How do you get started in chastity with a vanilla wife?

Discussion in 'Chastity in vanilla life' started by sammartin, Feb 19, 2018.

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  1. sammartin
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    sammartin Chastity Slave in Training

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    My wife is quite vanilla. I do not know how to even approach the subject of chastity with her without completely turning her off. Should I talk to her about the subject, point her to an internet resource, or what? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    Sam Martin
     
  2. Mistress Luscinia
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    Mistress Luscinia Active member

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  3. guest 2942
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    guest 2942 Long term member

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  4. Ma'at Rebekah
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    Ma'at Rebekah Long term member

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    if you go into the discussion wanting to discuss what you want her to do with you for your benefit then you may have a real problem. on the other hand if you sit down with your wife and say " i want our sex life to get better as the years go by what could i do to help this along? what directions do you think we can explore?"
    here's the important part, really listen to her, enthusiastically getting on board and trust with your support she will go exactly where she wants to go. you should be proud of the journey she takes you on.
    it is only then would you truly know if locking you up is in her nature. it worked for me and i went exactly where i should be.
     
  5. Robinoh
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    Robinoh Active member

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    My wife is VERY vanilla and going through menopause. Ugh.

    See has taken a little interest in chastity but not really engaged in the lifestyle. She knows I wear my cage. She notices when it’s on or off but that’s it...as of now. She’ll now brush up against it or bump me there and just smile. Wow!

    I’m a patient guy so I am really slow playing it all. The little bits of progress are SO worth it!

    I pushed hard at first for my wants. That failed miserably. Now I just try to keep it cool and let her lead me down her path. I can’t wait for this journey to continue!

    Stay positive and be patient.
     
  6. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Locked today, tomorrow, forever

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    Your situation is more common than you think. Most of us got into chastity because of our kinky nature and our wives tended to be not as kinky as we are.
    The advice that @Ma'at Rebekah gives you is very good I would just like to add treat your spouse like she's the most precious thing in the world. Tell her you want to do anything and everything in your power to please her. Giving her pleasure, ( even if it's doing the dishes) should become your purpose.

    Take it slow and communicate your love to her and your unconditional commitment to her happiness. This is only my opinion but when I did this our relationship made the turn for the better. Good Luck and Please keep us posted
     
  7. ChasteCharlie
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    ChasteCharlie Active member

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    It really does depend on your relationship with her when it comes to sex. Is it a chore or does she enjoy it? If she enjoys it then you might be able to introduce the subject whilst chatting in a light hearted way and gauge her reaction. Depending on this will set the tone for how you can go forward.
     
  8. JiL
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    JiL servitude4u

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    I first considered my Spouse to be rather vanilla. She was also dealing with menopause when we started chastity and FLR around 2 years ago now. When she realized what it was really about and the impact it could have for us, she happily agreed to take the lead, for which I am more grateful every day. After your partner has learned about it a bit on her own, give her some time to absorb it all and think. If your lucky, she will at some point reapproach you on the subject, and you get to see where things go from there. When my Wife learned what it was about, it left her in a hyper high state for some time. So glad that I was able to approach Her with this, and I hope you are able to with success as well.
     
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  9. Robinoh
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    Robinoh Active member

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    JiL so please tell us how you approached your wife and how she truly learned what it is all about.

    Especially given the train wreck that menopause is to a woman’s body and mind.

    It has literally deleted my wife’s libido completely. She used to be willing to explore all kinds of sexual ideas but now, nothing ☹️

    Currently as I stated before, she’s trying to be engaged in MC but menopause seems to still be winning. Ugh. Any ideas are welcome to bridge this gap. Thanks in advance!!!
     
  10. tiemeupalso
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    tiemeupalso Long term member

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    if you have a good relationship just hand her the key and tall her to use it whenever she wants to.
    when she asks what it is for tell her she will find out tonight.
    she just might get curious and look chastity up before bedtime:)
    )
     
  11. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    All other things being equal, introduce it in the bedroom first as an amusing sex toy. Don't make too much of a fuss about it. Focus on what's actually in it for her.
     
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  12. Chaste J.
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    Chaste J. Long term member

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    The trouble is every woman's menopause is different! Mrs Chaste "got off lightly" as she says! The worst bit for me has been having the air con in the car blowing cold air whilst she has a hot flush! I hope it works itself out for you in the long run, at least she hasn't shut you out completely! Us blokes can't really even begin to understand the problems that women go through at various times in their lives, all we can do is try to support and care for our life partners. After all marriage is "for better or for worse, in sickness and health til death us do part". Oh dear, I'm rambling again, but I do take my relationship very seriously!
     
