Hey from a young Aussie Goddess, keyholder and kinky woman.

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by GoddessMWilspoon, Oct 4, 2019.

  1. GoddessMWilspoon
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    Id like to say a more straight to the point reason of why we are here. To learn, to better ourselves and to get advice and receive support. I'll often have a different series of events as @MWilspoonsBunny, without the sparkles and cushy lighting.

    **
    **

    Hi all. Goddess here.

    Bunny and I have been in a monogamous relationship since early February, living in different homes but a few minutes drive away in the same town. Both have sexual and bdsm experience both online and in real life. My experience is extremely irl based, with a little online fantasy style. My partners is extremely online fantasy style based, with a little irl. This has caused a lot of conflict, disagreement and struggle in trying to find our roles in the relationship as standard, but on top of that our roles in a FDLR.

    Through mutual understanding of our interest in bdsm, I was told he needed to be properly dominated as a femdom at least once a month. I took on this consideration from him and the role of femdom in the relationship early on, even though he was still making the moves as a power bottom. Which no, I was not okay with.

    Given our histories, I have a need for actual sex regularly, preferably daily. Arguably addicted to sex. My slave has a need for masterbation regularly, if not daily. Arguably addicted to porn. This is the crux of our relationship problems.

    I have burned out through four vibrating dildos in the period of time we have been together because he wasnt satisfying my needs and habits, and he has on multiple times fucked around online because I wasn't satisfying his mental fantasy needs and habits. Big trust issues being worked through.

    We have introduced chastity as a regular occurrence, as a way for him to actually abide by his own words. However he used it and fantasised about it as a kink, and when it doesn't live up to that irl he breaks the sub vibe and it comes off. Or we will get into an unrelated argument or disagreement while he's in chastity, and it comes off. Yet we don't play at this just in the bedroom. This is a lifestyle, yet some of the obedience and respect only applies when on good terms in the bedroom. These sorts of habits I believe is due to historical sexual experience. In the past, he was able to have an online femdlom saying they owned his cock... But no real life accountability to actually be submissive on another person's terms.
    So not only is fantastical ideals present for of flr, women, sex, domination.... And even fetishes like shoes latex heels pegging etc.... But because they're only fantasy based they fall very short in real life unless he is a recipient.
    He is however making an effort to change these habits, and is participating in locktober as best he can, with as much support as I feel vulnerable/strong enough to provide.

    I know my darling is struggling on the inside at the moment, and this situation is bad for him too. Part of his sparkly cushy light side of events is that his fantastical idea is reality can often be nicer to dwell in than be facing life itself, and I do see the benefit of wanting to escape there.
    I'm personally struggling at the moment with my self esteem as a woman, as a goddess, a good fuck and as a person. It is impacting my daily life and is severely impacting my motivation to work on my home, my law studies and my want to train him. I recently posted a thread Revisiting orgasm denial & cuckolding to help vent where my mind was going.

    This may have sounded harsh as a response/intro to the Mansion, but one thing I am as a person is blunt and straightforward with my mind. So naturally I fell into the fdlr role as a Goddess.

    I am into a biological strong man, I do not find trans men/women, sissys or permanently denied cocks attractive (but no disrespect to those who do). I take on the power in our FDLR so he doesn't have to be that big strong man with me; even though he is a typical muscly broad shouldered sexy man on the outside, littler me who can fit under his strong shoulders can still dominate over him. Power boost and stress relief for for me, power and stress release for him.
    Yet I'm finding he's still using some reserved power to undermine me when he wants what he can't have, whether that be a break from chastity, masterbating, sex on his terms etc. That is a stress increase for us both, even if it manifests in different ways.

    I don't believe he wants to do this, but I do believe his subconscious is intentionally doing this behaviour from it being a long term habitual lifestyle, which I'm now trying to adapt to my requirements.

    I love this man and have all intentions of staying with him, but as bsdm has been a part of our relationship since the first month as has power struggles, it is naturally getting exhausting. He is cute, funny, creative, sporty, empathetic and clever. A good man.

    Please feel free to comment publicly, follow us both and start conversations privately if you believe you can assist in furthering the direction I am trying to lead us, to make us the best people, partners, lovers and best friends to each other we can be. Please don't try to tempt or lead either of us astray, as seen above we clearly don't need the stress.

    Ps, I'm a lot nicer in person...except for when I have a paddle or whip in hand. Then I'm as cruel and bitter as I sound above...all because of my love for him though ;)

    Xoxo Goddess MWilspoon
     
  2. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    and welcome on this thread, too.
     
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  3. GoddessMWilspoon
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    Thanks @LesterBallard!
     
  4. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    Welcome to our community and enjoy your journey.
     
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  5. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Welcome to the mansion!

    From our personal experience, my girlfriend (wife now) and I struggled with chastity in the beginning with what to do when it wasn’t “fun”.

    Arguments, ones that were me at fault, and especially ones that I thought she was at fault, I was like “why do I still have this thing locked on?!”
    She was equally confused and I remember more than a few times her throwing her key at me. Signaling it was over.

    The truth is, it really didn’t become real for us, a lifestyle for us, and a commitment to our partner, until we both discussed that this “chastity device wearing and her being in control” was not whimsical or temporary. She was all or nothing and if I wanted her as a domme, then she wasn’t going to keep giving back control. The cage stays on unless 1 she wants it off, 2 I have a medical issue, or 3 I ask her and there is a reason she accepts. That’s it. She didn’t feel compromising helped, if I can take it off, take control back, and feel free to act however I want whenever I want, then there isn’t a reason for her to hold the key in the first place.

    If you are experienced in bdsm as you indicated, I know one thing that straitened us out. One time we were having an argument, actually she was in the wrong and I was being pissy about it. I was about to leave the bed and sleep on the couch. She stopped me in my tracks and told me to get on the bed now! She gave me a hard paddling and ya know what? The issue was settled. We went to sleep and everything was right with the world. She may have been wrong, I might have been upset, but she settled it, fixed my behavior (that was not helping us resolve anything), and she asserted herself as in charge again. After, I had felt better and we were in a great place. This isn’t for everyone, but if it’s your cup of tea, even a strong man can use reminding of who is in charge and why.

    Good luck
     
  6. GoddessMWilspoon
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    Thanks @MissyB
     
  7. GoddessMWilspoon
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    Thanks for the tip @Nicoftime. I often implement punishment for behaviours after we've both settled rather than when we are sparking, maybe I need to toughen up a little more.

    Have been mindful not to be controlling to the point of abusive, something people he had online flings with said this type of relationship is/I am, and so I'm glad I finally have support that I'm doing the right thing in trying to address out relationships in all facets, not just the pretty happy ones, but in a place where keyholders, leading females and respectful subs are all supportive of each other's journeys when we are vulnerable enough to share issues, without seeking to destroy them for benefit but rather build up up with strength and wisdom for collective good.

    Really glad I've joined the mansion and have found good role models and ideas for myself and my slave to help navigate our journey.
     
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  8. madams-sissysub
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    madams-sissysub Junior Member

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    Welcome to the mansion both of you!
     
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  9. Dumb1
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    Dumb1 senior member

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    Welcome to the Mansion it is always great to welcome new faces here and it sounds from your opening post that we can all learn something from each other. i think you seem to have the direction you wish to travel in already in your mind the main thing is to be strong and push things in the direction of travel you are aiming for.
     
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  10. GoddessMWilspoon
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    Thanks for for the welcoming words @slave stroppy :)
     
  11. Dumb1
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    Dumb1 senior member

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    Is it just me or does the words " Mistress down under" make anyone else think other thoughts?
     
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  12. RhiannonT
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    RhiannonT Active member

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    From a fellow Aussie: Hi, and welcome to the Mansion! I hope you're able to sort things out!
     
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  13. Kylara
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    Kylara Active member

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    Welcome to the mansion Myladay, it is always goo to have experienced people and real stories of life to share. I am sure thetre are so much to learn from you, especially for my whife who is trying to be a KH with few success (lady Phebusa) I bring her here in the same hope as youn undertand the benefits of FLR but it look like you already master it yourself.
     
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