I am locked in a chastity device - And my wife knows!

Okay, so maybe the title of this thread is not much of a big deal to you, especially those Mansion participants who are quite experienced. But for me, for me it is a really big deal! I failed to use this site properly in a couple of ways: 1) I didn't post an introduction when I joined in May of 2017; and 2) Rather than starting a journal, my story has been told all over the place, usually responding to another's post. My goal with this thread is to correct these mistakes.

My wife and I are older, mid-50's, and live apart. It's a mutual decision, and based on my job being in another city than my home, and my lovely wife. After decades of frustration with hugely mismatched sex drives, I just couldn't take the idea that her post-menopausal pain from PIV had essentially ended my sex life. I felt cheated, and went looking for solutions. Somehow I stumbled upon Chastity Mansion, and I was hooked. I have spent the last 21+ months reading, researching, trying various inexpensive cages and self-locking. I have spent the last 10-months trying to broach the topic with my very vanilla wife.

Everything else was perfect, and under the right circumstances she's a great lover - it's just that the stars never aligned all that much. My right hand has been my BFF for daily orgasms, since I discovered what an orgasm was, in my early teens. Last May, while on vacation I poured my heart out to her, and actually said the words, "male chastity," to her. Again and again, I brought it up - with no interest, and no response. Finally, I bought her a book, and asked her to read it. Alone. At her pace. We had a good dialog, and even though she struggles to discuss sex, she started reading it.

This past few days we were together, in hotels in a 3rd city, as we had overlapping business trips. She said she had a question: "Why do you want to do this? Can't we just have more sex?" I knew better, so I explained the many benefits for her, the help that I needed to focus on her, and to help harness my unstoppable urge to take matters into my own hands, and that MC was ultimately very flexible. It could be something as simple as pre-sex titillation, or as complex and kinky as we both agreed it would be, but that open communication about it is essential to success. I explained about the post-orgasm "drop" and the biological science behind the male response. MC is not just a kink.

She agreed to give it a try! I asked her to please read beyond chapter one in the book, and while she was in the shower, I locked-up. In the car a bit later, I handed her the key. She knew immediately what it was for. Moments later, when we realized that I had stupidly brought only one key, I would need it to uncage long enough to clear security, as I would be leaving a few days later than she did. She handed the key back, scared to death that if she lost it (or accidentally kept it when we parted) that I could be in trouble, or at least open to a bit of embarrassment from the TSA. But, she was my willing keyholder, if only for a moment!

Before we got into the car that morning, we had fantastic sex, and she wanted more later that evening. When we got into bed, she felt my caged member and exclaimed, "You're really serious about this, aren't you?!?" Yes, yes I am. Well, she wanted me unlocked, and having learned so much here, from all my Chastity Mansion friends, I quickly obliged her. While we had still more passionate sex, including intercourse, I could not quite climax. We stopped. She suggested that I should lock-up, and I asked her if I could wait until the morning, after I had showered. She agreed.

She had to leave this morning, and patting my morning wood, asked me if that would be there if I was caged? I excitedly replied that there was no way, since the cage I landed on after much experimentation is a little over an inch deep. She asked me when I was going to lock it up, knowing we would not see each other for over a month. I told her that I didn't know. She said, "You agreed to do it after your shower this morning! So this is basically just a game to you?" Gulp! I am both terrified and excited... While I will be on my own recognizance, my goal is to give up masturbation for the season of Lent - something that really means a lot to me, but it has to go! Since my record locked-up is only two weeks, I am not sure that I can stay 24x7 until I see her again, so it is up to me to stay orgasm-free until I do.

The job that kept us apart is ending, so in another month or so, my wife will become my keyholder!

This is SO MUCH BETTER than playing alone, wishing she would just come along... Wish me luck!

-- Ready to Giveitup

 

Thanks for all of your replies, and messages of support! We'll see if I have the willpower, and if she stays committed!

My wife is now on the other side of the country. I texted her when I locked-up, and her response was, "Nothing until I see you in April." Last night on the phone, she told me that when we see each other again we're going to rent a movie that she didn't get to finish on the airplane, and that I would enjoy it. I suggested that it would be "the second thing we do." Her response: "Maybe not. I am in charge. Isn't that what you told me? I have the power. I will have the key. I will decide. I think I am going to like this! You'll like the movie."

I am sensing a not so subtle shift. It would appear that now all I have to do is get out of my own way and on board with what I have been fantasizing about for all these months...

 

Taming the Caged Beast - An Introduction to Male Chastity by Emily Masters. I bought the eBook for myself, read it through, and then purchased a paperback for my wife, so she could read it in bed at night (or not - her choice) at her convenience. Here's the hyperlink: http://brassiered.com/tamingthecagedbeast/index.html

 

Update: Failure. I had to reset my counter today.

