How do i deal with it?

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  1. Ms Amanda
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    Ms Amanda Member

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    OK... So my young man had a little bit of an ego overdrive yesterday. It was a very small interaction but it annoyed me and made me feel somewhat small. All that simply happened was he was amused greatly by the fact that, in my mind, I'd made a technical mistake and mixed up an hdmi cable with an ethernet cable. It was nothing and irrelevant. But his reaction to laugh (much more than was necessary) seemed like an effert to take control. To intentionally try to take charge of a situation and imply that he knows more than me. (he does of course in this particular area of gaming consoles...).
    I'm not an overbearingly controlling person. I don't need to be right all the time and I can easily accept and learn when I'm in the wrong. So again, I don't understand his reaction or mine.
    Am I reading to much into this?
    I'm not in a position to punish him (we won't have the opportunity til April) and even then, we're not in a place in the relationship where punishment is the norm. Yet.
    I feel like he should be supporting me, should be taking charge of the fecking cables himself and just letting me know when it's done. But moreover, he should have no intention of one upmanship.
    Or maybe he just thought it was funny??
     
  2. L-u-c-y
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    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

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    It just sounds funny to me, no need for punishment.
     
  3. Shepherdsflock
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    I’d say you’re taking it a bit too seriously. Up to you what you want to do about it, but it doesn’t sound that serious to me.
     
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  4. Miss Veronica
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    The way you are describing it makes it sound like he could have mocked you...? I think the intent here (mocking) could be the issue for you...? If so, then this is my advice:

    It seems like this is a new relationship so you'd want to give him some leeway. But, if you think it is going to become a thing and you don't like it, then you need to stop it. You don't want him to get into the habit of mocking you, even just for fun. If you let it go on too long he will think it is ok and the habit will be established; so when you build up the courage to complain, he'll argue that it didn't bother you before because you didn't complain about it. (Basic men don't want to change.)

    If you point a problem out then it exists in your collective consciousness and it can then be addressed. The key is not to place blame. Objectively describe the occurrence and say, 'I didn't like that because I felt... (mocked). This demonstrates high value for yourself and if he doesn't admire that, he is not worth it.
     
  5. Ma’ams Slut
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    I agree with @Miss Veronica

    Also I think he really was just laughing but not trying to hurt You it was kinda funny. I think The best advice is from Miss Veronica

    And soon when You establish it You can punish him for it whenYou guys are at that point if it pleases You!
     
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  6. Ms Amanda
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    Thank you. I think you understood my issue well and I'm appreciative of your advice which I'll take note of.
    I know I'm overthinking it slightly and its currently a trivial point, but I think I needed someone to consider how a situation might progress. X
     
  7. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Natural Hot Springs. But not Private

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    Every person is different and knows different things. Their should be no reason to mock someone because they don’t know everything. I would suggest turning the table a little just for fun. I’m sure their are things you know that he doesn’t and things your better at than him. Have some fun with it.
     
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  8. Miss Veronica
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    You're welcome!

    One of the worst things that Patriarchy tells women is that they 'overthink'. (I get told this every so often.) You are not 'overthinking', you are just being human.

    The important thing is not how much you think about something, but the way you think about it. There are constructive ways and destructive ways - you get to decide which way you will think.

    Don't ever let anyone tell you you think too much... I'm sure they wouldn't say that to Einstein, or Jung, or Darwin, or the Dalai Lama, or Watts....

    x
     
  9. Unlucky
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    Brilliance is often simple, but for every moment of that, there are dozens or hundreds when even the smartest person makes things more complicated than they need to be. I'm sure Einstein, or Jung, or Darwin, or the Dalai Lama, or Watts were able to listen to someone say that they are overthinking something, step back and objectively evaluate what's going on, then proceed based on whether it was true or not.

    Part of being human is blaming other people for your own failings. If she is the one who reacted inappropriately, and while it is impossible for us to make that determination based on our limited information, the fact that all she mentions is him laughing makes me lean in that direction, then training him to accept and live around the pretty serious character flaw of her always taking herself too seriously is objectively the wrong thing.
     