  13. Robinoh
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    Robinoh Active member

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    I’m with you on the hot flashes! Winter here in Ohio and we have the window open and fans blowing on the bed. Makes it easy to snuggle up at times. But I love her unconditionally. Bad with the good.
     
  14. JiL
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    JiL servitude4u

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    Introducing chastity in the middle of menopause was something we both benefited from for various reasons. I told her I was wasting a lot of time and energy playing with myself without her. ie: masturbating and I wasn't happy. I already was rather submissive in my lifestyle with my Wife even before chastity. When I described to her what I was interested in, she took the initiative to look into it further. Before I knew it, she had me reading books on the subject. I was fortunate that she found this all very appealing and understood the benefits, and I was able to show her enough of a difference along the way to be able to make it a lifestyle. As others have stated, it might be something you start out with in a much more relaxed and playful way. It doesn't have to be a way of life necessarily.
     
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  15. Robinoh
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    Robinoh Active member

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    JiL. Thank you for that great response! I’m really going to use your info as I continue to engage my wife.
     
  16. Robinoh
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    Robinoh Active member

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    One other question... how did you describe or tell her what you were wanting. Besides the curbing of masturbation ?
     
  17. Skaughtylocked
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    Skaughtylocked New member

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    If your wife is truly coming from a pretty vanilla place like my wife it can seem pretty barbaric, unattractive, and unappealing. When you are all wrapped up in the kink of it it seems like a great idea, but it's like her suddenly springing on you that she wants to start pooping in a hat and putting it on your head. Might seem a bit strange and you'd probably question your relationship and think that you may have missed something somewhere along the line. Also, it wouldn't be out of the realm of imagination that you might not want to do that. We started by creating a FLR that was similar in many ways to our then current relationship. I just turned more over to her, such as all of my orgasms(when, where, why and how). I did try to introduce chastity devices several months after starting our FLR and she was not interested at all and found the idea fairly off putting. It took me a minute but I learned to let it go. Surprisingly, out of no where and not initiated by me, she bought a cage for me 2 weeks ago. We are slowly working chastity into our FLR. So, my advice is be delicate and sensitive and don't be surprised if she finds the whole thing off putting. Give her space to have it be hers, if she comes back to it. Don't push and needle and whine or she may do it under duress and be resentful about the whole thing. Good luck my friend!
     
  18. Robinoh
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    Robinoh Active member

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    Skaughtylocked. Thank you. Great to hear that your wife is coming into her own and getting involved with chastity with you.

    We’re headed that way too I believe. I have always deferred to her in many aspects of our life and leaning that way more and more (slowly mind you).

    The menopause issue is huge. It’s the primary reason I believe she’s not participating fully as she’s very adventurous when her libido is right.

    I’m hoping she’ll get back there soon...it will be all I’ve asked for and more when that happens
     
  19. JiL
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    JiL servitude4u

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    Of course you can only make suggestions, but that's what they are, suggestions. You openly communicate how you feel and where your willing to let things go in another direction. The suggestion can be conveyed by the gift you give, or the way you dress, etc... Some of the things couples do in a FLR and chastity relationship I was already doing long before starting chastity, similar to what @Skaughtylocked said. In most ways, after learning about chastity, fem dom, FLR, etc... my Wife surely knew and realized I was a good candidate for this, and She was rather pleased to take control, and hasn't looked back since.
     
  20. Ashe
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    Ashe Submissive to Madam

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    My wife is very religious and probably the most vanilla woman I have ever met. Last night I had a dream about her locking me up in a chastity cage and it got me really hot thinking about it while we were getting ready for work this morning.

    She asked me what was going through my head and I just went for it. At first she thought it was weird and a bit disturbing. However, I also told her I have been masturbating almost daily and that I really wanted to do this because my own weaknesses was making it hard to be ready when she is in the mood.

    I just ordered my first cage with her approval about an hour ago.
     
  21. Patticakes
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    Patticakes Member

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    Just talking helps. My wife at first thought it was strange but she is starting to warm up to it. Takes communication and patients
     
  22. cumplexity
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    cumplexity Fetish, isn't it!?

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    Hello to all, and thanks fot the temoignages.
    I was wondering about those of you who introduce chastity concept in your couple,like I may do.
    How many of you finally found a wife/KH that goes from a try to permanent?
     
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  23. Patticakes
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    Patticakes Member

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    My wife is fine and is getting use to me wearing panties all the time now
     
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  24. Patticakes
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    Patticakes Member

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    Great story thanks for sharing.
     
  25. slavette
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    slavette sissy cuckold

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    i luv it!!! my Wife's sister knew about my luv of panties before we got married, and she' s made it a tradition to bring me five or six of her worn-out pairs each year for my birthday. She even lets me go shopping with her for the replacements, and i even get to pay for them!!!
     
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