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How do you keep him happy while locked?

Discussion in 'The Tower' started by TheKeyIsMine12, Oct 1, 2017.

  1. Hello fellow key holders and caged guys,
    Tonight I will lock my husband again in his jailbird cage. And I am looking forward to it, because I like the game and I know he likes it. But like he says great power comes with great responsibility... and in our case this is also about maintaining sexual vibe/spark.
    I am looking for inspiration/ideas how to keep him happy while locked. My personal experience is that because of the cage, his sexual WIFI is (almost) 24/7 on. Quite understandably because he wears the device non stop. I on the other hand, am not constantly (or sufficiently) thinking about sex/his needs. I am focussed on work, kids, house holding and other very boring but necessary things. Its not so much that I am not aware of the cage, its more that I am not in the sexual flow/ hot talk mode and therefore not able to take care of his needs properly ( like I would like to). I have made mistakes in the past when I send him messages that were turn offs instead of turn ons... How do other Key Holders deal with this, or do the locked guys have any ideas/insights how to bridge this difference? thanks a lot...
     
    the glove and grntruck like this.
  2. Seemingly small actions are sometimes more effective in the grand scheme of things. You own him. Show him that you do. One of the things I do when I'm in a little bit of a sexual lull is either lock a collar him or plug him. Since you have kids, the plug may be more appropriate since it is discreet whereas the collar will raise questions with your kids. Instead of you taking on the brunt of all the "womanly duties" divide them up and give him punishment when he does not perform the task to your liking. For example, make him cook and serve dinner or if he doesn't cook (like my locked boy) have him clear the table and clean the kitchen after. If this is not done, give him some sort of consequence. It can be as simple as adding one day of chastity for each time he forgets or as severe as corporal punishment if you are into that. Once he understands that you are serious, he will be eating out of the palm of your hand. Taking away a man's favorite plaything and giving him consequences if he does not please you can have a great impact and keep things fresh for him and also keep him on his toes.
     
    jemmi, Mark Owen, switchling and 9 others like this.
  3. A bit of teasing (only needs to be a minute or so) each day should do the trick - keep him happy and obedient. Nothing worse than chastity and ignore, if you know what I mean.
     
  4. I know that when I started in Chastity, wearing the device was a big turn on. I was horny all the time and I was always hoping to get some (often sexual) attention from my wife.
    I think you are describing this a bit... on her side, just like you are describing, my wife had her mind on other things, and couldn't match such expectations. And perhaps she didn't want either.

    I think the level of expectation became a turn off for her at some point, and she probably felt like the cage was owning her more than anything else. Then she stopped immediately.

    When we started again, we hit the reset button, and she decided to put things back correctly: she owns me. She comes first. And everything flows from there.

    I asked only two things:
    1. That she isn't careless with the keys.
    2. That she acknowledges my state of Chastity daily. It can be a text, a word, or more.... she decides how it's done.

    In short, I believe that in order for long term Chastity to be successful, the male needs to learn to control is sexual urges, and to use them for the Key Holder's benefits, not for his own...
     
    Zaar31, jemmi, Mark Owen and 5 others like this.
  5. If you ever find an hour for yourself you can use your phone to take a handful of sexy selfies.
    Then you can send them to him now and then when he's at work or off somewhere without you.
    I usually ad lingerie, heels and articles of clothing that tend to get him frothed up.
     
    jemmi, Mark Owen, Alceste and 10 others like this.
  6. Maybe I am in the minority but getting a cage for Ian was my idea. He seems very happy wearing it anyway, but when I bought it I asked him what he wanted me to do for him.

    He had two requests, one that if asked we would be open and honest with our friends, which we are, the other that we were more exhibitionist. Even at my advanced age I still have a reasonable figure, nothing has gone too far south, so we both keep to one layer only, as sheer/skimpy as possible.

    The result is I keep Ian as happy as he keeps me.

    Jane
    X
     
  7. I am not locked, but I am denied. My wife does not have to do much, but she allows me to lick her pussy and ass and rub little willy on her pussy and ass. Since I'm horny all the time, it only takes a few minutes til I'm wet with pre cum and on the edge...then she tells me to stop. Life is good.
     
  8. I suppose what you do to maintain the spark/vibe is very much dependent on expectations. As a KH you shouldn't feel guilty about not being able to respond to his needs, if anything it serves to emphasise how much you do and that you might not always be ready for sex when your husband asks for it. By giving you the key he is relinquishing control of being able to expect you to respond to his need. It gives you time to think of ways of teasing which will lead to his release when you feel it's right. Your husband needs to realise that it is better if he has no expectations.
     
    TheKeyIsMine12 and Keuschling like this.
  9. It's good even if you can just remember to remind him now and then that you're aware of his condition.
    Pat him there when no one is looking, text him and ask him if he can feel you holding him down there.
    Leave a note here and there. A jacket pocket or lunch box.

    I've been terrible in the past for just forgetting his locked. When you lead a busy life. Anyway I don't need to explain.

    If you can make the effort to remind him in just some small way that you're thinking about him locked then normally you should find yourself being repaid tenfold for your efforts.
     
  10. Mistress is not responsible for keeping me happy! I am responsible for keeping Her happy. Communications is essential.
     
    RexVa, gary170, traveler and 2 others like this.
  11. I agree with many of the comments. It doesn't take much, just some acknowledgment like a text or if you want something sexy to let him know you are thinking of him.
     