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  10. Miss Veronica
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    Brilliance is only portrayed as being simple after there has been a lot of 'overthinking'...lol. E=mc2?

    And...

    Haha! Why? Because they were 'brainy men'? :p Einstein was INTP - yes, super smart but often irrational and quite childlike in his behaviour. Cognitive intelligence doesn't equate to emotional or social intelligence.

    And there is a disconnect here that obscures your argument: I'm talking about the people of today and how they wouldn't say Einstein, etc, 'overthink', you are talking about the people in their day.

    'If' is the operative word in your argument here.

    I don't like talking about someone in their own thread, but for the sake of explanation:

    When someone gives me a story and asks for advice, I don't judge on whether the story is true or not and change my answer depending on my own presumptions. I refuse to be that cynical. Yes, I'm in the camp that thinks people are inherently good. I see so much 'reverse blame' on the internet. Someone asks for advice and then they become attacked. Quiet often it is because the person just doesn't know how to eloquently explain their situation to limit misinterpretation. I think this thread is a perfect example of this. I presume that most people would lazily think the OP is just 'overthinking' and making mountains out of molehills. And so, they would reply to her as if she is the one to blame. But for me, something is obviously concerning her and she is reaching out to other humans to gain a better understanding, a new perspective, advice, solidarity and perhaps comfort and peace of mind. That is human intelligence.

    The advice I gave the OP was based on the information she provided, (in which I have no reason to think she is lying): to give her partner the benefit of the doubt as it was a new relationship, but if the 'mocking' becomes a thing, to address it before it becomes part of their relationship dynamic.

    I would give that advice to everyone. ;)
     
  11. filltee
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    You mixed up two cables and he laughed.. a lot
    I don't see it as funny at all just an error... it seems kind of immature to me for him to react like that
    If I'd just met someone and they did something like that I would not be getting in touch again.

    And i don't think it would do a relationship I was in any good either
    I want my relationships to be with an adult.......
     
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  12. Giveitup
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    If there was a "Love" button for posts, I would press it...
     
  13. KatlynAshe
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    KatlynAshe Belted in frustration

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    I suspect he thought it was funny. Life is indeed full of little joys. He most certainly wasn't overtly mocking you. Finding humor in others mistakes is a healthy reaction. Unfortunately sometimes both parties don't think the situation was funny in which case one party perceives the other party as mocking them. Sometimes they are doing so intentionally. But I think in this case he wasn't. And its just a situation of he thought it was funny, but you did not.

    If you want less of those situations, then by all means poke at him, explain it, and give him a light punishment for your pleasure. After all you can punish him for your pleasure for whatever reason you see fit!

    If you don't mind those situations, then don't worry about what happened. Unless it becomes a habit of his, in which case revert to the first suggestion ;-)
     
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  14. Ms Amanda
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    Just to be clear, I definitely have a sense of humour and don't take myself too seriously, the cables are a non issue, and my man is a man.

    I think one of my main concerns is how to not lose control in a relationship where its been agreed that I'm supposed to be in control.
    How stern does one need to be? How quick to point out minor slights? How promptly to act to maintain respect?
    When I look at bdsm profiles, often I think they seem very harsh. Especially on some of the harder sites where it seems it's required to ask permission for a, b and c....
    I've been in relationships with men who take on overly dominant roles, which puts me automatically in a submissive role and later reflect that they feel somewhat abusive. I often think about how men have treated me to make themselves feel better/bigger/powerful and I don't want my current partner to ever look back and feel that way about me. How does one strike that balance in a dominant role?

    I definitely feel that @Miss Veronica has given useful advice and I'm grateful for all replies.
     
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  15. Rectrix
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    I'm totally with @Miss Veronica on this, and I speak from sad experience as the guy. There's nothing inherently humorous about mixing up cables, and laugh in that situation means you think the other person is dumb or clueless and/or reveals a sense of superiority; at the least it's insensitive. This kind of thought and reaction pattern is part of what we're trying to train out of me with chastity, to *instinctively internalize* that she's my leader, my partner, and that I don't laugh at her. My wife *hates* it when I chuckle or smirk or smile inappropriately, and we're seeing some improvement in me as my submission deepens and becomes a more natural part of my marital personality. I think you speak to him and tell him you felt belittled and don't want him to do that. If it reoccurs, punishment is in order in an FLR.
     
