My boyfriend and I are both very new to FLR. It’s very deeply ingrained into him that women must want a dominant man and he’s having a hard time fully believing he’s not somehow coercing me. We’ll have periods where we’re having an amazing time, really enjoying eachother and exploring eachothers and our own desires. but every so often a spanner will be thrown into the works, he’ll be certain I hate all of this and be overcome with shame. I’m actually finding this all incredible. I’ve spent most of my sex life very detached from it and had never even considered exploring femdom. My only (very limited) exposure to it had been more about disempowering the woman than empowering, it’s the disempowerment that causes me to withdraw. Now that I understand it, for the first time with a partner I feel actually sexy and powerful, I feel a level of intimacy I haven’t experienced with somebody before. I have my hang ups too though. I feel zero shame towards any aspect of this, it’s just that I can have lows with my self esteem. Sometimes I can become distracted in the moment by thoughts of “what are you actually doing? You’re not sexy, you’re doing this wrong, who would seriously wanna serve you?” blah blah To be honest I feel like I can handle feeling this way. The more I come into my dominant side, the less I feel it and I’m generally feeling more confident than ever. But we’re having a hard time with this dynamic. If I hesitate, he thinks he’s coercing me, when he accuses me of that I feel disempowered and so withdraw more. It’s a horrible cycle and I don’t know how to break it
Try doing something harsh, go outside his comfort zone. This way he'll know for sure you're doing this for your own benefit, not because of his pressure.
I agree! Our FLR has become stronger after we started reading CM posts together. It gives us both a perspective outside of our relationship that other couples are into this lifestyle and enjoy it. When it comes to something private like sex, relationship dynamics, and kink, it's hard to gain an outside perspective without fear of judgement. CM gives us the opportunity to share our experiences and learn from each other in an open and honest way. So if he hasn't already joined you here, I suggest that you make it a priority
Maybe you need to get to the root cause of his issue. That he feels like he does not deserve what he wants/desires. See it from this perspective, he realizes probably that he found the perfect dominant partner and that he is living the dream. He is sabotaging it in ways because he feels unworthy. Maybe you can highlight to him how his submission to you is bettering your life. Get him out of his own head