Again very non confrontational. It seems like that opened her eyes a little as to what was going on. I hope something works for you, you seem to be trying very hard.
     
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  7. RexVa
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    No, you should be really thanking your lovely Wife for agreeing to partake in your chastity, only to be let down and surely driven to confusion and serious disappointment with your selfish self-pleasuring behavior.

    And be really glad--and even more thankful--that such a fundamental breach may not have (yet?) led her to conduct a corrective and severe discipline session for you--as it would have if you were my pet.
     
  8. HerPetWolfie
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    Strongly agree with this. Topping from the bottom is at best tacky, and at worst defeats the whole purpose of chastity. Not a single experienced Dominant would tolerate it. Before I understood what submission was at its heart, I was def guilty of it. All it does is overwhelms your potential Dominant and makes you look like a weirdo. I know firsthand. The first time a woman showed interest in my kinks, I got way too locked into it, and low key obsessed. However many years of keeping kinks pent up can lead to talking about it nonstop.

    Really look at what you're trying to get from submitting to your wife. If the focus isn't her satisfaction, then I agree with above, you need some discipline work. Submit to her. ACTUALLY give her control. No cheating your chastity, no backtalk, DEFINITELY no masturbating. If you want to submit, then submit.
     
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  9. Giveitup
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    Long overdue update: We're getting there!

    I've received lots of mostly consistent advice, here at ye' olde Chastity Mansion. Don't "top from the bottom." Let her move at her own pace. Stop masturbating. Submit already! Etc... Well, sportsfans, after four or five decades (nearly three of them married) simply switching off my alpha behavior and leaving my dick alone, when I have conditioned myself to having a orgasm a day at my own hand, well, it isn't the easiest thing in the world to accomplish! "Oh, that's all I have to do? Gee, why that's easy! Why couldn't I have figured that out on my own?" -- Ha! All good advice, but not so easy (at least for me.)

    What has happened is that I've gotten better. I want to be locked for her. I still can't get past a week or two without chaffing becoming painful enough to unlock, which she is okay with. When I am unlocked, I try not to masturbate, but I usually do - just much, much less. I was out of town for two weeks and dealt with my first-ever case of what felt like prostatitus, but the symptoms didn't all present. Just pain, swelling, frequent need to urinate and not being able to completely empty my bladder. I uncaged, and ejaculated daily again. After a few days, I was fine. I locked back up. I can't go more than a week or two without ring burn. My record is still 15-days. I've recycled through the cage collection I have, trying to find the magic. I am thinking of contacting @JosieLynn Jewell to see if a mid-priced plastic cage might be the mid-term answer. If my wife gets fully on-board with the lifestyle, then I will go custom steel. I cannot wait to have the Prince Albert conversation with my Vanilla Princess!

    Speaking of whom... She committed (after a big fight) to read the book, starting after another commitment wrapped-up on 20-May. Guess what? She hasn't read another page. So rather than get pouty and resentful, the piece of consistent advice I have taken to heart is to let her move at her own pace. I simply lock-up, and give her the key. She eventually discovers, "Hey! You're wearing your thing!"

    Mother's Day was hot! An orgasm for her, none for me. I was squirming. On a mid-June Saturday, a couple days after my birthday, she wanted me to cum in her, so rather than get angsty about it, I unlocked (leaving the ring on to help me maintain my erection without Viagra) and fulfilled her request. She said, "Again!" before I could soften and pull-out. I fulfilled her request! (And felt like a teenager in the process.)

    This morning, she woke me at 4 am, slipping back into bed nude, and snuggling her butt up against my cage. I nibbled, licked and kissed my way down her back and she let me worship her ass with my tongue, while I fingered her to an orgasm. She said, "Now what?"

    "It's up to you," I answered. She snuggled her butt against my cage again, and dozed-off. OMG, I was turned-on and squirming... No way was I going to sleep! After a bit, she stirred and said, "I want you inside of me." I told her I would go get the key. "Why do you have it?" I told her she gave it to me last weekend, when my ring burn was bad, and I needed to unlock to heal. She said, "Then you locked back up on your own?" Yes, yes I did. We made love, and went back to sleep. I re-locked in front of her in the hot tub later this morning.

