How to stop my alpha side from flaring up and become a better husband

When it comes to life with kids, you need your alpha side. It's important to keep your kids respectful of you and her. It's also important for them to see you treat her as a very special and important person. It's a fine balance. I have two boys. I know how hard it can be. I am still the alpha of the house, but they still see me go out of my way to do anything for her. Hope that helps.

 

Over the past 14yrs of mirage we have learned our weak and strong spots. When she is having trouble with a weak area I very politely ask if she needs help. It has taken a long time for me to be able to not just step in and handle things. It'll be hard to fight those impulses. Communication is key. If you know the things she expects you to be alpha mode with and when not to, she will be very happy. You must communicate for this to happen.

 

I am also very alpha but sexually submissive. I gave permission to my wife to have control over my penis. She did not take it. If she did take it I would have to examine myself as a person to see why I let another human dominate me against my will or what in me allowed another person to dominate me. I am more than a sexual submissive. I am a husband, friend, professional and everything else I am outside of the sexual arena.

I control my alpha side the same way I did when I was in the Army. I pledged to obey those with a high rank than me and so that is what I did even if they were not actually my superior in any way or if I did not like what they told me to do. We also do the same at our jobs. Although I have slammed one boss against a wall and turned another's desk upside down, for the most part I submit to what my bosses told me to do and did them the best way I knew how.

 

You and your wife should setup a contract of when and what circumstances you are allowed to be alpha. My husband and I dismissed this for months until we read “How to Setup an FLR relationship - by Georgia Ivey Green”.

Then we both answered the survey questions and I set up my ideas for how situations were handled. Initially I said I did not want a dictatorship type of relationship but once I started writing the contract (for him to review and share his input) the more I placed into that section. Hahaha

Now we follow the contract and know where he is allowed to provide feedback and he is not. At times I have to pull the contract out and remind him. But trust me it helps and it works

 

I can provide some of that for you. It will have to be later tho as I’m heading off to work now. Ours isn’t written in true document format it’s just broken out into categories as it was easier for me to follow that way.

But we both reviewed it and agreed upon it. Anything he questioned was discussed before approval.

 

Love that book and her questions, really helped demystify and dekinkify things for my wife, highly recommended.

 

Co-op: equal day, one doesn’t do without discussing with other

Making plans

Large purchases - discussed and valid reasons provided for making the purchase and when. Exceptions can be made for holidays and birthdays.

Personal Spending cash can be used in any way we wish. If either party requires additional funds it must be discussed.

Morning coffee and pillow talk- not all about relationship want some fun ones too


Democracy: One makes decisions that are unquestioned but may require discussion.

Raising our son

Sub prepares and cooks dinner if he’s not working or we aren’t eating out. Served no later than 630pm.

I handle finances although sub can provide details for dining, entertainment , and activities.

Want daily details about schoolwork written out for me including successes and struggles (we homeschool)

Sub performs household chores but I am free to help as I choose


This is just two of the categories to give you an idea. We focused more on day to day living rather than the kink side. We had answered those questions in her book and are already on the same page with what we will and won’t do.

 

Try to think of it as your Alpha side being alive and well
You are using your abilities to persuade some might say manipulate your wife into becoming the controlling dominant woman she is capable of being.

And rather than think of her forgetting about you being locked and denied take comfort in her wanting you to feel that way being a part of your success in helping make her become the woman you want her to be; taking all the control over you that you want her to take, yo have and to use.

You are succeeding in getting her to exploit the submissive side of your nature and by controlling your alpha side you are encouraging her further and helping her decide that this is a good thing for her. Obviously the more for her that you do without being asked or prompted the more you will force her into seeing the benefits of and keeping you locked and denied as a means of further increasing her control over you.

You are it seems a luckier man than many others who feel getting their wives to so embrace TTTWD is an impossible dream .. one which you are achieving through your own will.

 

In rereading my few examples of our contract, it doesn’t seem like much however some of these are key things that he was not good at before or didn’t like to do and now he has to.....it’s in writing

 

Why do you think being an alpha at home makes you a bad husband. Isn't that who your wife married?

 

In our situation it took more than just a chastity cage for my submission to take. We had to add in things like me orally pleasing her in the morning to wake her up, cooking dinner, texting back routinely,and whatever other rules she decided. The kicker was we started with 1 then moved to 3 ball busting sessions a day. If I've pleased her and stayed submissive they are usually light. If not they are much harder. She decides how long they last and how hard they are. Just bending over and giving her full control over hurting my balls has made submission much easier for me.

 

In our situation it took more than just a chastity cage for my submission to take. We had to add in things like me orally pleasing her in the morning to wake her up, cooking dinner, texting back routinely,and whatever other rules she decided. The kicker was we started with 1 then moved to 3 ball busting sessions a day. If I've pleased her and stayed submissive they are usually light. If not they are much harder. She decides how long they last and how hard they are. Just bending over and giving her full control over hurting my balls has made submission much easier for me.