How do you define sex now?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by littleguy3, Nov 21, 2022.

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  1. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Long term member

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    Now that we've been practicing chastity, tease and denial for so long, the amount of physical intimacy we are having has been off the charts. But we both have a tough time answering the question, "Did we just have sex?" The textbook definition implies intercourse or PIV, but we aren't able to do that because of my lack of size and her flexibility issues. Occasionally, but rarely these days, we both have orgasms. 2-3x per week, sometines more, sonnetimes less, I get teased and my wife gets an orgasm. 2-3x per week, we cuddle, I get teased and then we're done. Sometimes we cuddle, scratch each other's back, maybe get a minor massage and we're done. Somehow, sex has lost it's meaning. It baffles me but I'm okay with that.

    What's your definition?
     
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  2. Shimone
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    The textbook definition rather speaks about "sexual activities" and as such there are a LOT more options than just PIV.
    It would be better to say that the mainstream definition of "sex" nowadays might be petting or oral as a warmup and PIV after that as the main course.
    We even know a lot of people that are into BDSM who say that BDSM for them does not equal sex. That's when we always ask ourself why they are doing bondage or whatever if not for some sexual feelings...

    So I think that would be at least my main definition of sex - any activity that would bring you sexual arousal / feeling.Of course that defiinition has its flaw as due o it sometimes cuddling could become defined as sex, but I think the efinitition might be better than most.
     
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  3. NowIveDoneIt
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    NowIveDoneIt Long term member

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    Personally I would define it as oral or penetrative actions. Everything else is part of the intimacy process...
     
  4. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Long term member

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    Sometimes I’ll suggest to my wife that we’ll ‘have sex’, she looks at me with an exaggerated aghast expression in a form of mockery.

    Of course we do at times have some entry, but as far as sex goes we say we don’t have any.

    We have some new definitions for the things we do. Sex with numbing cream is basically a ‘massage with benefits’ and anything that excites me is a ‘reward’.

    Should we ever have full intercourse and I were to ejaculate as a result we’d probably agree that we’ve had sex at that point.
     
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  5. Headtrip
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    #5 Headtrip, Nov 22, 2022
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2022
    This may be the most fundamental change EMC has taught me: sex is NOT (just) about me ejaculating in her. Of course I always "knew" that, but it took a tight ss cage for me to really appreciate all the fun and wonderful ways to experience sexual excitement and each other. We have "sex" now almost every day we are together through touching, teasing, her orgasms, power plays or even just erotic talk, it is truly fantastic even though unlocked orgasms are extremely rare. Sex is now about the intimacy, excitement, closeness, vulnerability and sharing of our innermost feelings.

    (Wow, did I just write that? Please dont show it to my Queen or I will never "get some")
     
  6. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes Level-4 Sarcasm Master, PhD in Google, Ace Pedant.

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    Pretty much every time the cage comes off we make love.

    Other than that we both absolutely adore snuggles.

    I don't have orgasms (of any kind) and she likes to limit hers too, and because we are both so damn horny for each other making love is a very slow and gentle affair, which is mindblowing.

    We do have an issue of knowing when to stop, lol. Of course we would previously stop when we had both had orgasms, but now...we stop when one of us, normally me, simply can't continue without an orgasm.
     
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  7. subcd8019
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    The feeling of a butt plug in my ass and giving my wife oral sex
     
  8. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Long term member

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    Beautiful! You're not the same man you used to be!
     
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  9. MsPamela
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    MsPamela Active member

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    Everyone will have their own definition, but for hubby and I, sex has always encompassed more than PIV. Prior to orgasm denial, I think my working definition would have been any multi-person activity where at least one person has an orgasm. For whatever reason I never thought of masturbation as "sex". It's certainly a sexual activity, but to me "sex" implies two (or more) people.

    Orgasm denial throws the orgasm requirement right out the window. Edging hubby is still "sex" to me. But just kissing (even very passionately for a long time) isn't. Still, if you ask me if I had sex last night, unless hubby and I completely abstained from any activity at all I'd probably answer "yes".

    On the other hand, if you asked if we fucked, then the answer would likely be no. For some reason that word remains fairly specific in my mind. PIV counts. Anal sex (if I ever permitted it) would count. Prior to pegging hubby I would have said that pegging doesn't count. But after actually doing it, I have to say it counts. Hubby thrusting against/between any other part of my body (breasts, legs, mouth) doesn't count.
     
  10. Jay Sub
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    Jay Sub Long term member

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    Either intercourse. Or sometimes I get so aroused from spooning her with no release, that as I calm slightly from a bout of shaking and bucking, I get a kind of tiny precum orgasm that is very satisfying and relaxing. After a few of these I will thank my wife for the wonderful sex, as I feel like we have made very passionate love.
     
