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How to be a GOOD Keyholder....

Discussion in 'The Boudoir' started by GoddessCliodhna, Aug 16, 2017.

  1. Hello everyone. I am looking for ideas and information about what makes a "good keyholder". I
    Through looking and searching here and elsewhere, I have come across the term several times and began wondering what is the basis of a "good keyholder "; what qualifies, characteristics or actions make up a "good keyholder "?
  2. My opinions.
    Never let yourself go without orgasming, if you feel horny put him to use taking care of you. Making our keyholders orgasm is satisfying and we actually like being told no and left horny.
    Remember we still want to feel wanted too. Don't just lock is up and forget us. I love when I'm told just how long it's going to be at minimum before I get to orgasm again.
    I love it when I'm used as my wife's dildo to make her cum, then get a little teasing and stroking in just to be edged with no intentions of accidentally going to the point that I leak anything except precum.
    locked17, kellysbitch and krambus like this.
  3. The link below is what my wife follows. It is written by a reality based couple and does not involve any BDSM stuff. We just do keyholding without all the pegging and punishments because my wife does not have a need to dominate or hurt me. You can be a keyholder and say 'no' nicely as my wife does. She is resolute, not dominant, mean or cruel. There is not much to being a keyholder if chastity is your goal. Chastity is not pegging and punishing. That is addon stuff that some couples do when chastity is just a part of a larger fetish. At its basic form it is simply denying your male partner access to his penis until she say so. It is that simple but very difficult for many women to do, because of guilt feelings.

    A few tips:

    - Remember that he wants chastity so doing it is giving him pleasure.
    - It helps a lot if you establish a safe word that he can use when he really is in mental or physical distress. This will remove your guilt because you know that he has a way out, much as most of us into BDSM have so that our dominant partner does not have to worry that they are hurting us beyond our limits. However, if he keeps using his safeword use the one threat that is most feared by men in chastity. Threaten to give him the keys back and not be involved in a fetish he obviously cannot take.,
    - Take baby steps or else you will fail because of doing too much too soon.
    - Communicate often. Talk about what works and doesn't work. You are not his dominatrix who calls all the shots. View this as a join effort and only do those things that you both enjoy. Make changes as necessary, We have changed so many things over the last 5 years but are now at a point that works for us and give neither of us a reason to stop.
    - There is no chastity rulebook. It also does not have to include other fetishes like BDSM, cuckolding, etc.. Chastity can stand on its own as it does for us. We tried the BDSM and Domestic Discipline stuff as well as forced feminization. Fun for a few weeks but nothing we wanted to keep doing once the initial excitement wore off.
    - Chastity is not a competition. If he is comfortable being denied for 2 weeks instead of 2 months, they deny him for two weeks. Odds are that he will want to push himself once he gets used to 2 weeks.

    Writing down rules and making contracts is mostly done by horny guys who get aroused writing them. It did for me. Chastity is all about a transfer of control. You control his penis and sex life. If you are bound to a contract of results of a game, you do not have the control, the contract, written by a man and the games you play, have the control. You both do as they say rather than you solely having control.

    Keyholding got confusing to my wife due to all the rules I established which confined her to doing this every time I did that, even if she was not in the mood to do so. It worked when we established one rule; my wife makes the rules, does not have to tell me and can change them without prior notice. In other words, my wife did keyholding anyway she wanted to and is smart enough to know if I truly dislike something or were in physical or mental distress. If she said I have to wait two months for an orgasm, she could change her mind if she wants me to orgasm during sex since it would give her pleasure too.

    Have fun and always remember that this is a sex game to most. It should be fun. Also note that probably 60% of people who post on sex forums are not doing what they say they are. Be careful of following things in fantasy posts as we did at the beginning. We did not succeed at chastity the first two times because I believed all the stuff from guys living their sex life online. You will be able to spot them. Regular people one day and doing everything they find exciting the next day without working up to it.

    One last thing that I think is most important since it saved my butt and maybe even my life. Always make an emergency key available to your male partner. This is very easy to do by simply buy a small envelope and placing a key into it. You then seal it and write your signature across the flap. You also can put a few strips of Scotch tape on it so that if it is opened, you will know it. I never dreamed that I would go from work to an operating table and be in the hospital for 8 days due to a massive infection that affected most of my organs. Same for a testicle popping out when he is not with you or sudden burning of the scrotum due to skin infections or chafing. Do not let a fetish endanger him or cause him a lot of pain. When I go out I put the envelope with the key in my pocket and return it when get home. If my wife is with me, she carries the key and I have had to use it. Without it I would have had to go home or call my wife and have her leave wherever she was.

