True, but I don't want to go back to the situation of "if you don't pay attention to me, I don't pay attention to you". There is no solution there. Secondly, I personally find it hard to prevent destructive thoughts. First day: " she forgot me." Second day: "she forgot me again". Third day: "how do I prevent anger over not being worth a single minute a day", but it affects my mood in some way. She notices my mood and reacts defensively. A response from that perspective is never a turn on. I admit I struggle big time with this. Perhaps this is not a way that giving attention in our relationship works. I don't want to jeopardize our relationship again.