Helping my wife become the KH she wants to be.

Discussion in 'Chastity in vanilla life' started by Gonzo, Feb 10, 2021.

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  1. Gonzo
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    Gonzo Active member

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    I want to share how I'm helping my beautiful wife with becoming the KH she wants to be. Hope this is the right place.

    We have been together for 22 years and have always been playing with bondage. Almost a year ago we started doing chastity and it made us fall in love all over again.

    The most important thing is communication and thus we talk a lot and to help my wife understand my fantasies we started a chastity notebook.

    In this notebook:
    • Every day I roll a single dice and ad the number to my total and sometimes when I've been a good slave she gives me an extra point. We wrote a list of things I can "buy" and how many points I need to pay. Of course she can still say no but the points have to be payed before her answer;
    • there is a description of FLR;
    • I'm writing a growing list of chores she can command me to do;
    • I'm writing a growing list of tease and denial stories that I come up with.

    This has really helped my wife's inspiration. By combining and adding her own ideas she has done wonderful things and is getting better and better at this. I can really see her enjoying it and that makes me love her even more.

    Hope this helps anyone.
     
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  2. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Long term member

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    I think for most couples (even ones not in a "FLR") lack honesty of what they expect from their partner. There are so many concessions a wife makes putting up with their partner that the partner isn't even aware of.... I don't know if your method will work for everyone obvious but it is nice to hear it is working for you and she is honest about your expectations... but I don't think it needs to be something written down.
     
  3. BKwife
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    The biggest thing i can say to your wife is to make sure she engages you when you’re locked up. That’s the biggest thing my sub was afraid of, being locked up and forgotten. Also, like you said communication IS HUGE! There are a lot of men on this sight that have wives that don’t necessarily partake in this lifestyle and i feel like their relationships lack communication. Good luck and feel free to ask questions on CM, it’s a great place for advice
     
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  4. StubHub
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    StubHub Long term member

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    My Wife of 39 year's restarted my use of chastity cage with gift of 3 at Xmas in our efforts from discussions in early November.

    She has not stepped up to be KH direct keys in her medicine cabinet. We have added additional cages since initial ones did not fit.

    She is remaining and gaining active involvement over me and I hope she becomes my KH. She has also begun some phase of FLR controls which is also available for us.

    I am committed to her to find my way back to be trusted by her.

    Welcome to CM it's very open and useful. May you both continue and enjoy your journey.
     
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  5. Gonzo
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    Everyone is different. Communication is VERY important in whatever form.
    My wife runs her own business and that can be really stressful, especially now with the lockdown. She says it helps her allot that she can read it back and doesn't have to remember the fine details. I find it helpful that when I get a fantasy when I'm alone that I can write it down and we can discuss it later. And of course I like to "buy" things. My favorite is a kiss on her buttcheak for 10 points :)
     
  6. StubHub
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    Alas if I rolled over and kissed her butt cheek. I would get slapped or worse. I am not even allowed to caress her buttocks in a massage session. I hope that changes someday again.
     
  7. Gonzo
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    #7 Gonzo, Feb 14, 2021
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2021
    I hope that changes for you. Hang in there.
    I'm not allowed to touch her butt or breasts without permission and that makes it even better when I've been good and am allowed a little touch. Dripfest! But its more importend that she enjoys the tease and empowerment.
     
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  8. StubHub
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    Since she restarted chastity I have been allowed to massage her several times but panties stay on and offers to massage glutios maximus meet a swift NO.

    In massage it's a prime area for over all relaxation of tension without sexual connotation. But off limits until she decides it is allowed.
     
  9. Gonzo
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    But you like the "swift NO" otherwise wy would you ask ;)
     
  10. StubHub
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    I have only asked twice. Probably want again will wait for her to ask or at least remove her panties before asking.

    Get plenty of NO on many subjects.
     
  11. HouseboyForHer
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    Gonzo, this is excellent. What a great idea. Of course I respect your privacy and completely understand if you say "no", but I would love to see your tease and denial stories or hints! My wife is slow to warm to the teasing thing, and I do spend a lot of time feeling abandoned. However, she wants to be a better tease! (Otherwise, our chastity adventure has really opened up our marriage.)

    So, would you consider seeding me with ideas that I could consider and modify for our relationship?

    Again, if this request is inappropriate, i beg forgiveness.
     
