How hard is it to find a real life keyholder?

No I have not had any luck

 

I tried here and there with no luck so far.

The only answers I got so far were from pro-domme (not here).

 

I co host the Femdom Munch in London. We get a fair few ladies who are in to Chastity

 

nop. just good folk looking for a partner

 

If it is difficult is for a reason. Maybe chastity is mainly a male fantasy and not many women like it or are aware of the potential benefits.

 

Seems to be! I’ve had interactions on fetlife but they tend to be catfishing. Best approach is local munches. I found the beautiful @L-u-c-y on here.

 

Maybe there are just more male subs online and looking than female dominants available.

And maybe... just maybe... female dommes learn that many male subs throughout the web are not worth any effort. Either because their fantasies / wishes are unrealistic amd would not work in day to day life or because many of them won't show up at meetings....
All this making it even harder for the real ones finding a KH / partner online...

Thst said I do not know any male sub personally who found a KH or partner browsing the internet. I know 4 though who found partner (2 playpartners / KH and 2 full relationships) at a munch in cologne.

 

Yes. This slave has successfully has, although only online, several Female keyholders over the past 10 years for various lengths of time that it has met with the use of sites like CM. That is exactly how it met its present online Owner and She and none of Those of the past have been Pro's.

 

I suppose the best way is to be fortunate enough to marry one! Easier said than done though!

 

The reliability is a real issue. But I'm not sure this can explain why there are so many male willing to get locked and far fewer ladies willing to lock them. It is also true that one lady can hold multiple keys at the same time while a man has to dedicate himself to one lady. Maybe is because we locked boys are not very useful to the lady and also we are attention seeking...

 

Thank you @L-u-c-y for this insight. I think there is a lack of awareness among men about being useful and we need more training for this. I include myself clearly. But if we can spread the word and more males can work out a way to make themselves useful than maybe there will be more ladies locking boys! This could be a very win-win scenario! Well, maybe more win for the ladies! lol

 

I’ve never looked for a key holder online.
I have however introduced chastity to several ladies. And all have been curious with none offended or freaked out. Now I suspect it’s from doing it in a way that they can accept and also after slowly feeling if they’re kink friendly if I don’t already know they’re kinky.

 

I think the problem with online contact is that the web is such a relentless, fast-paced being that leaves little time for developing relationships. Subs don't want to invest time in potential keyholders incase they 'lose out' or are gazumped by the hundred other subs all clamouring for attention. Equally, who (male or female) wants to spend time online getting to know another username? It's dull.

I have no desire whatsoever to use fetlife, or here, to look for a keyholder. However, I'll use these great resources to try and cultivate relationships that can be taken to the next level be that events or moving communication to a more personal level. Although, it is a lot easier to know that whoever you talk to in these places are into the same stuff. You don't know that when you're out at a bar.

At the moment I'm developing a circle of friends, male and female, who I can then feel comfortable going to meet at a munch. Whilst doing this I have struck up a personal communication. I'll stress, the thing that worked here (and will work again if needed) was that the relationship is first, the kink second. I couldn't think of anything worse than getting locked up by somebody who I didn't know and trust!

 

A forum is completely different to say the private message system of Fetlife which is what I was referring to. There are parallels to a dating website, your message has to be spectacular or you don't get through. The point is even a spectacular message can be disgarded without being read if the receiver doesn't like the profile picture. Those odds and the sheer number create this almost futile environment which has a negative impact on the quality of communication, which causes a spiral.

There's also a problem with (most) online profiles being very sexual. This is a problem because to get to know someone you have to get past the fetish. Without a vanilla profile there's no connection which leads to 'hey, how are you?' messages or even that lame attempt skipped completely.

 

@Mistress Jules and I met on this very forum. At first I was very shy about messaging but thanks to @maid_carrie helping by letting @Mistress Jules know I wanted to speak to her, things started well.

We then started messaging regularly, speaking on the phone and eventually arranged to meet in real life. The rest as they say is history. I think @Mistress Jules has written about it on here in the vault.

 

I can assure you Mistress Lucy that Mrs Chaste makes full use of me and I don't just mean on the sex front either!

 

@LeesLad: I might be old fashioned in some ways, but but maybe it would be more effective to use fetlife in some different way: Use it to get in contact to like minded people maybe meet some of them (without sexual intentions) and stay in contact with others.

Might not help you short term, but as you are looking for a long term relationship it might help much more as you are are wrong in one way: It does not have to be relationship fist and kink second (at best), because you can look for a LTRthe old fashined way between those you know are already into the kink or open to it...

 

I know a lot of guys IRL and online who are into chastity. I can say that EVERY one of them who is serious about being locked for a keyholder has found someone. Every one of them who just wants to wank while messaging every female on every site has not found someone.

There are plenty of women and men interested in being keyholders for serious lockees. We should not be surprised if they do not connect with the fantasists.

 

I'll look up the dates on fet and see if I can make one

 

I am looking for a rl keyholder and haven't had luck in finding one at all.
I am sure a lot of it has to do with geography

 

People use geography as an excuse

I met my ex in rural Va.
I have a friend who is outside of DC and is having a hard time finding a sub.
I know a famous Domme in SF that had a hard time finding a sub there.

The reality is you need to get rid of that attitude and put in the effort.

As an example I’m talking to two Dommes in central Va. it’s taken me several months and things May or may not develop with one of them, but I go to munches, get involved in discusses here and on FL and I try and do what I can. Now I’m not the most outgoing person, I’m getting old etc. but I don’t give up. Instead I try and make friends and go out to have fun. While not giving up, I don’t actively look either. So no appearance of desperation, no pressure, etc. but I do make it clear that I’d like a relationship when I find the right one.

Anyway if I can find people to date anyone can. Just be a gentleman, don’t be desperate and put yourself in a position to meet people.