    I still cave more than I want. She's still promising to read the book, and when she finishes, I've told her about a male chastity blog, written by a younger woman, that will give her some more insight into the psychology of it all. Maybe she'll get there some day, maybe it's an empty promise. Whatever the case, I haven't used pills since April, and we are having way more sex than we used to. Sex with her is more adventuresome. Kinky as porn, my fantasies and my right hand? No, but oh so much more fulfilling!

    I cannot wait until it clicks! It will, I know it. But it will be on her time, and I may wind-up regretting the day I put her on this path. But, I don't think so! The chastity bug has bitten me bad. I would willingly give up orgasming for her pleasure, but I am not sure that would ever happen. Please stand by...
     
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  10. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Locked today, tomorrow, forever

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    Congratulations your moving in the right direction. It’s not easy changing your habits. Have you ever tried stopping smoking or going on a diet? It takes many Little steps in the right direction. Good Luck as your Chastity continues to evolve.
     
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  11. Allen1987
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    Allen1987 All for Her

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    @Giveitup ,
    He is absolutely right. Your attitude is there, when it finally clicks, you not get the chance to click it yourself again. Just think about that!
     
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  12. coffee2sugars
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    coffee2sugars Long term member

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    One day at a time, both with your chastity and the cage.

    Really happy to see a more positive post. I hope it continues.
     
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  13. Giveitup
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    Giveitup Long term member

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    Four a.m. is her time! :rolleyes: Well, guess what? Then it's my time, too! After yesterday morning's adventure, she got distracted by life, and left the key to my chastity device laying on my bathroom counter. ("I know, I know, I have to read the book," she says all the time now...) Bad idea. So after letting it lay there all day, I discretely sweep it into one of my vanity drawers. My thinking, of course, is that she'll wonder what she did with it in a week or two when she wants a little intercourse.

    So at four o'clock in the morning, she slides next to me and wiggles her butt up against my cage. Whaaat? Two days in a row!?!? Hum...? So I get her off with a bit of oral attention, while remaining chaste. It occurs to her that she's lost the key. Look, I know you're not supposed to top from the bottom, but when set sets the ball on the tee and looks at you like you should take a swing at it, I am only human.

    We chat about the idea of leaving a man locked, to let his hormones build, which in turn gives her more control, attention and affection. She thinks the key is still down on the ledge of the hot tub. I start rubbing her clit, she grabs my cage. While I quickly convinced her to cum for me again, she had a perfect grip on my package, and simply rubbed, squeezed and shook it. Just right. "The whole thing fits in my hand," she exclaimed! I swear I almost came! I was dripping when we got up, and my balls have a dull ache. Delicious!

    Time to make a pot of coffee and make the bed... Happy July everyone!
     
  14. Drews
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    Glad you had a great experience. Remember there are no rules on how this should work. It should work for both of you. Hopefully she is starting to see the benefits of having you locked. A suggestion is buy her flowers or something she will really like today. Help her around the house with a task she would rather not have to do. Basically just treat her special in a non sexual way without saying anything. From my experience this will get her to love having you locked more than anything.
     
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  15. Giveitup
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    Giveitup Long term member

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    Great advice, @Drews. On my way to the florist! -- Give
     
  16. cshorts
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    cshorts Locked in love for SL

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    Wonderful to read about your progress @Giveitup! And about your positive, excited attitude. As with anything, surely there will be steps backwards as well as forwards -- great when we can embrace the forward movement and be patient about the stalls or regressions. Yay for you!
     
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  17. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Locked today, tomorrow, forever

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    That simple comment you make about. Making his hormones build which gives her more control attention and affection, should be engraved in Gold. It is So So True.
     
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  18. Giveitup
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    Giveitup Long term member

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    It's been a while since I have updated this thread. Four a.m. still holds its magic. But this morning, by 8 a.m., I was patiently waiting for the swelling to subside. She had previously awakened me at 4 am, taken off her little T-shirt and shorts; nestled my cage in her hand, and she promptly went back to sleep! So, me and Mr. Happy just held her. Sigh...If it wasn’t for this little bundle of steel, known as my cage, I am pretty sure that the sword of Zorro would have been unleashed!

    When we woke-up later, not only was I dealing with the typical PHO, or "morning wood," I was incredibly turned-on, and had apparently been so for some time. My whole package was swollen and purple. (Not dangerously so - having been at this for a couple of years, and having five other cages sitting on a closet shelf, I knew there was no danger.) I pulled-back the covers and told her, "Houston, we have a problem," and headed for the bathroom to relieve myself. My budding keyholder asks if I’m ‘alright?’ "Yes, Honey, I will be fine."

