Having "The Talk"

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Crowned, Mar 8, 2021.

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  1. Crowned
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    Crowned Member

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    For those here who go long stretches on a regular basis (or just do not unlock at all), did your wife sit you down and have a talk with you about it first? I am guessing for most, it just evolved to longer and longer lock periods.

    While I go monthly or longer, my wife seemed to want to make it clear what to expect; which I appreciate. She told me that she has mentioned a seasonal schedule before and that it is what she believes she wants (won't know til we get there sorta thing). She said she does not want to think about if it is 1 month or 2 or whatever...that she will unlock whenever she wants. She said we will have playtime, but that will only be unlocking for an hour or two...but that after much longer stretches (seasonal) she will unlock me for a few days. She says she thinks "no more unlocking" does not sound fun and that if I do get unlocked once in awhile, I will miss it more and thus, the cage will be more effective.

    I asked her if I should expect my new stretches to begin now and she told me this is why she is sitting me down and talking to me about it; yes.

    The most illuminating thing for me was that during her telling me all this is that she mentioned several times "my commitment" to the cage. It really sunk in that she understands I have made a commitment to do this and now she sees this as how it will be going forward. There was no real talk of a game or whatnot...it was that she is really impressed with my "commitment" and that she expects I will have episodes of being sick of being locked so much...but that she expects me to work though it. She mentioned how I told her before that I did not want to get used to releasing in my cage, and how now, that is mostly how I get releases. She said she heard me and understood my position, but even when I told her that, she knew that SHE much preferred I get used to releases without unlocking and thus, I WOULD have to work through it (I have).

    I have written before about how chastity for me is more acceptance than kink; but she is right, I have committed to it and want her to feel safe having the control she wants (the control is really what she likes).
     
  2. Darlydixon
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    Darlydixon I love to be limpy

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    Sounds like you talked to my wife in the end it is the control for her
     
  3. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    We didn’t have a formal sit down we need to talk moment, things like this usually come up in conversation or texting back and forth.

    One such conversation came up while texting, I was explaining how much I wanted her and how long it’s been. She replied it was my idea to put her in charge, and only do things she wanted to. I of course exclaimed that was of course true. She then said the only reason she lets me out at all is either for us to share an intimacy moment or as a reward to me. She gets her gratification with our other options.

    When we first began, she felt guilty, felt the need to please me, and obviously was letting me have sex with her basically because she loved me and not because she was getting gratification from it. Now the guilt is gone, and her reasons for letting me out are hers alone.

    As for commitment to the cage, that is a very real thing. We discussed the same question twice, once a year after and again 3 years after. The question was what would you do if you found out I cheated and came without permission. Her answer the first time “I would hand you my keys back forever”. The second time it came up she said “no I won’t give you my keys, but you’d be locked for at least a year and get the paddling of a lifetime”. I asked what changed, she said “there is no reason for you to ever be unlocked without me, so I’ll always hold the keys”.

    Not every woman has the same feelings about their fella wearing a cage, mine was all in almost right off the bat.
     
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  4. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Active member

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    Communication is key to any successful relationship.
     
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  5. cumslave_2002
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    cumslave_2002 Ms. Shauna's Hubby

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    Me and my wife have had several serious sit down talks about my chastity. From when we decided to make it more long term to our final talk to make it permanent. We still sit down and talk about things, discipline and such. But permanent chastity is a way of life for us now, and that is no longer discussed. After two and a half years of permanent chastity. The only thing she wants to continue taking about, is if I’ll live the rest of my life pussy free. We have now moved to only once a year relief. And I’ve only been inside my wife twice in twenty one months.
    I miss the talks and negotiations we used to have, but that’s our lifestyle now.
     
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  6. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Active member

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    You two are doing really well! It's huge when she accepts your commitment and will hold you to it because she knows it's good for her and your marriage too.
     
  7. debbie jones
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    debbie jones Member

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    so do you ever get to orgasm or are you completly ogasm free ?
     
  8. cumslave_2002
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    cumslave_2002 Ms. Shauna's Hubby

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    I only get orgasms once a year now. During my cum training. However next year my Wife hinted they might be done via prostrate massage or ruin with her wand on my tube. So I might never get to stroke my penis again and full O’s a thing of the past. Guess I’ll find out next February.
     
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  9. Crowned
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    Crowned Member

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    I find having a serious sit down discussion helpful in understanding expectations. I much prefer to know if I should expect to stay locked...
     
  10. debbie jones
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    debbie jones Member

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    i think its great shes got that much controll over you your a very luck man
     
  11. cumslave_2002
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    cumslave_2002 Ms. Shauna's Hubby

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    Thanks. We have been doing this lifestyle for years. So I think it a natural progression over time.
     
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  12. debbie jones
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    debbie jones Member

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    i watched a vid on youtubve yesterday and it said that not having orgasms can lead to eventual loss of interest in sex it said the body eventualy realises that sex is no longer avaliable and the desire just goes away . have you noticed a decline in intrest at all ?
     
  13. cumslave_2002
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    cumslave_2002 Ms. Shauna's Hubby

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    If your talking about sex, I’ve adjusted to not having intercourse. But I still get very horny at times. Morning wood is very frustrating, and about once a month, I go through several days of climbing the walls horny. But it passes. As I’m in my later 50s, my libido isn’t what it once was. I know if this was back in my 40s, I don’t think I could handle it as well.
     
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  14. Gumballz
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    Gumballz Junior Member

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    Just wanted to say thank-you! We have been trying to incorporate 24/7 chastity into our lifestyle for about three years now, without success. Our latest break away from chastity has almost been three months then, we stumbled across your post which, was a lightbulb moment for us. We always thought chastity required some form of daily tease or sexual play to keep him interested. As we are both learning as we go, this method put a great amount of pressure on her to keep things interesting because, this was our impression of what male chastity was. After reading your post, we have a completely new approach... yes, he will be locked but, no other changes to the way we live will occur. No expectations, no assumptions, and guess what, no disappoint or hurt feelings. Granted, we are just a week in to our new way of locking up but, the overall feel is noticeably different. We just might have stumbled onto something here!

    Thank-you!
     
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  15. Crowned
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    Crowned Member

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    I am glad to hear that. I prefer posts here that help us all navigate our chastity with our partner in a more successful way.
     
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