One of my reasons for wanting male chastity in the first place is to restore my sexual focus on my loving wife. Yes, it's true: She's pretty vanilla. Yes, it's true: Our sex drives are terribly mismatched. But... This failure is mine, and mine alone. I have again taken matters into my own hands, after I got her to agree to trying chastity. I had to fly a little over a week ago, and took off my cage. After several days of wearing it successfully, after she left me, I was chaffed, with only hotel hand-lotion to lubricate the ring. So, I left it off when I got back to where I live. Last Friday night, fearing I would bust-out the porn and masturbate, I locked-up.

Then, on Saturday night, alone and stressed (living apart, moving and job loss are a few of the excuses) I simply unlocked and got my kink on. And kept it on. She asked me last Sunday if I was still "wearing my thing?" and I confessed that I was not. Life was just too stressful. She was disappointed, and "...it's probably for the best," she said. We didn't need it. We could just, "have more sex." I know better. She doesn't. "More sex" for her is north of once a quarter. More sex for me is daily. Even if it's just me getting to get her off... That's why I am so disheartened by my own actions.

In a couple of weeks, I will be moving home, and looking for a new "alpha" job. I just shaved and locked-up again. I pray that I can do better. My personal best, alone, is two weeks. I could have seen her again with over four in the bag, but I have ruined that. I worked so hard to get here, to get her on-board, and then I blew it for yet another meaningless orgasm. Years, no, decades of conditioning is going to be harder to break than I imagined. If she agrees to keep going with TTTWD, I can see myself in a custom steel cage, pinned with a PA, and sans an emergency key. I lack the willpower and discipline to do this on my own.

 

That's a great idea, @coffee2sugars! But I am two-weeks from moving home, and she's still very much at the baby steps phase. That's something I will do if I wind-up with a new job away from her. Ideally, I will find something where my beautiful bride can supervise me personally!

@Allen1987, @Rectrix, @sixofthebest, @sissy_connie, @Breathe (and everyone else) - Thanks for the words of support. In early May, I will have two-years under my belt with this community, so this is something in which I am deeply vested. It took a lot for me to finally open-up the communication path with my bride, and I will not throw in the towel easily. There's just too much potential in this lifestyle! I have decades of hidden kink; whereas she just goes about her life, open to occasional rounds of intercourse, primarily for my benefit (I suspect.)

More than anything, I want to curb my kink (which in and of itself, male chastity can certainly become) devote myself to making up all those lost years of selfishness to her future happiness, and channel my energies into something more productive than daily orgasms. I think that's one of the reasons that "permanent" (I'm almost afraid to use the word now) turns my crank so much! I've had a lifetime's worth of "spurts," to use @Rectrix's word. Foregoing them for better productivity; a happier marriage and less focus on me, not to mention avoiding all the kinky $hit available on the Internet, seems like it might be a great relief.

Yet, recognizing that it's all about her, should she adapt to being my keyholder over the next number of months and years, whatever she wants to dabble in, or adopt as a part of her control, will be just fine for me. There are other posts from me on this board where I mentioned that I have pondered castration. If she has no interest in sex, and I am driven by my testicles, then it would seem there's a simple solution. That, however, is too drastic, given the side-effects, and the fact that my wife would be horrified. Why would you give up your manhood when we have such great sex every few months?

Sorry about rambling - this feels like a bit of psychotherapy, with a group of people who at least understand my dichotomy. I appreciate all of your support. More than you'll ever know...

Ready to... -- Giveitup

 

I completely agree with your comments. Chastity is simply a vehicle which has served to open the door to the conversation. After nearly two-years of study, research, half-a-dozen different devices, etc., male chastity seems the perfect vehicle to slow me down, and hopefully speed her up! I have been diligent to gently bring this conversation to the forefront without scaring her off. As she gains comfort in chastity being done her way, the book (or books, websites, etc.) and more conversation should blossom into more openness. My hope, of course, is that it will help her feel more comfortable in expressing who she is as a sexual being, and that we can grow together going forward.

My first open, honest and quite candid conversation about my needs, and my perspective of wasted years occurred last May. Nearly 30-years of things more always important than sex: Don't want another baby (vasectomy), can't stand cigarette breath (quit smoking), too drunk (quit drinking), child-rearing (the kid is raised), two successful careers (now we have more money than bills)... Then, "Well, we're past that now. We're older." I told her that I felt gypped out of the best years of our life, and that, No! we're not too old to enjoy a mutually satisfying and fulfilling sex life. The endless litany of excuses is over. I agreed not to mourn the past, if she could agree to working toward a different future.

I am dancing a line between topping from the bottom, and getting her to actual move on anything sexual. Should this simply be her trying to give me what I am asking for, out of love and compassion, and there's actually nothing inside of her to blossom (when it comes to her sexuality and our physical relationship) then I will face a whole other set of decisions.

That's why I was so disappointed in my lack of self-control. Huge progress, then I blew it. This saga is moving at a snail's pace, so stay tuned...