How do you truly earn your subs trust?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Tarantula, Nov 27, 2020.

Tags:
Random Thread
  1. Tarantula
    Offline

    Verified Female

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2020
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    221
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Local Time:
    9:59 AM
    My boyfriend and I are both very new to FLR.

    It’s very deeply ingrained into him that women must want a dominant man and he’s having a hard time fully believing he’s not somehow coercing me.

    We’ll have periods where we’re having an amazing time, really enjoying eachother and exploring eachothers and our own desires. but every so often a spanner will be thrown into the works, he’ll be certain I hate all of this and be overcome with shame.

    I’m actually finding this all incredible. I’ve spent most of my sex life very detached from it and had never even considered exploring femdom. My only (very limited) exposure to it had been more about disempowering the woman than empowering, it’s the disempowerment that causes me to withdraw.
    Now that I understand it, for the first time with a partner I feel actually sexy and powerful, I feel a level of intimacy I haven’t experienced with somebody before.

    I have my hang ups too though. I feel zero shame towards any aspect of this, it’s just that I can have lows with my self esteem. Sometimes I can become distracted in the moment by thoughts of “what are you actually doing? You’re not sexy, you’re doing this wrong, who would seriously wanna serve you?” blah blah
    To be honest I feel like I can handle feeling this way. The more I come into my dominant side, the less I feel it and I’m generally feeling more confident than ever.

    But we’re having a hard time with this dynamic. If I hesitate, he thinks he’s coercing me, when he accuses me of that I feel disempowered and so withdraw more. It’s a horrible cycle and I don’t know how to break it
     
  2. LukeVallentine
    Offline

    LukeVallentine Long term member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2019
    Messages:
    738
    Likes Received:
    992
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    EU
    Local Time:
    11:59 AM
    Try doing something harsh, go outside his comfort zone. This way he'll know for sure you're doing this for your own benefit, not because of his pressure.
     
    Tarantula likes this.
  3. L-u-c-y
    Offline

    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    4,866
    Likes Received:
    34,245
    Trophy Points:
    163
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oxford, England
    Local Time:
    9:59 AM
    Show him this post : )
     
  4. Sipriotes
    Offline

    Sipriotes Slave to Artemistress

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2020
    Messages:
    252
    Likes Received:
    764
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Male
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    5:59 AM
    I agree! Our FLR has become stronger after we started reading CM posts together. It gives us both a perspective outside of our relationship that other couples are into this lifestyle and enjoy it.

    When it comes to something private like sex, relationship dynamics, and kink, it's hard to gain an outside perspective without fear of judgement. CM gives us the opportunity to share our experiences and learn from each other in an open and honest way.

    So if he hasn't already joined you here, I suggest that you make it a priority :)
     
    tdk34 and Tarantula like this.
  5. winstonmacgregor
    Offline

    winstonmacgregor Long term member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2018
    Messages:
    765
    Likes Received:
    786
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    5:59 AM
    Maybe you need to get to the root cause of his issue. That he feels like he does not deserve what he wants/desires. See it from this perspective, he realizes probably that he found the perfect dominant partner and that he is living the dream. He is sabotaging it in ways because he feels unworthy. Maybe you can highlight to him how his submission to you is bettering your life. Get him out of his own head
     
    Tarantula and homebody like this.
  6. King Hippo
    Offline

    King Hippo Long term member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2020
    Messages:
    2,772
    Likes Received:
    2,757
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    New Jersey
    Local Time:
    5:59 AM
    Communication and honest on both ends
     
    Tarantula likes this.
  7. madams-sissysub
    Offline

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2009
    Messages:
    12,249
    Likes Received:
    6,636
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    nurse
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    uk (west mids)
    Local Time:
    9:59 AM
    I agree with the others, show him the post!
     
    Tarantula likes this.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice