How can I make my husband less interested in chastity?

You need to have serious discussions with him about how this makes you feel and the direction it needs to take. Hopefully, this will not end your relationship with him, although it sounds like it very well could. Find ways to take advantage of his need to be submissive to you which are not necessarily fetish or sexually oriented. Things that you find more appropriate. This could include many mundane things that you do now that you can make him do. Your low sex drive which you mention is something which he is also possibly trying to cope with, and perhaps chastity is the answer for him. Otherwise, he may seek elsewhere what he can't receive emotionally or sexually from you. Chastity is not necessarily a bad thing. I hope you find peace and love in whatever direction you take.

 

So transparent.

 

Lock him up and ignore him. Tell him you want him locked permanently. He may likely change his mind in a week or two. Or, keep it simple and lock him up and that he is not to bring up sex or fantasies and that you are the only one allowed to initiate. He needs to make sex ALL about YOUR desires and his are irrelevant. Keep it simple. He stays locked 24/7 unless YOU want to use his penis.

 

This is pretty much exactly what I was going to say.

Cheers

 

well said jessica

 

honest conversation till a resolution is reached

 

Wow great post. Thank you so much for posting this issue. I feel like 80% of my fetishes are making my wife feel the same way.

She hates chastity and just a few weeks ago pretends not to hate it. hehehe she still won't even take the key out of the lock and when I hand her the key she drops it on counter like it is a piece of rat shit she found on the floor. lol not sexy... but.

Bottom line, chastity and crossdressing is about getting more affection/attention. I have always had a sub side.. age 6 or 7 but before I had a sex drive so I had no clue.
I could write a book on why this is a manifestation but I have no PHD and it would be boring to read... lol.

But when us SUBS feel unwanted and/or alone in the world even being treated poorly is better than not being treated at all. So either drop to your knees and beg for my massive penis and go to town for an hour or two.. or ... the next best thing is negative attention/fetish.

I find with my wife of 18 years, that she is more focused on family and her interests. She doesn't mean to ignore us but 'we' are secure. She has made it clear beyond a reasonable doubt that I/we love/care for her... so what is the point in saying / doing it again?

Men make millions of sperm a day, watch out I'm about to go nutz on this tangent, women release 1 egg a month. We are designed to have sex, hence when we build a relationship it is based on sex and same with a woman... at first. But we grow, will grow apart or together?

Can you spend 10 to 30 mins a day (not in a row) to keep him feeling affection? Is he worth it to you?

I have a software I use, free, called virtual mistress. My wife is 75% a sub her self.. she hates chastity and cbt... but I use my VM 90% of the time and she gives me input verbally. I consider myself a behaviorist, so I have taken over 2 years to 'serve' her and give her input on my VM. It is not always fun for me to adjust her opinion on my fetishes... but I keep at it. She now roleplays with me 10% to 15 % of the time.. it is not what I want .. I want more.. lol much more. But I now do all the chores in the house, and many other things for 'points'. 90% of the time , even when I have been drinking, she will take points away or issue punishments verbaly and I swear it turns my big head off and turns my little head one.. my sex drive takes over and I am like putty in her hands.

If you remember when were are young and the man acts a like man and the woman talks about sex.. well the women ALWAYS , I MEAN ALWAYS WIN. The problem with this dynamic is when we get older we stop using this power structure.. and I feel as a Sub man.. this is what is required. That or new women in our lives that make us feel alive / affecation...

 

Damn near did write a book good on ya.

Cheers

 

I would have written more but but I had to get up to fetch more wine. lol

 

Good lad

 

Show him the door! If you don't want to play his game Seems all in here are saying you must play the cage game because that is what he wants.

 

Well, with a bit of lateral thinking you could be the match made in heaven - knit him a chain-maille chastity belt and sew him into it.

 

You can and you can't. Kink tends to pour in to fill the gap in a relationship. If it wasn't kink, it would be porn, cam girls, strippers or hookers, or exploring his bisexual side...

The real problem - probably - is not the mismatch in desire, because that's routine. Nor is it to do with men and women being from different planets - this issue can arise in both directions!

What - I think - has really gone wrong is that the higher desire partner (him, in this case) crowds out the lower desire partner's sexuality, forcing them (you in this case) into a retreat. The HDP ends up "owning" the sex. The LDP ends up perceiving it as intrusive and wants increasingly nothing to do with it. End result is a dead bedroom. Fix the dead bedroom, and the chastity fetish will probably fade in importance.

Most self help books about this recommend the HDP dialling it back, the LDP partner calling the shots for a while, and an emphasis on non-penetrative, non-orgasm focused, sensual play for a while.

You can, therefore, turn the problem on its head. He wants to give you control? Fine, take it, and explore your own sensuality on your own terms for a while. Plenty of massages and foot rubs, possibly some other activities focused on you. Nothing for him. He's not even allowed to initiate. Tell him what you're doing, and set a renewable time limit on it of not more than a couple of months.

As long as you do this openly and directly, he'll probably be overjoyed. Most submissive men are more interested in the dynamic - her being in control - than the specific fetishes. We're also overjoyed to have our fetishes used "for real" rather than to be pandered to. And, most of us want to be intimate with the woman we love.

(While you're at it, you can also take the opportunity to control anything else that he does that bugs you; including browsing habits, drinking, clothes, whatever. You could probably do that anyway and just coast along with minimal sexual activity, but that would probably cause problems further down the line.)

 

Was thinking the same thing.

 

Lol

 

The OP’s profile is unavailable...I’ve never seen that before. Does that mean it was deleted? I thought they couldn’t delete profiles and that they were permanent...

 

I am sure a certain “mod” would be happy to look into it lol

 

Love the straightforward honesty of this post! The vulgar language was distasteful and detracted from the message, but, ignoring that, otherwise an important topic and perspective for this forum.

 

How did you get all the way to marriage without at least his submissive side coming out? I mean I can understand if chastity is his new kick, but you should've at least been aware that he preferred to be submissive in the bedroom and used that as a factor in deciding if you wanted to continue to date him.

 

Which part of NO doesn't he understand?

 

Agreed. I know alot men that are more vanilla and when the relationship get that way they go to a girl on the side or prostitutes. We all need to feel affection/love. One can put it off for awhile but eventually it turns more and more painful.

 

It reminds me of this other thread where someone asked if they were the only keyholder that didn’t like sissification, cum eating, or pegging. She felt bullied, asked to tease her subs, and felt that chastity was a kink women are put through and not enjoy.

 

I can see that. I almost coax my wife in to most of the stuff... lol. I believe in the BDSM world they call it topping from the bottom. But one does what they need to build that passion. YOU WILL LOVE THIS!!

Every now and again I will feel bad about my coaxing her all the time. And right before we start fool around I will honestly say, "You know babe we don't always have to roleplay me being the sub. We can have just vanilla sex but honestly I love the sub thing." And 5 out of 5 times she response with something like, "What would we do then?". kind of interesting...

 

Very strange. We shall see how things develop.