    TheKeyIsMine12 likes this.
  12. @TheKeyIsMine12@TheKeyIsMine12

    I am in my cage 24/7, it quite easy to keep me happy, all it takes is just a little bit of attention.
    What could add to this would be for The Lady of the house to actually use her privileges more often, demand massage, sexual pleasure, anything she likes.
    She has to remember that i live to, first take care of her and our daughter, and second to please her in any way she desires.

    Kind regards trym
     
  13. For some reason I overlooked this post and it's not my intention to start communicating to you my love @TheKeyIsMine12@TheKeyIsMine12 via this community, but there is so much wisdom in these (and most other) replies. My wifi is not on 24/7 and in day to day life when I'm addressing groups all day I'm only checking if that cage is not obviously visible.

    I am surprised to read the same reasons that led to our 'crisis'. I thought we invalidated the underlying assumptions and I'm doing my fair share in the household business as well. In my view we failed the last time because I felt ignored (for up to three weeks) and we couldn't have a discussion as it was instantly put to an end with a household excuse. Let's not discuss private issues in public but the common denominator in the replies is really all I asked for.
     
    Mascara^Snake likes this.
  14. Locked Pom ignoring is the opposite of what I want to do. I want to keep him happy and was/am looking for how to... sharing by genuine dilemma's and therefore asking for tips and tricks.
     
    slave_m likes this.
  15. thanks! It feels good to know that I am not the only key holder who is struggling with this...
     
  16. Like the ideas Mascara Snake!
     
    Mascara^Snake and slave_m like this.
  17. I also like the answers/ideas Pietje12, I was sharing my dilemma/earlier mistakes and not rewinding earlier conversations. I am sure we will benefit from the feedback..
     
    Nicoftime likes this.
  18. In the morning when spooning D will always hold the cage and my balls, this keeps me focused for the rest of the day. We also put aside 2-3 hours every fortnight when there are no children in the house, for a maintenance whipping and orgasms for D afterward.
     
    switchling and TheKeyIsMine12 like this.
  19. It's really hard to offer advice without knowing your dynamic. I can tell you what works and doesn't work for us. A lot has to do with length of lock-ups. In the early days when lock-ups were a few days at a time it didn't really require much effort on her part. We had a game where we used a wheel of fortune type ap on the smart phone. Sometimes it was do a chore, sometimes it was give her a massage, sometimes it was give her an orgasm. Once a day she'd spin the wheel and tell me what to do.

    Once we got into longer lock-up periods it became a lot more difficult. I can tell you the thing I hate the most is feeling forgotten. Especially when she is very busy with other things. What I like the best is when she is very focused on me. Even if it's for something unpleasant like punishment. When I feel like the center of her attention it's a wonderful feeling. The ultimate expression of this is when she commands me to give her an orgasm and then tells me to put away her toys and go to sleep while I stay locked and frustrated.

    Little gestures over time can have great affect too. We have a FLR and she will often tell me to do something simple like "I'm hungry, go make me a snack". It's crazy, but it makes me happy to have her command me to do things. I will say that I think it is important he understands this is about you and having him do things for you is important. Have him rub your feet after the kids go to bed, you get a foot rub, he gets to touch you, everyone wins. It's extra special if you can throw some banter in during the rub.
     
    sissybitch likes this.
  20. I think you have misread my post. Teasing is good, ignoring is bad!
     
    Pietje12 likes this.
  21. I have learned that it is not my KH job to keep me interested in staying locked I must keep myself upbeat and in a good mood even if I don't get touched or feel like I have been forgotten. I have not been forgotten she says and the more I mention that I feel forgotten the more she ignores me. After all who is really in charge, its not me.
     
  22. Sorry for the misunderstanding.. we are on the same page then.
     
    Joroincharge likes this.
  23. Let me distinguish between private discussions and the ideas that are shared in this post. This is not about us, but about the challenges that come with chastity.

    At first glance: attention seems so easy to achieve. It's the low hanging fruit for a keyholder it seems. In my opinion it is one of the hardest parts to do in the right way. She's gone for 5/6 days and communication is only about the kids, appointments and the garbage.

    It makes me instantly insecure. She made chastity part of our "after-crisis" relationship, but somehow the fear takes over that I make her do this. Is she really into this? Am I? Why does she reply on the Mansion but not to me? Tomorrow is day three.

    Let me stress again: this is not about us, she clearly demonstrates genuine interest, but putting it into practice is a whole different ball game. Having an intellectual understanding of the dynamics is not the same as emotional acts of joy. We came this far, we'll make the next step too!
     
  24. Busy day to day life is always a challenge in a chastity relationship. I think most couples with struggle with this one. Lets face it, life is busy. If its important we will find the time. One thing I have come to understand is that my wife does not think of sex nearly enough on a daily basis. Men do. In fact we think about sex on average twice as much as women. And when you have a device locked onto that number seems to skyrocket lol. I don't think there is any magic solution for this other then communication and by that I don't mean pestering. Also I think its worse in the beginning because you really have no idea whats going on. I know of one solution though. Stop thinking about yourself and think more about how you can keep calm and please your keyholder :D.
     
    Keuschling and Pietje12 like this.
  25. i had the same the first week we tried it was super exciting to the both of us constant messaging ( was too much from my side i see that now)and when it was time for unlock the days after i went completely silent without actually realising it myself.
    Its an rollercoaster ride and emmotions go up and down i suppose you cant stop laughing or crying however much you dont want to... the same goes for this when yoursuper excited you cant stop messaging in this case or talking about it and after the storm its the other way around

    So were also in the process of finding the balance again
     
    Keuschling and ineverknew like this.