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  16. Miss Veronica
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    #16 Miss Veronica, Mar 13, 2019
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2019
    I grew up as a tomboy, was always burning up the football field, hitting shoulders with the guys. I learnt very quickly which boys were the best to have relationships with. There is a type of guy who needs to feel 'better/bigger/more powerful' than a girl - I stayed away from them because I could see how badly they treated their girlfriends. And I never chose the bad boy... (though there is a story to that - haha!) - it was only ever jocks that had a secret submissive side, the sexy comedic nerd or the flamboyant theatre boy that grabbed my attention. A 'man's man' is very unattractive to me, not because of his outside, but his inside. He is plagued by the 'secret society of men' where status and respect among his peers often trumps the love of a woman. And I must say, because of my choices, I've never been cheated on. Who you choose is everything. ;)

    As a Domme, I don't choose a man who wants to be submissive, I chose one who is submissive. I'm not talking about in daily life, but in the intimate times - the personality he has when we are alone together. Before D/s starts, if a man does not naturally submit to me, then he isn't a good choice. I have no interest in making a man submissive. He either is or I move on. It is because I don't like pretending. I want it real. I don't get off on making a dominant man submit; I get off on a man's natural submissiveness. I adore male submission, but it has to be real for me - not trained or conditioned - I need to feel that gentle sensibility, that wonderful meekness and true humility. If a man has not bothered to work on himself to possess these traits and expects me to do it for him, then all I will ever be is a service Domme. If he develops himself for me, he has truly submitted. And that's the paradox.

    But of course, my way is out of left field. ;)
     
  17. filltee
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    My Lady like a lot of women has a left and right issue.. it gets mixed up somehow. If she gets it wrong I usually say something like ....No the other left . We do both smile about that one. I'll laugh with her and she with me but 'laughing at' is a big no for us.
     
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  18. Danielle Hunter
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  19. Danielle Hunter
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    his excessive laughing tells me that it was an effort to control you by making you feel inferior. Leave yourself a reminder (keep a journal, write a note) and down the road when you are in a position to punish him that would be a great time to remind him of how he attempted to take control (and the fact that your memory is supreme will keep him more attentive in the future.)
     
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  20. mcfeely
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    He is interacting with you in a normal way. I don't see a power grab going on here. If there was, he could always say enough is enough and stop. As one person said on the thread, power is given freely and if not, do your really want it ( unless your a sociopath). If he really is tired of playing then have a discussion and see what new games yo want to play.
     
  21. Consensus
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    Forgive my intrusion. Of all the advice here, the best to my mind is to trust your instinct. You know better than anyone how you felt and how your boy behaved.

    Essentially, what @Miss Veronica said.
     
  22. locked_top
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    locked_top Caged tiger

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    If you were living together by yourselves, keep a wooden spoon in the kitchen just for minor infractions like that. "Oh, you think that's so funny! Just bend over, young man!"

    You do not have to justify your discipline.
     
  23. LockedPom
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    LockedPom Active member

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    As many others have said, this was just a normal relationship nteraction. Maybe he can be given a short sharp "whack" for it. Many couples into BDSM are often finding excuses for punishments/funishments, and this sounds like one. Just don't take things too seriously!
     
  24. jemima
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    theres hundreds and hundreds of cables and thingys on the end of them and they always seems to keep getting all tangle up. I think they are a nuisance really. im always untangle them I am.
     
  25. suzy maid
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    MaAmanda
    Maybe a little light bondage is in order. Some fluffy fur lined handcuffs and a blindfold.
    When he is helpless, thwack him across the arse, first with the hdmi then the ethernet cable.
    Then it would be your turn to laugh when he gets it wrong.
    x
     
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