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  11. Susanstoy91
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    Sex now for me is all about what my Wife (KH) wants it to be. If she is horny and wants an orgasm either by me or by her masturbating in front of me. If she is in the mood to tease me. If she wants to see me out of the cage and hard for a while. When I was younger, I always thought "SEX" was having an orgasm, either by PIV or oral. I'm not sure what happens now is "SEX". I think now that my Wife (KH) has sex and I'm just like one of her toys that she can use for her sexual releases. I don't think I have sex anymore...
     
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  12. madams-sissysub
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    very well put! I agree exactly, it’s whatever madam wants!
     
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  13. bondinchas
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    How do my wife and I define "sex"?

    Whenever one of us says "Let's have sex" now, it means that she is going to have at least one orgasm, and it goes without saying that I shouldn't even think that I might get unlocked.
     
  14. Chaste Bear
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    I'd define it broadly as when my husband cums, which could be from fucking me, receiving a blowjob, handjob or pleasuring himself with his own hand or toys while I watch. After he's cum we normally just cuddle and I stay locked, unless i'm a very lucky boy and he decides i've earned a release.
     
  15. Lazlo Toth
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    I’d say something a bit different. But I confess it may only be through my eyes.

    I’d define sex as physical contact with your partner such that you would NOT deem appropriate for others to see.

    I’d kiss my wife in front of my mother. I’d not touch her nipples in front of my mother. As one trivial example.

    I’m wearing my chastity tube. I massage my wife as we are both naked. I massage her “yoni” as part of it.

    Sex? I say yes.
     
  16. MtnViper
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    MtnViper Long term member

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    As I recall, at the time, the majority of Americans agreed with the following statement:

    "I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky."

    Source

    "So, does oral sex count as sex?

    "That's the question University of Kentucky researchers asked nearly 500 college students in 2007. Only 20 percent of them said oral sex was sex -- which is a steep drop from the 40 percent in similar studies in 1991 and 1999-2001."

    Source
    I'm surprised by these survey results, as I was under the impression younger people were more likely to define oral stimulation as "sex."

    If college age couples want to participate in sexual activities without having to admit to having sex, thus preserving their virginity, they may be more conservative in their definition of sex.

    Of course, by these definitions, lesbians never have sex and are always virgins, if they only have female partners.

    I knew a couple that lived together for more than 5 years but never participated in penile-vaginal intercourse, but did explore other sexual activities, including one time at work when the boss walked in on them.
     
  17. Hig4s
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    Hig4s Long term member

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    I knew a lady that didn't consider giving oral as cheating on her boyfriend.
     
  18. true42
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    My wife never wants to talk about sex. So sex is whenever something happens and we don't discuss it :p
     
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  19. Littlejt1
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    To me this is less about “the world” defining it, and more what you/your partner define it as. The mainstream likely wouldn’t classify anything oral necessarily as “sex”, as described above but for us, now, we DO define that as sex because it’s 90% of the activity used to get her off…plus my fingers. Sometimes it’s a strapon…sometimes I’m let out for PIV…my wife and I define all those actions as sex. And in those actions, 99.9% of the time, she has an orgasm or two, or more, while I do not.

    Intimacy is another key word many have used and we like that too…for us that’s the most important aspect of our relationship, increased intimacy and that often leads to more “sex” no matter how you define it.
     
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  20. Hig4s
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    Personally I consider any touching of genitals or erogenous zones specifically for arousal and pleasure to be sex.
     
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  21. Maddie Mae
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    We have an acquaintance that told us that him and his wife have loud hallway sex.

    As they passed each other in the hallway they would yell "F**k you" at each other.

    Sorry, poor attempt at humor. :)
     
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  22. Hig4s
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    I think I remember that as a Rodney Dangerfield joke.
     
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  23. Maddie Mae
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    You may be correct. We just had never heard it before.
     
  24. Jennifer
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    Sex for me means intimate sexual activities with hubby, involving all parts of the male body - except the genitals and involving all parts of the female body and especially the genitals. It means to have the certainty that these activities end in (female) orgasms that both partners experience together, me physically and hubby mentally.
    Sex for me does not mean: erections, penetrations, ejaculations and ejaculation mess and all kinds of animalistic male sexual behavior.
    So for me the basis for good sex is hubby's strict chastity. Therefore he is pusssyfree and mostly erection - and ejaculationfree. In marriage I believe in the replacement of male sexuality by female sexuality only, but respect any other definition. My best friend for example would fully agree with this definition regarding her relationship with her husband but add the cuckolding part (she lives in a cuckold relationship). So for her good sex means additionally vaginal sex with her bull und the respective humiliation of her hubby

    Jennifer
     
  25. Coffeeandcaged
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    Physically the same, mentally its all about pleasing her now.
     
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