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  12. Gonzo
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    Gonzo Active member

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    Not inappropriate at all. Save the begging for your KH ;)
    Everybody is different and has different fantasies. Keep talking to each other.
    My fantasies are quite soft. It's all teasing around looking with no touching and/or light bondage. I love looking at my KH aspecialy her butt. I'm a real panty lover.
    It's not really simple to show you my stories because they're all handwritten in Dutch. But I'll start with two small examples:

    My KH commands me to undress and locks a chain to my cage. She puls me with her to the exercise room and puts me on my knees behind the hometrainer and locks the chain to the saddlepin. She teases a little by stroking between the bars of my cage so everything's tight. She then pulls down her pants and starts cycling with just her shirt and some nice panties. When the cycling is done she does some nice scuat's.....

    Normally when my KH wants a shower she takes me with her to be locked to the radiator and maybe allowed to watch or wash her. But this time she locked my cage to the towel rack and my hands handcuffed behind my back in the bedroom. When she's finished undressing she walkes to me and puts the keys in my mouth while stroking my ass and whispering in my ear "I'm going to shower if you can manage to free yourself you can come and look or maybe help......
     
  13. HouseboyForHer
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    Extremely powerful and erotic! Thank you for sharing! I will see if I can come up with anything half that good. And you're right, I don't speak Dutch. :)
     
  14. Anonoman
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    Absolutely :+1:
    Feeling like your just part of a platonic relationship is mentally crushing. Just a simple reminder each day would go so far...
     
  15. Gonzo
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    You're absolutely right. Wen we started we agreed that we would evaluate every couple of days by talking about wat was great and wat was not for both of us. We also agreed that it must be a daily thing so if she did not have the vibe or inspiration to tease that there should be some kind of aknoligement like just checking the cage and telling me that's she's glad it's safely locked but that there won't be any teasing etc today. This has worked out great for us.
     
  16. Gonzo
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    If you share the things you like I'm sure you'll get a lot of tips from this wonderful community.
    The stories I write for my KH shows her what I like and helps her to be creative but it can also be a kind of training. My KH wants to be better at rope bondage so I wrote a story about her hogtieing me on the bed and letting me try to get free. She did and gave me ten minutes or I would have to pay 10 points. I was free in 2. Second time she gave me nign minutes and I got free in time but it was a lot harder. Third time she teased me to the edge by stroking between the bars of the cage after tieing me. Her tie technique is getting better and the arousal made it harder but I was still in time. Looking forward to her next try. Eventually it's going to cost me..
     
  17. MissyB
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    I assume you are following through with the chore list as well. You certainly seem to have the communication part well in hand and hope you are enjoying this ride.
     
  18. Gonzo
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    #18 Gonzo, Mar 5, 2021
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2021
    I love doing chores and the list was an eye opener for her. I think she didn't understand that if it makes her happy I'm really happy to do it, whatever it is. In the beginning it only gave me that wonderful warm feeling when she commanded me to do it. But now that I know which chores make her realy happy I get that feeling when I'm doing them without her telling me to. It's hard to explain but cleaning a toilet can give the same kind of feeling as cuddling her and telling her how much I love her and how beautiful she is.
    Only when I'm folding her panties it's more of an aroused feeling. But that can hardly be called a chore and should be moved to the tease list ;)
     
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  19. Jail Bird
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    Gonzo, I also fold all my wife's panties. I LOVE doing that. Every now and then she'll tell me to re-do her pantie drawer and organize her panties by color. Well, she's probably got 60-70 pairs and I'm in submissive heaven doing that chore. I take each one out, refold and start with the color matching. I drip most of the time. I wish I could wear some of panties!
    Personally, I think sissy submissive males should care for their wife's/GF's panties and bras.
     
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  20. Gonzo
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    Gonzo Active member

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    Jail bird, thanks for sharing. 60 to 70 pairs, wow that's heaven indeed.
    I've currently ordered them by fabric. Satin, silk, cotton, lace and a favorites pile.
    I'm not into wearing them myself but why aren't you if you really want to? Not allowed?
     
  21. Jail Bird
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    Jail Bird Long term member

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    Gonzo, I do wear panties 24/7/365 I have no male underwear any longer. My wife lays my panties out each morning I'm to wear.
     
  22. StubHub
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    StubHub Long term member

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    I am only a few steps behind you with 6 pair of Male sport bikini briefs left she selected .
     
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  23. Gonzo
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    Gonzo Active member

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    Jail bird, Nice! We are releaved. You wrote "I wish I could wear some panties!" so we thought that you really wanted to but couldn't for some reason and that made us sad. You probably meant that you're not allowed to wear her panties. Or they just don't fit LOL
     
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  24. StubHub
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    Ours are not allowed to be same styles per her directive. She has me using full briefs granny panties .

    Definitely not same sizing. I require a 2 size jump.
     
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  25. Jail Bird
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    True Gonzo, I wish I could wear HER panties! They don't fit.LOL
     
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