How to introduce chastity to a "vanilla" relationship

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by SDH1111, Dec 8, 2009.

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  1. SDH1111
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    SDH1111 Junior Member

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    Hey everyone, love the site!

    I wanted to get opinions from men and women on how to introduce chastity into an otherwise vanilla relationship. First a bit of background and context:

    I have had an interest in femdom for as long as I can remember, but never the "beat the shit out of you" sort of thing. And not even bondage, really. Chastity was sort of the missing link - a bridge between vanilla and female led relationships so to speak. I have never vocalized these desires with a partner, and it has been pretty much in the back of my mind forever.

    I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years now, and love her very much. We are both 23 years old, and she is naturally a dominant and controlling girl, but beyond a few toys, we do not do anything femdom related or kinky.

    I am positive she would love having the level of control chastity can provide. It also seems to me to be an incredibly romantic and powerful gift for a man to give. Additionally, in past relationships, she had been cheated on. I think this would go a long way toward healing that kind of emotional damage.

    Ideally, I would like the chastity to be an enhancer of our sex life. Less regular, but more fulfilling. I am not really turned on by the idea of being locked up for 6 months and never again having penetrative sex. She enjoys it too much anyway. Also, I am not into crossdressing, cuckolding or anything like that.

    That being said,

    How would you approach this situation? I am hesitant to just come out with it - as it may make her feel like I have been keeping other secrets or that she does not really know me at all.

    Any advice is appreciated!
     
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  2. madamsboy
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    madamsboy Looking for a special female

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    Do you ever go adult toy shopping with her? If yes then point one out, it is easy to do if you shop online as not all retail stores have them.
    OR
    Maybe next time she brings up previous lovers infidelity , ask her if you locking your self up would make her feel better.


    Oh, and Welcome aboard!
     
  3. Dumb1
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    Dumb1 senior member

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    hi pop over and have a look at netdoctor .com there is a piece in there from someone called latekate and she answers alot of your questions but from a womans point of view when her hubby brought up the idea to her. Just type in male chastity into your web search and look for the thread anyone any experience of male chastity? hope this helps i have been chatting with latekate there and i think she is a member of the mansion as well:confused0068:eek:h and welcome to the mansion
     
  4. madamsboy
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    madamsboy Looking for a special female

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    http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/interactive/discussion/viewtopic.php?f=20&t=31348
     
  5. TCFun
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    TCFun Member

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  6. Dumb1
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    Dumb1 senior member

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    well done madamsboy i shall have to get the hang of doing that link thing you did it seems so much easier than all my explanations LOL:spider:
     
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  7. madamsboy
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    madamsboy Looking for a special female

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    No problem , glad to help out.
     
  8. slavehubby
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    slavehubby Senior Member

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    Male Chasity: A Key Holder's Guide is a great resource. My Wife found that very helpful.

    You know, I am married to wonderful woman, who enjoys her dominant nature and she knows I love her for being her. I was able to be honest with her. Once she saw the benefits of me in chasity, she demands it now. The other side, we realize that it adds a lot of fun to our relationship. Honest and making it fun was what made it easier for her.

    Also, pay attention to what she may feel threatened by, and be sure to discuss it and make it doable for her so she is not threatened. The great thing about a Female Led Relationship is that she is in charge and ultimately it will only go where she wants it to go. Just because I may have some crazy fantasy, it may not be hers and that is all right because true submission is about my serving her pleasure and needs and knowing I find pleasure in hers. That element made it very easy for my Wife.
     
  9. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    You've had some great advice so far, but I would like to chip in a little something for you... do not in any way relate your forthcoming journey into chastity with the fact she has been cheated on before.

    There are probably a lot of hurtful memories, and the last thing you need is to have her reminded of that every time she looks at your cock!

    On the bright side, you seem to want a more "sensual Dominance" and that's a great way to start in a D/s relationship rather than hard-core whip me till I bleed types! (Of course if she likes the taste.... there's no telling where the introduction will lead her!)

    Why not try some light bondage, tying each other up and teasing each other. Then lead on to perhaps her tying around your genitals and expressing how interesting it would be to not be able to touch or play with yourself.

    You know her better than anyone else, take it slow, open the lines of communication and KEEP US INFORMED!

    We do like to help. :loveCM:
     
  10. madamsboy
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    madamsboy Looking for a special female

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    [​IMG] I forget about that. considering I have to deal with such issues from time to time I should know better.
     
  11. SDH1111
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    SDH1111 Junior Member

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    Hey everyone - I wanted to check back in and thank you again for the advice. We have just ordered a CB 6000! She is excited about having that level of control, and I'm obviously on the edge of my seat. Any advice on how to best start "the journey?"
     
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  12. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    We've reviewed the book Male Chastity - A Guide for Keyholders on this site. The link is below. I think you'll want to get this book as it explains from a female perspective how this lifestyle works. I still have the book, but just don't have the guts to share it with her... grrrr Reviewers don't agree with everything in the book, but as I said it's a great way to just hand her something and let things develop from there. It provides opportunities for you two to talk and that's important isn't it?

    http://www.chastitymansion.com/forum/showthread.php?1118-Male-Chastity-A-Guide-for-Keyholders
     
  13. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    This can be quite overwhelming for her now. (Well it was for me anyway!)

    She may feel pressured into suddenly needing to be a Domme of some description, an expert in torture or tease and denial!

    Explain to her that all she needs to do is be herself and remember that if she wants anything done, she only needs to ask you for it! And if she does, make sure you jump to it!!!

    I would say the best way to handle things is to put it on when you are together and ask her to click the lock shut and take the key away.

    From then on if either of you has a worry or a problem then you just need to talk it out. Eg, if she's feeling "odd" ask her why and allay her fears, and if you're feeling neglected, ask for a hug and explain how you're feeling.

    This is the hardest (pun intended) bit of the journey! Good luck.
     
  14. gmmech
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    gmmech Junior Member

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    I Sooooooo want to get that book and leave it on the coffee table next to my wife's chair, I've tried to throw out hints to her but she just won't bite on them
     
  15. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Do remind yourself that your turning over the keys to your cock and that this is a serious shift of who has the power in your relationship. Expect that there maybe things that happen that you might not always be keen on. What she and you make of this is whatever she thinks is best so hang on! ;-) I think it will be like the only Chinese Curse. "May you live in interesting times"

    I do think what you say or do when you start will have a large bearing on how it ends up going. If your really not into cuckolding for example be sure thats clear. I think that the guys who make a point that they don't desire to be feminized need to be specific that this is not the reason for chastity as well. Anyway, good luck. I'm really curious how this all works out for the two of you.
     
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