  4. Books have been written about this, so it's a little difficult to answer, not to mention that not every female has the same view on being a keyholder.

    Give and take. No one wants to be pestered, or ignored. If there is something you want...order, if there is something he wants...request. If there is a kink he likes you don't...the answer can be no or only if you feel he's earned a treat.

    Keeping him in the mindset you prefer is the goal. Believe it or not, giving up control is very liberating for him. It frees him from being wrong, being rejected, and from the uncertainty of both. Being firm, dictating your needs, and demanding they be met makes subs feel wanted and needed.

    The details are different with every one, but most of us thrive on making our keyholder happy. So if you keep helping us do that, recognize our service, and set the ground rules of what you want, you are on a good path.
    kellysbitch and manintyres like this.
  5. Step 1: Lock the penis
    Step 2: Take the key
    Step 3: neve let him have the key or a proper orgasm.
    Felix cum ea, Zak, ineverknew and 6 others like this.
  6. 1. Do what you want that gives you pleasure.
    2. See 1.
  7. Thank you vinny. Great information. The depth and detail are helpful in seeing from the other side.
  8. X2

    Mascara^Snake and LadyS like this.
  9. Bit harsh
  10. Why?
  11. A
    A proper orgasm
  12. It's what many men think they want when they first get the fantasy of chastity, but fail to fully understand the implications of. When it becomes a reality they baulk. It is the origin of the tag line 'be careful what you wish for.'
    Steve-0 likes this.
  13. Think tha
    ts the same here

  14. Lol, well there you are. No beating about the bush.
  15. I would like to add You make the decisions... If You want to give him an orgasm go for it... If You don't feel he deserves one, don't :)
    Steviepie likes this.
  16. Thanks to all responding here. It is hard to say what makes a good keyholder when there are so many aspects of keyholding that attracts an individual to this lifestyle.
    Yes, it sounds so simple. Lock penis, take key, decide everything.
    I am aware that each and every keyholder is different and enjoys different aspects of the keyholding as each chaste male/female enjoys being locked for personal aspects. I enjoy the control aspects, the fact that I can say no and there is nothing he can do. As I am looking to take this new relationship to a new level, I'm looking for view points of others that have been keyholder for a year or longer to the same chaste male. Hearing from others who have been successful is good research and in my opinion necessary to develop trust and knowledge.
    firelight, Steviepie and slave_m like this.
  17. Mistress B

    Mistress B Mistress B
    Staff Member Moderator

    Feb 29, 2012
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    The wise keyholder knows their submissive well and will take what she wants but also give a little back.
  18. I agree. It is a journey along a path of mutual interest and one, that done well, can be fulfilling and develop into a blissful relationship.
    firelight, slave_m and Zak like this.
  19. Blissful indeed. Move toward the spiritually erotic plain and away from toy boxes full of grubby things and rubber outfits.
    firelight and Zak like this.
  20. Our toy box.

    • A washing up bowl. (For foot soaks, with some Dead Sea Salt foot bath solution.)
    • Pedicure equipment
    • Nail varnish application and removal equipment
    • Books (not necessarily sexual in nature.)
    • Packs of face mask lotion
    • Body lotion
    • Massage oil
    • Soap, shampoo, shower gel.
    • The bath
    • Candles
    We do have a small toy box in Elle's wardrobe that includes a butt plug which she has made me insert twice in the nearly two years we have owned it, both times since the end of May. She has a Lovehoney Wand massager which has only been used as a massager when she had a back ache several weeks ago. We have some penis rings somewhere, but my penis hasn't been used since.... March? Not sure. The under bed restraint system hasn't been used this year as far as I can remember.

    If it was up to me this chastity thing would have developed the other way up, with a toy box full of wobbly bits of silicone that vibrate, various metal implements and so on.

    But it isn't up to me!

    Monday night I gave Elle a foot soak, then I used one of those Scholl foot grater thingies, much like a cheese grater, for getting rid of hard skin in the sole of her foot. She absolutely loved it! That was rounded off with a foot massage and a chapter of a sexy book which she, while she listened to me read, was accompanied by some teasing. It was while I read to her that she suddenly told me to insert my butt plug for the second time, which made her giggle.

    Tuesday night I applied a face mask to her and then read during the fifteen minutes she left it on. Then she had fun teasing me some more while I finished the chapter.

    The use of other toys may increase now our private matter that has caused enormous levels of stress for the past year is over.
  21. the words 'spiritually erotic plain' said by You even though only written have made me weak at the knees... I feel light headed...
  22. Do not lose the key.
    Tease frequently.
    Set expectations early, and be very clear about what you want out of it.
    Communication is very important.