    It took a while, but after I come out of the bathroom, she wants to know if we still have time for the hot tub, and will I be okay in my ‘current condition?’ I explained that being swollen and purple is temporary, not all that infrequent of a thing, and besides, there’s not much that I can do about it anyway.

    Her response, “Beg.” She may just be catching on! :+1:
     
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  19. BarbCD
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    BarbCD Long term member

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    This has been one of the most fascinating reads I’ve ever seen online. Giveitup, I truly admire your willingness to be so candid, open, and genuine here. I keep hoping for the “happy ending” (as you do, no doubt) but as I read your posts, and all the solid advice others have given, it’s apparent that this is a difficult road for you and your wife. I do not have enough experience to give you any advice (ok, one piece, later) as my vanilla wife KH and I are still evolving ourselves. But I applaud your willingness to talk to her. That has been the “secret sauce” in our marriage, as uncomfortable as some of them are.

    My one piece of advice. You really ought to make the leap to a custom steel device. I believe I read in an early post that you tried 6 so far? You have probably spent close to what a good Mature Metal device would cost. I think the comfort and elimination of chaffing would go far in enabling you to manage your own desires, and (your words), weaknesses. You might go so far as to ask her input as to which one she’d prefer you in, though I totally understand how risky that conversation could be.

    I am new to CM, and have been very impressed at the level of dialog and thoughtful writing I’m seeing here.
     
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  20. Giveitup
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    Giveitup Long term member

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    Thank you very much, @BarbCD!
     
  21. Notouchy
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    Notouchy Active member

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    Hi Giveitup. Thank you for your honest thoughts and updates about your progress into chastity. I myself are in a similar situation. My wife who knows I love chastity and I over many years I have been trying to getting her on board even know she knows that “I take matters in hand” so to speak which I feel guilty about and she can tell I do as well tainting our sex life. So the chastity benefits are there for her/ us including even when I am self locked being more naturally attentive to her needs e.g feet rub, back massage etc and simply more focused on her which she has commented on. So in theory it is just a simple task of her hiding/ controlling the key. That’s all I am after.
    However in variably she does not take the key and if she does it’s generally due to me asking her or placing it on her bedside table which it then tends to stay in the same place. We have talked about chastity, So at this point I am really am just grateful at this stage that she accepts me wearing a chastity device and from then on time will tell. But as other people have said you can’t push her to accepted it, she has to make that decision herself in time, however long that might be.

    Thank you for you openness Giveitup and thank you Chastity Mansion for bring us chastity lovers together and allowing us to share our experiences as I once felt isolated not normal.
     
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  22. Giveitup
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    Giveitup Long term member

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    Thanks for your open, honest and thoughtful reply, @Notouchy. It is somewhat amazing to me to not only read of all the various possible responses while trying to get reluctant keyholders on-board with male chastity, but to actually go through it myself.

    I am not sure my wife, a woman whom I have known for 35-years, even today understands the male sex drive, specifically mine. I told her flat-out, that aside from our relatively recent foray into male chastity, I have had an orgasm a day since puberty. Since I was reasonably sexually active before marriage, not all of them were at my own hand - but it was certainly the vast majority of them. Having educated myself here on Chastity Mansion (and other Internet sources) I expected a shocked reaction, perhaps anger. Nope. Maybe it could have been that way when she was younger, as if I was cheating on her with my own hand, but nope. The response I got to that great revelation was in the realm of, "Meh, whatever. At least you're not pestering me for sex." WTF are you supposed to do with that!?!?

    As was mentioned in another thread, by @Locked_DJ
    We had PIV on Sunday morning, after two days of her trying to get her body to respond. She wasn't lubricating, and she wanted to quit. Saturday, I backed-off and just held her. On Sunday, the same thing happened. So, I let her "quit" again. Only, not really. After a 15-20 minute break, she was lying on her tummy, and I kissed and nibbled my way down her back. While I tongued her back-door, I fingered her to a sopping wet climax. I HATE to lose! (At anything, including turning my girl on!) Afterwards, she wanted me unlocked, and inside of her. Who am I to argue? But... And this is different... It took me a while to cum. And when I did, it wasn't really all that enjoyable. And I spent the rest of the day being a moody bitch. I am angsty and on edge today, too. She sees it, has commented on it, but hasn't made the association yet.

    Read the book, Girlfriend, just read the book...
     
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